dolce & gabbana
Most of the footwear impostors we apprehend involve cases where shoes are pretending to be socks.
These ones, however, are pretending to be fishing nets.
Well, we guess it’s good to be different…[Dolce & Gabbana 100mm patent mesh cotton net pumps, £474: click here to buy them]
She’s certainly being damaged by denim. (Or rather WE are, because this image cannot be unseen now. Sorry.) It’s like it just up and attacked her one fine day, isn’t it? You could also argue, however, that it’s not denim which has damaged her, but her who has damaged the denim, and that she therefore has brought this upon herself. THIS is what happens when you mess with
the natural order denim, readers. Treat it well and it will treat you well in return. Take scissors to it and cut giant holes out of its butt cheeks, and you’ll find your bare ass on TheFashionPolice.net. If this doesn’t prove our point, then nothing will.
Denim, you see, is not meant to be messed with. It’s one of those things that can be our very best friend, if we let it – where would we be without our favourite pair of jeans, for instance?, the ones that fit perfectly and always make us feel good when we pull them on? Treat denim badly, however, by chopping it up, adding bits of “bling”, or trying to turn it into something it just doesn’t want to turn into, and denim will turn out to be the worst enemy you ever had. Look at what happened to these three, for instance, when they got on the wrong side of denim:
Denim doesn’t want to have pieces of flair attached to it. It doesn’t want to be acid washed, or given fringes and pleats and all kinds of fancy accessories. It definitely doesn’t want to be “teamed” with MOAR DENIM. You can see what happens when you try to bend it to your will in this way.
Denim needs to be kept simple. Classic. Simple washes. Minimal ripping and shredding – in fact, this kind of thing really needs to happen naturally, or to at least LOOK like it happened naturally, for it to work. Definitely no drop crotches, or appliques, or, God-forbid, embroidery or transfers. Remember the 90s, and those “Flinstones” jeans people used to wear? Do you want to go back to that again? DO you?
What we’re trying to say here is that these Dolce & Gabanna lace jeans may not look too bad now.
You may even be looking at them and thinking, “Well, honestly, it’s ABOUT TIME someone did something interesting with denim! A bit of lace is edgy, and not in the least bit “Madonna in the Like A Virgin video.”
(The Dolce & Gabbana jeans are sold out at Yoox.com. The rest of the items are all under lock and key in the Fashion Police jail. This includes Britney and Justin. They’re up for parole in… they’re never up for parole.)
Floral printed blouse,
£21.99 £7.00 from New Look; Printed crop blouse, £35.00 from Miss Selfridge; South Floral print gypsy top, £14.00 from very.co.uk; Grey rose print gypsy crop blouse, £22.00 from Topshop; Grace Flower And Polka Dot Print Gypsy Style Cotton Crop Top from boohoo.com; Adrianna Chiffon Floral Flute Sleeve Gypsy Cropped Top £16.00 from boohoo.com.
Dolce & Gabbana have really hit a high this summer with their romantic floral boho style, and the look is gloriously easy to recreate with just a few simple pieces.
The key piece is almost certainly the gypsy top. Wear it with a floral floating maxi skirt or light denim flares for full on boho-chic, or with a plain summer skirt to nod to the trend.
What do you think of this look?
Is it a sock? Is it a boot? Is it… Superman?
It’s both, readers! (Note: sock and boot, we mean. Not superman. It’s not that good.) These are Dolce & Gabbana’s over-the-knee-wool-sock-boots, and obviously this is a clear-cut case of Impostor Footwear. We could throw the book at them for this, if we wanted to.
Why is this different from all of the other cases of socks-pretending-to-be-boots we’ve apprehended over the years, though? Because this time – and we can hardly bear to type this – this time we don’t hate them. We have no idea why. We should hate them. We’ve hated all of the Footwear Impostors that have come before them, and we’ve often spoken of our belief that an item of clothing should be exactly what it looks like, with no attempt to deceive. But… we don’t know. We wouldn’t say we particularly love these, either, but maybe we’ve become so used to seeing socks pretending to be boots that we’ve gotten used to it, even started to see it as – gasp! – normal.
Either that or we’ve been sniffing the eyeball bleach again.
What do YOU think of these?
(Click here to buy them at Saks.)
Dolce & Gabbana purple stretch silk sheath, $2,295, Saks
Now the Fashion Police are partial to a bit of leopard print – shoes, cardigans, tank tops – we own them all. But would we wear them all at the same time? Probably not. So when we came across this dress (the stuck together equivalent of a leopard print skirt worn with a leopard print top) we weren’t sure what to make of it. That’s why we’re putting it on trial with you. Would you wear this or should it be forever consigned to Fashion Police jail?
If you like it and want to rescue it from an eternity in impoundment, you can do so for €1145 here.
Shoeperwoman reported this blatant case of designer-inspiration to us last week, pointing out that Schuh’s ‘Frenchie’ pumps (£64.99) bear a more-than-passing resemblance to Dolce & Gabbana’s butterfly-embellished court shoes ($675, now sold out) from last season.
When you see the two side-by-side, the differences are immediately apparent, but still, this is pretty much an open-and-shut case, wouldn’t you say? The Schuh versions are also available in red, however, should you wish to make the differences even more apparent.
This is not fancy dress: we repeat, NOT fancy dress.
In fact, it’s a £355/ $575 example of clothes-that-are-stuck-together: in this case, an old-fashioned bed shirt attached to a fringed suede mini skirt – although we use the word “skirt” in its loosest possible sense here. It actually looks more like a belt when viewed from the side, although we’re not sure that makes the situation any better, really.
WE KNOW.[product page]
We’re in two minds about the clear trench coat.
On the one hand, we can see the practicality of such an item. How many times have you planned a great outfit, only to have to cover it up with a coat when it suddenly starts raining, after all? At least if the coat is see-through, you still get to show off your outfit, and that could be a good thing indeed.
On the other hand, there’s something just a little bit “emperor’s new clothes” about the whole idea, and that makes us think that if we did suddenly decide we were in urgent need of transparent outerwear, we probably wouldn’t want to spend a whole lot of money on solving that problem.
For that reason, we think one of these coats qualifies as Daylight Robbery. The other… well, we just wish the other didn’t have such highly visible pockets.
Our sister site, Shoeperwoman, spotted Katy Perry wearing Dolce & Gabbana’s crystal studded pumps as she hosted the Waking Up in Vegas party at Haze Nightclub this week. Katy wore the shoes with a very shiny mini dress complete with handkerchief hem and cowl beck. Shoes aside, this reminds us of the kind of things girls used to wear to go clubbing in the 90s, but that could just be us, of course: what do you think?
Anyone want to wear a pair of plain old court shoes, with some chunky ankle socks attached to them? No? What if we told you they were by Dolce & Gabbana? OK, well, what if they were bright purple? Still not convinced? What if they were reduced to £149 in the sale? Would you buy them THEN? Or would you continue to uphold one of The Fashion Police’s founding creeds: that shoes and socks should not be stuck together. Or any other items, come to think of it.
If you disagree, however, these are waiting for you now over at Yoox.com.
At first we thought it was just an ugly jacket. Then we took a closer look:
Ah. Well, on the plus side, at least you won’t need a handbag. On account of how there are two of them attached to your jacket. It also goes some way towards explaining the £475 price tag. Value for money, you see!
Available at Yoox.com, but only if you’re a UK size 8.
OK, we’ve given this item much more thought than it actually deserves, and we can’t think of a single scenario in which we’d willingly pay £160 for something to completely and utterly useless. Can you? If you can, hand over your hard-earned cash to Yoox.com.
We’ve had to put up with a lot from shoulder pads this year. They’ve been on everything from dresses to jackets to shirts: in fact, chances are that if it covers your shoulders, it’s probably had a pair of giant foam pads inserted into it at some point this year.
We think this Dolce & Gabbana trench coat is one of the more amusing shoulder-pad pieces of the year, though: not just because the thought of paying £1,850 for something we’d have trouble fitting through doorways in makes us snicker slightly, but because it looks like the Incredible Hulk is about to come busting out of it at any second. In fact, we’re pretty sure that if the Hulk shopped at Dolce & Gabbana, this is what he’d buy.
If you want to buy it too, you can pick it up at Browns.
Oh, look! It’s the opera! And it’s being performed on your crotch! That’s just… just… actually, we’ll be honest: we just don’t know WHAT to make of this one. What do YOU make of it, readers? It’s 945 euros at the D&G online store if you do…
Oh, Dolce & Gabbana, STOP IT. Please. You’re killing us here. You’re also fast becoming our Most Wanted “Shress” Offender – we’ve caught you in “Emperor’s New Clothes” style offences several times this year, and now we’re starting to think you’re just doing it to make fun of the people who’d hand over $713 for something that looks a lot like a pair of flesh coloured tights worn on the body rather than on the legs.
Of course, unlike other “shress” crimes we could mention , you have at least thoughtfully provided a bra with this one. It’s stuck to the dress, of course, but at least it’s there. The knickers, however, are the model’s own. We’d hate to think how much D&D would’ve had to charge for a pair of knickers AS WELL.
Think nylons would make an AWESOME dress, readers? Well, you could make your own, or you could pay Dolce & Gabbana $713 for this one. If that sounds like value for money to you, go here.