Puzzling Pants: Help us solve these trouser mysteries…

Some of them are straight-up ugly, and some are just plain… strange. Here’s a quick round-up of some of the most puzzling pants Yoox.com currently has to offer: your assistance in helping us solve the mystery of why these exist and who’s actually buying them would be very much appreciated…

harem shorts with one leg longer than the other

Guess by Marciano harem shorts, £120

We’ve always said that if an item of clothing looks like a ready-made wardrobe malfunction it’s probably a crime of fashion. These shorts make the model look like she’s got some unfortunate kind of “clothing tucked into knickers” thing going on, which, apart from LOOKING bad, must just be SO uncomfortable. Wouldn’t it feel odd, walking around with one trouser leg hiked up to mid-thigh, while the other slaps at your knee? Or is the asymmetric look so OMGHOT that it would be worth it?

brown trousers with camel toe

Emporio Armani trousers, £89

That is one serious camel toe/wedgie situation right there:

camel toe and wedgie

Oh yeah, and they’re also ugly. And they’d be ugly even if it DIDN’T hurt just to look at them…

cargo pants with multiple pockets

GF Ferre cargo pants, £79

Well, there’s are certainly very… practical. IF you have lots of very small possessions which you want to have on you (literally) at all times, that is. And if you don’t mind carrying those items on your knees.

khaki pants with double belt

Frankie Morello trousers, £79

Again, these don’t just look odd, they look uncomfortable and inconvenient into the bargain. And also a little like a wardrobe malfunction: generally, if we noticed our belt had floated up above the waistband of our pants, we’d stop and adjust it, because it would feel awkward and uncomfortable. There’s no adjusting this one, though: that top belt is designed to be a “floater”, so you’d better like the way it looks/feels! You also better like longer-than-usual bathroom trips, because you’ll have to undo both of these to get the trousers off…

brown trousers with holes

Michale Kors ‘Holey’ pants, £195

We’ve just realised that, so far, all but one of these trousers has been from the brown/beige/khaki colour family. Could this be a clue? Could it be that all pairs of pants this shade are destined to one day be crimes of fashion? Or did this pair just have an encounter with the Clothes Ripper in a dark alley somewhere?

Just to redress the colour balance slightly, here’s a pink pair for you:

pink pants with cartoon face

Custo Barcelona, £45

Unfortunately they have a creepy cartoon face on one leg. Which… honestly, we don’t even know what to say about that. Why would you want a creepy cartoon face on your leg? Anyone? ANYONE?

We guess the only remaining question is this: which pair is the worst? 


  • May 22, 2013


  • May 23, 2013

    Fiona Lee

    I’m speechless!!!

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  • May 23, 2013


    awful awful awful ! I can’t believe the first pair is supposed to be worn like that ! Great article, great (ugly) finds Amber !

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  • May 27, 2013


    The worst are the “holey” pants, because they lack the intentional strangeness the others have and whcih lets other people know that you are doing this on purpose. With the “holey” pants, people would keep asking whether something happened to you, whether they should call someone for you – very annoying when you have to explain that, no, they were designer and bought that way.

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