Celebrity Fashion, Fashion News

What Kate Bought: Kate Middleton shops at Topshop

Kate Middleton shops at Topshop

This week, certain sectors of the UK media were absolutely astonished by the news that Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, has been spotted doing a bit of shopping at her local Topshop, in Kensington.

Honestly, we’re mostly just amazed by the amazement. If she’s anything like any other British girl – and, small matter of being married to a Prince aside, the evidence so far would seem to suggest that she IS – Kate probably grew up shopping at Topshop, just like the rest of us did. Why would she stop now, just because she’s suddenly filthy rich. If YOU were rich, would you walk past Topshop on your way home, without so much as a glance? We wouldn’t. Sure, it would be great to be able to hit up the designer boutiques any time you wanted, but clothes are clothes, and we’re pleased to see that Kate apparently isn’t a clothes snob, because that’s the first stop on the fasttrack to Fashion Victim Central, as we all know.

Anyway, during her “spree” – if three items can be called that – the Duchess bought a teal pencil skirt (£38), and velvet trim boucle jacket (£65), and a pair of earrings. We have no idea how much the earrings cost, but probably around £10? Who knows.

Only the jacket was still available on the Topshop website at the time of writing, and we’d imagine that will sell out soon, the fashion world being what it is. (What it is = lots of women all desperate to wear exactly the same thing as each other, and as the Duchess of Cambridge.) You may still be able to find the items in question in-store, though, should you want to. Do you?

Crimes of Fashion, Dresses

The Skin dress by Maison Martin Margiela

Remember The Creepiest Shirt in the World? The one with the attached leather gloves which looked horribly like dead human skin? THAT shirt?

The one good thing about that was the fact that, having seen it, we knew nothing could ever be as bad. We had seen the worst the fashion world had to offer, we had faced it, arrested it, and moved on. From then on, things would be better, we just knew it!

We were wrong:

Maison Martin Margiela dress with leather glovesTHIS is as bad as it gets, folks. This is the pinnacle of Creepy Clothing. It’s also £1,240, and if you really want it, you’ll have to hurry, because it’s only available in two sizes. We’re sure they’ll sell like cupcakes to fashion bloggers.

It will come as no surprise to you to find that this is also by Maison Martin Margiela: click here to buy it.



Celebrity Fashion

Rear Window: Charlotte Kemp at the premiere of 50/50

Charlotte Kemp in a see through dress

So, here’s Charlotte Kemp at the premiere of 50/50 this week. Her dress isn’t terrible. OK, yes, it does kind of look like one wrong move and she’d be standing there naked. There is that.It’s just kind of hanging on her breasts in such a way that we can only pray that a LOT of tit tape was employed before she stepped outside in a strong breeze.

As it happens, though, the front of the dress is actually the least of Charlotte’s worries. Look:

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Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

“Glam” sweatpants make a return for Autumn 2011

Well, it looks like the fashion world is trying to make “glam” sweatpants happen again. We’d like to submit the following into evidence:

Metallic sweatpants by Vionnet

These are metallic sweatpants. They are £515. According to Net-a-Porter, their casual feel should be “offset with your highest heels”. Like this:

Sweatpants with heelsHonestly, we don’t hate this. We’d rather eat feet than pay £500 for SWEATPANTS, but we can sort of see this working, if you were one of those effortlessly glamorous women: you know, the ones who actually DO roll out of bed looking beautiful, and continue to look like that, no matter what they throw on. Those women exist. They intimidate us, if we’re honest. They can wear the sweatpants with heels. The rest of us? Well, look at it this way: even if you think the example above isn’t TOO bad, let’s just take a quick look at where your flirtation with the idea that “sweatpants can totally be stylish!” could lead you:

Drop crotch sweatpantsIt could lead you HERE, to the idea that these Joseph pants are worth wearing. And we think it goes without saying that high waist + low crotch is NEVER going to end well. In fact, it’s going to end with you looking deformed, like a cartoon character. Your highest heels won’t save this look. And once you’ve come this far, you’re only a small step away from being out in public dressed like THIS:

Drop crotch sweatpants worn with high heeled peep toe bootsAmi Dans La Rue has a lot to answer for. (Note that the Peep Toe Boot Rule is in full effect here. Not that it’s actually needed in this case.)

Our point: beware of following questionable fashion trends, folks. Be especially aware of allowing yourself to fall into the trap of thinking that sweatpants can be glam, and that all you’ll need is a pair of high heels to turn some saggy sweatpants into the very height of fashion. You don’t. Sweatpants are for the gym, or for those days when you can’t be bothered getting off your couch. Sweatpants are fine for those things. They are not for “fashion”. Not even with heels. Heed this warning well, or be prepared to look like one of the bottom two examples above…

Crimes of Fashion, Fashion Police, Shoes

Frankenshoes: Flatforms have gone too far now

Ugly black "flatform" shoes

Seriously. SERIOUSLY, people.

Not even Jeffrey Campbell, Enemy of Feet, would think these were a good idea. NOT EVEN JEFFREY. And when Jeffrey Campbell would look at a shoe and think, “You know, I think these may be a little too ugly…” you know you’re in trouble.

These look like boats:

Ugly flatform shoesSinister, terrifying boats. Like, if fashion was a horror movie, the bad guys would sail around inside giant versions of these shoes, wouldn’t they? And we’ll tell you what: THEY PROBABLY DO. This is what we’re up against, people. This is what the evil masterminds at the head of the Fashion Crime Ring are capable of. Are you scared? Because you should be.

Also: if they look this bad in the product shot, just imagine what they look like on feet! Oh, right: we don’t have to imagine it:

Ugly flatform shoesYikes.

Flatforms: they just don’t need to exist, do they? (If you disagree, click here to buy them.)


Have you voted yet?


Daylight Robbery? Knitted gilet by SUNO

Hand knitted multicoloured top

So, this exists. And honestly, we didn’t even know what it WAS at first (that’s always a bad sign), we just knew it looked like something Coco the Clown might have worn as a nipper. That’s not a good sign either, now we come to think of it.

What we mostly want to talk about here, however, is the price. See, this is £835, which is about $1,295. In its defence:

1. It’s hand-knitted

2. It’s alpaca wool.

Even so, unless it was actually hand-knitted BY alpacas, we still can’t imagine spending that much on… this. Seriously, just imagine handing over over $1000 and walking away with this! To think of all of the awesome shoes you could get for that price! Even assuming it took YEARS of hard work to create, we’d still kinda hate ourselves for spending that much money and only having a multicolured gilet to show for it.

What do you think? Daylight Robbery, or actually quite reasonable for  hand-knitted item?

(This is by SUNO, by the way, and you can click here if you want to buy it…)

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Explain these shorts

high waisted wool shorts by ellery

A Monday morning challenge for you, readers: imaginary donuts for the first person to give us a plausible explanation for the existence of these shorts. Under what awful set of circumstances would you need a pair of high-waited, bodycon knitted shorts, we wonder? Surely not to wear like this, with ankle boots or peep toes (Peep Toe Boot Rule! Although the shoes on the left aren’t really “boots”, are they? They’re just… well, ugly, basically.)

Even assuming that you DO suddenly find yourself thinking “Gosh, I wish I had a pair of knitted shorts around about now,” why would you be paying $625 for them? (Knitters! You need to get on this! Seriously, you can make a killing here, if we can just find enough people willing to buy these…)

Do you accept the challenge? Go on, then, tell us why we need a pair of $600 knitted shorts in our lives!

(The shorts are by Ellery, by the way: click here to buy a pair, but tell us when and how you’re going to be wearing them first, we beg you.)

Fashion Police

Vote for The Fashion Police!

Before we leave you to enjoy your weekend, we just wanted to shamelessly beg for your votes in the Cosmo Blog Awards once more. Yes, we know. Think of it this way, though: a vote for The Fashion Police is like a vote for … kittens. Yes, kittens. So, why haven’t you voted for us yet, you filthy kitten-hater, you ?

Fashion Police Cosmo Blog AwardsSeriously, THINK OF THE KITTENS.


Style On Trial

Style on Trial: Longsleeve playsuits

Long sleeve playsuits from Miss Selfridge

(Playsuits, Miss Selfridge)

We don’t know about you, but we’ve always thought of playsuits as “summer” clothing. (We’ve also always thought of them as “toddler” clothing, but that’s another post altogether.) You know, you could probably get away with wearing one to the beach, but … that’s it.

The new breed of playsuits, however, are destined for cooler climates, and with their long sleeves and thicker fabrics, are intended to be work with tights for a more wintry look.

Are you buying any of this? No, seriously, will you be buying a playsuit this winter? Any time we’ve mentioned them in the past here they’ve tended to be met with shrieks of horror, but we don’t entirely hate these (even although they do fall into the Stuck Together Clothes category), so we wondered what you all think of them. Still a fashion crime, even with the slightly more grown-up look, or are you willing to give them a pass?

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

From the “It Could Be Curtains” Files: SUNO Flowy Wide Leg Pants

Floral wide leg pants

What is it with floral print, seriously? Why is it so hard for designers to use it without it looking like they pulled down an old pair of curtains, Scarlett O’Hara style, and got busy with the scissors?

While we’re on the subject: what is it with wide leg pants? Is there some rule we’re not aware of stating that they MUST be made in the brightest, or most hideous print possible? Look, we’ve said nothing about the Curse of the Wide Leg Red Pants that has been sweeping the internet lately. We know most people seem to love them, even although their wearers have all blatantly been Foot-Snatched, and some look like they’re wearing stilts, too. (OK, we’re going to say it: CLOWN PANTS. They’re CLOWN PANTS. Why are people wearing CLOWN PANTS?) (Note: We know that some people wear those pants and look just marvellous in them. If you’re reading this, then you are one of those people for sure.) We just can’t hold our tongues with these SUNO trousers, though. Because we could re-upholster our couch with them, send it back in time to 1952, and we STILL wouldn’t feel like we’d done enough to rid the world of these.

So, basically, what we’re trying to say here is that we don’t like them. Do you?

They’re $702, by the way. We could BUY a couch for that. Click here if you want to buy these instead.

Fashion Police

Fantasy Shopping: Net-a-Porter

Do you ever do that thing where you look at a shopping website and fill up your shopping cart with all of the things you’d buy if you were rich, allowing yourself just a few short minutes where you allow yourself to pretend that you have the kind of lifestyle in which you’d:

a) Be able to afford them all

b) Have a reason to wear them

We do. We’re possibly alone in this, but just in case we’re not here’s what we fantasy bought from the New In section at Net-a-Porter this week:

Belted cotton and silk-blend trench coatDonna Karan Belted cotton and silk-blend trench coat, £2,065
Everyone needs a camel coat, don’t they?

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Shoes, Style On Trial

Impostor Alert! Ugg boots with attached socks

Ugg Boots with attached socks

Straw poll, jurors: these Ugg Boots are pretending to be socks (which, according to the Fashion Police Rule Book, makes them Footwear Impostors.). Does this make them better or worse than the regular old Ugg boots: you know, the ones we all love to hate?

We think it makes them look worse. At least regular Uggs book like boots, albeit ugly ones. Wear the thigh-highs on the left of the image above, though, and you’ll look like you’re wandering around in nothing but a pair of thick socks. That’s not good.

What do you think: are they guilty or innocent of committing crimes of fashion?

(Click here to buy them at Saks if you think they’re innocent.)

Celebrity Fashion, Shoes

Style on Trial: Toe cleavage

Shoe showing toe cleavage

Last week we asked you about cleavage, and how much is too much. Today, we want to ask you about a different kind of cleavage: TOE CLEAVAGE. (Which, just in case any of you are unfamiliar with the term, is the kind of look shown above, where the vamp of the shoe is cut very low, exposing most of the toes.)

Like boob cleavage, toe cleavage tends to be rather controversial, although in a purely stylistic sense. It’s one of those things people seem to either love or hate, with very little middle ground. Where do you stand on this one? In low-cut shoes, or with your tootsies all covered up?

(The foot in the image, by the way, belongs to Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, and is clad in a Christian Louboutin pump. We’ve included some more photos of Rosie in the gallery below, purely because we thought she was looking particularly lovely in this outfit, even although her shoes are about two sizes too big for her:

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley  in too large shoesSeriously, how do celebrities walk like this? We know they borrow the shoes, and they have to take whatever size they’re given, yadda, yadda, but wouldn’t you rather wear your own, cheap shoes that fit, than a pair of OMGDESIGNER ones that fall off your feet with every step? We would.)

Celebrity Fashion, Shoes

Celebrity Style on Trial: Leighton Meester’s Burberry Prorsum beaded shoes

Leighton Meester in beaded platform shoes by Burberry Prorsum

One of the nice things about being a celebrity (we’d imagine) is that you get to wear trends that are “hot off the runway”. Don’t laugh, these things are important to some people.

Here, for instance, is Leighton Meester, dressed like a visitor from the future in a Marios Schwab Resort 2012 dress and Burberry Prorsum Spring 2012 shoes. She is so, er, NEXT season, you guys!

What do you think of this glimpse into the future of fashion, though? We’re particularly keen to hear what you think of the chunky, beaded shoes, because as soon as we opened the image, they were pretty much ALL we could look at, and we’re not sure whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing…

[Images: Fame Pictures]
Fashion Trends, Trousers/Pants

Style on Trial: Bright pants – J Crew Café Capri

Bright pants by J Crew

If you’re not loving the current trend for bright pants, we can only hope that you’ve made arrangements to move to somewhere without internet access and/or fashion victims for the foreseeable future. These things are EVERYWHERE. Red pants, blue pants, yellow, purple and green pants. It really doesn’t matter what colour they are: what matters is that they’re BRIGHT.

J Crew’s Café Capri trousers are just one example of the bright pant trend, and we think they’re a pretty good one: they’re tailored, they’re slim-cut, they hit, as the name  suggests, right at the ankle, allowing them to be worn with a great pair of shoes without hiding them.

What do you think of them, though, that’s what we want to know? Do you love them, hate them, just not care? Tell us!

(These particular pants are £103 at J Crew, but if that sounds like a bit too much, don’t despair: we’ve spotted similar looks at most of the usual high street stores – check out ASOS and Topshop for starters…)

Celebrity Fashion

Kelly Osbourne And Lourdes Leon Celebrate Material Girl’s 1 Year Anniversary

Kelly Osbourne And Lourdes Leon Celebrate Material Girl's 1 Year Anniversary

Kelly Osbourne and Lourdes Leon attended an event to celebrate the one year anniversary of Madonna’s Material Girl line in New York this week.

Material Girl managed to be nothing more than a blip on the Fashion Police radar – possibly because we’re not 14 any more – so we have only one observation to make about this: wow, but Lourdes is turning into quite the looker, isn’t she? It’s like looking at photos of a young, dark-haired Madonna, and we can’t wait to see how her fashion sense develops!

[Images: Fame Pictures]
Dresses, Fashion Fraud Squad

Battle of the Black Dresses: ASOS Vs Roland Mouret

ASOS dress inspired by Roland Mouret

Even the least fashion-savvy amongst us would probably be able to tell these two dresses apart: there’s just no disguising a Roland Mouret, is there? Unfortunately for us, however, there’s just no way of paying for one either, so until our Fairy Godmother comes along to wave her magic wand, we’ll just have to content ourselves with this ASOS version of Mouret’s famous pleat neck dress. Well, the ASOS version is only £45, you see, and the Mouret is no longer available, and even if it was, it’s not like we’d be able to afford it on a police officer’s salary, so ASOS it is!

There’s one problem, though: the Mouret dress is from the Spring/Summer 2006 collection, so wearing it will probably cause fashion victims to look down their noses and declare it to be “SO last season!” Annoying fashion victims is one of our favourite hobbies, though, so we’d actually see that as a plus…

The ASOS dress is also available in blue and yellow: click here if you want to buy one.

Roland Mouret inspired dress from ASOS

Fashion Police

Vote for The Fashion Police in the Cosmo Blog Awards

Cosmo Blog Awards logo

Much to our amazement, last night we found out that we’ve been nominated for a Cosmo Blog Award, in the Established Fashion Blog category. Needless to say, we’re thrilled just to be nominated for this, as we’re short-listed alongside some of our favourite UK fashion bloggers, so first of all, we just want to say a huge thank you to those of you who took the time to nominate us: you’ve made us a very happy force!

We have just one more favour to ask, however. Now that we’ve been nominated, the voting starts in earnest, so we need your help once more! If you’d like to vote for us, just click here to visit the Cosmopolitan website, and follow the instructions in the graphic below to place your vote. And thank you: we really appreciate every single vote!

Vote for The Fashion Police in the Cosmo Blog Awards


Celebrity Fashion

Fashion Police at Burberry Prorsum S/S 2012: celebrities in leather trousers

Anna Wintour arrives at the Burberry Prorsum SS 2012 show

Is anyone else uncomfortably reminded of the awkward hug between Draco Malfoy and Voldemort in Harry Potter? Because we are. But moving on…

The Burberry Prorsum SS 2012 show at London Fashion Week this year was notable for one thing. Well, actually, it was notable for quite a few things, really, but there’s only one we’re choosing to focus on: EVERYONE WAS WEARING THE SAME TROUSERS. (Except Anna, obviously. AS IF Anna would wear trousers. Pah!)

The trousers in question are black, skinny leather trousers, presumably by Burberry Prorsum, and worn by every single person in our gallery. This could be a sign that leather trousers are coming back to the forefront of fashion once more (not that they’ve been anywhere, mind you, but there’s a particularly large selection of them available at the moment), or it could be a sign of the coming apocalypse, and the fact that Anna Wintour is smiling in the above photo seems to support that idea, so it’s the one we’re going to go with.

Before the apocalypse hits, however, do us a favour, take a look at the gallery, and tell us what you think of these celebrity outfits. Who wore the leather pants best?


Celebrity Fashion, Fashion Polls & Debates

Pippa Middleton shouldn’t wear green to a wedding, says Daily Mail. (Or high heels.)

Pippa Middleton wears green dress to a wedding

This weekend poor Pippa Middleton was forced to relinquish her Daily Mail Girl of the Moment crown, when she managed to rile the tabloid by committing the cardinal sin of wearing green to a wedding: an act, which, the Fail points out, is “traditionally associated with bad luck”.

The Mail have charged Pippa with, not one, but TWO crimes of fashion:

1. Wearing green to a wedding: outlawed as described above

2. Wearing high heels to the same wedding. According to the Mail, “the aristocratic set consider heels unsightly at weddings. Only kitten-heeled shoes are deemed acceptable in the country.”

Our eyes are rolling so much right now they’re in danger of dropping right out of our heads.

To address the first point: we thought we’d heard all of the “bad luck” stories associated with colours and weddings, but “never wear green” somehow managed to pass us by. A quick Google search reveals that brides be crazy, there are all kinds of superstitions associated with weddings – so much so that we’re now REALLY glad we’re not superstitious, because it must be exhausting going through life like that, seriously. On the subject of wearing green, however, we learned that it’s considered bad luck for the BRIDE to wear green, unless it’s an Irish wedding, in which case it’s OK for the bride to wear green, but bad luck for anyone else to wear green. Are you following this? Some people, however, also believe it’s bad luck for ANYONE to wear green at a wedding, although opinions differ on whether it’s the newly wedded couple who will be cursed, or the person wearing the green. Or perhaps just passers-by, or the vicar’s cat, or something. Seriously, our brief journey into the world of weddings and superstitions has left our heads spinning, and NOTHING would surprise us now. NOTHING.

(The Chief of Police would just like to take a quick moment here to apologise to all of the couples whose marriages are now doomed because she wore green to their weddings. She is sorry. She is also now wearing a tinfoil helmet and living inside a special padded room, just in case it’s HERSELF she’s doomed in this way. Fashion: so much more dangerous and complicated than you might think!)

Anyway, our point here: we think Pippa’s probably fine. Unless it was the wedding of a particularly superstitious couple, we doubt they’re seriously upset by this so-called “faux pas”, so we’re not going to bother arresting Pippa for committing it. Whew!

On the “high heels are unsightly” thing: meh. Whatevs. We’re most definitely not aristocrats, so we have no idea whether they do, indeed, have a “only wear kitten heels in the country, dahlink,” rule, but we’ve never really considered kitten heels to be “sightly” anywhere, so we’re happy to completely ignore this one, too. (OK, we guess if you were “in the country” in the sense of “wading through fields”, then you won’t want to be wearing heels. But given that this is a wedding, we feel safe in assuming that it didn’t take place in a farmer’s field, and no heels were damaged.)

What do you think, though, jurors? Have you heard of the “never wear green to a wedding” rule? Would you obey it, if you have? What about high heels in the country? Fashion faux pas, or yet another ridiculous fashion rule which was made to be broken?