More strange shoes: crimewave continues

We usually leave most of the shoe talk to ShoeperWoman, but right now there are just too many ugly shoes out there for her to handle, so we’re stepping in to make a few arrests.

As ShoeperWoman observed earlier this week, footwear fashion is going through something of an awkward stage at the moment. There are Birkenstocks. There are those clumpy white sandals with the giant platform soles. There are… these:

Charlotte Olympia Hands shoes

Charlotte Olympia ‘Hands On’ sandals, £755

Shoes. Made out of… hands. Not REAL hands, obviously. That would creepy. And this… isn’t? Selfridges tactfully say these will “have everyone looking twice.” Well, that’s certainly ONE way to put it. Charlotte Olympia isn’t the only one trying to make hands on shoes happen, though:

Vivetta Hands flatforms

Vivetta ‘HAnds’ flatforms, £281

We consider most flatforms to be crimes of fashion, so to be completely honest, the creepy hands are the least of worries here. But back to Charlotte Olympia:

Charlotte Olympia platforms

Charlotte Olympia platforms, $946

Some people have the same reaction to Charlotte Olympia platforms as we have to any pair of FLATforms. Those people probably won’t have a lot of love for the little climbers on the heels of these ones: we, meanwhile, just hope the little dudes don’t fall off – it’s a long, long way down…

And as for these:

furry boots

LD Tuttle ‘The Bone’ leather boots, £606

It’s almost as if the designer finished making a relatively inoffensive pair of boots, then thought, “Wait: how can I make these uglier? I know! Fur!” And seriously, while we’re on the subject, what’s with all the furry footwear around lately? Is this going to be A Thing this winter? If so, someone please tell us now, so we can call in some re-inforcements…

What do you think of these shoes, officers? Are they crimes of fashion, or would you wear any of them?


  • July 17, 2014


    Oooh those first shoes look like many people are trying to grab your foot to keep you from going anywhere. I wouldn’t blame them. I don’t want anyone I know walking around in those.

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  • July 17, 2014


    Check out the black nylon sheer dress at go jane. It defiantly belongs in the jail. The emperor keeps getting new dresses

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  • July 31, 2014


    And number 2, with its juxtaposition of male shoes and female hands, looks a bit disturbing to me, as if I was witnessing some detail from a humiliation game which I really don’t want to see.

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  • August 7, 2014

    Online Shopping

    These sandles and bellies are amazing, the fingers designs are amazing

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  • September 3, 2014

    Anna W

    I actually quite like the finger high heels :s
    I’d like to think I could pull them off as I’m tall and artsy but yeah don’t worry I’m not gonna buy them,especially not at that price ha.

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