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Crimes of Fashion

Underwear as Outerwear: Prey of London sheer bodysuit

sheer bodysuit

We’d like to think this almost-sheer bodysuit is actually supposed to be lingerie, and that ASOS have simply neglected to point that out in the product description.

We’d also like to think that when they showed it styled with a mini-skirt, earrings and ankle boots, as if ready for a night on the town, they were simply messing with us.

As we say, we’d LIKE to think those things. But let’s face it: we’re The Fashion Police. We have learned to lower our expectations when it comes to clothing, so we’re pretty sure this garment is designed to be worn out in public, hopefully with copious amounts of fashion tape to keep it in place.

We’re also pretty sure there are plenty of people who’ll wear it. Are you one of them?

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Shirts & Tops, Style On Trial

Style Trial: Aqua ‘Plato’ Shoulder Padded Bodysuit

Aqua shoulder pad body suit

This model is totally pretending to be a superhero, isn’t she? And let’s be honest: YOU’D pretend to be a superhero too, if you had a padded (body)suit like this, wouldn’t you? It would be hard to resist. You could be Fashion Criminal Girl. Or FashionistaWoman, maybe, depending on your point of view.

What IS your point of view, though? Is this bodysuit almost comically absurd, or is it the cutting edge of fashion, and totally wearable with the right outfit/attitude?

Cast your votes now: Guilty or Innocent?


Extreme sheer: YSL stretch-chiffon halterneck bodysuit

We’re a-hoping and a-praying that this bodysuit will only ever be used for purpose: as an underpinning for a backless halterneck dress. But that little shred of doubt loiters in the back of our minds, knowing, as we do, that the Lady Gagas of this world have so little respect for fit-for-purpose fashion…

Yves Saint Laurent certainly know how to relieve a fashionista of her hard-earned cash: this beauty will provide very little support a no coverage to speak of for the bargain price of £520.

You’d have to wear your backless halterneck an awful lot this summer to justify that cost per spend!

But yours from Net-a-Porter.

Fashion Police

Daylight Robbery: Henry Holland lace bodysuit

The Fashion Police are starting to think there’s an underground movement determined to reintroduce The Rocky Horror Show stylings to the real world. It may well be hiding behind the 80s revival look, but definitely features that gothic edge that the frills and flounces of the 80s skillfully skirted.

This bodysuit could certainly be worn under something frilled and/or flounced to detract from the goth element, but that would really only serve to make you look like an extra from Desperately Seeking Susan at best, Cyndi Lauper’s Girls Just Wanna Have Fun video at worst. And who wants to shell out £35 for that look? The Fashion Police feel that a pair of lace leggings and a lace body suit would provide a far cheaper and more versatile (not to mention more practical!) base!

If, however, the bodysuit is the only way you’re willing to go, you can pick up this Henry Holland lace number from Topshop.

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Worrying Fashion Trends: the lace body suit


At first we were confused by this item (which, by the way, comes with long sleeves, too. You know, to keep you warm?), wondering what on earth could be its purpose. And then we realised: it’s to allow you to show off your black bra, whilst still claiming to be wearing “clothes”. Genius! And also: classy!

We had hoped this was an isolated incident, but our policing of the retail world this week suggests that we are, in fact, dealing with an outbreak of the lace bodysuits, probably as part of the larger “must show your underwear at all times” movement. If you want to be part of it, this is £11.99 at Ark Clothing, and apparently best worn with acid wash jeggings.

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops, Trousers/Pants

How to wear a denim bodysuit, by Miss Selfridge


It’s funny how your eyes start to adjust to crimes of fashion, isn’t it? A few months ago, something like this denim bodysuit from Miss Selfridge would’ve had us almost falling off our seats in horror, but now that we seem to be living in an 80’s fashion hell more or less all the time, when we first laid eyes upon it our first thought wasn’t “Quick! Call out the troops!” but simply, “Now, how on earth would they expect people to wear THAT, then?”

Luckily, though, we didn’t have to wonder for long, because Miss Selfridge have helpfully answered that question for us. You’d wear a studded denim body suit with….

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What To Wear

Style Challenge: What to Wear with animal print?


Damn, we’re cruel, aren’t we?

For the last couple of style challenges, we’ve left it more or less up to you what to choose for your outfits, but this week we thought we’d get back to styling a specific item. We picked this Topshop body because although animal print is very much “in fashion” at the moment, we know that an awful lot of you… well, hate it. It’s not the easiest thing to style either, but today we ask you to cast all of your fears aside and imagine that you HAVE to wear this item. There is no choice. What you wear it with, however, is totally up to you, so we’re looking forward to seeing what you come up with!

You’ll find the rules of the game under the jump – please take a look at them before playing!


The Rules:

1. Log-in to Polyvore (you may need to create an account first, if you don’t already have one)

2. Create your outfit, save it and then…

3. You’ll find the top here. Build your outfit around it, and then post a link to your completed outfit in the comments on this post. We’ll publish them all next week sometime, and you can vote for your favourite.

4. Please note: you’re free to post links to as many outfits as you like, but please be aware that we’ll only post one entry per person. You can let us know which one you’d like us to use if you wish – if you don’t specify one, we’ll just choose the first one posted.

5. Once you’ve posted your link, please double check it to make sure it’s working properly – we get a lot of people posting links to the Polyvore home page, so we don’t get to see your outfit!

6. Comments on this entry will close on Monday, at around midday GMT. Once the comments are closed, we won’t be able to accept any further entries, so make sure you get yours in early!

Shirts & Tops

Daylight Robbery: Yves Saint Laurent’s $1,107 fine ribbed body suit


Look, Yves Saint Laurent, we're sure it's a really nice body suit and all. As body suits go, we mean. Obviously we're still not really on board with the whole "Body Suits Are Back!" thing that's going on in fashion at the moment – in fact, we're still struggling to get our heads around the 80s invasion, to be honest, and that's been going on for YEARS now .Sometimes when we go shopping, we think it actually IS the 80s.

But we digress.

Like we said, it's not that we doubt you've got a really good bodysuit there, and we're sure that if bodysuits were our thing, we'd consider yours to be THE BEST, a veritable King Amongst Bodysuits, if ever there was one.

But £670/£1,107, YSL? Seriously? Is there a decimal point missing from that figure by any chance, or do you ACTUALLY think we're stupid? Oh, say it ain't so!

BUY: Yves Saint Laurent Body Suit, £670

Fashion Police

Roland Mouret’s £577 bodysuit

Mouret_jumpsuitAs regular readers are doubtless aware, The Fashion Police are big Roland Mouret fans, so when first we laid eyes on this little number over at Net-a-Porter, we were ever so slightly taken aback, believing, as we did, that it was supposed to be worn exactly as shown.

Then, on second glance, we thought it might actually make quite a stylish super-hero outfit. In fact, yes, we could totally get on board with that! Wow, Roland Mouret is a genius, isn’t he? Only he would think to cater to the much neglected ‘Superhero’ demographic!

On a third and final look, however, we realised it’s just a bodysuit. A lovely bodysuit, as bodysuits go, but still, a bodysuit. A £577 one. A case of Daylight Robbery, do you think? Or is it worth every penny?

Crimes of Fashion

Great Glam hit new low with Worst Bodysuit Ever

Great_glam Yeah, we know, it’s Great Glam – what do you expect? Well, we certainly don’t expect the clothes to be classy, that’s for sure, but no matter how far we lower our expectations when we head over to police the site, somehow Great Glam always manages to sink lower than we’d dared to believe possible.

As proof of this, witness the “Blindfold Me” bodysuit.

No, blindfold us, Great Glam – we beg you. Please, blindfold us so we never have to look upon this, the Fashion Crime to end all Fashion Crimes, ever again.

Of course, we know Jodi Marsh is going to just love this. Somehow that doesn’t make us feel any better, though…

Fashion Police

Daylight Robbery: Akris Tulle Turtleneck Bodysuit

Sheer_bodysuit_2We should probably begin this post by pointing out that this item of clothing isn’t quite as useless as it may at first appear. Sure, it’s a totally sheer bodysuit, but in its defence (and no, we can’t quite believe we’re offering up a defence of a sheer body suit either…), it is intended to be worn underneath your other clothes, and if you look at the example on the Saks website, you’ll see what we mean.

At the end of the day, however, certain facts have to be faced. This is still just a body suit. It’s still just a sheer bodysuit. Its uses are limited. So why, then, we must ask, does it cost $495? We can see absolutely nothing that would justify this kind of price, can you?

Also: is it just us, or does the airbrushing job on the model’s nipples and, er, lady bits, freak you out, too? It kinda makes her look like Barbie. Sheer Bodysuit Barbie. And her expression says, “Just you DARE laugh at me in my $495 sheer bodysuit, and I will crush you. Don’t even think I won’t.”

Message received, Barbie, loud and clear…

Shirts & Tops

Thong back bodysuits: the ‘noughties’ version of the nineties “classic”


We should have seen this coming. We did, after all, anticipate the return of the bodysuit, and back in July, when we broke the horrible news that the body suit was making a comeback, we found ourselves mussing on the things we’d hated about the "body" back in the nineties. Chief of these was the sheer discomfort caused by the "popper" fastenings that would fasten under the crotch, creating an uncomfortable bulge where no bulge should be, chafing horribly if you tried to wear them with jeans or trousers, and giving you a wedgie if you tried to wear them with anything that wasn’t a thong underneath.

It was only a matter of time before someone came up with the ideal way to get around this, wasn’t it? We can just imagine that lightbulb moment when someone in a board room somewhere (probably stroking a white cat at the time and sipping from a glass of Scotch on the rocks) said, "I know! Rather than wearing it with underwear, the bodysuit can be the underwear! And it can be thong underwear!"

And thus was born the thong back body suit. We have to admit, it does solve some of the problems we’d hitherto had with the "body", but we’re still going to be saying a firm "no" to it, for two reasons:

1. It’s a body suit

2. When we visit the bathroom – particularly public bathrooms – we prefer not to have to strip naked, thanks.

If you have no such qualms, however, this is £40 at ASOS.   

Crimes of Fashion

Fashion Police for the Boys: Peggy Noland’s low crotch bodysuits


A couple of weeks ago we had a complaint from a male reader who was annoyed that The Fashion Police doesn’t feature men’s fashion more often. Well, here you go boys – are you happy now? ARE YOU?

Looking at this picture, it’s hard to believe that Peggy Noland’s fashion creations are big news at the moment, and have been featured in a whole bunch of "so cool it hurts" magazines. We, of course, brought you these shocking images of the designer’s MadeMe leggings back in March, but clearly that wasn’t enough for the men who read this site, who we hope have been made happy by the sight of their brothers wearing some of the most ridiculous outfits known to man. We aim to please…

Crimes of Fashion

The body suit is back! Fashion Police appalled….


If you're old enough to remember the early 90s, then you'll probably remember bodysuits, or "bodies" as they were commonly known. "Bodies". Let's just think on that one for a moment…

OK, where was I? Oh yes, bodysuits. The idea, of course, was that they'd make you look like your top was tucked into your jeans, without any of those annoying wrinkles that happen when your top is actually tucked into your jeans. Also: the shirt would never come un-tucked, so you'd always look all neat and preppy, and like you just stepped out of an early 90s Gap advert.

The reality, of course, was very different. You see, the reality is that the "top tucked into jeans" look isn't actually all that hot, is it? And to be brutally honest, it kinda sucks. Bodysuits were also uncomfortable. The poppers fastened right under your crotch, making you feel like you were wearing a nappy at all times. Worse, the poppers would sometimes un-pop, and you'd see girls walking around with their shirt tucked into their jeans at the front, and a little "tail" flying along behind them. As you can imagine, this wasn't a good look.

Anyway, my point is this: bodysuits are back. French Connection are selling them for £30 a pop (no pun intended). Run, people. Hide. Escape the invasion of the body snatchers suits if you can. It's not too late…