Crimes of Fashion, Dresses

The Backless Dress: ideal for very changeable weather. Or something.


Ah! All the cosiness of a long-sleeved sweater dress, but with a whopping great hole at the back for those times when it gets unexpectedly toasty, but only on your back. No, that's never happened to us, either, but isn't it reassuring to know that there are fashion designers out there providing for every possible eventuality?

(Actually, given that there have been so many of these "Back Vents" appearing in dresses lately, we're actually growing concerned. Do fashion designers know something we don't? Is climate change about to take a turn for the peculiar? Are human beings about to evolve in such a way that it will soon be necessary for our clothes to be bare backed, to provide room for… for what, we wonder? Tentacles? Humps? Lovely lady lumps? It's food for thought, readers. Food for thought.)

The backless dress has just been reduced to £32 in the ASOS sale, and we'd recommend wearing it with pants, if you don't want your butt to be as breezy as your back.

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Unsolved Mysteries: Tsumori Chisato Slub Twill Docking Pants


These…confuse us. At first glance, you see, we didn’t really know what we were looking at, exactly. Pants? With a skirt melted into the top of them? And kangaroo pockets on the side? Or is it a drop-crotch? Storm Trooper underwear? An adult diaper? WHAT?

Whatever purpose they’re supposed to serve, you can purchase them at Opening Ceremony for $455. Please don’t all thank us at once for tracking them down for you…

Shirts & Tops

Daylight Robbery: Yves Saint Laurent’s $1,107 fine ribbed body suit


Look, Yves Saint Laurent, we're sure it's a really nice body suit and all. As body suits go, we mean. Obviously we're still not really on board with the whole "Body Suits Are Back!" thing that's going on in fashion at the moment – in fact, we're still struggling to get our heads around the 80s invasion, to be honest, and that's been going on for YEARS now .Sometimes when we go shopping, we think it actually IS the 80s.

But we digress.

Like we said, it's not that we doubt you've got a really good bodysuit there, and we're sure that if bodysuits were our thing, we'd consider yours to be THE BEST, a veritable King Amongst Bodysuits, if ever there was one.

But £670/£1,107, YSL? Seriously? Is there a decimal point missing from that figure by any chance, or do you ACTUALLY think we're stupid? Oh, say it ain't so!

BUY: Yves Saint Laurent Body Suit, £670

Shirts & Tops, Style On Trial

Style on Trial: A.Y.Not Dead Hand Print Tee


Ah, the old "hands on my boobs" gag! That never fails to amuse, does it?

Well, does it? Some of you will find this t-shirt quirky and humorous, while others will no doubt find it just a little on the tacky side. Which side are YOU on? Would you walk around with a pair of hands covering your assets, even if they're just a design on cloth? If so, this is £42 at

Dresses, Fashion Fraud Squad

Fashion Police Fraud Squad: Black Halo Vs Forever 21


Just days after our Fraud Squad reported Forever 21's version of Dr Martens pink patent boots, F21 are at it again, and this time we bring to your attention the "Evangeline" dress, which we call the "A Lot Like Black Halo's Herringbone Ruffle Dress, Don't You Think?" dress. 

Forever 21 have made the ruffles smaller, added some buttons at the neckline, and changed the colour (although the Black Halo dress is available in lots of different colours, too). They've also knocked a bog chunk of the price: the original dress was $345 when it came out, and is now down to $200 at Bluefly. Forever 21's version is $29.80.

Which one would you buy, assuming you'd buy either?

Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Impostor Alert! Boots pretending to be shoes by Allessandro Dell’Acqua


 With this one design, we feel the perpetrators of Impostor Footwear crimes have reached a new low. And as anyone who's ever taken a peek inside that particular section of our jail will confirm, that's really saying something.

The thing about most hybrid shoes, however, is that however awful they are, you can generally rely on one of the partners in crime to be OK. In fart, many times we'll find us looking at one of these unfortunate pieces and thinking, "Nice shoe – if only it didn't have a freaking boot attached to it!"

Not so here. While the boot part itself is as inoffensive as only a flat black knee boot can be, the act of pairing it with a pair of fugly slip-ons that look not unlike grandma's slippers convinces us that the designer of these boots didn't even TRY to make them aesthetically pleasing. Because, peep toe slippers? With black knee socks? It's not like this is a combination we'd want to try out even if the "slippers" and "socks" in question WEREN'T actually attached to each other. So why on earth would we want them when they ARE?

More puzzling still: why would we want to pay £245 for them? Or, indeed, ANYTHING for them?

Your input into this matter would be much appreciated. Meanwhile, if you want to buy them, you'll find hem in solitary confinement. We mean, at

[Buy Them!] 

Crimes of Fashion

Return of the Scrunchie : the 80s officially live once more


Remember scrunchies? The ubiquitous hair accessories of the 80s, worn by all, looking good on none?

Scrunchies are back, people. Topshop are selling them.

This is how we know there is no hope for the world. The Four Horsemen of the Fashion Apocalypse are now upon us:

leggings (although, OK, we're totally DOWN with the leggings now.)

acid wash


And now scrunchies.

Its official, readers: we're re-living 1985. And there ain't nothing we can do about it.

Will you wear a scrunchie, though?

Fashion Police

Another Balmain dress a-like, this time from River Island


If you missed out on Asda's version of THAT Balmain dress, fear not: we suspect we're going to be seeing a whole lot of that particular style over the next few months, and just to prove it, here's River Island's take on the trend, which is currently selling on their website for £34.99.

This is less blatant than the Asda dress, and the shoulderpads are smaller, which may make it more wearable, too. Pick one up here.

Celebrity Fashion

Lady Gaga’s hair bow: now you can buy one too!


We’re sure there are ways to create Lady Gaga’s “Look! I tied my hair in a bow!” hairdo using your actual hair, but because we’re too lazy to try it, and also because, well, we don’t really want to, we’ve tracked down this store which sells the hair bows ready-made, and in a whole range of colours and sizes.

Prices start at $18.85 for the smallest size, and they’re hand-tied from hair extensions. We guess the only question remaining then is, would you go for the Lady Gaga look, and wear a bow made out of (fake) hair? If you would, you can get yours here.

Crimes of Fashion, Swimwear, Wardrobe Malfunctions

What Not to Wear to the Beach: the Bow Bikini


We'd arrest this model for being an accessory to a crime of fashion, but seriously, would YOU mess with her? She's all, "SO? You wanna make something of this? You wanna comment on my BOW BIKINI? Come on, I dare yas!"

And we're all, "Er, no, no my good woman. You just keep right on standing there and don't move a muscle. No, seriously, we said don't move a muscle. Because unless you've already anchored that thing with some serious tit tape, that's a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen right there."

This criminal was reported to us on Friday afternoon, by Fashion Police reader Katie. Katie, we didn't get much sleep this weekend after seeing this, but thanks for the report, anyway!

(Note: what makes this whole thing worse, is that the bow – which this site describes as a "bikini top" is NOT INCLUDED. And seriously, can you imagine what it would look like wothout it?!)

Fashion Fraud Squad, Shoes

Fashion Police Fraud Squad: Forever 21 Vs Doctor Martens


Want to dress like Agyness Deyn, but don;t want to fork out for a pair of Doctor Martens that you know you’ll only wear a couple of times before they’re back out of fashion?

Never fear, Forever 21 have come to the rescue, with their take on the famous lace-up boots. And they’re only charging $24.80 for them.

Now, clearly this isn’t going to appeal to Doc devotees, because while the originals will probably outlive you, the Forever 21 versions… probably won’t. No, let’s be honest, they just won’t. And it’s just not very punk to shop in Forever 21, is it?

So these are obviously aimed at those of you who just want to wear this style for as long as it’s in fashion. With the Doctor Martens not exactly outrageously expensive, at around £60, though, you may just prefer to go for the real thing, if pink patent lace-ups just happen to be on your shopping list.

Are they?

[via our Shoe Blog, Shoeperwoman]