asos

ASOS Skater Dress With Pink Beading

Dress of the Day: ASOS Skater Dress With Pink Beading

  ASOS Skater Dress With Pink Beading, £85 From the ASOS Collection line comes this pretty skater dress with beaded bodice and skirt. At £85, it’s a little more expensive than some of the online store’s other offerings, but let’s be honest: it’s a little nicer than most of them too, isn’t it? Made from a delicate, sheer chiffon, this is available in UK sizes 6 – 18. Buy it  

Is the dress too short or is the model just too tall for it?

Is the dress too short or is the model just too tall for it?

ASOS PETITE Exclusive Ruched Side Bodycon Dress, £18 We were all set to arrest this “dress” for secretly being a top, and for being so short the model wouldn’t even be able to sit down in it without showing everyone her undies. Then the penny dropped: the dress is from the ASOS Petite range. If the model isn’t (which, let’s face it, wouldn’t be unusual: we’re very used to seeing plus-sized lines modelled by super-slim models, and petite lines worn by very tall ones: it’s one of the many reasons modelling is so very hard…), then that would definitely explain the length, wouldn’t it? ASOS normally put the model’s height and the size she’s wearing on their product descriptions, to…

skinny jeans with lattice sides

Crime of Fashion: Skinny acid-wash jeans with lattice sides

There are so many things wrong with these jeans we’re just amazed they’re not being worn with a pair of peep toe boots. Then again, perhaps the stylist figured the crime was such a blatant one, we wouldn’t need the Peep Toe Boot Rule to be able to identify it? Of all of the things that boggle our minds about these jeans, though, the one we keep coming back to right now is how much worse they’d look with blue-tinged, gooseflesh legs peeking out from the “lattice” part. Because how on earth could you wear them at this time of year without freezing your ass – and legs – off? [Buy them]

ASOS penis blouse

ASOS “penis blouse” is a big hit on Facebook, Twitter

Some of you may be seeing a perfectly innocent grey blouse here, with a charming coral trim. Others, however, are seeing something a little less sweet and innocent: this blouse has been christened the “penis blouse” (or other, slightly more crude variations) by people on Twitter and Facebook today, and we’ve seen it so many times now we figured it was time we stepped in and arrested it. So, in the words of Rolf Harris: can yer see what it is yet? [Buy it here for £30]

Miss Francesca Couture Leopard Deep V Prom Dress

Citizen’s Arrest: Miss Francesca Couture Leopard Deep V Prom Dress

This crime was called in by concerned citizen Hannah, who’s spotted the perp over at ASOS.com, and known instantly that there was something very, very wrong. And by “something”, we mean “many things”. When our officers arrived on the scene, they didn’t know what to book this dress for first: The length? The cleavage? The Dynasty-style puffy sleeves? The print? ALL OF THESE THINGS COMBINED? In the end, we arrested it on multiple charges. And it looks like we got there just in the nick of time, too, because: This crime is spreading. Not content to restrict itself to just one dress, it’s infiltrated two of them. Did we mention that this will cost you £260? The model is now recovering in…

ASOS dungaree skirt

Skirt, meet shredder

Well, this was an unfortunate accident, wasn’t it? And although it’s hard to imagine the exact sequence of events that must have led to this demure looking dungaree dress being sucked helplessly into the office shredder (We’d love to see the movie version of that, though. It would make an excellent fashionista thriller, wouldn’t it? Did we just invent a new genre?), it happens, people. Well, it happened. To this poor model. Now she’ll have to just live with the consequences: shredded skirt, shredded dignity – who knows the knock-on effects this could have, or the many years of therapy she might need to get over it. You think they’re just clothes, readers, but trust us: they’re SO MUCH MORE…

ASOS Full Skirt with Sequin Knickers

ASOS Full Skirt with Sequin Knickers commits multiple fashion offences

We were about to call this in as a straightforward case of “Emperor’s New Skirt”… but then we realised the skirt is actually attached to the knickers. The sequin knickers. Which are really the whole point of this outfit, rendering the “skirt” totally redundant: NO, ASOS, adding an invisible skirt over the top of a pair of knickers doesn’t suddenly make it OK to go out in a pair of undies, sequin or otherwise, seriously. So, what we’re dealing with here is actually multiple misdemeandors: 1. A Stuck-Together-Clothes Crime 2. A bad case of Emperor’s New Clothes 3. An item of clothing which encourages the idea that it’s OK to wear underwear in public. (Because even if you’re OK with sequin knickers,…

saggy shorts

Saggy asses are never in style…

Well, it’s hard to understand why THESE didn’t sell out instantly, and, indeed, why they STILL haven’t sold out, despite having been reduced to just £12 from the original £40. And by that we mean, “It’s not hard to understand AT ALL, is it?” Excellent work from the model here, though, who’s desperately trying to distract us from the ugly shorts by pulling some interesting poses. “Whee!” she’s saying, “Look at how much FUN I’m having here, with my invisible jump rope! What do you mean, ‘ugly shorts’? Who, me? No way!” Are you convinced? Click here to buy them if you are! [Thanks to Gracie for the report!]

Batman fashion

Batman fashion from Lazy Oaf

Love Batman? Not content to just watch the movie, and then incessantly tweet about how excited you are, like everyone else is? Need to actually plaster your body with the batman logo, too? Well, rest easy, young batgirl, for Lazy Oaf have made your dream a reality. The items in our gallery are all available to buy at ASOS, and you can click here to do it. Will you?

pyjamas in public

ASOS continues bid to normalise pyjamas in public

These are not pyjamas. We realise they look like pyjamas, walk like pyjamas and quack like pyjamas, but trust us: these are not pyjamas. These are part of an edgy, fashion-forward outfit from ASOS, which won’t at all make you look like you just tumbled out of bed and hit the road. Not in the  slightest. The clue, of course, is in the shoes. Most of us probably don’t wear 5″ strappy sandals with our PJs, but this model is, because this model is not wearing pyjamas. This makes us wonder if all of those people we see wandering around the streets in dressing gowns and Ugg boots are ALSO not wearing pyjamas, but are, in fact, edgy fashionistas who are “rocking”…

ASOS Extreme Oversized Cat Eye Sunglasses

Style Trial: ASOS Extreme Oversized Cat Eye Sunglasses

The Fashion Police love cat eye sunglasses. In fact, it would be really easy for us to go too far with this look. And then we’d end up looking like this: What do you think: extremely stylish or extremely ridiculous? The choice, dear jurors, is yours… [Click here to buy them]

ASOS Bandeau Playsuit in Spot with Bow

Wanted! ASOS Bandeau Playsuit in Spot with Bow

OK, so it would probably be pretty hard to pull this off AS a playsuit, even if you were a model. Not because it wouldn’t look good, you understand: just because it would look like you were out in public in your swimsuit. And that’s exactly how we’d wear this. Not in “public”, we hasten to add, but say you felt like lounging around the pool (without necessarily going in), flicking through some magazines, sipping on a cocktail… this is what you’d wear. And if not this, then perhaps we can interest you in the black version? Or coral? ASOS Bandeau Playsuit with Bow, £30: click here to buy it.

ugly jumpsuit

Unflattering from every angle

Folks, do your Fashion Police a favour: always check how your outfit looks from the back before you decide to buy/wear it. And also from the front. That should go without saying. Apparently it doesn’t, though. [ASOS Revive Oversized Jumpsuit, £120: click here to buy it.]

sheer skirts

Sheer Skirt Trend Claims More Victims

(L-R: ASOS, Kalmanovich) They’re daring you to mention the fact that neither one of them is actually wearing a skirt. Or pants. Or… anything other than a sheer layer of tulle tacked onto the bottom of their little  tunics. One of them DOES appear to be wearing an old-fashioned lampshade, though. So there is that. (Seriously, WHEN will this fashion for very short dresses with totally sheer maxi skirts attached to them going to die? Do we really have to open a special branch of our Fashion Force to deal with this?)

ASOS lemon boiler suit

Can a boilersuit be “sexy”?

Boiler suits can be many things: saggy, shapeless, handy for when you’re painting the house, or working as a mechanic, say. Can boiler suits ever be sexy, though, that is the question? And ASOS think they have the answer: So that’s a “YAY” from them. Good to know. From us, though? Well, look: we all know that “sexy” can come in many different guises. It doesn’t have to be short, tight and low-cut to be “sexy”: in fact, sometimes covering up can  be the sexiest thing of all, and sometimes the woman in the plain old jeans and t-shirt can be the sexiest woman in the room, just because of the way she carries herself. But this boiler suit. We’re…

ASOS white dress with fur collar

Style on Trial: ASOS Jacquard Dress With Faux Fur collar

We’re not going to lie to you: we kinda love this. Yes, even although it’s just a tad ridiculous, and wearing it at this time of year would make you look a bit like one of Santa’s little helpers. (Mind you, wearing it at any OTHER time of year would make you look like one of Santa’s little helpers who got lost, so if ever there was a time to wear a dress like this, now would be that time.) Imagine it in red, if you don’t know what we’re talking about here. What do you think? Cute or costumey? Crime or Damn Fine?

Black wedge shoes with cat print

Style on Trial: ASOS ‘Purr’ Over Lasted Suede Wedges

Cats and shoes: it’s not exactly the most obvious pairing in the world, but ever since Miu Miu released their cat-print platforms a couple of seasons ago, cutesy animal prints have been all over the place: and it’s not just cats, either – we’ve had Scottie dogs, owls, swallows – you name it, it’s probably graced an item of clothing. And now we have these ‘Purr’ wedges by ASOS. The print instantly made us think of Miu Miu, although the shape is totally different: the overall effect is a little bit witchy and a big bit twee, but nevertheless, we think these might be one of those “love them or hate them” items, which is why we’ve put them up…

Michelle Obama wears ASOS copy of DVF dress

Fashion Crime? Michelle Obama wears ASOS copy of DVF dress

Oh, dear. It seems that First Lady Michelle Obama, always elegant, is coming in for some criticism for appearing at the White House Halloween party this Saturday wearing a £40 ASOS dress, which just-so-happens to bear a striking similarity  to a $498 dress by Diane Von Furstenberg. And this is bad, of course, because, well, copying people’s designs is bad, and not something that should be supported, least of all by someone as influential as the First Lady. Or so the argument goes, anyway. BUT. It’s complicated, this one. We kind of feel like Michelle can’t really win here. If she’d bought the DVF dress, that would’ve been wrong in the eyes of many, because spending $498 on ONE DRESS, especially…