Shirts & Tops

      full-time-fashion-blogger

      Full time fashion blogger? Here’s a sweatshirt just for you…

      ‘Full Time Fashion Blogger’ sweatshirt, £25 at River Island Are there seriously so many full time fashion bloggers out there that there’s a need for dedicated clothing, just for them? Apparently so: or maybe River Island just think there are enough people who WANT to be full-time fashion bloggers for…

      invisible-top

      The Emperor’s New Tops by Topshop Boutique

      [All items: Topshop] “Hmmm,” we thought, “Those are some cute sweatshirts. Bit pricey at £50 each, mind you, but still: unusual colours, inoffensive enough shapes…. Nope, no crime being committed here, that’s for sure!” Then we clicked on to the model images, and… Oh. It’s like that, is it. The…

      Closet Heroes: The Breton Top

      A closet hero is an item of clothing which, once purchased, quickly becomes indispensable to its owner. Here at TFP, we don’t believe that there are particular items which “every woman” should own: we’re all too different to need or want exactly the same clothes. We do, however, believe that most people…

      strange, unusual and ugly shirts

      Ugly shirts arrested by Fashion Police

      Late last night  Fashion Police officers, acting on an anonymous tip-off, conducted a raid on a website believed to be harbouring a secret crime ring of ugly shirts. It started off innocently enough: Well, OK, maybe “innocent” is the wrong word here. It’s also possible this just looks innocent to…

      cropped tops

      Style Trial: Cropped tops

      Cropped tops: they let you crop it like it’s hot. Apparently. (Get this one at ASOS) Who loves cropped tops? Judging by the responses we’ve had when we’ve asked this question in the past, the answer to that question would be NO ONE. NO ONE loves cropped tops: or not…

      ugly shirts and tops

      The Ugliest Tops of 2012

      So far in our 2012 crime retrospective, we’ve shown you the ugliest dresses and the scariest skirts. The dresses can stand alone, but you’re probably wondering what on earth you’d wear WITH all those ugly skirts, huh? Well, wonder no more: here are some of the ugliest shirts and tops…

      sheer ruffled blouse

      Ruffles Gone Wrong

      In calling this crime “Ruffles Gone Wrong” we feel we really have to address the fact that they rarely ever go RIGHT, do they? We don’t often meet a ruffle we don’t hate, and this is no exception, mostly because it looks like the result of a bad accident in…

      hard edges fringe top

      Crime of Fashion? Hard Edges Fringe Top

      Well, it looks like a lot of fun, we’ll give it that. It.. doesn’t look much like a TOP, though, does it? Which is an issue. We’ve always believed that if an item of clothing doesn’t instantly LOOK like an item of clothing, and if it doesn’t fulfil any of the functions…

      comme des garcons top

      Crime of Fashion? Comme des Garcons cloud-shaped top

      We know what you’re thinking. It’s kinda cool on the mannequin, it’s creative, it’s different, it’s “edgy”… maybe it looks better on a person? Well, let’s see, shall we? Yeah. Well, rather you than us, we guess. Especially considering that this top costs $794, and looks like something a cartoon…

      Nasty Gal Totally Exposed Blouse

      The Emperor’s New Shirt

      Nasty Gal describe this item as a “totally exposed blouse“. Which isn’t strictly accurate, really: it’s not the BLOUSE that’s “totally exposed”, after all: it’s whatever lies under the blouse – bra, leather bustier, nothing… Let’s be honest, though: when you looked at this photo, you didn’t actually notice the blouse…

      Maison Martin Margiela sleeveless t-shirt

      Straight-jacket style, with Maison Martin Margiela

      “Sleeveless t-shirt” is how Yoox.com describes these garments. They’re wrong, though. They’re not REALLY sleeveless. Oh no, these have sleeves all right. It’s just… they’re attached to the sides on the shirts. So, if you decided to wear one of these, your choice would be to either: a) Walk around…

      fur t-shirt

      Furry Fashion from Omer Asim

      Now THAT is what you call a hairy chest, readers. And also a hairy back. We’re impressed. Before we rush out and spend £552 on this, though, we wonder: what on earth would we wear with our brand new fur t-shirt? We could wear it like this, obviously: That could…

      ugly fashion

      Let it all hang out

      And to think we were worried about people wearing leggings as pants. This is a Fashion Police emergency, everyone. Please do not try to approach these items of clothing: we have reason to believe they could be dangerous… [Bernhard Willhelm top and shorts: click here to buy them at Far…

      Graeme Armour sheer t-shirt

      This sheer shirt is not at all impractical

      The pocket makes this totally practical, doesn’t it? Without it, we’d have had to arrest this Graeme Armour t-shirt for being the type of “Emperor’s New Clothes” item that fashion victims will pay $230 for, just because “IT’S DESIGNER!”. But the pocket changes everything. Now all we can ask ourselves is…

      Reverse Mullet Shirt by Maison Martin Margiela

      Introducing The Reverse Mullet Shirt

      We’re sure there’s a reason why this shirt exists. We’re sure there must be occasions for which the most appropriate of all clothing options is a shirt which is almost ankle-length at the front (and on a 5’9″ model, which means it would be pretty much floor-length on The Fashion Police), and…

      The most expensive t-shirt in the world

      This is the most expensive t-shirt in the world

      It’s $400,000. FOUR. HUNDRED. THOUSAND. DOLLARS. Here is why it costs so much: The spherical pattern is illustriously decorated with 16 certified hand-set diamonds. Each diamond commands exquisite color, clarity, cut and luster. Every diamond is an example of natural beauty as nothing is more rare, precious, beautiful or indestructible as…

      White t-shirt with fur patches

      Monthly Margiela: The Hair Shirt

      If you’re a regular reader, you’ll know that not a month goes by without us having to take the folks at Maison Martin Margiela to task for some hideous Crime of Fashion or other. Margiela himself doesn’t design for the brand any more, but his influence lives on, and we…