Crime Fighting Advice


designer handbag

This is what a £1,000 designer handbag looks like

Buy it here Yes, we were a bit surprised too, to be honest. Well, when you hear the words “designer handbag” and “£1000 of your British pounds,” you’re probably NOT expecting it to look like a Pinterest project gone wrong, are you? Just like how the words “biker jacket” don’t normally bring this kind of thing to mind, either: On the other hand, these ARE pretty much what we think of when we read the words “waxed stretch cotton twill cargo pants”: (No idea how the shoes are supposed to be described. Not asking.) And these seem like a pretty standard pair of lurex stretch pants: (Actually, we’re pretty sure we’ve seen these decorating toilets in photos of houses from…

Irregular Choise dinosaur heels

If you love dinosaurs, you’ll love these shoes

We know a little girl who’d probably love these shoes – or the heels of them, at least.  She’s two, though. There is that. And that, in a nutshell, sums up exactly why we’ve never really got the appeal of the vast majority of Irregular Choice shoes. Sure, there’s the odd pair that looks like they may have been designed for adults, but when you find yourself admiring the same shoes as a toddler, you start wondering if perhaps time to re-assess. What makes a grown adult decide she wants to have two plastic dinosaurs attached to her feet? We don’t know, but we’re going to assume that any explanation would include liberal use of the words “fun”, “quirky”, “whimsical”…

Festival Fashion Crimes

We realise we’re beating a dead horse here, but… We’re not OK with this. We don’t think we’ll ever really be OK with unitards in a non-dance-related setting (By which we mean, “worn by dancers, gymnasts, etc – not simply “worn on the dancefloor”), but this one is troublesome on so many levels. The plunging neckline, from which the model’s boobs look to be in danger of escaping at any moment; the strange fringing, which makes it look more like a fancy dress costume than an actual item of clothing; THE SHOES. OK, we realise the unitard can’t technically be blamed for the shoes, but there seems to be some un-written rule in fashion right now which states that if…

The Handbag Raincoat: for rainy days and designer bags

Handbag raincoat, $30 When we first saw the image above, we assumed the handbag underneath the cover was in disguise. What kind of fashion criminal was this, we wondered, that needed such protection from prying eyes? Or perhaps it was a fellow undercover cop – who just happened to be taking the word “undercover” a little too literally? Actually, however, the answer is a little less exciting than that. This, you see, is a handbag raincoat – which is exactly what it sounds like: it’s a raincoat for your handbag. What’s that we hear you say? It sounds like a waste of money? Well, it probably would be if your handbag came from Primark, say, or some other budget retailer…

flats shoes are not a crime of fashion

Cannes Film Festival plays Fashion Police, bans flats from the red carpet

[Shoes: Net-a-Porter] So, according to reports, some women have been turned away from a screening of Cate Blanchett’s new movie, ‘Carol’m at the Cannes Film Festival, for having the temerity to turn up wearing flat shoes  – and not the kind of flat shoes you might wear to walk the dog, or do the gardening in either: no, we’re talking about the kind of pretty, sparkly flats that wouldn’t be out of place on… well, on the red carpet, actually. Although festival organisers have strenuously denied allegations that heel height is a factor in deciding who should be allowed entry to events, rumours persist, with some attendees tweeting to confirm that people have, indeed, been turned away because of their…

William Okpo knotted pants

Get Knotted

It’ll soon be shorts season, folks, but we’re not quite there yet, which means many of us are in search of the perfect transitional pieces, to wear now AND wear later in the season: William Okpo knotted pants, $210 Er, these pants aren’t it, by the way: these are just perfect for people who can’t make their minds up whether to wear shorts or pants. Or who really, really like their thighs, and want the world to know it. Faustine Steinmetz destroyed denim jacket, $1,320 The more destroyed something is, and the less wearable it is, the more expensive it is. So, if a denim jacket, say, looks like a denim jacket, and performs the basic functions of a denim…

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