Is it 1984, or is it 2010? Some days it’s hard to tell, especially when your favourite fashion websites start stocking lace, fingerless gloves – and yes, ASOS.com. we ARE looking at you!
We’re guessing many of our readers probably weren’t around to witness the first crime wave involving these, when Madonna’s devotion to then in the 80s spawned a thousand copy-cat crimes, so you’ll be able to look at these with un-jaded eyes and judge them without bias. What’s the judgement to be, though? Do you welcome the return of the lace gloves? If so, you can pay £5 for a pair at ASOS…
Look, Colette, you can call it a “waist bag” and charge $300 for it all you like, but WE’LL still call it a crime of fashion and throw it into the ’80s throwback’ section of the Fashion Police jail, got that?
We sincerely hope this design is ironic, and not a sign that bum bags/ fanny packs/ whatever you want to call them are about to make a return to mainstream fashion, although at that price you’d have to be taking your irony pretty seriously. If you do, you can buy this here.
We’re sure some people will look at this Miss Selfridge cardigan and see a cosy, practical and cheerful winter knit.
We, on the other hand, look at it and see something a children’s TV presenter – possibly Noel Edmonds - would’ve worn circa 1983. Or possibly Bill Cosby.
£60 to look like an extra from the Cosbys? We’re going to politely decline. If you want it, though, you can get it here.
Yeah, OK, fashion designers, the joke’s over: all of this 80s-inspired crap we’ve been putting up with for the past few years has GOT TO STOP. Especially now that a batwing denim jacket has been allowed to come into existence. Seriously, a BATWING DENIM JACKET. They wouldn’t even have allowed that in the actual 80s, never mind these pseudo 80s we’re living through now.
Oh, and while we’re on the subject of the 80s:
Now, the pink cropped sweater is… not our kinda thing, granted. But holy crap, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SHE’S WEARING WITH IT? Is that an acid-wash diaper? Because it sure looks like one:
*Shudder* Guess we know what our nightmares will be about tonight, then…
It’s as we suspected: Sarah Jessica Parker + Madonna-from-the-80s = secretly the same person.
And Charlotte STILL manages to look prissy in neon green and while committing a sneakers-with-skirt crime. If you think that’s bad, though, wait until you see Kim Cattrall:
Oh, those 80s fashions really are coming back to haunt us, aren’t they? Leggings, puffball skirts, batwing tops and now, the latest atrocity – stirrup tights. Yes, stirrup tights. Now, when I was a child in the 80s people didn’t wear stirrup tights, but they did wear stirrup pants, and I’m not sure what’s worse. Stirrup pants were one of the most useless inventions ever, because as well as looking bad, with an unattractive strip of elastic under the foot, that strip of elastic would pull at the pants, leaving you to keep yanking them up at the waist all the time. Sometimes the elastic would even snap, then you’d get to walk around all day with it flopping out of your shoe. Nice.
So, I’m not quite sure what the deal is with these shiny stirrup tights from American Apparel, but I reckon that unless you’re a dancer, you should probably leave them back in the 80s, where they belong. Who’s with me?
