| | Category Archives: ShoesFrankenshoes: Meadham Kirchoff pink sparkle pom-pom platform sandals | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Most of the footwear impostors we apprehend involve cases where shoes are pretending to be socks.
These ones, however, are pretending to be fishing nets.
Well, we guess it’s good to be different…
[Dolce & Gabbana 100mm patent mesh cotton net pumps, £474: click here to buy them]
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Sometimes you want your shoes to be classic, elegant, timeless: the kind of shoes that just ooze effortless sophistication, and which you’d wear countless times over, without ever getting bored with them.
Other times, you just want them to like they came straight from Barbie’s Dream House to your feet.
For those times, we give you Miu Miu’s pink, glitter finished sandals. Now all you need is a feather boa and you’re good to go. As for just WHERE you’ll be good to go TO, well, we’ll leave that one up to you…
(We’re just kidding. Even Barbie would probably dismiss these as “a bit much…”)
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These boots are in clear contravention of The Fashion Police’s “denim is only for jeans, and occasionally jackets” rule.
And also of The Fashion Police’s “peep toes are only for shoes, never boots” rule.
Oh, and the lace? Combined with the denim? It’s giving us really bad flashbacks to this. And we never want to be reminded of that ever again.
We think these are a Crime of Fashion: if you disagree, however, you can click here to buy them from Far Fetch.
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It’s Friday, the weekend’s almost here, the wine is chilling in the fridge, and we haven’t seen anyone wearing harem pants for, ooh, at least two days now.
All of these things combine to put The Fashion Police in a good mood, so we thought we’d celebrate by showing you something we love, rather than something we just want to lock up for the rest if its natural life.
For that reason, we give you Carvela’s ‘Assemble’ pumps. (Note: we’re not actually “giving” you them. We’d like to, of course, but they’re £120, and even The Fashion Police need to eat.) They’re blue. They’re Spring-like. They have that ladylike vibe going on that makes us want to wear them with prim 50s dresses, and maybe a pillbox hat. Or maybe not.
They’re our Shoe of the Week: and if you’d like to nominate a shoe for next week, feel free to tell us about it…
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OK. Someone needs to explain to us the special climate in which it’s wet enough to require rubber boots, but dry enough for faux fur to be practical so close to the ground.
If you can also explain why there needs to be a thigh-high sock attached to them, that would be great. We’ll wait here while you come up with something.
[Dolce & Gabbana textured rubber boots, £214: click here to buy them]
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We’re starting to get an increasing number of reports of something we call “ghost shoes”. They’re shoes which …aren’t. Or which almost aren’t, in that they’re completely transparent: the Emperor’s new shoes, in other words.
What do you think of the concept of paying £739 in order to look like you’re not wearing shoes? Worth it for the charming quirkiness of the “OMGLOOKNOSHOOZ!” look you’ll achieve, or just a little bit hard to fathom? (Because, seriously, if we’re paying that much for shoes, they better be fabulous.)
All we’ll say is that we’re glad these particular ones come with air vents and a slingback, because sweaty feet encased in clear plastic does not a good look make…
[Click here to buy them at Far Fetch]
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£220 for a lace sock attached to a flip-flop.
And people wonder why there needs to be a Fashion Police.
[Helmut Lang lace boots, £220 @ Yoox.com: Click here to buy them]
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