Crime Fighting Advice


silk harem jumper

Three pairs of pants you couldn’t pay us to wear

BLACK MESH JOGGERS, $60 As far as we can tell, the sole purpose of these jogging pants (and drop-crotch jogging pants, too! All our least-favourite things, together in one garment!) is to provide a support-system for the two giant pockets which are clearly visible through the mesh fabric. We have no idea why the people who buy these wouldn’t just attach a couple of pockets to a long piece of string and drape it around their necks: it would create more or less the same effect, after all. WRINKLED PANTS, LONG SLEEVES This outfit breaks two of our most fundamental laws of style: 1. Buy clothes that fit you: or have them tailored, if they don’t. 2. IRON YOUR PANTS…

frumpy denim skirt

Denim is about to get ugly

Be honest: you’d hide your face from the camera too if you were wearing something that looked like this, wouldn’t you? Today, Fashion Force, we’re the bearer of bad tidings: denim is going to get really ugly this year. And we thought it was bad enough LAST year! The item at the top of the page (er, whatever it is…) is a dress (or so we’re reliably informed), and here’s what it looks like from the front: To think we’re not even halfway through January, and already we have a contender for the Most Awkward Pose of the Year Award, too! Oh, fashion, you’re really spoiling us! (Note the presence of the now-ubiquitous ugly shoes in this outfit, readers. Every…

suspender jeans

Crime of Fashion? Suspender jeans

It’s our first arrest of 2015, and we really hope this one hasn’t set the tone for the year, because we just don’t think our officers could cope with more than one pair of “suspender” jeans. Actually, it’s hard enough to believe there’s a demand for this pair. They’re $450 for one thing (And that’s the sale price, by the way – they WERE $750), and also, well, LOOK AT THEM. This fashion crime is particularly amusing to us, because one of our very first arrests (We can’t seem to locate it in the archive, and that’s probably a good thing, trust us…) involved a pair of jeans not unlike these in concept, but which were clearly a bad DIY…


Clothes for the Chronically Undecided

Happy new year, fashion fans! We hope you enjoyed bidding farewell to 2014, and a ready to start fighting the fashion crimes which will face us this coming year. Before we do, though, we still have some past crimes to ponder, so today we continue our blast from the past, with a look back at one of the strangest trends to hit the world of high fashion in. We called this trend ‘The Worst of Both Worlds’, however we have to salute the ingenuity of the designers who went out of their ways to provide a style solution for those people who just can’t decide what they want to wear in the morning. Will it be trousers or a skirt?…

the ugliest dresses of the year

The Ugliest Dresses of 2014

We hope all our officers are having a happy holiday season, and taking the opportunity to rest up and get ready for a super-stylish new year. Right now, though, it’s still 2014, and we’re continuing our look back at some of the biggest fashion fails of the year – in our opinion, at least. This time we’re looking at some of the ugliest dresses of the year, and, as with our last roundup, these are all items from our archive¬†, which means you’re unlikely to be still be able to buy most of them – unless you’re very unlucky. Here are some of our least favourite dresses of the year:¬† Meadham Kirchhoff rubber apron dress 2013 brought us one of…

the ugliest trousers of 2014

The Ugliest Trousers of 2014

The holiday season is almost upon us, and, it being the season of goodwill and all that, The Fashion Police generally like to declare a fashion crime amnesty at this time of year, allowing fashion criminals to go forth and do their worst, without fear of arrest. While our officers take a break from hunting down new crimes of fashion, however, we thought we’d take a quick look back at some of the items already in our jail. We’re starting off with the trousers section, which encompasses shorts, jeans, jumpsuits – anything with two legs, in other words. Or sometimes with just one, actually. Well, you know how these fashion crimes can be. Here are some of what we think…

Crimes of Fashion

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