Shirts & Tops

Is it a shirt? Is it a dress? Is it a crime of fashion?

The fact that this garment is also unisex just makes it all the more awesome as far as we're concerned. Seriously, imagine a world in which everyone, both male and female, dressed like this! Are you imagining it? Yeah, so are we. We think we need to go and lie down. On the plus side: er, it's probably comfortable. As long as you're not really hoping to use your arms too much. [Product Page]

Comme des Garcons shirt attacked by wild animals

Oh, now, this is just TRAGIC now, isn't it? Tragic. We can only guess at what happened to this poor shirt – how it came to have its insides ripped out, and had to be held together with a couple of makeshift straps – but to the practiced eyes of The Fashion Police, this looks to have all the signs of an organised attack. This is worrying indeed, because where there's one of these offences, there's usually more: and, indeed, there is, because this is also available in black! Can anyone help this poor shirt by giving it a home? It may not look as nice as your other shirts, but at least you'll be doing a good deed, and…

Fashion Trends: Floral print bustiers

Summertime generally means lots of floral prints in the stores, and this year, as well as the usual floral dresses and skirts, we've also been seeing a lot of floral print bustiers, whether strapless or with spaghetti straps. This look is a little bit 50s, a little bit 90s, and we really like it – the tops look great with either jeans or a skirt, and can be sexy without being OTT. But that's just us: what do you think of these? 1. Printed 50s bustier, River Island, £24.99; 2. Antipodium Floral Boobytrap Cotton Bustier Top, £163, Bunnyhug; 3. Rose bustier top, $26.99, Charlotte Russe; 4. Floral bra top, £25, Oli; 5. Ditsy print bustier top with detachable straps, £16,…

Unsolved Mysteries: Evil Genius Cowl Back Tunic from Urban Outfitters

Urban Outfitters describe this top as "Evil Genius". The Fashion Police just want to know why. And also: who. Who is the 'Evil Genius' of whom Urban Outfitters speak? Why did he or she design a tunic with a hammock in the back? What's it for? Is it so models can carry their young to photo shoots? Is it for storing food, like a hamster does in its cheeks? Or is there another, more sinister reason for it? We're stumped. We need your help, readers, to solve the Mystery of the Evil Genius top. Tell us: what's it for? And would you buy it? We, meanwhile, are off to add this Evil Genius character to our "Wanted" list. (And we…

Attack of the Francesco Scognamiglio ruffled shirt

Aaah! Run! Hide! The Ruffle Shirted Overlords are coming to take over the wooooorrrllld! Seriously, does this not look to you like the kind of thing an arch villain of some form would wear, or will we be the only ones having nightmares tonight? Further reason for nightmares: it's $1,106 from Louisa Viaroma. We'd say more about this disturbing turn of events, but we're currently hiding behind the sofa in the HQ, so over to you: what do you think of it?

Holy Moley: Daniel Palillo’s lightweight sweatshirt with cutout holes

It's for people with better abs than us, obviously. And who don't mind flashing their boobs. (Actually, if you're particularly tall, you might want to try this on first – you never know where those cut-outs will end up, do you?) And who live in a warm climate. Actually, we're assuming it's meant to be worn as a layering piece: it's the long-sleeved version of the Daniel Pallino t-shirt we showed you a while back, only with bigger holes, and if you want to buy it, it's $136.50 from here. Just be careful your mum doesn't try to sew up the holes for you…

River Island take influence from Balmain with their big-shouldered shirt

We think we probably have Balmain to blame for all of the shoulder pads we've been seeing around this season. Of course, it was only a matter of time before the look filtered down to the high street, and River Island are one of the first to jump on the bandwagon, with this £24.99 structured shirt, which uses that distinctive big-shouldered shape. What does everyone think of this? Are you happy to see shoulder-pads back in fashion (or shoulder … structures. We haven't seen this shirt in the flesh, so we're not quite sure how River Island have done it), or would you prefer to see them sent back to the 80s?

Wanted! Belted summer tops from River Island

We’ve been loving River Island’s line in summer tops lately, especially the three shown above, which have a bit of a retro feel to them. These are all fairly simple shapes, but they’ll be perfect for work, and an easy way to dress up a pair of jeans or pencil skirt. The two tops on the right and left of the picture are £29.99 each, while the one in the middle is, as you can see, reduced to £17. Not bad considering you’re also getting a belt, which you’ll be able to wear with other pieces, too. Get them at River Island.

Fashion Police for the Boys: the hooded shirt

We have to confess that the world of men's fashion is something of a mystery to us, so we're hoping some of our male readers can help us answer an Unsolved Mystery that was brought to our attention today: why would you need a hood on a shirt? For the sake of clarity, the shirt is not padded, or insulated in any way – it's just a cotton shirt, so we don't think the hood is for warmth. What's it for, then? And would you wear it (if you're a man) or buy it for someone (if you're a woman)?. Answers in the comments box, please! Oh, and if you DO want to buy it, it's $60 and you can…

Religion slashed chain detail top: just the thing for a Friday night down the pub

So not the kind of thing we expected to pop up in ASOS.com's 'just in' section. In fact, for a moment there we thought we'd stumbled onto a different kind of website altogether. However, this is, indeed, being sold by ASOS.com, so we must assume it's part of the current wet-look/Lady-Gaga-inspired fashion we've been seeing a lot of. What we want to know is: has that whole look just gone too far now? If you don't think it has, and you want to buy this, it's £58 and you'll get it here.

Food Fashion: nacho wallet and fried egg shirt. Anyone feeling peckish?

If you were a fan of the Cheesburger Bag, then rejoice, for Fashion Police reader Fran has found the perfect thing to pop inside it: the Nacho Wallet. A nacho inside a cheesburger: what could be better than that? Well, er, probably a lot of things, obviously, but as the "trend" (and we use that word in its loosest term) for clothes and accessories that look like food continues, we're finding ourselves called out to Food Fashion crime scenes more and more often. Witness the Sunny Side Up shirt, reported to us by Bo: Because who DOESN'T want to wear their breakfast, as well as eating it?

CONFIRMED: Clothes Ripper on the loose, situation critical

The Fashion Police have just received confirmation that a deadly new fashion criminal, known only as The Clothes Ripper, is on the loose. The confirmation comes in the shape of this top from Topshop, and we don't know what frightens us most: the fact that the top in question had to go through such a painful and humiliating ordeal to get into the state, or the fact that we know people will actually wear it like this, rather than as a layering piece, as Topshop suggest. All that remains for us to ask now is: who – or what – will be the next victim of THE CLOTHES RIPPER?

Maison Martin Margiella wrapping halter top: a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen

Does Lady Gaga get ALL of her clothes from Maison Martin Margiela, do you think, or just most of them? Because we can TOTALLY see her wearing this top, can't you? And with nothing underneath it, if we know the good Lady, too. If you want to risk this one, you can buy it here. We'd recommend stocking up on the ol' "tit tape" first though – otherwise this will, as the headline says, be a wardrobe malfunction just waiting to happen.

The Garter Tank by Kiki de Montparnasse: just what it sounds like

Well, we guess this is ONE way to stop your tank top coming untucked, and, on the plus side, it doesn't involve those pesky "crotch poppers" you get on body suits, which has to be a good thing because we hate those. On the other hand… well, suspenders don't tend to give a great line under clothes, and is the untucked tank really such an issue, we wonder? In other words, is it enough of a problem that you'd want to attach your top to your stockings, and pay $195 for the privilege? We're going to go with "no", here. If you're saying an emphatic "YES, where can I buy it?!" though, you can get it at Shopbop. What do…

Fantasy Buy: Vivienne Westwood Gold Label corseted silk top

  It's so far out of our price range it makes us feel ever so slightly sick to think about it, but if money was no object, or we lived in a fantasy land filled with fluffy bunnies, where we could even imagine spending £1,915 on a single item of clothing, this Vivienne Westwood top would definitely make it onto our Wish List. As it is, we don't even dare dream about it. Let's just hope the high street comes up trumps again…

Clothes-That-Are-Stuck-Together: McQ cotton scarf t-shirt

We’ve discussed the merits of clothes that are stuck together before here, and we tend to go back and forth on the issue. While we’re starting to come round to the idea of skirts with pre-attached tops, say (they’re basically just dresses, and at least you don’t have to worry about your shirt coming un-tucked), we’re still just a little perplexed by examples like the one above which is – yes – a t-shirt with a scarf attached to it. Now, we’re not saying this looks bad. It doesn’t. But surely people can be trusted to sling a scarf around their necks all by themselves, without Alexander McQueen needing to step in and do it for them? Surely? And, given…

Double Fashion Crime: Frilly leggings and cut-away top combo

  OK, let's look at this rationally: she's wearing the frilly leggings purely in a bid to distract us from the horrors of the boob-revealing top, isn't she? Or maybe she's wearing the top to distract us from the leggings? Oh, who are we kidding: she's all kinds of guilty here, isn't she? Seriously, you don't end up dressed like this by accident – well, not unless you're playing Wear or Die, obviously. No, you dress like this because you're a fashion criminal, and that's the only explanation possible for the images you see above, isn't it? Officers? Cuff 'em.