Crimes of Fashion

Daylight Robbery? The $700 shin pads

These are shin pads.

They cost $709.

That’s not a typo.

The justification for this? Well, they’re ostrich leather, but they’re also DESIGNER. And that, as every good fashion victim knows, is enough to make just about ANYTHING worth hundreds of dollars. Even shin pads.

Here’s how you’d wear your $700 shin pads:

Shorts cut for a giant, baggy shirt, stupid hat. OF COURSE.

Are you ready to buy them? They’re by Julien David: click here to go get ’em.

Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Frankenshoes: Marc Jacobs raffia heel sandals

Well, it looks like it was craft time in the Marc Jacobs household, no?

Here’s an easy fashion DIY for you all:

1. Take a pair of boring old sandals

2. Add the leftover tinsel from the Christmas tree to the heel. Failing that, shred some tinfoil and use that instead.

3. Add some more to the toe.

4. Charge people $840 to buy the results.

5. Sit back and laugh as the money rolls in.

Or, alternatively, just click here and buy them. It’ll help encourage Marc Jacobs to make more of the same…

Celebrity Fashion

Fashion Police Gold Star for…Kirsten Dunst’s yellow Chloe dress at the ‘Melancholia’ Cannes photocall

If you’re a regular Fashion Police reader, you’re probably a little surprised to see Kirsten Dunst being awarded the coveted Gold Star. Trust us when we tell you that we are, too. Yes, it’s been a few long years in the fashion wilderness for Kiki, and at times we thought she might never claw her way back. It’s hard to recover from oufits like this one, for instance:

(Don’t worry, that’s one of our officers escorting her out of the building. She did five years for this crime.)

Recover she has, though, and the Kirsten Dunst who stands before us now, at a screening of Melancholia at the Cannes Film Festival is looking pretty darn good, no? We absolutely love the colour of this Chloe dress. It’s not the easiest colour to wear, sure, but if you can pull it off, it’s a colour that’s always guaranteed to stand out.  Would we have been tempted to add a belt, just to define the waist a little more? Well, maybe. But we add belts to everything, so we’re not best placed to comment on that one.

Kirsten wore this dress with Jimmy Choo sandals, and was accompanied by co-star Charlotte Gainsbourg, who was her usual understated self in black.

What do you think?

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Fashion Police Inmates Uniform, SS2011 edition

OK, little convict girl, we know you probably don’t want to show your face in this outfit – and we don’t blame you – buy we’re going to have to ask you to turn around so the nice Fashion Police detectives can see what you’re wearing:

Yes, it’s as we thought: THIS, reminds us of….

THIS. Only… more humiliating. Would YOU want to walk around in public in skin tight, camel-toe-inducing lycra? You would? You will LOVE our new inmate uniforms, in that case! And if you have a spare $40 floating around, you can buy one for your very own. Click here to do it…

Celebrity Fashion

Cheryl Cole still loving bright colours

She’s had two recent brushes with the (Fashion Police) law this week, so here’s a quick look at Cheryl Cole getting it right: or more so than she has been, anyway.

This bright orange mini dress is by Giambattista Valli, and is a much better attempt at colourful dressing than Cheryl’s colourblock ensemble. The look owes a lot to the simplicity of the dress, which allows the colour to be the stand-out point, and Cheryl looks comfortable and relaxed in it, which is always a good thing.

And not a piece of fruit in sight.

What do you think of this outfit?

Fashion Police, Handbags

Kate Spade’s New York Journal Clutch Bag: the most expensive newspaper you’ll ever buy…

This is expensive for a newspaper, but actually pretty cheap for a Kate Spade bag… which is lucky, because that’s what it is.

The idea of making clutch bags look like newspapers or magazines isn’t a new one, of course, but we wondered what you all think of it. Do you love the idea of spending $125 on the “New York Journal”, or do you just worry you’d end up throwing it in the trash by mistake?

If it’s the former, click here to buy it.

Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Thong Converse: WHY?

Seriously: is there any reason in the ENTIRE WORLD why Converse should suddenly need to have a thong front?

No, really: Converse have managed to exist for many, many years so far WITHOUT needing to have a thong front. And we’ve all managed perfectly well without thong-front Converse, too. If we need thongs, we’ll buy thongs. If we need Converse, we’ll buy…thongs, apparently.

Why has this come to pass, readers? And do you want to wear it?

(If you do, you can click here to buy these from Schuh)

[Thanks to Ariana for the report!]
Celebrity Fashion

The Penelope Cruz Fashion Show Continues: Armani Privé in Munich

Another day, another Pirates of the Caribbean premiere, and another killer outfit for Penelope Cruz.

For the Munich premiere of On Stranger tides, Penelope wore red Armani Prive. The simplicity of the cut is offset here by the vibrancy of the colour, and we think she looks fantastic. We’re not so sure about the matchy-matchy accessories, though – Pen accessorized here with a bag and shoes in exactly the same shade of red as her dress. Might it have looked better with a contrasting colour, we wonder?

You decide…

Celebrity Fashion

Fashion Police in Cannes: The Pirates of the Caribbean premiere

Luckily for The Fashion Police, not everyone in Cannes chose to go almost naked. All of the celebrities at the Pirates of the Caribbean premiere, for instance, were at least clothed. Were they well clothed, however? Well, that’s what we’re about to decide.

Let’s start with Paz Vega.

Now, Paz is one of our style crushes. She is almost always impeccable, and she is the proud holder of more than one Fashion Police gold star, for that very reason. So when we saw the top half of her outfit, we were really excited:

Now this wouldn’t be to everyone’s taste, obviously, especially given the high neck and long sleeves. But we fully expected to love it: it has a real vintage, 60s feel to it (it’s actually Azzaro 2010), and it makes a nice change from all of the flesh-flashers we tend to see on the red carpet these days.

Then we saw the bottom half:

Continue Reading

Fashion Police

Alexander McQueen perfects the “Boob Window”

Well, THANK GOD for bras, eh?

Without them, this model would’ve found herself doing a very different kind of “modelling” for the one she signed up for:

On the other hand, though, we somehow don’t think that when the House of McQueen decided that this grey sweater badly needed a boob window, that they anticipated it being worn with a boring beige bra underneath. Surely if you had a window on your boobs, you’d at least encase them in something a little more interesting? Or would you? What IS the boob-window etiquette these days, anyway? Not being fashion victims, we have no idea what you’re supposed to wear underneath your totally sheer top, and given that this one is already sold out, we’ll probably never know.

Unless, of course, you’d like to enlighten us?


In the Trenches: The Fashion Police’s Top 5 Trench Coats

You may be experiencing some gorgeous Spring weather right now, but here at Fashion Police HQ, April showers don’t give way to May flowers. In fact, they usually don’t give way at all. That’s not the only reason we love trench coats, though. They’re a style staple, but they’re also available in more than enough different styles and prints to keep things interesting.

Here are just a few of our current favourites, in no particular order:

Ringspun polka dot trench coat, £40, TK Maxx
The asymmetric collar and polka print help breathe new life into an old classic.

ASOS green trench coat, £55
A bright colour makes everything better.

Gryphon skirt trench, $425
Business in front, party at the back. Sort of.

Tulip print trench coat, £55, Topshop
It’s summer. Some kind of floral print is compulsory.

Burberry studded trench jacket.
Well, you can’t mention trenches without mentioning Burberry…

Celebrity Fashion

Cheryl Cole’s breasts make a break for it at Cannes

There are lots of things we could say about the white dress Cheryl Cole wore on the red carpet at Cannes last night. The beautiful cut, the perfect fit, the, er, fruit attached to teh waistband.

Unfortunately, though, we can’t say any of those things, because our officers were much too busy making sure Cheryl’s breasts stayed under control, and within the confines of the dress, at all time.

We think it all worked out OK.

What do you think of Cheryl’s look here?