| | Category Archives: Sock Horror!Socks are officially out of fashion: just paint your feet instead a la the Louise Gray Spring 2011 runway! | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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We’re all for interesting and unusual hosiery (in fact, sometimes it’s the only thing that makes dull winter fashion bearable), and there’s no doubt that Bebaroque pretty much rule that particular field.
We’re just not sure, however, that we’d want our tights to have actual OBJECTS attached to them. Objects like the pearl bows on these otherwise plain black opaque tights, say. How would you wash them, for instance? (The tights, we mean, not the bows. We’re pretty sure the bows would look after themselves.) Are the bows removable? Wouldn’t they feel a bit odd, if you happened to brush your ankles together? Is ANY pair of tights worth paying £80 for? Or do you like the look of them so much that all of these questions become irrelevant?
If that’s the case, click here and have your £80 ready. In the meantime, we’ll just keep our £80, spend it on shoes, instead. What do you think of these, though?
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OK, time to ‘fess up, folks: almost every retail site we look at these days seems to be carrying some variation of the pre-ripped tights pictured above, and we just have to know - who’s actually buying them? Is it you? Because if we’d known people were willing to spend £10 on laddered hosiery, we’d have emptied out our sock drawers long ago and be writing this from a deckchair in the Carribean on the proceeds. And, OK, we get that some of you like the laddered look, but wouldn’t it be a whole lot cheaper to just ladder your own?
Do you buy pre-laddered tights? Do you want to buy pre-laddered tights? If you do, click here and here for the ones shown above…
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OK, so we must admit, we kind of like these. They’re studded tights, after all, and we think they’d make a great way to make a simple dress or skirt look a little more interesting.
Here’s the thing, though: they’re tights. And they’re £565 / $885. We could buy a holiday for that much, and at least we wouldn’t be able to ladder it first time we wore it. The product description sadly neglects to tell us just how thick these tights are, but unless they’re reinforced with iron or something, we just now we’d be able to ruin them without even thinking about it, and to be honest, it would be quicker and easier to just take our £565 and throw it directly into the trash, rather than using it to buy these tights, laddering them beyond repair and THEN throwing them in the trash.
In other words, the ongoing trend for hosiery that costs more than some people pay in rent every month is one of the most puzzling aspects of modern fashion we can think of it.
If $800 is but a drop in the ocean to you, though, and you’re more than happy to spend it on tights, you can buy these ones at Far Fetch. Just don’t let the cat near them…
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(Our post earlier today about Christian Dior’s $500 socks reminded us to continue updating our Fashion Police Glossary, explaining some of the terms used on the blog. We resume today, then, with the definition of a SOCK HORROR.)
A SOCK HORROR, it goes almost without saying, is some kind of sartorial disaster involving socks, tights, or some other form of hosiery.
It could be that the socks are kinda ugly, like Bebaroque’s fringed thigh-highs:
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So, nice pair of socks, hmm? Thigh-high: very trendy. Love the ribbon. Look nice and cosy. Handy for wearing under over-the-knee boots, or even around the house, or to bed, in the dark depths of winter.
$500, though. Yep, that’s right: FIVE. HUNDRED. DOLLARS. For socks. And why? Why this crazy-ass sock-price, we hear you ask? Surely the socks must be woven from the hair of unicorns, or have priceless diamonds sewn into the seams or something?
Nah. They’re 100% wool. Dammit, those fashion victims will do anything for a designer label, won’t they? Seriously, you could buy a secondhand car for that price! What would you choose, readers: a 1982 Cadillac DeVille, say, or… a pair of socks?
Let’s look at some other things you could buy for $519 or thereabouts:
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Ever found yourself wondering whether the length of your skirt is sending out the right signals? Well, now you can work out EXACTLY what kind of signal you’re sending, with the help of these opaque tights, which provide a handy chart to allow you to measure your skirt length and find out what it says about you.
The sliding scale starts at “demure” and goes all the way to “fatal” with the stages in between being (in Spanish) discrete, subtle, flirtatious, sensual, moody, seductive, provocative, bold, shameless and “warrior”.
Which one are you? You’ll have to buy them (from here) to find out. Would you wear them, though?
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Tantra on your tights
A few points about this item:
1. These are tights.
2. $209 tights.
3. $209 tights that you just KNOW you’re going to ladder as soon as you put them on, don’t you? Or that your cat/dog/toddler will ladder for you?
4. They have writing on them.
5. So they’ll encourage people to stare really hard at your thighs in order to try and work out what that writing says.
6. Do you REALLY want everyone you meet staring at your thighs? If so, congratulations: you obviously have amazing thighs!
7. Did we mention this is a $209 pair of tights we’re looking at? Are there seriously people in the world who pay $200 for TIGHTS? Who are these people? We’d seriously be fascinated to meet them…
Are you One of Those People, readers? If so, head over to Shopbop: your tantra tights await you!
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