leopard print jumpsuit

Stella McCartney leopard print jumpsuit

Isn’t it amazing how totally unsexy an animal print jumpsuit can be? Or… maybe not. Honestly, the words “animal print” and “jumpsuit” in the same sentence normally have us thinking more along the lines of “Bet Lynch from Coronation Street” than “sexy model wearing £590 high fashion item”. This one, however, just makes us think, “So THAT’S what it would look like if the Teletubbies lost a ton of weight and decided to spice things up in the wardrobe department!” We actually think we preferred Bet Lynch, but what about you? Are there times in your life when you find yourself standing in front of your open closet saying, “If only I had an animal print jumpuit!”? If so, you…

pink jumpsuit

When jumpsuits go bad

Some, of course,  would argue that jumpsuits are almost always bad. Others believe it all depends on the jumpsuit – and the person wearing it. Right now, though, we’re incapable of even thinking about the bigger picture. Nope, all we can think about is how the fact that this particular jumpsuit – which is a TUXEDO jumpsuit, no less – is such a perfect match for the model’s skin tone that at first glance she looks naked. Then, on second glance, she looks like she’s wearing some kind of corporate “fat suit”. Well, it IS almost Halloween, after all… Did we mention it costs £750 to look like this? Now THAT’S scary. [Product Page]

Fashion Police arrest ugly jumpsuit

Y-3 create new uniform for inmates of the Fashion Police jail

If there’s one good thing we could say about this jumpsuit it would be to simply observe that at least it doesn’t get much worse than this. There’s nothing Y-3 could really do here, after all, to make this jumpsuit uglier, saggier or just plain sadder. OR IS THERE? Ah. An ugly jumpsuit AND a visible logo, to appeal to both fashion criminals AND fashion victims! Genius! It just goes to show: no matter how bad an item of bad fashion is, it always has the potential to be made even worse…

drop crotch jumpsuit

Crime of Fashion: William Okpo cut-legs jumpsuit

Note to designers: no, adding leg cutouts to a drop-crotch jumpsuit does not magically make it “sexy”. Nothing makes a drop-crotch jumpsuit “sexy”, for that matter. Actually, all it does is make this poor model even MORE likely to be picked up by The Fashion Police, and given that she was already on dangerous fashion ground with the whole “drop crotch jumpsuit” thing, well, let’s just say we would’t want to be in her shoes right now. (Actually, scratch that: we don’t mind her shoes. It’s her drop crotch jumpsuit we wouldn’t want to be in right now: or, indeed, ever…) [Click here to buy it]

See by Chloe sheer jumpsuit

Crime of Fashion: See by Chloe sheer jumpsuit

It’s a little known fact, but when the creepy twins from The Shining grew up, they became fashion models, and wore see-through dungarees for a living. True story, fashion fans. Don’t believe us? Go and watch the video of this in action over at MyHabit. We guarantee it’ll be scarier than any horror movie… [See by Chloe jumpsuit, $165, MyHabit: click here to buy it] Thanks to Gail for the report!

ugly jumpsuit

Unflattering from every angle

Folks, do your Fashion Police a favour: always check how your outfit looks from the back before you decide to buy/wear it. And also from the front. That should go without saying. Apparently it doesn’t, though. [ASOS Revive Oversized Jumpsuit, £120: click here to buy it.]

Aqua high neck jumpsuit

Modelling is Hard: Jumpsuit edition

She can’t believe she spent all that time working on getting the perfect “model” figure, only to have to force it into a jumpsuit which makes her look like she’s wearing someone else’s legs and butt. Oh, the humanity! She wonders if a different colour might work better? She wonders no more. Now she’s going to go sulk in the corner and think mean thoughts about the nasty ol’ stylists who got her into this mess: Pity the beautiful people, readers: they, too, have their crosses to bear. [Click here for the product page.]

Black and white striped unitard

New uniform for Fashion Police inmates

Our thanks to Fi for alerting us to existence of this stripey unitard: we’ve now placed an order for a joblot of these, which we’ll use as the new uniforms for the Fashion Criminals incarcerated in our jail. Punishing bad fashion with MORE bad fashion: it sounds a little bit backwards, but it works! And surely no one would enjoy being made to dress like THIS, hmmm? (We highly recommend taking a look at this item on the ASOS website, by the way, and viewing the catwalk video: the poor model just radiates embarrassment, and no wonder…) This, of course, is the other side of the saggy jumpsuit coin, which we investigated yesterday. Jumpsuits can be sad and saggy, you see, but they can also be way,…

shapeless brown jumpsuit

Fashion Crime: Saggy Jumpsuits

Today, readers, we’re officially opening a file on shapeless jumpsuits, like the one shown above. These items are an enemy of the people. They are an enemy of style. They’re an enemy of hips, waists and legs, and this is true no matter what size your hips, waist and legs are, because we can think of no shape that would be flattered by this item. The model’s shape isn’t flattered by it, for instance, and she’s a model: imagine how the rest pf might look in it? (On second thoughts, don’t. We don’t even want to wear this in other people’s imaginations. That’s how bad it is.) We’re not saying all jumpsuits are bad. We’re not saying all clothes have…

Uhgly high waist jumpsuit

The Wrong Trousers: Viktor and Rolf high waist jumpsuit

Is anyone seeing a pair of reeeeaaaaallly high-waisted trousers, here? Like, Simon Cowell high? Or is it just a very small model, wearing the trousers which were meant for a very tall model? Alternatively: are Viktor & Rolf just messing with us here? The $1,495 price tag on these makes us suspect the last option is the correct one. It would be awesome if there were teenytiny models and also ten feet tall ones, though, wouldn’t it? Click here to buy these at Shopbop.Don’t blame us when someone asks you if you’re wearing someone else’s trousers….

The World’s Worst Jumpsuit: OFFICAL

Today, The Fashion Police are pleased to announce that the World’s Worst Jumpsuit has been located, and is now safely in TFP custody. This follows a long search for the sheer, animal print monstrosity, which was finally tracked down to the Louisa Via Roma website, where it had been hiding out for some time. “The general public can sleep easy tonight,” a Fashion Police spokeswoman said, “for this dangerous fashion criminal can terrorise the world no more!” Bail has been set at £3512/ $5777, payable to Louisa Via Roma. Lawyers acting for the jumpsuit say they’re hoping either Lady Gaga or Rihanna will come to its aid…

Double denim is perfectly OK by Alexander McQueen

For some time now, the fashion world has been desperately trying to convince us all that the Texas Tuxedo is not the fashion-faux pas it was once thought to be, but, instead, is an “edgy” and “bang on trend” way to demonstrate your fashionista status. The Fashion Police aren’t buying it. Literally, we mean. Seriously, the example above looks like something that man wore to fix our boiler last year. Happily, however, this is NOT actually an example of double-denim. It’s a jumpsuit, you see: it’s really just SINGLE denim made to LOOK like double-denim, in the form of a jacket attached to a coat. This, of course, means that we can get it on two counts at least –…

DSQUARED2 trouser dungaree

DSQUARED2’s dungaree jumpsuit: detainee couture?

With all the talk of Guantanamo Bay over the last decade it was only a matter of time before the famous orange jumpsuit found its place on the catwalk. Yup, thanks to DSQUARED2 you can now walk down the street looking every bit the escaped prisoner. Although we’re not sure they’d let you pair your jumpsuit with stiletto heels on the inside – you know, for practical reasons, health and safety… If this look is your bag, you can grab the jumpsuit from Yoox.com.

A helpful fashion hint…

If it makes the totally invisible model on the website, who has no actual body, look seriously “hippy”, it’s probably not going to be the most flattering of garments on those of us with corporeal form. Want another free tip?

paul & joe sister tea linen-jersey jumpsuit

Hit the town in your thermals: Paul & Joe Sister tea linen-jersey jumpsuit

So, it hasn’t been the coldest of starts to 2011. What’s a girl to do with all those thermal onesies she invested in, but was forced to leave languishing in the wardrobe once the cold snap was over? Paul & Joe Sister have the answer… Yup, throw a leather jacket over it, add a pair of platforms and voila! One office-to-club ready look with minimal effort. And you can just strip off the jacket and heels and hop straight into bed at the end of the night – bonus! Paul & Joe Sister tea linen-jersey jumpsuit: £135 from Net-a-Porter

Topshop coffee cape halter neck jumpsuit back view

Jumpsuit season begins: Topshop cape-jumpsuit

It’s jumpsuit season again folks: yay! Or possibly nay, depending on your point of view. This Topshop cape jumpsuit isn’t the first example to pop up on our radar so far this season, but it is one of the strangest, what with the cape top and cut-out back. We suppose the cape element is a novel way to keep your shoulders warm, but what if you wanted to wear something else over (or under) it?  Sorry, but Topshop have taken that option away from you.  Do you like your jumpsuits with added cape though?  If you do, this one is £50 from Topshop.

Pendleton meets Opening Ceremony notched collar onesie jumpsuit

We were thinking it was high time to change the uniform for our inmates in Fashion Police Jail, and we think we could have found the perfect item.  What better punishment than making the fashion criminals look at one another in this garish print all day, every day?  Mind you, that might be just too much for our prison guards to bear.  Perhaps we should just arrest this for being an adult onesie and lock it away too? Bail is set at £544 and you can pay for its release at ASOS.