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Archive for the ‘Swimwear’ Category
Thursday, September 10th, 2009
Well, you’re not going to be doing a whole lot of swimming in THIS, are you? Which makes us think that either:
a) They’re lying about the “swimsuit” bit and it’s actually just a bodysuit. Which actually brings up problems all of its own, because if you wore it under trousers or a skirt, you wouldn’t actually see the detail on the bottom part. This makes us worry that it’s supposed to be worn Lady Gaga style, with nothing over the top.
b) It IS a swimsuit, but it’s just for posing in. We’ve yet to see a “just for posing in” swimsuit that we didn’t consider a crime of fashion, so this concerns us too.
Either way, we’re not going to be paying £49.99 for it, but if you want to, you can pick it up at River Island.
We'd arrest this model for being an accessory to a crime of fashion, but seriously, would YOU mess with her? She's all, "SO? You wanna make something of this? You wanna comment on my BOW BIKINI? Come on, I dare yas!"
And we're all, "Er, no, no my good woman. You just keep right on standing there and don't move a muscle. No, seriously, we said don't move a muscle. Because unless you've already anchored that thing with some serious tit tape, that's a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen right there."
This criminal was reported to us on Friday afternoon, by Fashion Police reader Katie. Katie, we didn't get much sleep this weekend after seeing this, but thanks for the report, anyway!
(Note: what makes this whole thing worse, is that the bow – which this site describes as a "bikini top" is NOT INCLUDED. And seriously, can you imagine what it would look like wothout it?!)
Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
Is it just us, or does this model look she put on two pairs of bikini bottoms by mistake?
Just us? OK, then, you can get this look for yourself (plus the matching top) at Karmaloop. Enjoy!
Is anyone else uncomfortably reminded of Sanna's bikini jeans, here? Or, you know, just plain uncomfortable?
The top half of the bikini is obviously fine: we have no problems with it, so it appears here only as a witness in the Strange Case of the Double Bikini Bottoms. Why do they exist? Because these briefs appear to have been designed to create the appearance that either:
a) you're wearing two pairs of them (WHY?)
or
b) you're wearing knickers underneath your bikini (again: WHY? And even if there was a reason for that, why would you want people to know about it by making the knickers visible?)
We're confused. Can anyone unconfuse us?
[Buy it!]
Well. This is certainly, um, different, isn't it? At a time when so many swimwear designers seem to be obsessed with creating vaguely obscene looking monokinis, Emporio Armani have gone in the other direction, creating a one-piece that will cover quite a lot of you up, while still leaving you with some creative tan lines.
The question: is this a crime of fashion, or is it unique and fabulous?
Personally, we're going to go with "crime of fashion", mostly because we can totally imagine Lady Gaga wearing it, and that's generally a good litmus test, we find. We also don't think it would be particularly practical for the pool or beach, and while we've never been of the opinion that all clothes must be purely practical (a quick glance inside our shoe closet would confirm this) we're also not too keen on clothes designed purely for posing in.
But what do you think? This Emporio Armani swimsuit has been accused of committing crimes of fashion. Should we convict or acquit? You choose…
[Buy It!]
This is another item that falls firmly into the “in our dreams” category, but if we were in the habit of splashing out £220 at a time for swimwear,this Michael Kors one-piece would be residing somewhere near the top of our shopping lists.
Not to worry, though: the onepiece – and particularlt the retro-inspired onepiece – is back in a bog way this season, so we’re sure to see something similar on the high street very soon. And if money is no object, you can buy this one right now at ASOS.
MEMO
To: The Fashion Police
From: Katie
Subject: Wow
"Have your eye bleach ready!"
* * *
Wow, indeed. And "eye bleach". We like that. In fact, we think it should be standard issue for everyone on our fashion force.
And we should say again: there's an idea that goes around that The Fashion Police hate all forms of crochet. No, no, no! We don't hate crochet at all: unless, of course, it's bright orange, and has been added to a bikini, in an apparent bid to make the wearer look like a fluorescent spider came along and spun a web between boobs and briefs while she was sunbathing. That kind of crochet, we hate.
We rounded up some of our favourite retro style dresses for you last month, and now it's time for the swimwear section. Lovers of high-waisted bikini bottoms and figure-flattering one-pieces rejoice! There are lots of this kind of style around right now, and these are just a few of our favourites.
We're kicking off with a one piece that's more nautical than it is retro, but it's been on our radar for a while now, so say "Hello, sailor!" to Fables by Barrie's Retro Chic Sailor Suit One Piece Swimsuit!
(P.S. If you share our love of all things retro,Pretty Vintage is a great new blog on that very subject – visit it here…)
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Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
We had originally bypassed this bikini when we spotted it at Net-a-Porter this morinhg, thinking that although it wasn't to our taste, it was probably only a minor fashion offence, if that.
Then Fashion Police reader Matthew wrote to us to point out what had been staring us in the face all along: the fact that this "ruffle bikini" is, in fact, exactly that. It's a gigantic ruffle, with no visible means of support, or, indeed, anythinhg to stop it flying up in an ocean breeze, leaving you flashing the girls to the world.
And you know what? We think he's right:
Going by the evidence in front of us, we'd say this is, as charged, just a giant ruffle. We see no evidence of any "bikini" underneath. And really, it's so skimpy that if there was one, we're sure we'd see it. Let's examine Exhibit B:
We're sill not seeing much evidence of "bikini" here. And we ARE seeing some suggestion of "mannequin boob". So, now we're leaning towards the opinion that even if there IS something resembling "clothes" under that ruffle, the fact that it's designed to LOOK like it could fly up at any second, leaving us naked as the day we were born, is enough to qualify it for a caution, at the very least.
What do you think, jurors?
Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
Aww!
Given the tiny window of opportunity in which we're actually able to wear bikinis, you'd think we'd have managed to get over our obsession with them by now, but apparently not, because this week sees us cooing over this adorable little yellow number by Betsey Johnson.
It's available at Macy's, but Urban Outfitters also have a tankini version which we'd imagine may be a little too much like lingerie for some of you – take a look for yourself under the jump!
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