Shirts & Tops

Daniel Palillo t-shirt with multiple neckholes. For people with multiple heads, presumably.

Now, we know what you’re thinking girls, but don’t worry: although this garment is being modelled by a man here, it is, in fact, a unisex shirt, so you and your man can both wear it. We’re speaking literally here, by the way: when we say “you can both wear it” we mean “you can both wear it at the same time“, on account of the fact that it has four neck holes that we can see, and possibly more that we can’t. In fact, what the hell: bring the kids, let them wear it too! Invite your friends! “Share and share alike” has always been The Fashion Police motto, only not really, because when we get dressed in the…

Fantasy Buy of the Week: Monsoon’s ‘Laurette’ top

In the great scheme of things, £65 isn’t exactly a huge amount of money, but given that it’s as much (or more) than some of the dresses we’ve featured lately, this ‘Laurette’ top from Monsoon will have to remain a “fantasy” buy, for us, for the moment, at least. Price aside, though, we’re loving the bright blue colour (is it just us, or is there a helluva lot of bright blue around at the moment) and the rose-embellished, one-shouldered style, which will instantly dress up everything from a pair of jeans to a pencil skirt. On the plus side, it also looks expensive. Ah well, maybe when pay-day comes…

Thayer’s ‘Flatter’ top: not particularly flattering…

Had this been a dress rather than a top, it would’ve been a clear candidate for Ugly Prom Dress of the Day. It’s clearly channelling that large-shouldered, cheap satin, be-ruffled look so beloved of the makers of 80s prom dresses, isn’t it? As it is, however, it’s merely a candidate for a fun night of line dancing, worn with a denim skirt, a pair of cowboy boots and a sassy attitude, in a small town where people still play Billy Ray Cyrus songs and wear "leisure pants" on the weekend. "A bold neckline flatters any frame," says Shopbop, with touching optimism. Er, no, it really doesn’t, but if you think it’ll flatter yours, it’s $176.

Budget Buy of the Week: Wonder Woman tee from Urban Outfitters

Back in the distantly-remembered days of her youth, the Chief of Police was a huge Wonder Woman fan. In fact, she had the “vest and pants” Wonder Woman set and everything, and that’s probably why this Wonder Woman themed t-shirt from Urban Outfitters is appearing as this week’s Budget Buy of the Week. To be completely honest, we don’t really think $28 is particularly cheap for a t-shirt, but that’s probably just our stingy side talking, and this is fun, cute, and will also make an excellent Halloween costume later this month if you’re feeling particularly lazy – which, let’s face it, we usually are. If you’d like to indulge your childhood dreams too, you can pick this up at…

FLABuLESS – tights for your arms. No, really…

We realise that, at first glance, the garment above probably looks just like a shrug to you, but think again, folks, because this is no mere “shrug” – no, this is what its makers describe as “arm hosiery”. Or, “tights for your arms” in other words. Why would you need tights for your arms, we hear you ask? Well, according to the press release that accompanied these images, it’s mostly so that you can hide and tone your flabby underarm area if you have one – the “tights” will not only hold you in, they also claim to improve the appearance of the skin and “minimize fine lines”. We’re slightly confused by this because as far as we can tell,…

Boob Tassels T-Shirt. A Fashion Police Code Red…

CODE RED! CODE RED! This is a Fashion Police emergency! Please do not leave your homes, or attempt to shop online until further notice – we’re trying our best to round up all of the Boob Tassels t-shirts we can find and get them into solitary, but until we do, we’re declaring a State of Emergency. Thanks to Fashion Police Cadet Alicia for notifying us of this crime!

Budget* Buy of the Week: silk chiffon blouse from Victoria’s Secret

We had to go to the upper limit of our self-imposed $50 budget for this week’s Budget Buy, which is this silk chiffon blouse from Victoria’s Secret. Now, we’ve never been big “blouse” wearers here at The Fashion Police, but we could learn to love this one, which is suitably demure from the front, with a deep v-back to add just a little bit of sex appeal. This is $48 – just make sure you wear it with an up-do to show it off properly… * Assuming a budget of up to $50/£25

Thong back bodysuits: the ‘noughties’ version of the nineties “classic”

We should have seen this coming. We did, after all, anticipate the return of the bodysuit, and back in July, when we broke the horrible news that the body suit was making a comeback, we found ourselves mussing on the things we’d hated about the "body" back in the nineties. Chief of these was the sheer discomfort caused by the "popper" fastenings that would fasten under the crotch, creating an uncomfortable bulge where no bulge should be, chafing horribly if you tried to wear them with jeans or trousers, and giving you a wedgie if you tried to wear them with anything that wasn’t a thong underneath. It was only a matter of time before someone came up with the…

Save or Splurge: check shirt with pussy bow ties – Warehouse V. Dolce & Gabbana

Let’s just get this out of the way straight up: The Fashion Police have a bit of a “thing” about puffed sleeves. We like them. Quite a lot, actually. Which is why, even if the shirt on the left wasn’t by far the cheaper of the two, and even if we existed in a parallel universe where we’d actually pay £478 for a checked shirt*, we’d still choose Warehouse’s £40 shirt over Dolce & Gabbana’s £478 one. It’s just more fun, isn’t it? More flamboyantly, “hey, lookit me, I’m a puffy sleeved check shirt, and I’m proud to be one!”, while the more expensive version is just that little bit more restrained. Yes, we’d go with flamboyant any day, but…

The Resume Tee gets you hired. Possibly.

In these dark days of economic decline, it’s important to market yourself in any way you can – and if that means pimping your mad filing skillz while you’re standing in line at the supermarket, well, so be it. The Resume Tee lets you walk around with your entire resume printed on your back, while your front bears a funny/cheeky/pushy message advertising the fact that you’re “available”. If that sounds ever so slightly desperate to you, well, you’ve probably never found yourself out of work with two months rent due… The shirt comes with a bunch of pre-defined slogans to choose from, including the simple “hire me”, the pragmatic “My resume is on the back of my shirt” and the…

Fantasy Buy of the Week: Celine ribbon trim top

Let us just start this post by stating up front that The Fashion Police would never pay £550/$1000 for a top. Never. In fact, it makes us feel faint just thinking about that – pass the smelling salts, would ya? With that said, this is a fantasy buy, with “fantasy” being the operative word, and this little purple top by Celine is pretty cute, in a simple-but-stylish kinda way. We love the ribbon trim around the neckline, which is, of course, the stand-out detail of this, and we agree with Net-a-Porter’s assessment that it would look good with jeans or a pair of tailored black pants. Just not £500 worth of “good”, obviously. Buy: Celine Ribbon trim top

Style on Trial: Religion thread back chiffon shoulder top

From the front, an unassuming white dress shirt. From the back, though… something else entirely. Yes, it’s what we tend to think of as the “mullet” style of dressing: business in front, party at the back, only in this case it was clearly some kind of “alternative” party, going by the shredded look of this shirt, which is £50 at ASOS. What do we think of this then, readers? For us, it gets a thumbs-down: we’re not keen on surprises at the best of times, and when it comes to our clothes, we’d rather not be having the party in the back, thanks very much. We’re also not sure where we’d wear this: the back definitely wouldn’t be suitable for…

You paid HOW much? Dolce & Gabbana’s David Bowie t-shirts

Designer t-shirts: we just don’t get them. Seriously, is anyone else seeing a pair of average band t-shirts up above? They’re not, you know. These are designer t-shirts, by Dolce & Gabbana, and that’s why they cost £135/ each. Or we’re assuming that’s why they cost that much, anyway: we can’t imagine that printing job would’ve cost that much to produce after all… Can someone explain this to us? Because it seems to us that if you particularly wanted a David Bowie t-shirt (because, you know, you were actually a David Bowie fan, not because you were a fashion victim who thought, “Hey, this is by Dolce & Gabbana, so it must be stylish!”), you could pick one up for…

Budget* Buy of the Week: ruffle blouse from Frederick’s of Hollywood

Frederick’s of Hollywood. We have to confess, theirs is not a website we’ve been known to police, so when we spotted this red ruffle blouse over at Vie Couture earlier this week, we had to rub our eyes to make sure we weren’t seeing things. This is $39, and has a nice, slightly vintage look to it: the nipped-in waist, deep v-neck and bright red colour will make it super-sexy when worn with a pencil skirt and a pair of heels, but it could look equally good with a pair of trousers or even dressing up a pair of dark denim jeans. Buy it here. * For the purposes of this column, we’re defining “budget” as “less than about $50…

Fashion Trends: checks and bows

We’re pretty sure we don’t need to point out again that tartan is going to be a big look this Fall, but checks in general are also going to big, with most of the high street retailers here in the UK starting to stock up on piles of checked shirts. The checked shirt, of course, can have a slightly masculine feel to it, especially when worn with jeans, so what better way to soften up the look and make it a little more feminine than by whacking a great big bow on the front? That seems to be the thinking here, anyway. The two tops above are from Dorothy Perkins (left) and Miss Selfridge (right), but this look is being…

All eyes on… your boobs

There seems to be a new trend in t-shirts. It’s boobs. Yes, boobs. Sp far we’ve had bras on t-shirts and we’ve had, um, hands on t-shirts. Now Topshop give us eyes on t-shirts – and winking eyes at that – meaning that if you’ve secretly always wanted to have all eyes on your boobs, you can have them. Literally. (Well, maybe not all eyes, obviously…) What does everyone think of this? We have to say that, as with the bra-shirt and hand-shirt before it, we’re not keen: breasts are all well and good, of course, and we’re not saying they should be kept strapped down like some shameful secret – it’s just that we’d prefer it if our entire…

Is this the world’s ugliest shirt? Maybe…

There is absolutely no doubt in our minds that this shirt is a crime of fashion. None whatsoever. Is it the world’s ugliest shirt, though? It’s being described as such by a couple of our fellow bloggers recently, and so naturally we had to show it to you, dear readers. We’re all heart. And we really hope we haven’t blinded you with this image. At first glance, we could totally imagine the kind of wild and kerrazee guy who would wear such a shirt, bit then we were forced to quickly revise that image as we checked out the product page and discovered that it’s actually designed for women. Gulp. It’s Jam’s World Theory Three-quarter-sleeve Print Top and it’s $65.95…

Wanted! Dog in pocket tee from Urban Outfitters

Clothing with pictures of animals on it is normally a “no no” in The Fashion Police Rule Book (just another of our little quirks), but for some reason we’re finding ourselves drawn to this cute little t-shirt from Urban Outfitters, which has a picture of a puppy peeking out of the pocket. Ignoring the fact that the puppy appears to be wearing a hair bow (another “no” for us), and the fact that people might just keep staring at your boobs in this, or, worse, trying to pet the pooch, we think this is just cute enough for us to like it without wanting to vomit. If you concur, it’s £25 from Urban Outfitters.

Marc Jacobs and the shirt of many colours. And fabrics.

Isn’t it great to see the spirit of ‘make do and mend’ is still alive and well in some quarters? Here we are, living in an age where people will pay £300 for a t-shirt just because it has a designer name on the label, and yet there’s Marc Jacobs, rooting through his granny’s old mending bag to salvage some old scraps of material with which to make his unique designs. And then, er, charging £284 for them. What were we just saying there? Oh yes, Marc Jacobs: creative AND eco friendly: you have to admire that, don’t you? Or do you? This shirt is from the Marc by Marc Jacobs line, and the £284 price tag has been "slashed"…

Daylight Robbery: Lanvin t-shirt with mini face print

Sometimes it’s worth spending money on good quality basics – you know, the t-shirts, trousers and sweaters that fit perfectly and you know will be worn until they quite literally fall apart. So The Fashion Police aren’t opposed to the idea of splashing some cash on a t-shirt, if it’s one that fits that category. This one by Lanvin, though… isn’t one of those t-shirts. Sure, it’s white. It’s described on the Browns website as a "basic". And while the cartoon faces, speech bubbles and corsage don’t appeal to us personally, they do show that a certain amount of thought has gone into creating it. But it costs £315. And honestly, we really can’t imagine the t-shirt that would be…