Sock Horror!

Best of the Fashion Police: Stirrup tights

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Back in the days before leggings became commonplace again, and sock horrors had yet to achieve the sheer level of ugliness they so easily attain these days, came the stirrup tights. Note the phrase "tights" – these aren't leggings you're looking at, they're hosiery. Flesh coloured hosiery. With a stirrup on the bottom.

Presumably designed to allow us to keep our legs respectably covered (perhaps for the office?) while still allowing our feet to breathe,  The Fashion Police were unconvinced that there could ever be a good reason for them to even consider wearing this. And we still are – unconvinced, that is. Are you?

Crimes of Fashion

Guest Post – Sack the Stylist: Crop top with Drop-Crotch Overalls

Sack-the-stylist

 A guest post by Ashley Reiner of Houston Fashion Trends Examiner. Ashley writes…

"As with everything, both good and bad, from the '80s, crop tops seem to be everywhere these days.  Crop tops seem like the most simple do-it-yourself: take a Hanes T-shirt, cut it to tummy-baring length.  So why stores are selling these shirts for hundreds of dollars is beyond me.

Unfortunately, that's not the problem here.  I found this Coral Petal Top, which is fine… until you get a closer look at what it's paired with.  No, your eyes are not playing tricks on you; the model is wearing the shirt on top of what appears to be drop-crotch overalls.  The belt doesn't even begin to save this look.

The cherry on top is how the model is striking such a "look-at-me" pose.  I'm not so sure I'd be as confident as she is in that outfit.

But, if you wanna strike a pose too, you can find the Coral Petal Top for $88 at Pixie Market.com."

Author Bio:
Ashley Reiner is currently a fashion design student in Houston, Texas  Saying she has a love for fashion would be an understatement.  Follow her blog here.

Crimes of Fashion, Dresses

More evidence of the sack dress revival: Topshop’s denim pocket tunic

Topshop-sack-dress

What was that we were saying about the imminent sack dress revival? Here's further proof, in the saggy shape of Topshop's denim pocket tunic, which would actually make a good uniform for the inmates of the Fashion Police jail, now we come to think of it: utilitarian, made of hard-wearing denim, completely joyless to wear… Maybe we should put in a bulk order?

If any civilians out there would like to try this, it's £40, and you can buy it here. Just be ready for all of the knowing glances and questions about when you're "due"…

Crimes of Fashion

Best of The Fashion Police: The Half Suit

The-half-suit

Because getting FULLY dressed in the morning is SO HARD, and pulling on a weird little "half suit" is just a kazillion times easier, isn't it?

Designed for those who work from home, but have to take part in pesky video conferences, the Half Suit was the sartorial equivalent of the mullet: business on top, party under the table. This guy could be wearing shants and Crocs on his lower body for all we know. Which would admittedly lead to some fun times if he suddenly had to answer the door.

We arrested the Half Suit back in 2006, and since then we haven't heard of a single instance of someone actually wearing it. Guess it didn't turn out to be such a great idea after all, then?

[About Best of the Fashion Police]
Opinion

Guest Post: Fashionable Dating

Em4 This guest post was written by Emma Jane, who writes…

"As the great Coco Chanel once said ‘I don’t do fashion. I am fashion’

This little quote got me thinking about the world of fashion, and how it relates to me personally. I think that a person’s sense of style, the clothes they wear, and the way they shop can tell you a lot about them. It’s true that our sense of style is a major reflection of who we are. I always seem to notice that bright and happy people are always dressed super cute, and fun. And people who are really confident and outgoing, often make very bold fashion choices too.

Which made me wonder, just how much is fashion connected to other areas of our lives?

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Handbags

Guest Post: Handbag(s) of the Week – Matt & Nat

Mattand-nat

 This guest post was submitted by Deka of That's Hideous! Deka writes…

I love Matt & Nat bags. They are a stylish alternative to your typical leather bag. They are 100% vegan – no animal products or by-products are used. The designers have done a good job of staying current with their designs, using fun colors, and offering a variety of shapes and sizes. I really like the same-tone stitching and bold, sturdy hardware. The crinkled exterior adds texture and uniqueness. The best part is getting a great bag at a reasonable cost. Their bags range from $165 to $350. Here are few of my favorites, and you can visit Matt & Nat here.

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Deka is the writer of That's Hideous! and lives in San Francisco, California. She brings attention to all things ugly: fashion, handbags, shoes, jewelry, celebrities, politics, furniture, and gadgets.

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

‘Boho’ harem pants: save us!

Boho-harempants

Remember a few years back, when "boho" was the fashion craze of the day (Yeah, thanks for that, Sienna Miller, we owe you one!), and everyone was walking around in gypsy skirt and wide, low slung belts? (And ponchos, but let's not even think about that whole "poncho" thing – it's taken us years to get over it…)

Never in our wildest dreams did we ever imagine it could get THIS BAD. Never did we think that one day we would come face-to-face  – or rather "face to crotch" – with an item of clothing described as "boho harem pants". And even if we HAD tried to imagine such a thing, we don't think we could have pictured the full horror of these things.

But readers, the day has come when boho harem pants walk among us. And not even The Fashion Police can save you from them. Don't have nightmares…

[Product Page (eBay)]
Sock Horror!

Guest Post: Would you wear… UpFactory’s veins and arteries stockings?

Vein-tights

 This guest post was submitted by Deka of That's Hideous!. Deka writes…

I enjoy fun, colorful stockings and leggings as a way to add character to an ensemble. But, who knows what type of fashionista UpFactory had in mind when creating these anatomically-inspired stockings. I have a hard time picturing them being worn outside of a Halloween celebration. If these stockings tickle your fancy, they are available here for 41€.

Deka is the writer of That's Hideous! and lives in San Francisco, California. She brings attention to all things ugly: fashion, handbags, shoes, jewelry, celebrities, politics, furniture, and gadgets.

Wear or Die

Guest Post – Wear or Die: Alexander McQueen edition

Aleander-mcqueen

 This edition of Wear or Die was written by Ms Jenn of {Bits of Beauty})> Ms Jenn writes…

"Ladies and Gents, welcome to Wear or Die: Alexander McQueen edition. I guess we could also call this one, the Odd Bird edition. Mr McQueen is a well-known genius and darling of the fashion world. We all go raving mad over possibly owning a piece of McQueen fashion royalty. So, how generous and fabulous, that you get to choose one of two runway looks? That's right, you get to wear the entire look, including the shoes.

Isn't that fabulous? Wait, no? You fool, do you think you have a choice?! Oh wait, you have the choice to DIE, which in any case, we might just bury you in the outfit out of spite. So, which one is it going to be? Option A, the freezing cold dove in a straight jacket or Option B, the weird crested rooster from the county fair? (Bonus points for wearing the wax lips)."

Author bio:
Ms. Jenn is the author of {Bits of Beauty} and regular guest fashion blogger for the Little Pink Book.

Crimes of Fashion, Dresses

The Sack is Back: Coco Ribbon Painted Flower Print Kaftan

Sack-dresses

ASOS call this a "kaftan", but we beg to differ: that right there is a sack, if ever we saw one, and you all know how we feel about sack dresses. This one is particularly perplexing to us, because as well as being unflattering in shape to all but the heavily pregnant (and even they could probably do better), this particular sack dress is also made of a fabric that looks a lot like it came from either a) a nightdress or b) curtains.

None of which points are in its favour, as far as we're concerned, but if you disagree, it's £375 at ASOS.

Crimes of Fashion, Handbags

Best of The Fashion Police: The Bulga handbag that made our flesh crawl…

Bulga-handbag

… because it looks like crawling flesh itself. More specifically, it looks like the flabby, saggy flesh of someone's lady-bits. Seriously, does this bag look like a naked, fat person to anyone else, or is it just us?

This was originally sold for $795, but was later greatly reduced in price in the Bergdorf Goodman sale. We wonder why? Don't people WANT to look like they have someone's flaps of flesh hanging from their arm? No?

[About 'Best of the Fashion Police']
Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Best of the Fashion Police: The famous Argyle Sock boots

Sock boots

While we take a break to recharge our batteries and get ready to go after some new crimes of fashion, we thought we'd show you some of the ones that are already residing in our cells, for the benefit of our newer readers, who may have missed them the first time around.

These Argyle sock boots were one of the very first inmates of the Fashion Police jail, and an early example of the shoes-pretending-to-be-socks phenomenon (a.k.a. 'Impostor Footwear') which we continue to arrest every time we come across a new example of it.

Of course, these boots actually seem pretty tame considering all that's come after them, but we still stand by our original assessment: that if boots absolutely MUST pretend to be socks (and we can see no reason why they should), grandad's golf socks are one of the worst styles of socks to pretend to be…

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Guest Post: Balenciaga’s Sports-Luxe gone bad

Balenciaga-trousers

 This guest post was written by Jenny Hayden, a.k.a. The Style PA. Jenny writes…

"I am a fan of sculptural and architectural influences in fashion, especially when it comes to shoes. Balenciaga though, seem to have taken the trend and thrown it at a pair of trousers, blindly hoping for the best. I don't see £1,025.00 worth of designer clothing, I see a racing driver in a straight jacket. Sport-luxe is a difficult style to master at the best of times, but there is so much going on with this garment, I am struggling to think of anyone, celebrity or otherwise, who could carry them off.

Folds, zips, piping, a criss-cross belt and two shades of grey just confuse the senses and make them impossible to match with other items. Matches Fashion describe them as 'ultra-feminie' but I would have to disagree. So please, someone enlighten me as to how to wear these trousers because, I really am stumped? "

Author Bio:
Jenny is founder and editor of The Style PA, which includes 3 blogs offering hints, tips, tricks and trends for effortless style.

Outerwear

Sheer Coat by Mariella Burani: pretty or pointless?

Sheer-coat

We've had sheer versions of just about everything else over the past couple of years, so we guess it was about time for the sheer coat (Shoat?) to make an appearance.

In fairness, this Mariella Burani coat isn't totally see-through, but it's close enough to see-through to make us wonder just what the point is? We guess there could be some merit in the fact that it's a coat that lets you show off whatever outfit you're wearing underneath, but given that it's not going to do much in the way of keeping you warm or protecting you from the elements, we still have to wonder whether that's a good enough reason to spend £395 / $579 on it?

Also: when we look at the pictures above, the words, "The doctor will see you now," come instantly to mind. Maybe that's just us, though.

What do you think, readers? Good idea? Pointless idea?Daylight Robbery idea? Tell us!

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Unsolved Mysteries: Evil Genius Cowl Back Tunic from Urban Outfitters

Evil-genius-tunic

Urban Outfitters describe this top as "Evil Genius". The Fashion Police just want to know why. And also: who. Who is the 'Evil Genius' of whom Urban Outfitters speak? Why did he or she design a tunic with a hammock in the back? What's it for? Is it so models can carry their young to photo shoots? Is it for storing food, like a hamster does in its cheeks? Or is there another, more sinister reason for it?

We're stumped. We need your help, readers, to solve the Mystery of the Evil Genius top. Tell us: what's it for? And would you buy it?

We, meanwhile, are off to add this Evil Genius character to our "Wanted" list. (And we don't mean that in a good way.) Well, you can never be too careful…

Crimes of Fashion, Lingerie

The Nipple Bra: a good, old-fashioned crime of fashion

Nipple-bra

We're not sure when this advert dates from – going by the look of it we'd guess sometime in the 70s – but we think the real question here isn't "when" but "WHY?"

As you can see from the text, the purpose of the nipple bra is to allow you to have "that sensual, no-bra look while wearing a bra". It was "the very first bra to have its own built-in nipple" and provide that "cold weather look" all the time.

Yes, that'll definitely get your guy's attention. We'd love to see the look on his face, though, when you take off your top to reveal THE NIPPLE BRA!

Why did this not catch on?

[Source]