Crimes of Fashion

Piers Atkinson puts unicorns, trolls and gorillas on hats

Hey! Adults! Quick question for you! Would you wear this?

gorilla/troll hat

(And no, we don’t know what the gorilla is doing to the troll. We’re not sure we WANT to know, either…)

How about this?

dinsosaur cap

Or maybe this?

unicorn hat

Like the unicorn, but hate the baseball cap it’s attached to? Maybe you’d prefer the headband version:

unicorn headband

And you’ve always wanted to walk around with a giant inflatable bow on your head, right?

bow headband

Or perhaps you’re a Princess, and you want the world to know it?

princess headband

Or maybe not.

Here’s the thing about this headgear: although it LOOKS like it was probably designed for toddlers (Like so much of what passes for modern fashion…) these definitely aren’t the kind of price-points you’d associate with kids’ clothing. While the inflatable heart is “only” £88, the other headbands retail for £234 (the ‘Princess’ ) and £365 (the unicorn), and the hats are all around the £400.

Our question, then, is one we find ourselves asking several times a week in the course of our Fashion Police duties:


What are the peculiar set of circumstances in which a grown adult would not only decide they needed to wear a stuffed gorilla/troll doll on top of their head, but would also be willing to pay £400 in order to do that? We’re not knocking the workmanship of these, because we haven’t seen them in person, and are in no position to judge, but we’re going to go out on a limb here and say that we’re pretty sure we could glue a stuffed toy to a baseball hat for WAY less than £379. In fact, if we HAD a stuffed toy or a baseball hat handy, we’d be tempted to give it a go, just to see if you could tell the difference. Unfortunately, though, we have neither. We’re just not trendy enough to own those kind of items. (Not counting the battered Nike hat we wear to work out in, although the way things are going, that’s probably going to be the height of fashion one day, too. We should hang onto that, just in case.)

What do you think, fellow officers? Are these quirky, fun and totally worth the price tag to you, or do you feel that they’re crimes of fashion? If you do, we’re pretty sure we can haul them up on a charge of Dressing Like a Toddler, but we need your go-ahead to do it…

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