Dresses

Fantasy Shopping: Suzanne ‘Kaleidoscope’ retro cocktail dress

Suzanne 'Kaleidoscope' retro cocktail dress

Could we afford this? Not even in our wildest dreams.

Would we have somewhere to wear it, even if we could? Nuh-uh. Or not unless the Fashion Police uniforms get some serious upgrading, anyway. Or we decide to get married in 1955.

Do any of the above points stop us totally coveting this dress, and reaching out to stroke the screen lovingly, ever time we look at it? Nope, not for a second. Well, it’s called ‘Fantasy Shopping” for a reason, you know: no one ever claimed these clothes had to be practical, did they?

Just in case you don’t have an upcoming engagement at the alter, and DO have a spare $1,350 burning a hole in your bank account, here’s a slightly more wearable version:

black dress

Well, you can always use a little black dress, can’t you? And if you can’t, it also comes in navy. If navy isn’t your thing either, meanwhile, and seeing as we’re fantasy shopping, how about this

green 50s dress

We’ll stop now, before this gets too dangerous. You can find all of these and more at the Suzannah website. Just don’t expect any bargains…

Dresses

Introducing the 99p party dress

99p party dress

We all like a bargain, don’t we? Well, we certainly do, anyway. And with the Christmas consumer season looming on the horizon (Christmas is “just around the corner” according to the press releases we receive. Which is actually news to us: we’d assumed it would be at the end of December, like it always is!), bargain-hunting can be even more important at this time of year: who really has the cash to splash out on an expensive, wear-once-then-consign-to-the-back-of-the-closet party dress when there are all those gifts to buy – not to mention food, and all of the other expenses that come with the season?

Well, fear not, bargain hunters, for this season you will be able to buy yourself a new dress for less than the cost of a glass of wine. The dress shown above is from OMG Fashion, and it costs 99p. No, that’s not a typo: it’s a 99p party dress. In fact, you could buy all THREE of them for less than a glass of wine, now we come to think of it.

What do you make of this, fashion police readers? Will you jump at the chance of buying a 99p dress? If so, it’s available soon at OMG Fashion.

 

Celebrity Fashion

Best Dressed of the Week

Best Dressed of the Week

The Fashion Police may be in the business of locking up fashion criminals, but we also like to give credit where it’s due, and so today we’re giving you the opportunity to decide who wins the Best Dressed of the Week Award. (Er, there is no actual reward. Your approval will be reward enough for the chosen celebrity…)

Now, in placing this gallery before you, we first of all want to stress that you should not take any celebrity’s presence in it as an indication of TFP’s approval. We’ve selected these photos from the week gone by purely at random, and we pass no judgement on them at all. Because that’s your job.

So tell us: who was the best dressed of the week? 

Shoes, Style On Trial

Style Trial: Giuseppe Zanotti Mixed Media Curved-Wedge Platform Ankle Boots

Giuseppe Zanotti Mixed Media Curved-Wedge Platform Ankle Boots

These exist.

Should they exist, though: that is the question we’re here today to ponder.

They’re by Giuseppe Zanotti, they’re a whopping £2,070, but despite costing more than a beat-up car, they’re not exactly the most versatile pieces of footwear in the world, consisting of the heel-less silhouette we’ve become oh-so-familiar with over the past few years, topped with expensive-looking Swarovski crystals and finished with cheap looking pink plastic spikes. They’re something of a contradiction then, which leaves us wondering who would wear such a thing? At the moment, all we can come up with is a teenage punk bride with a trust fund. Your guesses are welcome. Oh, as are your judgements on whether or not these constitute a crime of fashion…

[Buy them]
Dresses

Roundup: Ten Perfect Party Dresses

party dresses

Most days, we’re happy to be out there, trawling the internet for crimes of fashion, and keeping style safe from fashion criminals.

Other days, we just want to look at some pretty dresses.

Today is one of the “other days”, so here are ten of our current favourite party dresses from the UK high street: enjoy!

Celebrity Fashion, Style On Trial

Style Trial: Kylie Minogue in gingham at the Q Awards

Kylie Minogue Gingham dress

[Images: PRPhotos.com]

We’re not entirely sure how we managed to miss this, but the Q Awards took place in London this week, and Kylie Minogue rocked up in this unusual gingham number, which looks a bot like something took a bite out of her shoulder and she was forced to quickly patch up the hole with a piece of mis-matched fabric.

We love Kylie, but we can’t allow our personal feelings get in the way when it comes to fighting crimes of fashion, so we must ask you: is Kylie committing one here?

Fashion Police

Fashion Police Checkpoint: What are you wearing right now?

Fashion Police Checkpoint

It’s been a while since our last Fashion Police Checkpoint, so we decided to find out what everyone’s wearing on this fine Wednesday afternoon!

If you’re a regular reader, you know the drill: before you can proceed through the checkpoint and get on with your day, you must first of all step to the side and give us a complete inventory of everything you’re wearing right this very second. No cheating: remember, The Fashion Police see all!

Tell us, then: what are you wearing right now? 

Crimes of Fashion, Knitwear

Winter woolies, fashion criminal style

crime of fashion

Well, as long as your thighs are warm, who cares about freezing your butt and back?

That seems to be the thinking behind this item, anyway. And really, this isn’t so much a fashion crime as it is a fashion mystery: the kind of thing that makes us shake our head and wonder who on earth would look at something like this and think, “£125? Oh HELL yes: this is just the thing that’s missing from my life!”

Would you?

[Buy it]
Celebrity Fashion, Style On Trial

Style Trial: Elizabeth Moss in short-shorts

Elizabeth Moss in short-shorts

January Jones wasn’t the only Mad Men star to walk the, er, black carpet at the Paley Centre last night: co-star Elizabeth Moss was also in attendance, wearing a pair of short, tailored shorts with a matching jacket and orange shirt.

Elizabeth has seemed to be having a little more fun with her outfits since giving her hair the chop earlier this year: what do you think of this particular look?

[Images: PRPhtos.com]
Crimes of Fashion, Outerwear

Frightening Fashion: Meadham Kirchoff monster-print faux fur jacket

Frightening Fashion: Meadham Kirchoff monster-print faux fur jacket

Halloween is “just around the corner”, as we are reminded by helpful press releases at least twenty times per day, so we thought it only appropriate to show you a piece of truly frightening fashion.

When we say “frightening”, though, we’re not just referring to the monster face on the front of this Meadham Kirchoff jacket. We’re also referring to the £4,455 price tag. For faux fur. (Not that real fur would make this any better, obviously. Actually, it would make it considerably worse, because it would mean some poor animal had died for it. But at least it would to some way towards explaining the price tag, no?)

Want to see what it looks like on? Your wish is our command:

monster

Try not to have nightmares, kids.

[Buy it]
Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Crime of Fashion: Crochet platform boots

crochet platform boots

When we were forced to interview a pair of Christian Louboutin boots last week, on suspicion of committing crimes of fashion, we knew things must be pretty bad in the footwear world.

We didn’t realise quite HOW bad things were, however, until we came across these crochet platform boots. The product description alone would’ve been enough to tip us off that something was seriously amiss here, but one glance at the suspect confirmed it: these are $600 boots, people, but they look like something the dog chewed. And which wouldn’t even have been particularly attractive before that happened.

Also: crochet boots. Anyone care to explain the actual point of that? Anyone?

[Buy them]
Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Do you see what we see? Marni’s genitalia pants

penis pants

Er, guys? Quick question, just to reassure ourselves we’re not seeing things: does anyone  else look at these pants and see… well, a kind of crude depiction of the male genitalia, such as you might see graffiti’d on a wall, on on a desk in a high school?

If you CAN see now it now that we’ve mentioned it: do you think you’ll ever be able to UN-see it? Because we certainly can’t.

Just for the benefit of those of you who CAN’T see what we’re talking about, and who are sitting there tut-tutting about “Those Fashion Police officers and their dirty minds!”, let us just quickly reassure you that we’d have arrested these even without the you know what:

penis pants

Great shoes, though.

[Product page]

 

Shoes, Style On Trial

Style Trial: Nicholas Kirkwood Two Faces Pointed Toe Boots

 Nicholas Kirkwood Two Faces Pointed Toe Boots

 Nicholas Kirkwood Two Faces Pointed Toe Boots

The Fashion Police have long believed that clothes and shoes shouldn’t have faces.

We also firmly believe they shouldn’t have HAIR.

Still, we have to admit that the ponytails on these Nicholas Kirkwood boots make us feel a bit nostalgic. It would be a bit like having an adult My Little Pony, wouldn’t it? You could braid it! And tie ribbons in it! And… OK, maybe not.

What do you think, Fashion Police jurors? Are these a crime of fashion, or are you already trying to decide what you’re going to name them?

[Buy them]
Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Crime of Fashion? Hard Edges Fringe Top

hard edges fringe top

Well, it looks like a lot of fun, we’ll give it that.

It.. doesn’t look much like a TOP, though, does it? Which is an issue. We’ve always believed that if an item of clothing doesn’t instantly LOOK like an item of clothing, and if it doesn’t fulfil any of the functions normally associated with items of clothing (Keeping you warm, covering your naked body, that kind of boring, old-fashioned stuff…) there’s a good chance we’re dealing with a crime of fashion.

In this case? We think there’s a pretty good chance we’re dealing with a crime of fashion here. Just in case you’re in any doubt about this, we present this important piece of evidence, in the form of the product description from Nasty Gal:

 “Looks awesome tossed over a mesh bra with high-waist skinnies!”

The prosecution rests.

 [Product Page]

Ask the Fashion Police, Jeans

Style SOS: How old is too old for skinny jeans?

How old is too old for skinny jeans?

This week, a lot of you have been finding The Fashion Police after asking Google the question, “How old is too old for skinny jeans?”

It seems a lot of you are suddenly wondering if it’s time to hang up your jeans, so let us try to put you out of your misery and work out just how old IS too old for this particular look, anyway?

For us, this question, and, indeed, any other fashion-related question beginning with the phrase “How old is too old for…” can be answered fairly easily:

You’re too old for <insert fashion trend here> when it no longer looks good or feels comfortable.

It’s a simple and as difficult as that, really.

how old is too old for skinny jeans?

There’s no magic cut-off point for style….

It’s simple, because there is no magic cut-off point for style. Something that’s perfectly appropriate when you’re 29, say, doesn’t suddenly become inappropriate the day you turn 30 and you can apply this to any other age range you can think of, too. No, it only becomes inappropriate when it no longer looks good on you, or when you no longer feel comfortable wearing it: and when we talk about “comfort” here, we’re not referring to physical comfort (It hopefully goes without saying that your clothes shouldn’t cause you physical discomfort, regardless of your age), but to that horrible feeling that washes over you when you put  on a particular outfit and then spend hours in front of the mirror agonising over whether or not you can “get away” with it.

If you think you can’t get away with it… you probably can’t.

When that happens, the answer is generally “no, you can’t”: not because the item doesn’t LOOK good, necessarily, but because if you don’t feel fantastic in it, you probably won’t look fantastic in it, either, and there’s no point in forcing yourself to wear something that doesn’t make you feel fantastic, is there? There’s nothing worse (in this context, at least) than an apologetic dresser: someone who wears an outfit they clearly don’t feel confident in, and spends all their time tugging at the hem, adjusting straps and finding things to stand behind because they can’t stop wishing they could run home and change. Don’t let that person be you, whatever age you are: it’s a great way to ruin an otherwise stylish look.

How old is too old for skinny jeans?

But back to the subject at hand. As we said, working out when you’re too old for a certain item as as simple as deciding that if it doesn’t look good and feel good, you won’t wear it. It’s as difficult as that too, though, because sometimes we can’t trust our instincts: we THINK something looks good… but we’re just not sure. In that case it’s time to turn to a trusted friend, or, if you don’t have someone you can trust not to flatter you, ask someone to snap a quick photo of you in the outfit you’re undecided on: sometimes seeing yourself on film will let you look at yourself more objectively, and see things that perhaps weren’t apparent in the bedroom mirror.

But what about the skinny jeans that started this discussion? How old is too old for skinny jeans? 

Everyone will have a different opinion on this, but ours is that you’re really NEVER too old for skinny jeans. What matters is how you wear them and what kind of style you go for. As with all things style-related, the right fit is essential: jeans that give you muffin top, make your legs look like they’ve been encased in saran wrap, or which sag at the crotch and knees will look bad on ANYONE, regardless of their age.

How old is too old for skinny jeans?

Not all skinny jeans are created equal…

Then there’s the cut. Not all skinny jeans are created equal. Super-skinny jeans, for instance, are a fairly “young” look, and while that doesn’t have to mean they’re totally off-limits for older people, if you’re at all worried about wearing them, you might want to steer clear. A slim, pencil-leg cut, however, can be very classic, and, we’d argue, can work on women of almost any age: for instance, a pair of slim jeans worn with good quality tall boots and a tunic-style top is a laid-back, casual-but-chic look which isn’t age-specific, and  which could easily be adapted for any age group. if you’re worried about the “mutton-dressed-as-lamb” effect, meanwhile, well, just don’t dress as lamb: look for pencil leg rather than sprayed-on styles, and avoid wearing them with hooker heels or the type of tops that wouldn’t look out of place in a nightclub. Instead, go for high-quality fabrics and classic, well-cut pieces and rock those skinny jeans.

As we say, however, all of this is simply OUR opinion. Everyone has different thoughts on what constitutes “age-appropriate” dressing – or if being “age-appropriate” should even be a concern. For ourselves, we totally reject the idea that there is a certain age at which specific items become inappropriate, or that when women reach that “certain age” they should abandon all hope of style, and reach for the elasticated waistbands, blue rinse and sensible shoes. These days it can often be difficult to tell what age someone really is, and we don’t think it should matter anyway: but what do YOU think? Tell us: how old is too old for skinny jeans?

[Images]
Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Strange Fruit: Irregular Choice’s Dan Sullivan collection

Irregular Choice's bouquet heels by Dan Sullivan collection

Irregular Choice's Shoes with tassels by Dan Sullivan collection

Irregular Choice's Red platforms shoes with hanging grapes by Dan Sullivan collection

There are shoes hiding under the fruit and flowers in these photos, we promise: would you want to wear them, though, that’s the question?

These are just a small sampling of some of the styles available from Irregular Choice’s Dan Sullivan collection. As many of you will know, Mr Sullivan is the founder and creative force behind Irregular Choice, so the fact that this collection is a little bit “out there” (to put it mildly) is no less than we’d expect from the brand which has brought us some of the strangest footwear ever to grace The Fashion Police’s jail cells. Don’t worry, though: not ALL of the shoes are covered in flora n’ fruit. There’s also this:

Dan Sullivan Visionary Viper

The Visionary Viper boot, complete with clear pouch containing a doll, a teddy bear and enough other small toys to keep your inner five-year-old more than happy.

Do these make YOU happy, though? If they do, you can buy them all here: don’t click the link until you’ve told us what you think of them, though!

Outerwear

12 Cheap Winter Coats from the UK High Street

cheap winter coats

We’ve already established that a good coat is a winter wardrobe essential, and winter coats are generally talked of as investment purchases, too: those few items that are worth paying more for.

That’s all well and good, of course, but what if your budget can’t quite stretch to a big investment right now? Worry not: there are plenty of cheap winter coats out there, if you know where to look for them, and buying a cheaper coat doesn’t have to mean compromising on quality: you might be surprised how warm some of the budget options can be, but even if you only get one season’s wear out of them, at least it’ll give you a bit of time to save up for that investment purchase.

Of course, “cheap” is a relative term, so for the purposes of this article, we’re defining it as anything under £100, although we’ve done our best to find a selection of coats for less than half that price, too. Tell us, though: what do you consider “cheap” when it comes to winter coats? How much do you generally invest in one, and how often?

Here are our favourite cheap winter coats, all available on the UK high street…

Crimes of Fashion

Underwear as Outerwear: Prey of London sheer bodysuit

sheer bodysuit

We’d like to think this almost-sheer bodysuit is actually supposed to be lingerie, and that ASOS have simply neglected to point that out in the product description.

We’d also like to think that when they showed it styled with a mini-skirt, earrings and ankle boots, as if ready for a night on the town, they were simply messing with us.

As we say, we’d LIKE to think those things. But let’s face it: we’re The Fashion Police. We have learned to lower our expectations when it comes to clothing, so we’re pretty sure this garment is designed to be worn out in public, hopefully with copious amounts of fashion tape to keep it in place.

We’re also pretty sure there are plenty of people who’ll wear it. Are you one of them?

[Product Page]