harem pants

unflattering pants

When animal print and drop-crotch collide

We’re not saying sheer, animal-print harem pants with ties at the ankles are ALWAYS crimes of fashion, but… Actually, you know what? We ARE saying that. We totally are. But of all of the sheer, animal-print harem pants in the world (and there’s a frighteningly large amount of them), we think these ones may well be the worst. As proof of this, we’d like to submit the following into evidence: Well, would YOU want your crotch area to look like this? The prosecution rests. [Buy them]

ugly trousers

Worse than harem pants?

There’s just nothing right about this picture, is there? We could stare at it all day, in fact, and we still probably wouldn’t find even one thing to like. Not the baggy crotch. Not the uncomfortably-thick looking wool flannel. Not the excessive number of pockets (seriously, who NEEDS that amount of pockets), including that strange little one over the groin area. Not the £253 price tag. Nothing. Can you see any redeeming features in these? Would you wear them? [Buy them]

padded harem pants

Harem pants: now with extra padding

You didn’t know you needed your harem pants to be padded, did you? Well, now you do. And you know where to get them, too: at The Outnet, where you can snatch up these padded Vionnet pants for the bargain price of just £240, down from the original £600. And don’t worry: far from creating the usual, saggy-assed harem pant look we’re all familiar with, these ones are “padded throughout” for a “bold silhouette”. That doesn’t sound awkward at all! [Buy them]

ugly harem pants

Harem Hell: Geometric Pattern Pants by Eiarth

So, do you think she’s carrying her lunch in that, er, pouch? And would she be asked to remove her pants before she’d get through airport security, we wonder? Well, come on, she could have just about ANYTHING in there… Every time we think we’ve seen it all when it comes to ugly harem pants, some fresh hell has us reaching once again for the eyeball bleach. Today’s harem hell comes in the form of these geometric pants, which are basically a pair of fair-isle leggings with a rucksack sling between the legs. And paired with an equally ugly pair of flatforms. It’s going to be a long day, officers. Anyone want to do the first coffee run? [Product page]…

Ugly pants

Camel toe, meet moose knuckle…

SUSPECT: Lumen et Umbra harem pants ARRESTED AT: Yoox.com BAIL SET AT: £110 Camel toe AND moose knuckle, in one garment? That’s two of the horsemen of the fashion apocalypse right there, folks. Add in the deliberately ripped knees, and we’d urge you all to set your affairs in order and go hug your families, for the end of the world is surely nigh… [Click here to buy them]

ugly harem pants by Givenchy

Harem Pants: Officially Still Ugly

Not that there was ever really any doubt about this, but just in case there was, we’d like to take this opportunity to confirm that yes, harem pants are still ugly. They didn’t get any better looking in the few weeks since we last wrote about them. More worrying still, ignoring them doesn’t seem to make them go away. We really thought it would, you know. We thought it would be one of those “trends” which wouldn’t actually exist outside the pages of the fashion magazines and the runways of a few select designers: that most people with eyes would be able to see that no good could ever come of adding a dropped crotch to a pair of pants,…

Modelling is Hard: Male Model Edition

Poor guy. No wonder he’s hiding his face, though: You’d hide your face too if you were being made to wear these: Adult diaper alert! And it looks like a pretty full one, too.. It’s not any better from the back, by the way: Sexxxaaaayyy! (Hands off girls, we seen him first…) Modelling is hard, people. Won’t someone save these poor models? [Click here to view or buy the clothes]

Ramzi Musa for Browns Focus leopard-print silk harem trousers

Ugly print pants by Ramzu Musa for Browns Focus

Leopard print cropped harem pants – well there are 5 words that should never appear in a sentence together.  They’re not even what we would call leopard print, they’re just a garish multicoloured mix with some random black print on them.  Apparently those random black marks are trying to pass themselves off as leopard print but the Fashion Police are not taken in by that and we are therefore arresting them for crimes against fashion. What do you think though?  Would you wear these trousers?  Would you wear this print on a different garment?  If you want to buy this particular example, bail is set at £195 and will be accepted at Browns.

Wear or die cropped harem pants

Wear or Die: cropped harem pants edition

Yes readers, this is your chance to dress like a toddler and look like you have a huge, wet nappy on, or die. Of course you can’t really choose to die, so you must pick one or other of these delightful pairs of cropped harem pants to wear – and no covering them up with a long coat! So which will you choose – the Alice by Temperley Martha hammered silk trousers on the left (which we misread and thought were accurately named Hammer trousers when we first glanced at them), or the Vivienne Westwood Anglomania marathon jersey trousers on the right?  Take your pick and tell us in the comments.

Cheap but not chic: Boohoo Millie distressed harem jean

Mom waistband? Check. Saggy crotch? Check. Baggy knees? Check. Elasticated ankles? Check. It’s like a veritable what’s what of fashion crimes in here! But seriously, folks, can these jeans even be comfortable. I mean, the baggy, diaper-crotch on harem pants is unattractive, yes, but we’re assured that the comfort factor makes up for the aesthetic limitations. Where denim is concerned we’re looking at a far stiffer fabric – more likely, surely to crease into folds and dig in. And the idea of elasticated denim digging in around the ankles? Does NOT appeal ONE BIT! In their favour, these jeans certainly do not fall into the “daylight robbery” category – at least they have a realistic sense of their own value……

From the ‘Things That Should Never Happen’ Files: Shorts Meet Harem Pants

Well, THIS should never have happened, should it? This poor girl looks as shocked as if someone had just run up to her, quickly cut two large holes in her harem pants, and then run off again. That wouldn’t explain why she was wearing harem pants in the first place, of course, but it’s about the only reasonable explanation we can come up with for this … garment… which BooHoo describe as “split front leggings” and we describe as “Fashion Crime of the Week”. BooHoo, indeed. (Click here to buy these: they’re on sale for £8 each)

Harem Pants: Now available in leather By Marlene Birger

We thought harem pants were on the way out, but it would appear that they were only gathering strength before springing this on us. Seriously, leather harem pants? Sure, the fabric ones look bad, but at least all of that droopy material between your legs wouldn’t be uncomfortable. But leather. Acres of leather around the crotch just doesn’t sound like it would make for comfortable dressing, and it definitely doesn’t make for attractive dressing, so we have to ask: what’s the point? Anyone like to hazard a guess? Or do you just want to buy them? If you do, they’re $840 at Shopbop: click here to buy.

Harem or combat: Limited Collection slim leg “harem” trousers

Ok, we promise this is not another harem pants abuse post. It’s more a question of definition, seeing as The Fashion Police are a little confused by these particular trews. Largely because to us they look suspiciously like a drainpipe, cropped version of last decade’s combat pants. Yes, in the late 90s bands like All Saints persuaded us all that combat trousers and skinny fit t-shirts were the height of fashion, and the silk version – well, they were just all the more clubbing appropriate! We all rocked this look until we realised how scruffy we looked, and that, as combats and stilettos were bad bedfellows, and the best part of going out was the dressing up, we were being…

Style on Trial: Alexander Wang chiffon lingerie pants

As if the harem pant weren’t controversial enough, Alexander Wang has taken it a step further making it sheer. These chiffon lingerie pants, $450, are a bit confusing. The subtle paper-bag waist, slouchy silhouette and not-too-baggy harem-ness of the pants actually start to convince us that the style is actually rather chic. We can see an old Hollywood screen siren wearing them to bed – as actual lingerie, as the name implies. But the problem is that people will definitely wear them out in public. Does that become a problem? The opaque boxer-short-like lining bothers us. We understand why it’s there, dear God some modesty is in order. But still…it looks weird, no?

Trend Alert: leopard print trousers

The Fashion Police’s eagle-eyed officers have been fighting a crime wave of late, in the form of animal print trousers. Quite aside from our uncertainty over the credentials of animal print as a sartorial choice, the trend seems to be to ensure that this print adorns the least flattering trousers that people will buy. And since so many buy into the diaper look, that’s a significantly tall order! The Dolce & Gabbana leo print jeans, for example, are in fact a cotton denim, but look so alike in style and texture to the popular moleskin designs of the 90s, you could be forgiven for expecting them to be soft to the touch. And if you really want value for your…

Style on Trial: Jaeger swirl print fisherman pants

We were so distracted, nay, hypnotised by the psychedelic pattern on these little beauties, we weren’t even sure which category to file them under: Ugly harem pants? Dressing like a toddler? They do have that diaper-accommodating look about them after all… In the end it didn’t seem right to send them down without a fair trial, so we thought we’d put them before you, the jury, to decide. Because there’s just that little niggling doubt in our minds that, in fact, the self same fabric in a skirt or the skirt of a dress would be rather fabulous! If you’re in the “not guilty” camp you can get a pair of swirl print fisherman pants from the Jaeger website for…

Juliette Binoche wears harem pants in Cannes, hell freezes over

Well, readers, it’s official: harem pants have made it to the red carpet (or concrete sidewalk, in this case), and on no less a person than Juliette Binoche, famed for her classical beauty and chic French style. The world mourns. Or does it? The Fashion Police will probably never come to terms with the dropped crotch, but it seems the rest of the world is willing to embrace it, and we can’t help but feel that Juliette’s endorsement of the crotch is a telling moment in fashion history. Has the harem finally become a style staple? Will diaper-pants compete with little black dresses as the go-to party piece for women all over the world. Do these pants actually look… dare…