Fashion Ripper Strikes Again: Classic Converse are latest victims

He's ripped leggings, tights and tops, and it's with great sadness that the Fashion Police can now confirm that a pair of Converse Chuck Taylors have become the latest victim of this most dangerous of fashion criminals.

"These sneakers were just minding their own business," said a spokesperson for the force. "Who would do such a thing?"

We don't know, but we certainly aim to find out. The sneakers, meanwhile, are recovering from their orderl at the Free People Clothing Boutique, where you can buy them for $128,

Fashion Police Fraud Squad: Christian Louboutin Vs Jessica Simpson

Being a celebrity with a shoe line must be such a cushy number: not only is there no actual design work involved for YOU, due to the fact that you get to employ people to do all the pesky designing for you, it would also appear that there isn't a whole lot of design work involved for the people you employ, either, because they get to more or less copy other people's designs. Sweet!

The first example of this came in the case of Paris Hilton Vs Valentino, a few weeks ago, but now Shoeperwoman has alerted us to another case, this time involving Jessica Simpson's 'Ikina' pumps, which look rather similar to Christian Louboutin's patent moccasins (£360). Differences in the colour and platform sole allow us to easily tell these shoes apart, though, and the Jessica Simpson versions are also available in black, navy and purple, for an even bigger contrast.

Frankenshoes: Marc Jacobs mates shoes and tables

Yes, folks, Marc Jacobs, mad scientist that he is, has been at it again, and this time his experiments seem to have centred around throwing a table and a shoe into a room and leaving them alone for a few hours to see what happened.

This is what happened: a shoe with a table-leg attached to it. And not a very nice shoe, either, if we're honest. Seriously, if you have to combine shoes and tables, Marc, could you not have picked a shoe that at least looks like it's supposed to have a heel?

Instead, he's picked a shoe that can only be described as "sensible". This shoe never wanted a stiletto heel. It wanted to be left alone, to live out its days in peace and quiet, maybe taking the odd stroll to the  shops for a cup of tea and a scone.

Instead, this happened to it. Poor shoe. If you feel like rescuing it, you can buy it here, but be warned: it may not look it, but it's $792.

Dress like a horse this winter with Nicholas Kirkwood's scratched suede fur ankle boots

We're going to be generous here and assume that no horses were harmed in the making of these Nicholas Kirkwood ankle boots. It just looks like they were. It's actually goat fur that has been sacrificed to create these, though, and for that we say shame on you, NK: because as well as leaving a bad taste in the mouth, they also leave a burning sensation on the eyeballs as we try to imagine what we'd look like trotting along (because there's really no other way to walk in boots with fetlocks, is there?) in them.

Louisa Viaroma suggest wearing these with one of Christopher Kane's 'monkey' pieces. Now THAT would be an interesting outfit: the face of a monkey, the fetlocks of a horse and the fur of a goat. Interesting. Just... not in a good way.

[Buy them!]

Frankenshoes: Camper's cloth ballet flats

Could someone please pass the eyeball bleach?

Now, we realise Camper shoes aren't particularly designed to be high fashion items, but is there any reason they have to be so ugly? Or, indeed, to look like part of a child's craft project? We can't think of a single reason, and we're inclined to agree with Shoe Asylum, who brought these to our attention, that we may finally have found a shoe that's even uglier than Crocs.

The new Public Enemy No. 1 of the shoe world? If you don't think so, and you'd actually like the buy them, they're £30 from Yoox. Or, if you're handy with the old needles, you could probably knit your own.

Style on Trial: Irregular Choice stack-heeled shoes

Whoops, looks like the Wicked Witch of the West left a shoe behind, Cinderella style! Or that's who we're reminded of when we look at these shoes, anyway (The witch, that is. Not Cinders.). There's just something very witchy about that heel, which also has the look of a crooked chimney stack about it, don't you think? Perfect for Halloween, then, but for the rest of the year? Probably not.

We're going to give good old Irregular Choice the benefit of the doubt here, though, and leave this decision up to you, our jury. After all, these are far from the worst shoes they've ever made, and they're certainly unusual, which is what IC are famous for, so who knows, maybe you'll find a certain charm in that crooked chimney look. Or then again, maybe not.

Tell us then: what do you think of these shoes? Strictly for fairytale witches, or would you wear them too?

Frankenshoes: Rick Owen thigh high flap wedge boots

We know they look a bit odd, but think how handy these would be if you were out shopping, say: just fill up the giant sacks on the back of the leg with your purchases and there you go - portable, hands-free shopping carrier! Or if you have a small child and don't want to put him in a stroller, you could be like a kangaroo in reverse, carrying him behind your knees! OK, so you'd have to wear a pair of thigh-high leather boots with the aforementioned giant flaps, and you'd have to pay $1,93 for them, but think of the positives, people, think of the positives!

Any other suggestions?

BUY: Rick Owens thigh-high boots.

Fashion Police Fraud Squad: More gun-heeled shoes, this time not from Chanel

Remember Chanel's gun-heeled shoes? Well, these don't really look anything like them, but it's the thought that counts, and the thought behind that heel seems rather familiar to us.

These are $49.97, and we think they look it, but if you really must have handguns on your heels, and you don't want to spring for the Chanel versions, you can buy them here. Would you want to, though?

Nike jump on the gladiator sandal bandwagon

OK, that's it: our patience is starting to wear just a little bit thin with the whole "everything must be able to have the word 'gladiator' applied to it" thing that's taken over the fashion world lately.

Normally sports shoes would be outwith The Fashion Police's jurisdiction, but since we don't think people will be able to "just do it" in these, we're going to assume that they're designed to be fashion items rather than purely practical. 

If we were going to wear gladiator sandals, we'd go for "proper" gladiators rather than something that looks like a sport shoe that had an unfortunate run-in with a lawn mower, but if these are right up your street, they're 80 euros from Colette. They come in white, too - image under the jump.

Best of The Fashion Police: Cloggens

They look like Crocs, they're ugly like Crocs, but these are not Crocs: no, they're Cloggens, the style enemy you (possibly) didn't know you had. Note the denim insert on the front: we'd probably arrest any shoe made out of denim, but when the rest of the shoe is a plastic Croc-a-like? Ho, boy...

Although we originally arrested these a couple of years ago, some pairs of Cloggens managed to evade arrest, and you can still buy them today, for $20, although we have no idea why you'd actually want to.

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