Browsing Tag

harem pants

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

When animal print and drop-crotch collide

unflattering pants

We’re not saying sheer, animal-print harem pants with ties at the ankles are ALWAYS crimes of fashion, but…

Actually, you know what? We ARE saying that. We totally are. But of all of the sheer, animal-print harem pants in the world (and there’s a frighteningly large amount of them), we think these ones may well be the worst. As proof of this, we’d like to submit the following into evidence:

animals print pants

Well, would YOU want your crotch area to look like this?

The prosecution rests.

[Buy them]
Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Worse than harem pants?

ugly trousers

There’s just nothing right about this picture, is there? We could stare at it all day, in fact, and we still probably wouldn’t find even one thing to like.

Not the baggy crotch.

Not the uncomfortably-thick looking wool flannel.

Not the excessive number of pockets (seriously, who NEEDS that amount of pockets), including that strange little one over the groin area.

Not the £253 price tag.

Nothing.

Can you see any redeeming features in these? Would you wear them?

[Buy them]
Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Harem pants: now with extra padding

padded harem pants

You didn’t know you needed your harem pants to be padded, did you?

Well, now you do. And you know where to get them, too: at The Outnet, where you can snatch up these padded Vionnet pants for the bargain price of just £240, down from the original £600. And don’t worry: far from creating the usual, saggy-assed harem pant look we’re all familiar with, these ones are “padded throughout” for a “bold silhouette”. That doesn’t sound awkward at all!

[Buy them]
Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Harem Hell: Geometric Pattern Pants by Eiarth

ugly harem pants

So, do you think she’s carrying her lunch in that, er, pouch? And would she be asked to remove her pants before she’d get through airport security, we wonder? Well, come on, she could have just about ANYTHING in there…

Every time we think we’ve seen it all when it comes to ugly harem pants, some fresh hell has us reaching once again for the eyeball bleach. Today’s harem hell comes in the form of these geometric pants, which are basically a pair of fair-isle leggings with a rucksack sling between the legs. And paired with an equally ugly pair of flatforms. It’s going to be a long day, officers. Anyone want to do the first coffee run?

[Product page]

 

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Harem Pants: Officially Still Ugly

ugly harem pants by Givenchy

Not that there was ever really any doubt about this, but just in case there was, we’d like to take this opportunity to confirm that yes, harem pants are still ugly. They didn’t get any better looking in the few weeks since we last wrote about them. More worrying still, ignoring them doesn’t seem to make them go away. We really thought it would, you know. We thought it would be one of those “trends” which wouldn’t actually exist outside the pages of the fashion magazines and the runways of a few select designers: that most people with eyes would be able to see that no good could ever come of adding a dropped crotch to a pair of pants, and harem pants would disappear from the world, never to be seen again. Or at least, never to be seen until some “edgy” designer decided to try to convince us all that we really DO want to look like we have completely square crotches.

This week, the label in question is Givenchy, who think it’s entirely plausible that people will want to pay $1725 to look like the unfortunate model featured above, who probably thanked her lucky stars that this job didn’t require her to show her face.

What we really want to know, though, is who is wearing all of these harem pants we keep finding ourselves having to arrest. Seriously, this has been going on for YEARS now, and yet we’ve still to see more than a few brave people actually “rocking” the trend in real life. And trust us, there was no actual “rocking” going on in those cases. And yet, if our research is to be believed, SOMEONE must be giving all of these designers reason to believe that their almost-$2000 harem pants will just fly off the shelves. Look!

sold out harem pantsSold. Out. At that price. And looking like… that.

Who’s doing this? And how do we stop them?

(Click here if you desperately want to join them.)

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Modelling is Hard: Male Model Edition

Poor guy.

No wonder he’s hiding his face, though:

You’d hide your face too if you were being made to wear these:

Adult diaper alert! And it looks like a pretty full one, too..

It’s not any better from the back, by the way:

Sexxxaaaayyy!

(Hands off girls, we seen him first…)

Modelling is hard, people. Won’t someone save these poor models?

[Click here to view or buy the clothes]

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Ugly print pants by Ramzu Musa for Browns Focus

Ramzi Musa for Browns Focus leopard-print silk harem trousersLeopard print cropped harem pants – well there are 5 words that should never appear in a sentence together.  They’re not even what we would call leopard print, they’re just a garish multicoloured mix with some random black print on them.  Apparently those random black marks are trying to pass themselves off as leopard print but the Fashion Police are not taken in by that and we are therefore arresting them for crimes against fashion.

What do you think though?  Would you wear these trousers?  Would you wear this print on a different garment?  If you want to buy this particular example, bail is set at £195 and will be accepted at Browns.

Trousers/Pants, Wear or Die

Wear or Die: cropped harem pants edition

Wear or die cropped harem pantsYes readers, this is your chance to dress like a toddler and look like you have a huge, wet nappy on, or die.

Of course you can’t really choose to die, so you must pick one or other of these delightful pairs of cropped harem pants to wear – and no covering them up with a long coat!

So which will you choose – the Alice by Temperley Martha hammered silk trousers on the left (which we misread and thought were accurately named Hammer trousers when we first glanced at them), or the Vivienne Westwood Anglomania marathon jersey trousers on the right?  Take your pick and tell us in the comments.

Crimes of Fashion, Jeans

Cheap but not chic: Boohoo Millie distressed harem jean

millie distressed harem jean boohoo

Mom waistband? Check. Saggy crotch? Check. Baggy knees? Check. Elasticated ankles? Check. It’s like a veritable what’s what of fashion crimes in here!

But seriously, folks, can these jeans even be comfortable. I mean, the baggy, diaper-crotch on harem pants is unattractive, yes, but we’re assured that the comfort factor makes up for the aesthetic limitations. Where denim is concerned we’re looking at a far stiffer fabric – more likely, surely to crease into folds and dig in. And the idea of elasticated denim digging in around the ankles? Does NOT appeal ONE BIT!

In their favour, these jeans certainly do not fall into the “daylight robbery” category – at least they have a realistic sense of their own value…

Perhaps you can see the appeal of this interesting addition to the denim collective. If so you can pick them up for the bargain price of £25 at Boohoo.com.

Fashion Police

From the ‘Things That Should Never Happen’ Files: Shorts Meet Harem Pants

Well, THIS should never have happened, should it?

This poor girl looks as shocked as if someone had just run up to her, quickly cut two large holes in her harem pants, and then run off again. That wouldn’t explain why she was wearing harem pants in the first place, of course, but it’s about the only reasonable explanation we can come up with for this … garment… which BooHoo describe as “split front leggings” and we describe as “Fashion Crime of the Week”.

BooHoo, indeed.

(Click here to buy these: they’re on sale for £8 each)

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Harem Pants: Now available in leather By Marlene Birger

We thought harem pants were on the way out, but it would appear that they were only gathering strength before springing this on us. Seriously, leather harem pants? Sure, the fabric ones look bad, but at least all of that droopy material between your legs wouldn’t be uncomfortable. But leather. Acres of leather around the crotch just doesn’t sound like it would make for comfortable dressing, and it definitely doesn’t make for attractive dressing, so we have to ask: what’s the point?

Anyone like to hazard a guess? Or do you just want to buy them? If you do, they’re $840 at Shopbop: click here to buy.

Style On Trial

Harem or combat: Limited Collection slim leg “harem” trousers

Ok, we promise this is not another harem pants abuse post. It’s more a question of definition, seeing as The Fashion Police are a little confused by these particular trews. Largely because to us they look suspiciously like a drainpipe, cropped version of last decade’s combat pants.

Yes, in the late 90s bands like All Saints persuaded us all that combat trousers and skinny fit t-shirts were the height of fashion, and the silk version – well, they were just all the more clubbing appropriate! We all rocked this look until we realised how scruffy we looked, and that, as combats and stilettos were bad bedfellows, and the best part of going out was the dressing up, we were being robbed of valuable high-heels-appropriate occasions!

Of course, this new look  silk version of the humble combat doesn’t steal time from our shoe collection in the same way that its predecessor did. But is that enough to sell the look back to you?

Limited Collection silk harem pants: £35 from Marks and Spencer

Lingerie, Style On Trial

Style on Trial: Alexander Wang chiffon lingerie pants

As if the harem pant weren’t controversial enough, Alexander Wang has taken it a step further making it sheer. These chiffon lingerie pants, $450, are a bit confusing. The subtle paper-bag waist, slouchy silhouette and not-too-baggy harem-ness of the pants actually start to convince us that the style is actually rather chic. We can see an old Hollywood screen siren wearing them to bed – as actual lingerie, as the name implies.

But the problem is that people will definitely wear them out in public. Does that become a problem? The opaque boxer-short-like lining bothers us. We understand why it’s there, dear God some modesty is in order. But still…it looks weird, no?

Crimes of Fashion

Trend Alert: leopard print trousers

The Fashion Police’s eagle-eyed officers have been fighting a crime wave of late, in the form of animal print trousers. Quite aside from our uncertainty over the credentials of animal print as a sartorial choice, the trend seems to be to ensure that this print adorns the least flattering trousers that people will buy. And since so many buy into the diaper look, that’s a significantly tall order!

The Dolce & Gabbana leo print jeans, for example, are in fact a cotton denim, but look so alike in style and texture to the popular moleskin designs of the 90s, you could be forgiven for expecting them to be soft to the touch. And if you really want value for your €455,00 check out the crotch area: the pattern cleverly creates something between a camel toe and codpiece effect, if such a thing is possible!

If you’re on a tighter budget and a fan of the afore-mentioned diaper look, hit the high street, where Dorothy Perkins have come up trumps with their Animal harem jersey pants for £25. As inoffensive as harem pants can be from the front, it’s the rear of these that really gives them that “saggy chic” edge…

So, what are your feelings about animal print bottoms? The Fashion Police strive to treat all animal print items on a case-by-case basis… but we’re fighting the little voice in our heads that consistently tells us to Just Say No.

Style On Trial, Trousers/Pants

Style on Trial: Jaeger swirl print fisherman pants

We were so distracted, nay, hypnotised by the psychedelic pattern on these little beauties, we weren’t even sure which category to file them under: Ugly harem pants? Dressing like a toddler? They do have that diaper-accommodating look about them after all…

In the end it didn’t seem right to send them down without a fair trial, so we thought we’d put them before you, the jury, to decide. Because there’s just that little niggling doubt in our minds that, in fact, the self same fabric in a skirt or the skirt of a dress would be rather fabulous!

If you’re in the “not guilty” camp you can get a pair of swirl print fisherman pants from the Jaeger website for £299.

Celebrity Fashion

Juliette Binoche wears harem pants in Cannes, hell freezes over

Certified Copy - Photocall: Cannes Film Festival

Well, readers, it’s official: harem pants have made it to the red carpet (or concrete sidewalk, in this case), and on no less a person than Juliette Binoche, famed for her classical beauty and chic French style.

The world mourns.

Or does it? The Fashion Police will probably never come to terms with the dropped crotch, but it seems the rest of the world is willing to embrace it, and we can’t help but feel that Juliette’s endorsement of the crotch is a telling moment in fashion history. Has the harem finally become a style staple? Will diaper-pants compete with little black dresses as the go-to party piece for women all over the world. Do these pants actually look… dare we say it… good?

We’re confused, and a little bit frightened. It’s like the world we know has turned on its axis, and now everything we formerly believed was wrong. If you look hard enough, we’re pretty sure that’s a flying pig in the background of the photo.

Help us out here, readers. Do you think Juliette Binoche is working the hell out of these pants?