From the Front Line of Fashion: Mousy tries on Topshop’s pink foil skinny jeans

Pink_foil_skinnies

We feature a lot of very ugly items of clothing here at The Fashion Police, but haven’t you ever wondered what it would be like to actually WEAR some of them? Well, wonder no more: our intrepid Officer Mousy has been on a top secret mission to Topshop, where she tried on these pink foil skinny jeans – strictly in the name of research, you understand. She sent us this report from the Front Line of Fashion:

Mousy reports:

“On the site, they look like they might be a fairly soft material, like those shiny leggings we’ve been seeing so much of lately. I sorely, sorely wish that the site displayed the full horror of these trousers, the horror you can only truly realise when you actually try them on.

Imagine a cardboard box – thick, corrugated card. Now imagine what it would be like to put on a pair of trousers made of this type of card. That is what these trousers are like. They’re jeans, spray-painted bizarrely with horrible, stiffening, shiny pink paint that results in the fabric having as much flex and bend as packaging material. I found them incredibly hard to put on; the fabric was so stiff that it was almost impossibly difficult to manoeuvre. Because it was so slippery, it was a tough job to hold it to pull it up, and I couldn’t even rumple it into folds to grip on to because it was so starchy.

When they were on, I couldn’t bend my knees more than a few degrees without feeling as though I was going to crack the paint covering (or break my knee). Not that it would have made much difference; you can probably see in the photo that the spray is imperfect and has resulted in patches of black denim that show through in creases and folds. When I walked, I felt like a robot. I’m not a big girl. I didn’t try to squeeze my arse into pants that weren’t my size. They were just really, really bad. 🙁 They made me very unhappy. I can’t imagine anyone at all being comfortable in those things, let alone looking good (and so far I haven’t even mentioned how horrible they look, really!).

And you know what’s even worse? Scroll down the product page a little and you’ll see they also come in gold. I’m not sure why they call the pink ones the misguiding title ‘pink foil skinnies’, which suggests a much lighter fabric, whereas the gold ones describe the true horror that they are: ‘gold painted jean’. Oh, and even better – you can get a hot pant version of both colours.”

We’d just like to take a moment to salute the bravery of Officer Mousy in actually confronting a dangerous fashion criminal head-on – and living to tell the tale. Mousy: you’re a braver woman than us!

11 Comments

  • January 19, 2009

    Aanjo

    Which sadist believed that these needed to exist?

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  • January 19, 2009

    Mousy

    Aanjo – whoever it was, he or she clearly had a very, very sick mind.
    Also, folks, enjoy this delightful photo of me wearing the trousers! http://i43.tinypic.com/i522va.jpg The tunic thing is another ‘lovely’ garment we found in Topshop. =P

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  • January 19, 2009

    Eva

    I like the fabric pattern on the tunic though – it looks a little like table cloths or curtains from the 50s.

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  • January 19, 2009

    gokarm

    hah, that was so entertaining! I would like more stories from the front!

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  • January 19, 2009

    Mousy

    I shall make it my duty to try on more hideous items of clothing when possible. =D
    … if I can weather the embarrassment of taking such garments to the changing rooms. I felt like a real numpty carting these trousers around the store.

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  • January 19, 2009

    Anna

    What bothers me about those is that they’re a really bad shape too. They don’t even look like skinnies, they look like the awful jeans I used to wear in middle school when I was a complete fashion-disaster. Only not really a complete one because the ones I wore weren’t spray-painted metalic colors.
    If they really were skinny jeans, I could see a select few pulling them off, but I don’t really think anyone at all can pull these off.

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  • January 19, 2009

    Aanjo

    Oh Gott in Himmel, mousey, how did you ever get those rigid looking things on?! Cardboard trousers indeed!

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  • January 19, 2009

    Joey Sauer

    What a heroic tale! Good work Mousy, and that was very hilarious and just what I needed. Thanks! Love this site! A LOT.

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  • January 19, 2009

    Natasha

    Mousy, experiencing post-traumatic stress syndrome yet?
    btw, I’m not even offended by the color of these, but that cut….. oh my lord!

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  • January 20, 2009

    Evil Dolly

    Poor thing. Now we just need to get her to go in public with some of those drop crotch diaper pants, and report back. Or would that be too cruel to ask? 😮

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  • May 30, 2009

    Diandra

    Wow, they look terrible in person! They seem stiff and shapeless. I didn’t think there was anything REALLY wrong with them at first but…ugh, that must’ve been horrible! I did like the top you were wearing though.

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