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Shirts & Tops

Shirts & Tops

5 Tops to Wear With Leggings

When we talked about what to wear with leggings, we mentioned that the number one rule to bear in mind is that whatever you wear, it ideally has to cover your crotch. 

Sounds simple enough, right? Well, yes, it does: but sometimes the simplest items of clothing can be the hardest to find, so, with that in mind, we’ve sent our officers out to comb the world of fashion and identify some tops to wear with leggings, to keep you on the straight and narrow…

Topshop neat-fit chambray shirt

01. Topshop neat-fit chambray shirt

Longline shirts are always great tops to wear with leggings, and the humble chambray is something of a modern classic. Topshop’s neat fit chambray isn’t too baggy, but is cut long enough to cover the crotch: wear with boots or ballet flats for a classic, casual look.

mulberry tunic top

03. Dorothy Perkins mulberry tunic

When you’re looking for tops to wear with leggings, anything described using the word “tunic” is usually a safe bet. Tunics are basically mini dresses in “top” form, so they’re almost always going to be long enough to wear with leggings. This one by Dorothy Perkins is a great colour for autumn/winter: add a camel coat and plaid scarf for an extra cosy look.

Boden cashmere sweater

03. Boden relaxed v-neck

Words like “relaxed”, “slouchy” or “boyfriend fit” are also good indicators that a top will be suitable to wear with leggings: when you’re wearing something as skintight as leggings on your bottom half, you want to go for something a bit less form-fitting on top. Soft cashmere is always a good decision, and will help add a touch of luxury to your casual looks: Boden’s v-neck sweater would look particularly good with leather-look leggings and heeled ankle boots.

Oasis cami top

04. Oasis dip-back cami

Although leggings generally work best as casual wear, you can dress them up if you want to – particularly if the leggings in question are leather-look, velvet, or have a slight sheen to them. This cami top from Oasis is cut fairly long, so should just cover the crotch: wear it with a black blazer and a pair of killer heels.


05. H&M fine knit dress

OK, so this is technically a dress, not a top. It’s short enough to give the same kind of effect as the tunic top above, though, so we won’t tell if you don’t…

Shirts & Tops

This is not a fashion victim

Not a fashion victim? Time to prove it…

not a fashion victim t-shirt

Here at The Fashion Police, it’s our job to identify and arrest fashion victims (and then to help them to rehabilitate, obviously: you CAN overcome crimes of fashion, people – it just takes a little bit of time, and a complete change of mindset…), so it’s helpful when people who AREN’T fashion victims make themselves known – which they can now do with the help of this French Connection t-shirt.

Of course, SOME people might argue that paying £30 for a t-shirt is the very definition of being a fashion victim, but we’re going to leave that up to you to decide. In the meantime, here are some articles to help you avoid becoming a fashion criminal yourself: starting off with the ACTUAL definition of “being a fashion victim“.

How to spot a crime of fashion

How to look like a fashion victim – even when you’re not one

The Fashion Victim Drinking Game

Halloween Costume Ideas: The Fashion Victim

Five fashion things you don’t need to worry about

The Wardrobe Essentials You Don’t Need to Own

Five Fashion Myths Busted

Style Lessons We Can All Learn from Fashion Blogger Fails

Three Things Stylish Women Do Every Weekend

The Importance of Developing a Uniform

How to Build a Wardrobe That Works and Always Have Something to Wear

How to Walk in High Heels Without Falling Over

We hope these articles will help you keep fighting crimes of fashion. If in doubt, though, remember the main rules of style:

01. Wear what you like, not what’s in fashion

02. Get the perfect fit

03. Pay attention to fabric

04. Keep your clothes in good condition: polish your shoes and iron your clothes!

05. Only wear shoes you can walk in – nothing says “fashion victim” quite like a woman who obviously can’t walk in her oh-so-trendy shoes!

Keep fighting crimes of fashion, folks!

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Shirt Story

Shirts. We don’t find ourselves arresting them too often here, because, well, they’re shirts. Seriously, how badly wrong can you go with a classic button-down shirt? Well, we’ll tell you. THIS is how badly wrong you can go:

moschino shirt

[Buy it here]

It’s Moschino. Obviously. Well, it’s not like many other brands would pull a stunt like this, is it? They’ll tell you they’re making a little joke, like, “this is how we made your shirt”, but, as always with Moschino, the real joke is on you, because you just paid £680 for something that looks like the pattern for a shirt rather than the shirt itself. If you’ll buy that, however, you’ll probably buy anything, so how about this one:

denim shirt dress

Buy it here

They’re calling this one a shirt dress, but… we all know it’s really just a shirt, right? What’s more, it’s the kind of shirt that might have been acceptable in the eighties (sing it with us, people), but now it’s just going to make you look like you’ forgot your pants. It’s possible that the shoes will provide enough of a distraction to let you get away with it, obviously, but we wouldn’t count on it.

Also acceptable in the eighties was this particular shade of neon…

neon shirt dress

Buy it here

…which ASOS have helpfully labelled AS neon, just in case it wasn’t clear enough. Are you all getting that this is neon? Good, because we’d hate for you to have to take a closer look to be sure – you might hurt your eyes. The shirt dress itself is actually designed to be worn on the beach (that’s why you can see the model’s underwear, which we assume is a bikini), so we’re not going to argue with the transparent nature of the beast – we just want someone to reassure us that this whole neon trend is going to be over soon. It can’t last forever, can it? CAN IT?

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Topshop in blatant ‘Stuck Together Clothes’ crime

Stuck-Together-Clothes: no matter how hard we fight the good fight against them, still brands keep trying to sell us them. Take this, for instance:

t-shirt with bra

Two-n-One Bralet tee, £24

We’ll start by stating the obvious: if you REALLY want to wear a bra over the top of your t-shirt, just do it. By which we mean, take a bra, take a t-shirt, wear one of them over the other: done. You don’t actually NEED a special “bralet tee” to achieve this look, do you? And yet somehow Topshop thinks you do. They think you wouldn’t be capable of putting this, er, “look”, together on your own, so they’ve helpfully done it for you. And you will pay them for this.

Actually, wait: that’s NOT actually the MOST obvious thing we could say about this item, is it? The MOST obvious thing we could say would be: WHY? Why do you want to wear a bra over your t-shirt? If this garment was the other way around –  with the bra UNDER the t-shirt – it might make some sense. It would be a bit like a sports top, with built-in bra. And, you know, we’re pretty lazy, so we could see the appeal in that: rather than having to put on TWO items in the morning, you just have to put on one – awesome!

The fact that they’ve put the items THIS way around, however, suggests to us that this garment is designed purely for the “I’m so edgy it hurts” crowd. The people for whom wearing their underwear UNDER their clothes (And the clue is in the name, really, isn’t it? It’s call UNDERwear for a reason…) is just SO boring and pedestrian, so they have to do it some other way, just to prove how ahead of the curve they are. We may ever be fashionable, but at least we’ll never have to wear a bra over a t-shirt either, so we’re OK with that.

Oh, and if you do one thing after reading this post, please go to the Topshop website, and read the only review that’s been posted on this item. We don’t know who wrote it, but there’s a place on the Fashion Police team for that person any time…

Shirts & Tops

Full time fashion blogger? Here’s a sweatshirt just for you…

full time fashion blogger

‘Full Time Fashion Blogger’ sweatshirt, £25 at River Island

Are there seriously so many full time fashion bloggers out there that there’s a need for dedicated clothing, just for them? Apparently so: or maybe River Island just think there are enough people who WANT to be full-time fashion bloggers for this sweatshirt to be funny/ironic/whatever.

There’s no doubt in our minds that, despite repeated rumours of the “death” of blogging, more people than ever are jumping on board the fashion blog bandwagon these days: we suspect recent articles suggesting that top fashion bloggers are making millions of dollars from their blogs have a lot to do with that. If, however, you’re not impressed with the increasing number of fashion-blogger-wannabes, don’t worry, there’s a shirt for you, too:

no one reads your blog t-shirt

No One Reads Your ******* Blog Shirt, £17 at Zalando

Short. To the point. Hilarious if worn by the best friends of the people who buy the “Full Time Fashion Blogger” sweatshirt. Now THAT would make an excellent Instagram photo-opp, don’t you think?

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

The Emperor’s New Tops by Topshop Boutique

Topshop Boutique sweaters

[All items: Topshop]

“Hmmm,” we thought, “Those are some cute sweatshirts. Bit pricey at £50 each, mind you, but still: unusual colours, inoffensive enough shapes…. Nope, no crime being committed here, that’s for sure!”

Then we clicked on to the model images, and…

invisible clothing


It’s like that, is it.

invisible top

The visible labels are the best, aren’t they? They really make the outfit, you know? So edgy!

Now, we hate to point out the glaringly obvious here, and we do realise that these are (probably) intended to be layered over other items, but even so, there’s just no getting away from the fact that these garments are almost invisible to the naked eye. They’re just one small step away from wearing NOTHING.

And Topshop are charging £50 each for them.

This is the thing that astonishes us most about the whole “see through clothes” thing. If you buy one of these, you’ll be handing over £50 for something that barely even exists. It will perform absolutely no function whatsoever in keeping you warm, for instance, and although we don’t have a problem with that in itself – lots of fashion accessories have no practical use: they just look nice, and that’s an absolutely valid reason for their existence – they don’t really have much in the way of aesthetic value either, because they’re almost invisible. Sure, there’s a small wash of colour

(Also, and this is a purely personal thing, but one of those delicate looking scarps of thin fabric would last approximately 5 seconds here at Fashion Police HQ, because we’d probably shred it while trying to put it on –  and that’s if the police dog didn’t get to it first.)

Oh, and they’re dry clean only. Awesome.

Would you buy one of these? Do you think they’re worth the £50 price tag? Or do you think this is just yet another example of the Emperor’s new clothes? 

Shirts & Tops

Closet Heroes: The Breton Top

closet hero is an item of clothing which, once purchased, quickly becomes indispensable to its owner. Here at TFP, we don’t believe that there are particular items which “every woman” should own: we’re all too different to need or want exactly the same clothes.

We do, however, believe that most people have their own closet heroes, and in this regular column, we’ll be sharing some of ours: and hopefully some of yours, too. Today it’s the turn of…

selection of breton top

The Breton Top: a closet hero?

Hello, I’m Amber, a.k.a the Chief of Police, and I’m addicted to Breton tops. Or ANY kind of striped top, really.

Of course, as with all of the items featured in this series, I realise it’s all a matter of personal taste. Where I see “closet hero”, you may well see “closet orphan” instead. And when I think “timeless classic”, you may well be thinking “boring, predictable, over-played”. I’m OK with that, though. “Edgy” has never been my style, and classic is much more my speed. Mostly, though, I just love stripes. And more than any other item, Breton tops are the one thing I find it absolutely impossible to pass by. No matter how many I own – and trust me, I own a LOT – there always seems to be room for one more, and so I snap them up when I find them, secure in the knowledge that they WILL be worn: and worn often.

My preferred style of Breton is the classic blue-and-white stripe, which works seamlessly with jeans or shorts for the perfect “nautical” summer look. These days, though, this style of top comes in all the colours of the rainbow, so you can easily update the look by going for a more unusual colourway: there’s definitely no shortage of options.

Here are some beautiful Breton tops, available to buy now:


Shirts & Tops, Wanted!

High Street Hero: Dorothy Perkins laser cut flowers top

Dorothy Perkins laser cut flowers top

Dorothy Perkins laser cut flowers top, £32

An intricate, laser cut top isn’t something you generally find in the £30-or-thereabouts price bracket, so when we saw this one at Dorothy Perkins, we decided to nominate it as a High Street Hero.

What’s a High Street Hero? It’s one of those items you find on the high street (Well, d’uh), which stand out from the crowd for one reason or another: either they look more expensive than they are, they’re the kind of quality you don’t always find from the price…or you just really like the look of them.

This top falls into the third category for us. We haven’t seen it in the “flesh”, so we can’t speak to the quality, and we were also a little put off when we learned that it’s made from “PU” (fake leather) fabric. That MIGHT turn a very “girlie”, classic item into something with a little bit more of an edge, or it might make it look cheap. The jury’s still out on that particular question, but if it puts you off, here’s a slightly more expensive option from Next, in good ol’ broderie anglaise:

white broderie anglise peplum top

Want to nominate a High Street Hero?

We’d love to know what your “hero” pieces are right now, so feel free to leave us a comment pointing in their general direction: you can upload images directly to your comment too (Please, no celebrity or blogger images, though, or we’ll get in trouble!): just click on the “choose file” button directly underneath the comment box.


Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Ugly shirts arrested by Fashion Police

Late last night  Fashion Police officers, acting on an anonymous tip-off, conducted a raid on a website believed to be harbouring a secret crime ring of ugly shirts.

It started off innocently enough:

white turtleneck sweater with blue  heart

Well, OK, maybe “innocent” is the wrong word here. It’s also possible this just looks innocent to us NOW, in light of what came afterwards. Because let’s face it: this shirt looks like it lost its own arms in some horrible accident (perhaps the blue heart killed them?), and had to have them replaced with these bad prosthetics. It’s nothing, however, compared to this:

ugly shirts including black and white stripe short with puff sleeves

We don’t know about you, but this is one take on the monochrome trend we WON’T be adopting this season. Or not unless we become victim to some strange kind of shoulder-inflating disease, and this shirt is suddenly the only thing that’ll fit. And maybe not even THEN,  if we’re completely honest. If you love it, though, there are some other variations available too:

black and white shirt with puff sleeves

Think THOSE are ugly shirts? Oh, honey. We haven’t even STARTED to talk about ugly shirts. For instance:

top with slashed front

We’ve christened this one The Nip-Slip Top. Because if ever there was a nip-slip waiting to happen, this would be it. In fact, the existence of this top is probably the only thing in the world that could possibly justify the existence of THIS top:

white t-shirt with black hood

We’re not sure if this is designed for those who wore the one above, and now want to hide their head in shame, or for those who fear they may be exposed (literally) to the sight of someone ELSE in the Nip-Slip Top, but…

…OK, we’re kidding: although it appears at first that this is a t-shirt with a hood that covers your face as well as your head, if you look really carefully you’ll see that it’s just a plain old t-shirt with a hood, perfect for those pesky bad hair days! And in comparison to the one above, it actually seems pretty “normal”, really…

Do you think these are ugly shirts, or just unusual ones? Should we arrest them… or set them free?

(Find all the items pictured here.)

Shirts & Tops, Style On Trial

Style Trial: Cropped tops

Girl in white crop top vest

Cropped tops: they let you crop it like it’s hot. Apparently. (Get this one at ASOS)

Who loves cropped tops?

Judging by the responses we’ve had when we’ve asked this question in the past, the answer to that question would be NO ONE. NO ONE loves cropped tops: or not anyone we’ve met, anyway. Someone out there must absolutely love them, though, because, once again, our officers have noticed a dramatic upswing in crop top sightings: in fact, we’re starting to think we might need some kind of special ops task force in order to deal with it.

Cropped tops, of course, are one of those things that come in and out of fashion fairly often: about as often as 80s fashion does, come to think of it. That’s not surprising: they were a mainstay of the 80s look (We blame Madonna. For most things relating to 80s fashion, actually), so naturally they’d be a mainstay of all of those 80s-inspired collections which just WILL NOT DIE, no matter how often we keep arresting them.

Now, we know many of our readers are big fans of 80s fashion. Would you ever wear a crop top, though? Let’s take a look at the evidence…

Collection of cropped tops from Mickey to Polka dots

Cropped tops: all available at Topshop

Why do people hate cropped tops?

You don’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to be able to work out why lots of people dislike cropped tops. For one thing, they require better abdominal muscles than most of us are prepared to spend the time acquiring. We’d like to think that, when it comes to fashion, anyONEcan wear anyTHING, regardless of their bodyshape, but that’s not always the case.  The fact is that cropped tops put a whole lot more flesh on display than your average top:  that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll need the “perfect” body to wear one, but it does mean you’ll have to have a body that you’re confident enough to put on display. Either that, or the ability to suck in your abs for long periods at a time…

For another thing, they’re not exactly the most versatile items of clothing around. Sure, there are ways to layer them to make them a little more appropriate for certain things, but for the most part, they’re the kind of thing that will work only in the most informal situations. They’re also a very YOUTHFUL look. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, obviously – especially if YOU happen to be very youthful too. While we’ve never been big fans of the so-called “rules” surrounding age-appropriate dressing, however, we can’t deny that cropped tops create a very “young” look, and one that can sometimes be downright juvenile, depending on the top itself. (We’re looking in particular at the Mickey Mouse and “yes!” tops in the image above here…)

All of this makes for pretty problematic dressing. They’re just not the easiest of things for most of us to wear. But can cropped tops be worn in a grown-up, flattering kind of way, we wonder?

How to wear cropped tops – if you REALLY want to

This may come as a shock, but we do actually think there are ways to wear cropped tops without looking like you’re en route to an 80s fancy dress party. This isn’t the way:

Woman in stripy crop top and denim shorts

Missguided. (That’s the name of the store, by the way, not our assessment of the look. Although that too.)

This, however:

Woman in black crop top with black skirt

…is getting a little closer. This image is from River Island , and the outfit on the right, although not necessarily something you’d want to wear to work, say, is a lot more sophisticated than the typical “disco pants and neon” look that so often seems to accompany the cropped top. To make the look more wearable, we recommend…

1. Choosing a longer-length top

All cropped tops are not created equally. The ones in the collage above will all hit just under the bottom of your bra, which is a hard length to wear. Something like this one, however, which is also from Topshop, will hit nearer the belly-button, and while that won’t exactly make it EASY to wear, it’ll certainly be easiER, especially when combined with step two…

long sleeved cropped tops

2. Wear it with high-waisted bottoms

This might seem counter-productive, but the aim here is to make the gap between waistband and crop-top small enough that you’re exposing just a hint of flesh, as opposed to a handful. Actually, the combination of short top and high-waist can be surprisingly flattering, especially on hourglass figures, where the shorter top will really help to define the waist.

3. Go for long sleeves and/or high necks

As with the “boobs or legs” rule, if you’re going to be exposing your stomach, you might want to consider keeping the rest of your look a little more covered up. In the River Island look shown above, for instance, the model is actually a lot more covered up than she might be in a dress which covered her stomach, but the overall look is still “sexy” thanks to the figure-hugging shape and exposed waist.

With all of this said, however, cropped tops are always going to be the kind of thing many people just won’t want to wear – and for good reason. If that sounds like you, the good news is there are so many other options out there for you to never need to give crop tops another thought. Before you forget about them completely, though, we want to know:

What do you think of cropped tops? Would you wear one, and if so, how?

Celebrity Fashion, Shirts & Tops, Style Stealer

Kate Middleton portrait helps sell French Connection tops

Kate Middleton portrait


Let’s talk about that Kate Middleton portrait for a second, shall we?

Now, we don’t advocate body/face snarking. At all. In fact, we find it totally depressing when we ask the ladies and gentlemen of the Fashion Police Jury what they think of a celebrity outfit, and get a bunch of comments on their face/figure/how old they look, etc, etc. These are things the celebrities (mostly) can’t do much about, you see, and as for the “OMG SHE LOOKS SO OLD!” comments, well, people get old. It happens. It’ll even happen to you one day, if you’re lucky.

In this case, though, we feel no compunction about commenting on Kate Middleton’s face because, well, THAT ISN’T KATE MIDDLETON’S FACE, is it? She doesn’t actually look like that. Or not right now, anyway. As Officer Terry put it on the day the portrait was released, at least it’ll come in handy if Kate’s ever kidnapped one day and the police have to do one of those “what she might like like NOW” photos, where they digitally age the person.

And people think Photoshop is bad.

Anyway! As fascinating as the subject of the Kate Middleton portrait undoubtedly is, we are, of course, here to talk about fashion, and with that in mind, we can reveal that the top Kate is wearing in the infamous portrait has been accused identified as French Connection’s sub silky tie top in navy. It’s quite nice, isn’t it?

Before you go getting too excited and rushing out to buy yourself one, though, we also need to tell you that what we described last year as the “Kate Middleton effect“, whereby anything the Duchess of Cambridge wears sells out instantly, is still in full effect, and you can no longer buy the navy version, as seen in the portrait, online. Fear not, though, young Padawans: it IS still available (in limited sizes, naturally) in the green shade shown above, so if you want to dress up as the Kate Middleton portrait for Halloween this year, or if you just like bow-necked tops, you can buy it here. And it’s reduced to £28.50, too.

What do you think? Does Kate Middleton have any influence on your fashion purchases? Or are you just here to tell us what you think of the portrait?

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

The Ugliest Tops of 2012

ugly shirts and tops

So far in our 2012 crime retrospective, we’ve shown you the ugliest dresses and the scariest skirts. The dresses can stand alone, but you’re probably wondering what on earth you’d wear WITH all those ugly skirts, huh?

Well, wonder no more: here are some of the ugliest shirts and tops of 2012 (in our opinion at least): you’ll find our original posts about them here.

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Clothes Ripper targets If Six Was Nine bolero jacket

fringed bolero jacket

Oh dear. If any of you ever doubted how dangerous the fashion criminal known only as The Clothes Ripper is, this should offer all the proof you need.

This item, you see, used to be a bolero jacket. That would’ve been bad enough on its own, but a quick visit from The Clothes Ripper and now it just looks like it’s vomiting fabric into the lap of anyone who wears it:

fringed bolero jacket

It’s a sad, sad world when people will do things like this to innocent clothes. Remember to call The Fashion Police if you witness a crime like this one!

[Buy it]
Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Ruffles Gone Wrong

sheer ruffled blouse

In calling this crime “Ruffles Gone Wrong” we feel we really have to address the fact that they rarely ever go RIGHT, do they? We don’t often meet a ruffle we don’t hate, and this is no exception, mostly because it looks like the result of a bad accident in a Victorian lampshade factory.

ruffled shirt

Could it ever be redeemed? Is there a way to wear it without looking like Lord Byron’s less-stylish sidekick? We honestly doubt it, but we’d love to see you try. In the meantime, we think we might just go ahead and add ruffles to our list of “Things That Almost Always Create a Fashion Crime”. We’re just amazed the model wasn’t also wearing peep toe boots!

Oh yeah, and it’s £778…

[Buy it]
Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Crime of Fashion? Hard Edges Fringe Top

hard edges fringe top

Well, it looks like a lot of fun, we’ll give it that.

It.. doesn’t look much like a TOP, though, does it? Which is an issue. We’ve always believed that if an item of clothing doesn’t instantly LOOK like an item of clothing, and if it doesn’t fulfil any of the functions normally associated with items of clothing (Keeping you warm, covering your naked body, that kind of boring, old-fashioned stuff…) there’s a good chance we’re dealing with a crime of fashion.

In this case? We think there’s a pretty good chance we’re dealing with a crime of fashion here. Just in case you’re in any doubt about this, we present this important piece of evidence, in the form of the product description from Nasty Gal:

 “Looks awesome tossed over a mesh bra with high-waist skinnies!”

The prosecution rests.

 [Product Page]

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

ASOS “penis blouse” is a big hit on Facebook, Twitter

ASOS penis blouse

Some of you may be seeing a perfectly innocent grey blouse here, with a charming coral trim.

Others, however, are seeing something a little less sweet and innocent: this blouse has been christened the “penis blouse” (or other, slightly more crude variations) by people on Twitter and Facebook today, and we’ve seen it so many times now we figured it was time we stepped in and arrested it.

So, in the words of Rolf Harris: can yer see what it is yet?

[Buy it here for £30]
Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

What big shoulders you have, fashion criminals…

Viktor & Rolf shirt

This shirt will cost you £450. That’s the bad news.

The good news is that if giant beetles ever rise up and take over the planet, you’ll be able to throw in this shirt, and try to pass yourself off as a human/beetle hybrid. In this way you’ll be able to live among our insect overlords in relative peace. Until one day they recognise you as the impostor you are, and eat you, obviously.

Actually, that might have been the bad news? The idea of people paying THAT MUCH for THIS has clearly disturbed us, and we need to go and lie down. Still, we hear that big shoulders are going to be, like, SO HOT this season. That has to count for something, no?

[Buy it]
Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Crime of Fashion? Comme des Garcons cloud-shaped top

comme des garcons top

We know what you’re thinking. It’s kinda cool on the mannequin, it’s creative, it’s different, it’s “edgy”… maybe it looks better on a person?

Well, let’s see, shall we?

comme des garcons cloud top

Yeah. Well, rather you than us, we guess. Especially considering that this top costs $794, and looks like something a cartoon character would turn his nose up at. Edgy, though. Definitely edgy…

[Buy it]

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

The Emperor’s New Shirt

Nasty Gal Totally Exposed Blouse

Nasty Gal describe this item as a “totally exposed blouse“. Which isn’t strictly accurate, really: it’s not the BLOUSE that’s “totally exposed”, after all: it’s whatever lies under the blouse – bra, leather bustier, nothing

Let’s be honest, though: when you looked at this photo, you didn’t actually notice the blouse at first, did you? You were probably distracted by the aforementioned leather bustier, or the “classy” suspenders dangling from the cutoffs. So, the question is: if a blouse falls onto a model, but no one can actually see it, is it a crime of fashion?

We’re going to go with “yes”. If you’re going with “no”, you can either pay $48 for this one, or, alternatively, just don’t bother wearing a blouse over your leather bustier: it’ll create much the same effect, but be a whole lot cheaper. You’re welcome.

[Buy it]


Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Straight-jacket style, with Maison Martin Margiela

Maison Martin Margiela sleeveless t-shirt

“Sleeveless t-shirt” is how describes these garments.

They’re wrong, though. They’re not REALLY sleeveless. Oh no, these have sleeves all right. It’s just… they’re attached to the sides on the shirts. So, if you decided to wear one of these, your choice would be to either:

a) Walk around with your arms plastered to your sides, straight-jacket style.


b) Free your arms, but have to walk around with those sleeves flapping against them all the time.

Getting dressed has never been so tricky, has it? Leave it to Maison Martin Margiela to take the basic t-shirt and make it “edgy”. And leave it to MMM, too, to take something that should be comfortable and easy, and turn it into the kind of item you just can’t WAIT to rip off at the first possible opportunity.

On the other hand, imagine how funny it would be to watch someone try to eat dinner with their hands in the sleeves! We’d pay to see that…

[Product Page]