Shirts & Tops

STCC*: SACAI waterproof waistcoat and shirt

Well, it seems last week’s jacket with attached rain cape wasn’t an isolated incident, and here’s Sacai’ shirt-with-attached-waterproof waistcoat to prove it. A few points about this: 1. A waterproof waistcoat? Really? What’s the point? Is there a reason you’d want to keep your shoulders and the centre of your torso dry, and think, “Screw the rest! If my collar, sleeves and the whole rest of my shirt get soaked, WHO CARES? At least my shoulders will be warm!” 2. When it’s not raining? Too bad: your “rain(waist)coat” is stuck to your shirt. Have a nice day! 3. It costs £564 to look this stupid. 4. And that’s the sale price. It used to cost twice that. If you happen to…

Evil Twin Cage Knit Crop Top: appropriately named

First we had the Guilty Brotherhood, now here’s the Evil Twin: hey, imagine what it would be like if they joined forces! We must say, though, we’re impressed that some fashion brands are starting to recognise the depth of their crimes and label themselves accordingly: acceptance is the first step towards becoming a reformed fashion criminal, after all. As for the crop “top”, well, what is there to say other than a) it’s not much of a “top”, and b) yeah. Still, this kind of thing is wildly popular in fashionable circles right now: in fact, we can’t seem to find a personal style blog that doesn’t feature someone wearing a harness of some kind, so more power to them….

Maison Martin Margiela t-shirt with fur detail

Oh, for the love of Gaga… Do we REALLY have to have fur on EVERYTHING at the moment? Do we, Maison Martin Margiela, and every other brand that can’t seem to get through a collection right now without the totally gratuitous use of some dead animal? Do t-shirts really NEED to have “fur detail”? We’re going to go with “no” on that one, and while the goat-hair pads on this shirt are removable, meaning you can also have a totally ordinary looking £435 t-shirt if you want, that doesn’t really make it a whole lot better, does it? At least we can agree with Browns Fashion on one thing, though. They say this t-shirt “will have jaws dropping and heads…

Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: John Rocha’s scarf-shirt

Scarf, meet shirt. Shirt, meet scarf. Readers, draw a huge sigh of relief, because surely, SURELY, we would never have been able to put together this cunning pairing ourselves, without the help of John Rocha? Sadly, now that the pairing has been made, it can never be UN-made. That scarf and that shirt are together for life now, and what John Rocha has joined together, no man (or woman) shall put asunder. Well, not without some scissors and a bit of patience, and honestly, if you’re willing to invest that much time picking apart a scarf that’s been attached to a t-shirt, we’re sure you could stretch to just throwing a SEPPARATE scarf and t-shirt together in the first place….

Fashion Police Glossary: The Shrop – a sheer top

 Is this a sweatshirt or is it lingerie?  Can we call it a shrop (sheer-top)? The existence of the “shrop” begs many questions. If it’s a sweatshirt, why is it see-through?  If it’s lingerie, why does it have thick sweatshirt sleeves?  In case your arms get cold?  The sheer section is silk, and therefore the entire garment is dry clean only.  Not exactly conducive to gym wear, dry clean only items, are they?  Another thing not conducive to gym wear (or lingerie for that matter) is the price tag.  Be grateful it is in the sale and is reduced to $298.  It formerly cost $425. What do you think though readers?  Is this just the job for your next workout? …

Migraine Alert: Marc Jacobs Cartoon Paisley silk blouse

Well, that’s OUR working day effectively over then: as soon as we finish writing this we’re going to have to go and lie down to wait until the headache starts to recede. This Marc Jacobs blouse WAS £625/ $950. Now it’s £187 / $284. Neither of those figures make any sense whatsoever to us (maybe it’s the migraine?), but at least there’s no mystery to the price-drop, is there? We just don’t think we could handle any mysteries in our current condition… Want it? Get it at The Outnet. Remember to issue a warning before removing your jacket, though, for the benefit of anyone prone to headaches.

Missoni Amalia knitted dress

Dress or Top? Missoni Amalia knitted dress

Yes, you are reading that correctly.  Missoni think this is a dress.  The Fashion Police would wager that if something doesn’t cover your butt, it is not, in fact, a dress.  We would call it a top. Fortunately My Theresa (the site on which this misnomer was spotted) recognise this and have posted the warning: “Rather short and very sweet. Style it as a top or dress.”  And we are very grateful that they have because you just know that someone (Lindsey Lohan, Lady Gaga, usual suspects) will try to wear this as a dress with nothing but large pants and tights (if we’re lucky) underneath it.  My Theresa have even styled it with trousers so you know they are…

Case Closed:Miley Cyrus And Gwen Stefani in Shreddy Tees by Obestity & Speed

Case File: Obsesity and Speed Shreddy T We opened the case on Obesity & Speed’s Shreddy T back in March of this year, and since then it’s become something of a celebrity fashion favourite, with Miley Cyrus in particular taking the Shreddy T to her teenaged heart. This weekend saw Miley turn once again to her faithful Shreddy, while Gwen Stefani also gave the shirt the Gwen seal of approval. (Gwen’s also wearing drop-crotch jeans in this photo. We feel like she’s almost trying to provoke us here.) The, er, joy of this item is that while it looks fairly unremarkable from the front, once the wear turns her back, it’s a whole different look:

Style on Trial: Barbie print at Miss Selfridge

T shirts with cartoon characters on the front were very popular last summer and there are still a few around this year.  Miss Selfridge are taking this a step further and have no fewer than six different t shirts and tanks (and a pair of socks) available featuring the inimitable Barbie.  Is this a step too far though readers?  A step too far in the direction of dressing like a toddler?  Or do you think that Barbie rocks and the perfect way to pay your respect to her is by wearing a top with her image adorning it? If you agree with the latter, the Barbie t shirts are available from Miss Selfridge from £18 (£3 for the socks).

The Emperor’s New Vein Embroidered Tube Top, by Dsquared

Just in case you’re offended by the sight of naked breasts (or are at work) we’ve covered up this model’s nipples for you, and if you particularly want to stare at her breasts, you’ll have to do it over at Luisa Via Roma. If, on the other hand, you’re offended by $320 tops that are completely transparent, save for a “look, here are my veins” design, well, there’s not a whole lot we can about that, other than to reassure you that this top, by Dsquared, is at least not supposed to be worn without anything over the top of it, but more like this: So, what do you think? We’re happy to know we won’t have to arrest it…

Tacky Tees: Manoush’s fringed cotton t-shirt

This Manoush t-shirt has been reduced to just £42.91 at The Outnet.  Hey, we wonder why it didn’t sell at the original price of £122.61. Oh no, wait: no we don’t. It’s because it’s the kind of tacky tourist tat you tend to find on market stalls in tourist resorts, isn’t it? Or on “hilarious” novelty aprons, designed so you can cook dinner in the guise of a hot bikini babe. We’ve always wondered just who it is that buys that kind of thing. Now that we’ve seen the DESIGNER version – which is no better than the regular old “two for $10” versions, we may add – we’re even more confused. Who pays £122 for something that looks like…

Style On Trial: Alberta Ferretti lips print top

Fashion magazines will often tell you to let a statement piece of clothing ‘do the talking’ in your outfit.  We’re not sure they meant for designers to take it this literally though, by placing lips all over the garment.  This print by Alberta Ferretti also features eyes and butterflies, which makes for an interesting combination.  Net-A-Porter call it ‘a feel-good style for summer’, we just think will make anyone looking at you wearing it feel like they are being watched.  It does feature a bow though, which we are very partial to, but we are not sure that will be enough to make us overlook the print.  And be warned: we have also seen a dress and shorts in this…

Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: Rekiem moto knit tunic

This whole outfit makes The Fashion Police feel sad. From the saggy old “granny” socks, to the fact that the model looks like she’s wearing a sweatshirt without any pants, to that sad little excuse for a “jacket” that’s ATTACHED to said sweater  (and which also happens to look like it used to be a whole, normal looking jacket before it was attacked by jacket-eating tigers or something)… it’s basically what a high-fashion hobo would wear, isn’t it? Actually, the strappy platform sandals are the best thing about this, and that’s saying a lot. A LOT. Do you desperately want to attack a fragment of a jacket to your over-sized sweater, readers? No need: you can buy this one instead,…

Style On Trial: Cropped Tops

Cropped tops are making a huge resurgence this summer – so much so that Topshop even have a whole section dedicated to them on their website.  The example above is from Topshop. What do you think of the trend though readers?  Do you think you need to be of a certain age or build to wear it?  If a longer tank or cami was worn underneath we personally can’t see anything wrong with the cropped look.  However, we feel that there is definitely an age limit to bearing your midriff (no matter what Carrie Bradshaw might have done in the past) and we are definitely past that limit. Would you find yourself constantly pulling a crop top down?  Would your…

Clothes Ripper Returns: House of the Gods Blondie all over slashed top

We are not sure what the Clothes Ripper has against Deborah Harry, but he has certainly done a number on this t shirt.  Yes, it seems even rock stars are not safe from the vicious attacks of this master criminal and we are working our hardest to apprehend him before many more clothes are harmed. House of the Gods might think that this t shirt has a rock ‘n’ roll look to it: we just think it has a ‘not even fit for the rag bag’ look to it.  Can you imagine what your dad would say if you offered it to him for polishing his car?  “Well that’s just ribbons, throw it away” is probably what our dad would…

Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: Alexander Wang’s shirt/cardigan hybrid

This isn’t technically a case of “stuck together clothes”: it just looks like it is. We’re not really sure what’s worse, actually: sticking clothes together, or just making it LOOK like you stuck clothes together. In this particular example, we think the latter is true: while some stuck-together-clothes do at least look relatively normal, there’s just something really half-assed about this, isn’t there? It’s like Alexander Wang got started on making a shirt/cardigan hybrid, then thought, “Oh, what the hell, I think I’ll go watch Glee, instead. This’ll do. People buy anything these days.” DOES it “do”, though? Would you buy this item? If you would, the bad news is that it’s sold out at Pixie Market, where it normally…