Browsing Tag

britney spears

Crimes of Fashion, Jeans

Don’t Mess With Denim: Dolce & Gabbana’s lace jeans

We’re sick and tired of people trying to mess with denim. LEAVE DENIM ALONE, people. It doesn’t deserve it. Denim has done nothing to harm anyone. Well, except this girl, obviously:

She’s certainly being damaged by denim. (Or rather WE are, because this image cannot be unseen now. Sorry.) It’s like it just up and attacked her one fine day, isn’t it? You could also argue, however, that it’s not denim which has damaged her, but her who has damaged the denim, and that she therefore has brought this upon herself. THIS is what happens when you mess with the natural order denim, readers.  Treat it well and it will treat you well in return. Take scissors to it and cut giant holes out of its butt cheeks, and you’ll find your bare ass on TheFashionPolice.net.  If this doesn’t prove our point, then nothing will.

Denim, you see, is not meant to be messed with. It’s one of those things that can be our very best friend, if we let it – where would we be without our favourite pair of jeans, for instance?, the ones that fit perfectly and always make us feel good when we pull them on?  Treat denim badly, however, by chopping it up, adding bits of “bling”, or trying to turn it into something it just doesn’t want to turn into, and denim will turn out to be the worst enemy you ever had. Look at what happened to these three, for instance, when they got on the wrong side of denim:

Not pretty, is it?

Denim doesn’t want to have pieces of flair attached to it. It doesn’t want to be acid washed, or given fringes and pleats and all kinds of fancy accessories. It definitely doesn’t want to be “teamed” with MOAR DENIM. You can see what happens when you try to bend it to your will in this way.

Denim needs to be kept simple. Classic. Simple washes. Minimal ripping and shredding – in fact, this kind of thing really needs to happen naturally, or to at least LOOK like it happened naturally, for it to work. Definitely no drop crotches, or appliques, or, God-forbid, embroidery or transfers. Remember the 90s, and those “Flinstones” jeans people used to wear? Do you want to go back to that again? DO you?

What we’re trying to say here is that these Dolce & Gabanna lace jeans may not look too bad now.

You may even be looking at them and thinking, “Well, honestly, it’s ABOUT TIME someone did something interesting with denim! A bit of lace is edgy, and not in the least bit “Madonna in the Like A Virgin video.”

Give denim an inch, though, and it’ll take a mile. Before you know what happened, this will be you:

And you wouldn’t want THAT now, would you?

(The Dolce & Gabbana jeans are sold out at Yoox.com. The rest of the items are all under lock and key in the Fashion Police jail. This includes Britney and Justin. They’re up for parole in… they’re never up for parole.)

Fashion Police

Britney Spears shows us how good Photoshop really is in Allure Magazine

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That Photoshop, eh? It’s just all kinds of smart – you only have to look at these pictures of Britney in Allure Magazine to see the wonders it can perform. It’s sometimes hard to remember that Britney actually used to look like this, isn’t it? It’s a little bit sad, too: here’s how Brit would have ended up, if she’d just layed off the cheetos and kept herself sober occasionally. I mean, not that she’d be walking around topless with her pants unzipped, necessarily, but at least she’d be clean.

Actually, she probably would be walking around topless with her pants unzipped, wouldn’t she? This is Britney we’re talking about after all…

Fashion News

In Touch magazine says Joss Stone is the biggest fashion criminal of the year

Jossstonefashioncriminal

In Touch magazine have just published their list of the year’s biggest fashion offenders, and the winner is…. Joss Stone! No! I mean, OK, sure, we can see where they’re coming from, and Joss normally looks like an accident in a costume box, but surely the biggest fashion offender of the year has to be Britney?

Britney does get a look in at number 2, however, with Kimberly Stewart at number three and Kelly Clarkson at four. So, what do you think of this list? Is Joss Stone really the biggest fashion offender in the world, or would you have awarded the title to someone else?

Celebrity Fashion, Fashion News

Britney Spears to take fashion tips from Katie Holmes

Katieholmesmissoniskirt

It seems The Fashion Police aren’t the only ones to have been impressed by Katie Holmes and her new look  recently. No, a certain Britney Spears has been watching TomKat with interest, and now it seems our Brit wants a piece of Katie for herself – or a piece of her style, anyway.

""I like clothes. But I like to be comfortable, too," says Britney. (WHO KNEW?!) "Katie always looks so cute in her Armani and Manolo Blahnik stuff. I’m gonna go for that vibe and all the trimmings."

So, is Britney about to do a Katie and get all chic on us? Well, being the curmudgeonly old cynics that we are, we’re going to guess "no". But you can be sure that if she does, The Fashion Police will let you know.
[Source]

Celebrity Fashion

Britney Watch: Visible bra again- classy

Britenyspearsbra

(Britney’s assistant thinks: "Oh God, please don’t let her want to swap outfits with me, please don’t let her want to swap outfits with me…)

Sometimes I wonder if there’s any point in continuing to apprehend Britney Spears for her crimes of fashion. She’s such a persistent re-offender that barely a day goes by without some eye-wateringly awful ensemble, and there are days when I wonder if we shouldn’t just let her get on with that there downward spiral. But then, just as I start to think that, Britney will sink to new, as yet uncharted depths of style, and I’ll realise that while the woman clearly will never be stopped, the least we can do is keep a close eye on her.

As it happens, this isn’t even the worst outfit our Brit’s come out with lately. I mean, she may as well just have gone out in her underwear, no? Oh wait, she already did that one...