Crimes of Fashion | Sack dress, flatforms & other style suspects

We kick off this week’s fashion crime line-up with a double-whammy:

Suspect # 1: This entire outfit

Crime of Fashion: sack dress and flatforms

[Buy here]

The individual elements of this little ensemble – shoes and dress – would be bad enough on their own. Put them together and we have a two-pronged attack on the eyes, and a double-murder of style. The shoes are flatforms, and although they’re not the WORST examples we’ve ever seen, that gives them automatic fashion crime status. The dress, meanwhile, looks almost like someone’s brave first attempt at sewing from their own pattern: simply take two rectangles, stitch them together, leaving spaces for the head, arms and legs, and bingo! Saks describe it as “decidedly dramatic”. Which is ONE way of putting it, we’ll give them that.

(Oh, and it’s £416. Which makes us want to take up sewing, all of a sudden.)

Suspect # 2: Another see-through skirt

see through skirt

[Buy it here]

Nothing says “stylish” quite like being able to see the side seams and inside pockets of your £500 skirt. Except butt cheeks, of course. Butt cheeks make everything edgier, don’t they?

Suspect # 3: The Soda Bottle Heels

Charlotte Olympia soda bottle heels

[Buy them here]

We’re used to Charlotte Olympia and her quirky ways, of course, and some of you might quite like these soda bottle heels, which retail for an astonishing £1,090. If you DO like them, then, you might want to consider a DIY solution instead: anyone got any old Coke bottles lying around?

Suspect # 4: Flatform gladiator sanadals

flatform gladiator sandals

[Buy them here]

If ever there were two words we hoped never to have to use together in a sentence, “flatform” and “gladiator” would be those two words. Well, here they are: flatform gladiator sandals. It’s all downhill from here, folks.

The good news is that these zip up at the back, so you don’t actually have to fasten all those buckles every time you put them on. The bad news, meanwhile… Well, the bad news is pretty self-evident here, isn’t it?

Have a great weekend, everyone!


  • January 17, 2014


    I’m a little ashamed to admite I linda like the gladiator flatforms.

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  • January 17, 2014


    I’m not at all ashamed to say that I think that the gladiator sandals are absolutely fabulous. They’re like a new, fresh version of the typical goth boot.

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  • January 17, 2014


    I love fashion Fridays. I always wind up with a huge delighted grin on my face. Uh-I also noticed that the see-through has “socks” to match just to balance the situation. I do have a genuine question: Isn’t it very difficult to walk in flatforms? Doesn’t it give you a somewhat stiff movement? Please answer. I would really like to know.

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    • January 20, 2014


      Well, Sharon, just take a look at that old Boris Karloff movie “The Mummy”. He is wearing huge flatforms there, and his slow, carefull, dragging walk directly after he’s been resurrected is “The Flatform Walk” for all but the few acrobats among us.

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  • January 18, 2014


    I kinda love both pairs of shoes. That skirt though…

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  • January 20, 2014


    Pretty sure I made the first dress in junior high home economics class. LOL

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  • January 21, 2014


    I love the coke bottle shoes, but I’d pay ‘joke’ price for them, not that price.

    Flatforms are the most unflattering shoe….

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