Crimes of Fashion

Cut-out jeans, and other crimes of fashion

jeans with cut-outs at the hip

MOTO cut-out-pocket mom jeans

“Cold-shoulder” tops have been around for a while now, and while they’re not exactly our style, they’re not too hard to understand, either: well, on a hot day, a bare shoulder might just seem like a good idea, no?

These, on the other hand – well, we guess these should really be called “cold hip jeans”: and we’ve no idea why they exist. (Other than the need to be “edgy” and “unexpected”, even if it means walking around with your love-handles on show.) The main issue here, as far as we’re concerned, is that while cold-shoulder tops could be pleasantly cooling on a hot summer’s days, these just look … well, COLD, really. Because if it’s cold enough to wear jeans, would it really be simultaneously so warm that your hips would start to feel sweaty? We doubt it, somehow: and we also doubt anyone really wants to see our own ageing flesh peeking out of a pair of mom jeans, so we’ll leave these to those of you who think you can make them work, and move on to our second suspect of the week:

Jacquemus Wave Pants

Jacquemus Wave Pants

They’re… better than the jeans above them, we’ll give them that. Only in the “at least we wouldn’t freeze in them” sense, though (Can you tell the thought of cold hips in winter is really getting to is): that aside, we’re actually not sure the “cartoon character” look is THAT much better, all things considered. Would you wear these? If you answered “yes” to that, we hope you have a spare $535 burning a hole in your pocket: and hey! Maybe that’s what happened to Topshop’s mom jeans?!

P.S. Don’t forget to check out some of these new styles from our partners at Shopbop, including brands like Jacquemus, Tanya Taylor, Theory, FRAME, Theory and more.

shopbop

Crimes of Fashion

Return of the Fur Vest

Is it just us, or does anyone else think this looks like some strange kind of Ewok fetish wear?

Fendi fur vest

Just us? Oh, come ON: you can totally see this in some kind of adult remake of Return of the Jedi, can’t you? If only it was THAT innocent, though, people: because, the fact is, this ISN’T a costume from a movie (not even a really bad one): it’s a Fendi vest. And it’s £11,000, too. (Well, £11, 450, if you want to be accurate, but we’re guessing that if you were OK with paying £11,000 for a VEST, you’re probably not going to be quibbling over the rest of the price tag, are you? Didn’t think so.)

Once again, we find ourselves amazed: not only that there are apparently enough people in the world who are willing and able to buy something like this for someone at  Louisa Via Roma to think, “Yeah, we totally need to stock that…” but also that fur is suddenly fashionable again. And yeah, we know, we know: it’s been happening for a while now, but even just a few years ago, a vest made from fox, mink and goat fur would have ruffled a few feathers at the very least. Now, though, it seems to be accepted that real fur is back in fashion – and we guess that while designers can convince people to pay £11,000 to look like they’re about to star in some Ewok porn, that’s probably never going to change, is it?

P.S. If you want to rest your eyes after what you’ve just seen, don’t forget to check out our sponsors at Shopbop. Last week’s sale is now over, but there’s still plenty of good stuff in the ‘New In’ section to keep you occupied: and none of it costs £11,000, either. Or, at least, we hope not…)

Fashion Fraud Squad

Real Vs Steal | Balmain blazer on a budget

Balmain blazer dupe at Shopbop

Balmain // Lioness

A Balmain blazer is one of those “if only” items for many of us. The sharp tailoring and immaculate attention to detail is TO. DIE. FOR. Unfortunately, so is the price tag – and we mean that in the literal sense, because we can’t even imagine how rich we’d have to be to drop £1,260 on one item of clothing – no matter how beautiful or well made it is – OR how much trouble we’d get into once our other half realised where this month’s mortgage payment had gone.

So, we love it, but we’re not going to buy it: what’s a girl to do? Well, you could do worse than check out this lower-priced dupe by Lioness, and available at Shopbop in sizes XS- L.  Seen side by side, it’s very, very obvious which is the “real” blazer and which is the “steal”, but then again, pretty much anything’s going to look bad standing next to Balmain, isn’t it? In its favour, the Lioness blazer will set you back just $80 – oh, it’s also available in black and white, both of which should prove versatile enough to work with everything from jeans to dresses. Now we come to think of it, you could actually buy all three – not that we’re saying you SHOULD, you understand – and STILL spend way less than you would on the Balmain version, and that alone makes us willing to at least try this on, and find out what it’s like in “real” life.

If you’re willing to spend a little more, meanwhile, and would rather go for a colour OTHER than those three neutrals, we also love this one by Laveer:

light blue blazer

This is currently reduced to $346 from the original $496 – so, yeah, it’s pricey, but still less than half the price of Balmain, if you’re looking for a way to justify.

Fashion News

The Fashion Police shop the Shopbop Sale

Shopbop’s final sale started yesterday: here are some things we’d buy, if we weren’t totally broke, and under a solemn promise not to buy anything else this month… (And when you find yourself having to make that promise on the 3rd day of the month, you know you’re in trouble, don’t you?)

AG raw hem legging ankle jeans

AG RAW HEM LEGGING ANKLE JEANS

AG make some of the softest, most comfortable denim we’ve ever had the pleasure of trying. The raw hem on these ones keeps them feeling contemporary, while the length will work as ankle-length on those of you who’re “regular” height, and full-length on petites.

Michael Kors Cindy bag

MICHAEL KORS Cindy dome cross-body bag

For handbags, meanwhile, we can’t go past Michael Kors: a cross-body bag is one of our summer essentials, and this blush coloured one will go with everything – and look super-cute into the bargain.

gingham shorts

Club Monaco gingham shorts

There’s still enough of the summer left for these gingham shorts to get some use – and if the weather doesn’t comply, there’s always next year…

Nicholas Floral Lace Rouleau Ball Dress

Nicholas Floral Lace Rouleau Ball Dress

OK, so this one is, admittedly, still rather pricey, even although it’s on sale, but it was too pretty not to include. We’d personally prefer a longer lining (ideally one the same length as the outer skirt), but we’re having to accept that we’re hopelessly out of step with the rest of the world on this one…

Claudia Summer Rose Printed Midi Dress

BBDakota Claudia Summer Rose Printed Midi Dress

Finally, this BB Dakota floral sundress is one of those easy-to-wear pieces which will get you through the entire summer. Dress it up with heels and a clutch, and wear it to a summer wedding, or throw on a pair of flats and a denim jacket for a casual, but still pulled-together kind of look.

Click here to shop the rest of the Shopbop sale.

Crimes of Fashion

Good shoes gone bad, and other crimes of fashion

Topshop half-moon sweater

“Fashion crime” is probably too strong a charge for this Topshop sweater: by which we mean we probably wouldn’t arrest you for wearing it – but we would pull you over and ask you some questions. “WHY?” would be the first one that would spring to mind, really. Why would you need a sweater with a giant cut-out section in one side? And it’s not like it would be a particularly attractive sweater WITHOUT the cut-out either, so again: WHY? Does the cut-out make it better or worse? Are we asking too many questions? OK then, moving on…

Also from Topshop, and also falling into the “probably not a CRIME, exactly, but still plenty puzzling” category, comes these shoes:

Toshop shearling heel mules

Shearling heel mules. Again: WHY? Fur/sheepskin on shoes is something that’s always struck us as spectacularly impractical, not to mention rather unattractive (especially once the shoes in question have survived the typical British winter – or summer, even), but it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, and we’re still seeing furry soled and heeled shoes popping up everywhere. We despair. Look at these ones, for instance, which will instantly make you look like you’re in fancy dress as one of Chewbacca’s cousins:

furry mules

Or these ones, which come from a school of design we think of as “child’s art project gone badly wrong”:

fur and glitter shoes

This one is a particularly sad example, because these shoes could so easily have been saved, couldn’t they? The fact is, there’s actually a pretty nice shoe looking under the blue pom pom and random red fur “tail” – and sure, it’s a slightly-over-the-top shoe even WITHOUT the fur, but we could live with that. What we couldn’t live with, however, is all that unnecessary fluff – which turns this into a classic case of good shoe gone bad.

[P.S. Don’t forget to check out the New In Section at Shopbop, for lots of summer fashion!]

new in at Shopbop

Lingerie

Pretty in Pink | Loungewear Edit

pink loungewearHere at The Fashion Police, we’re big believers in investing in the basics: most people are happy(ish) to spend money on a dress for a wedding, say, or a pair of evening shoes they’ll hardly ever wear, but when it comes to things like lingerie, activewear and undies, they’ll resent parting with their cash, and go for something cheap n’cheerful, instead. That’s all well and good, of course, and we’re not saying you should take out a second mortgage to re-stock your lingerie drawer, but cheap basics can be a false economy – and even on days when you’re not planning to leave the house, it feels so much better to slip into something that looks as good as it feels to wear it. Here are some of our favourite loungewear looks, all in a pretty pink…

o1. ZOE KARSSEN SILK ROMPER

Add a bit of luxury to your evenings and weekends with this shell pink silk romper: this one’s low in stock, so don’t blame us if it’s gone by the time you get to it!

02. RXMANCE JOGGER SWEATPANTS

Remember when sweatpants were the clothes you didn’t want to be seen in? Now they’re everywhere, being touted as “sports luxe”, or the perfect weekend wear. These baby pink joggers by Rxmance will look good with grey, and are almost too cute to reserve for lounging in.

03. SPLENDID CAPRI STRIPE PJ SET

Because you can never go too far wrong with stripes, can’t you? (On second thoughts, don’t answer that…)

04. SUSANA MONACO LONG SLEEVE DRESS

This might not instantly strike you as “loungewear”, exactly, but there’s nothing more comfortable than a simple jersey dress, and for those of you who like to look like you’ve made a bit of an effort – even when you’re just lazing around at home – there’s nothing easier to wear, either. The best bit? This is the kind of dress you can wear absolutely anywhere, so no need to hide it away at home!

 

 

Celebrity Fashion, Style Stealer

Style Stealer: Kristen Stewart’s white trouser suit

Head-to-toe white is a look that many people describe as “brave” – partly because it’s hard to imagine wearing so much white without spilling something on it (Which would kinda spoil the look, huh?), but also, we suspect, because it’s something of a head-turner. An all-white look is a guaranteed way to stand out in a crowd, even when the outfit itself is as simple as Kristen Stewart’s is here.

Kristen was spotted wearing this white trouser suit, paired with a v-neck t-shirt and white patent loafers, while out and about in New York this month. The success of this look is all down to the tailoring: the sharp cut of the jacket and trousers is offset nicely by the slouchy t-shirt, while the black and white loafers help keep the look casual.

Want to steal Kirsten’s style on a budget? Well, your first stop is, as always, good ol’ ASOS…

white trouser suit

These white cigarette trousers, teamed with a slim tailored jacket will help you recreate Kristen’s look – just add a t-shirt and flats, to dress it all down. Of course, if you’d rather dress it UP instead, a silk camisole and pair of strappy sandals, as shown here, will also look good.

white trouser suit

Missguided’s white blazer, meanwhile, has a tuxedo shape, which gives it a little more of an eveningwear look. You’ll still easily be able to dress this one down, though, and if you don’t want to go for head-to-toe white, with the matching trousers, this will also work with a pair of jeans, for a classic casual look.

As for the loafers, meanwhile, these ones by Miss KG aren’t exactly the same as the ones Kristen Stewart is wearing…

white loafers

… but they’re not too far removed either, and at least they’ll (probably) be a whole lot cheaper!

Shoes

Do flatforms EVER look stylish?

Fendi shearling flatform sandals

Fendi’s shearling flatforms: they look a bit like someone’s idea of a joke, don’t they? Like, they’re the kind of shoe you might wrap up and present to someone as a gift, before bursting out laughing, saying, “only joking!” and then presenting them with their REAL present. Either that or a pair of those comedy slippers everyone seems to love – you know the ones which are designed to make you  look like your feet are stuffed inside two giant puppies or something? Hilarious.

These 850 euro designer shoes, however, are equally hilarious to us, as is the idea of people actually walking around in them, in all seriousness. Of course, we’re biased: flatforms are one of those things we’re just never going to understand, so, in a bid to try and come to terms with them, today we ask the question: can flatforms EVER look stylish? Well, let’s take a look…

Here’s Rihanna, trying to “edge up” a pretty dress (because heaven forbid a dress NOT look “edgy”!) with a pair of chunky flatform loafers. Is she making them look stylish, though? You decide…

Lily Collins, meanwhile, wore a similar pair of flatform loafers to the Stella McCartney Autumn 2016 presentation, pairing them with a floral satin bomber jacket and… actually, she seems to be JUST wearing the bomber jacket. Letting the shoes be the focal point of the outfit, perhaps?

Finally, here’s Stellla McCartney herself, in a pair of her own lace-up flatforms (and by “her own” we mean she designed them, not simply that she owns them…):

As the creator of the footwear in question, it’s obviously no surprise to see Stella wearing these, but we’re not sure any of these celebrities have convinced us to give them a go ourselves. So, CAN flatforms EVER look stylish? The jury’s still out…

Style Stealer

Style Stealer | Blake Lively’s yellow maxi dress and denim jacket

 

It has to be said, Blake Lively is rocking maternity style right now, isn’t she?

Pregnant or not, though, you can still steal her maternity maxi dress style: we love the way she’s dressed down this eveningwear-inspired yellow chiffon maxi dress with a casual denim jacket. On its own, this dress would probably have looked a little fancy for daywear, but denim jackets have a way of instantly making even the fanciest dress look just a little more casual, so we reckon this look could easily work for a summer barbecue, say, or other smart/casual event.

You probably won’t want to spend quite as much as Blake Lively did on her chiffon maxi dress, though, so here are a couple of low-cost options for you:

yellow chiffon maxi dress

BOOHOO ESTHER EMBELLISHED MAXI DRESS

This dress isn’t an exact copy of Blake’s, but the yellow chiffon fabric and embellished bodice makes it not too far off, either – and at just £30, it’s (probably) a whole lot cheaper, too.  A denim jacket and a pair of summery flat sandals will be all you need to dress this down a little, but if you’re looking for something even more casual, this dress – also from BooHoo – is only £10, and, well, it doesn’t really get much more casual than a simple jersey maxi dress, does it?

yellow jersey maxi dress

 Although this look isn’t exactly revolutionary, it’s the colours that really make it stand out: that neon yellow shade can be a tricky one to wear, but, as well as making the look more casual, the jacket also helps to tone down the neon, creating a nice contrast between the yellow and blue.

style stealer: blake Lively's yellow chiffon maxi dress

Of course, if the yellow is too much for you, these two dresses also come in a variety of different colours, so you can still steal the style – just not the colour scheme.

Fashion Police

Shopbop Sale Picks

What do Fashion Police Officers wear off-duty?

Well, they wear lots of things, as it happens, but seeing as the Shopbop sale starts today, here are some things we’d LIKE to be wearing…

stripe skirt

Alice + Olivia Nikola Stripe skirt

Alice + Olivia make the BEST skirts, seriously. This one is a little on the long side, sure (When it’s below-the-knee on the model, you can take it as read that it’ll be almost ankle-length on anyone who DOESN’T have a model-esque stature…), but the right stripes and simple shape make it a great summer pick.

classic trench coat

Free People Full Sweep Trench Coat

A trench coat is one of the few items that normally appear on lists of “wardrobe essentials” that we actually believe should be there. We’re not saying they’re going to be essential for everyone, obviously, but if they’re essential for YOU, here’s an opportunity to get this full-skirted trench by Free People at a lower price.

Kate Spade New York Becca flats

Kate Spade New York Becca flats

Kate Spade’s studded ‘Becca’ flats have been hugely popular this season, so we were a little surprised to see this coral version turn up in the sale section – not that we’re complaining, of course. If you love the style, but aren’t so keen on the colour, these are also available in black, but you’ll have to pay full price for them unfortunately.

Shopbop’s Sale on Sale gives you an extra 25% all sale items, with the code 25EXTRA. It runs for three days, and you can click here to get shopping!

Shopbop sale on sale

Crimes of Fashion

These jeans are very distressed…

distressed jeans

Over the years we’ve been policing, we’ve become pretty resigned to distressed jeans: to even accept them. Sometimes, a bit of distressing adds to the effect: it either creates that effortless, worn-in look, or it just makes the jeans look a little more interesting – a little less “here I am, in my very best jeans, that I’ve carefully ironed for the occasion!”

Other times, though… other times, it just ends up looking like this. These jeans are a little bit more than just “distressed” aren’t they? These jeans are freaking the hell out. They’re not “effortlessly worn-in”, either: in fact, a whole lot of effort has gone into make them look like they’ve been worn to death. (And these ones aren’t much better… )

For us, distressed jeans only really work when they actually look like the distressing could have happened naturally, over time, instead of looking like someone played a cruel joke on the wearer: like, they fell asleep somewhere, and woke up to find someone “hilarious” prankster had cut a giant hole in their best jeans. So, maybe something like this, say:

Blank Denim jeans These are by Blank Denim, and come highly recommended by The Fashion Police – and not just because they’re only $88, either. (They also do some non-distressed versions, which are worth checking out.)

As for the other fashion crimes we’ve arrested this week, well, it’s been a fairly quiet week on that front, but we would like to submit these shoes into evidence:

green fluffy shoes

We’re not sure why this “furry shoes” thing continues to be A Thing, but we remain ever grateful for the fact that they DON’T yet seem to be A Thing in the real world. Which is a bit of a shame, in some ways: can you imagine how much it would brighten your day to see people walking along the street with green furry feet? It’s almost worth letting these go free, just to make that happen…

Crimes of Fashion

Unitards: who’s actually buying them?

ASOS unitard

ASOS unitard

ASOS unitard

all unitards: ASOS

Remember when ASOS used to be called ‘As Seen On Screen’? It seems like a long time ago now, but the original concept of the site was to sell affordable versions of the clothes celebrities wear “on screen”, so each item would be “As Seen on X Celebrity”. Well, the name may have been truncated to simply ‘ASOS’, and the celeb-centric concept has long been ditched in favour of providing all kinds of clothing, for all kinds of events, but if you take a quick look at the unitards section, you might be forgiven for wondering if someone at ASOS still secretly wishes they were dressing celebrities, rather than the girl next door.

Seriously: these three unitards wouldn’t look out of place on stage at a Katy Perry concert or similar, but we’re seriously struggling to imagine where else someone would actually want to wear them. We can’t imagine a single one of our friends or acquaintances (and we’re including people in their teens and early 20s in that list, by the way, before you go dismissing us with the usual, “Yeah, but you’re old, Fashion Police!” argument…) seeing one of these on ASOS, and thinking, “Hell yeah: that’s EXACTLY what I’ve been looking for – my wardrobe dilemma is now solved!” Because what possible kind of wardrobe dilemma could be solved only by a semi-sheer or “haha, you thought I was naked, didn’t you!” unitard? Other than Halloween, obviously?

Actually, come to think of it, if your lifestyle does regularly present you with those kind of dilemmas, then, honestly, you sound like you have a pretty cool life, and we wish you’d tell us about it. As for us, however, we’re closing down the “unitard” section and searching for the “clothes you can actually wear in your day-to-day life” one: sounds like a plan…

What To Wear

What to Wear to a Concert

what to wear to a concert

WHAT TO WEAR TO A CONCERT?

This is actually a trickier question than you might at first think: concerts SEEM like a great excuse to dress your best after all, but then again, you’re probably going to be getting hot, sweaty, and possibly stamped on a few times, so you also need to go with something practical. So what to wear?

Well, first things first: before you can decide what to wear to a concert, you need to know what KIND of concert it is. If you’re going to be sitting down, listening to classical music, say, you’ll probably want to dress a little differently from someone going to a rock concert. If it’s country music you’re into, meanwhile, the dress code might be different again. For the purposes of this article, though, we’re going to assume it’s some kind of rock or pop concert you’re dressing for. Which brings us to the next question…

SEATED OR STANDING?

If you’re going to be in a seated area, rather than in the middle of the mosh pit, say, you can pretty much wear whatever you like: concerts tend to be pretty casual, so a smartened up version of whatever you usually wear is a safe enough bet, but hey – you do you.

If you’re standing, on the other hand, you’re going to be on your feet for several hours, and probably squashed in amongst the rest of the crowd. It’ll be hot, sweaty and there’s a good chance someone will end up spilling a drink on you at some point, so here’s the first rule of dressing for a concert:

DON’T WEAR ANYTHING TOO PRECIOUS

Seriously, no matter how much you want to “dress up”, be aware that whatever you wear is going to be soaked in sweat, and God knows what else by the end of the night – delicate fabrics, expensive clothing, and things that have to be dry cleaned are probably a no-no, then.

Instead, choose fabrics that’ll “breathe”, colours that don’t stain too easily (or clothes old/inexpensive enough that you don’t really care if they do), and clothing that’s comfortable to move around it. Pay particular attention to shoes: if the crowd’s a particularly lively one, you WILL get pushed around a bit, so slip on shoes – which can just as easily slip OFF – are best avoided. Instead, choose boots, sneakers or other shoes that offer some protection to your toes, and which are secure enough not to go flying off your feet when you dance. If you can comfortably stand/dance in heels, go for it – if not, choose something comfortable enough to stand around in, because you’ll be doing quite a lot of it.

Bear in mind that temperatures get pretty hot at concerts: if you’re wearing a coat or jacket, you’ll probably want to take it off, but unless there’s a handy cloakroom to check it into (and there probably won’t be), that means you’ll be left holding it for the duration of the concert. To avoid that, it’s easier to wear layers which can be easily added or removed: if you think you’ll be cold on the way to the venue, but warm inside, try to choose outerwear you can tie around your waist rather than something that you’ll want to hang up.

As for the specifics of what to wear – well, that’s really up to you to decide. You’ll likely see a lot of people in jeans and band tees, so if your aim is to fit in, that’s an easy way to do it. If you’re happy to stick to your own style, though, there’s no reason not to – as long as you bear the points above in mind.

Have fun!

Style Basics

3 Things That Aren’t Fashion Crimes, No Matter What Anyone Tries to Tell You

fashion crimes

If you read fashion magazines or blogs, you might have picked up a few slightly strange ideas about what counts as a “fashion crime” these days. Things like…

WEARING THE SAME OUTFIT ON REPEAT

According to the fashion elite, wearing the same thing over and over again is boring and uncreative: instead, you should be constantly experimenting and evolving, by finding new ways to wear older clothes.

We say: who has the time to put so much thought into getting dressed every morning? Sure, if getting dressed is your hobby, and you genuinely enjoy the challenge of never repeating an outfit, go ahead and implement a “no repeats” policy – but the fact is that most of us just want to look our best – and we don’t really care if that means wearing the same thing, in the same way.

NOT BEING ‘FASHIONABLE’

It always surprises us to see some people still un-ironically declaring that something is “so last season” or “out of fashion”. If you like it and it suits you, then who really cares if it’s not at the cutting edge of style? Keeping up with trends will make you “fashionable”, true – but it won’t make you stylish. Wearing what you like, regardless of whether it’s “in” or “out” is a much better way to do that.

NOT DRESSING YOUR AGE

There are SO many stupid rules relating to what women should and shouldn’t wear at different ages. We say forget them all, and wear what makes you feel good – as long as it’s appropriate for whatever you’re wearing it FOR, obviously. You can be dressed inappropriately for the occasion – you can’t really be dressed inappropriately for your age.

In other words: don’t pay attention to fashion “rules” – that’s what fashion victims do, and look where it gets them! Instead, wear what looks good, regardless of what kind of rule you might be breaking: you’ll never regret wearing something you love.

Crimes of Fashion

Fashion Crimes of the Week: Pom Poms and Denim

pom pom cardigan

pom pom cardigan and distressed dungarees

For as long as The Fashion Police have been in existence, one of our most hated crimes of fashion has always been something we refer to as the “Dress Like a Toddler” trend. This is, in case you haven’t guessed, when grown women (and men) wear clothing that wouldn’t look out of place on a three year old – but which DOES look just a little bit out of place on the aforementioned grown adult. Now, we’re not saying that as soon as you reach maturity you have to start dressing all “sensible”, and wearing the kind of clothes your grandma might approve of: we’re just never going to understand why people willingly infantilise themselves with their clothing. And we’re never going to. Look, we’ve been writing this blog for ten years now and we STILL don’t get it, even after dozens of comments from people telling us how WRONG we are, and how AWESOME it is to climb  into a giant onesie at the end of the day. Sorry, toddler-clothing fans.

Which brings us to this little combo from ASOS. We think they’re reached peak “Dress Like a Toddler” with this one: we guess the only difference is that the toddler probably couldn’t be persuaded to wear the cardigan for too long – can you imagine how uncomfortable it would be trying to sit or lie down in that thing, with all of those pom poms sticking into your back?

Another thing we’ve never been able to get on board with is the flagrant mis-use of denim, as evidenced by Marques Almeida:

ruffled denim fashion crimeruffled denim fashion crimeruffled denim fashion crimeruffled denim fashion crimeruffled denim fashion crime

Our thinking? Denim is at its best when it’s also at its simplest. The second you start to add distressing, ruffles, ruching, patches, embellishment etc, you’re on a slippery slope towards the land of Fashion Crime.  A small amount of any of these might just work: too much of any one of them, though, and you better watch out -someone might call The Fashion Police…

Crimes of Fashion

If you saw it in a thrift store…

… would you pay £50 for this playsuit?

denim playsuit

We’re going to go with “no” on this one – in fact, we’d probably take one look at it and wonder how on earth the staff in the store had let something so obviously past its best under their radar… and who on earth would buy it. If we looked at the price label and saw it was £50, we’d be even MORE amazed – even if it still had the tags on, and was obviously unworn: and we’d be even LESS likely to buy it, obviously!

Of course, taste is subjective, and for every officer out there who wouldn’t wear this playsuit even if you paid HER £50, there’s another who’d happily pay twice as much for the privilege – isn’t fashion a wonderful thing?

Here are some other playsuits that have caught the attention of our officers lately…

strange playsuit

This one looks like some kind of wardrobe malfunction in progress – or, alternatively, some strange kind of crocheted jellyfish. You know those heart-sinking moments when you step outside in a floaty skirt, and the wind blows it right up in your face? That moment can be a permanent one, with the help of this playsuit – at least you’ll know you’re wearing your most sensible bloomers underneath, though!

denim playsuit

This one, meanwhile, goes a long way towards convincing us that denim playsuits are just a bad idea, all round. Er, at least it’s probably practical for… something? Days when it’s cold enough for long sleeved denim, but warm enough for shorts, maybe? We have no idea: but if there’s a denim jumpsuit out there that’s NOT a crime of fashion, we’d really like to see it. (No, really, we’d love to see this mythical item, because until we do, we just won’t believe it exists…)

P.S. Want to look at some cute stuff, rather than fashion crimes? Head over to our sister site ShoeperWoman, for fashion, beauty and lifestyle topics and advice – and not a denim jumpsuit in sight!

Fashion Trends

Two eighties fashion trends that came back this season

Love ’em or loathe ’em, the 1980s are never very far away when it comes to fashion. Here are two current trends which the children of the 80s might recognise…

red neckerchief

NECKERCHIEFS

Back in the late 80s, fans of the boyband Bros used to wear high-waisted jeans (the kind that would probably now be described as “mom” jeans), white shirts or t-shirts, and red bananas, tied around the neck. We thought we were the BOMB, seriously. Now we simply feel like we’ve gone back in time, because that whole look has come right back around, to the point where it’s hard to find a fashion blogger these days who doesn’t have a chirpy little red bandana tied around the neck. These are more often spotted these days with the ubiquitous Breton top and a trench coat, and honestly, the jury is still out for us: when you’re as old as we are, it’s hard not to look at the red bandana bridgage and think, “Bros! Yay!” (If you’re even older than we are, meanwhile, you might just look at them and think, “YEE HAAAW!”); on the other hand, the more we see them “in the wild”, the easier it becomes to drop that association and see them as a “current” trend again. Give it another few weeks, and who knows: we might even buy some…

satin bomber jacket

BOMBER JACKETS

It would be wrong to suggest that bomber jackets are purely an 80s-trend: they’re one of those looks that never really went away, and the current trend for satin ones has more of a “pink ladies from Grease” feel than an “I was a child of the 80s” one. If you WERE a child of the 80s, however, you might have some fond memories of padded bombed jackets, which looked awesome with those marble-wash jeans and red neckerchiefs, obviously. Oh, and don’t forget the Grolsh bottle tops on your Doc Marten shoes!

Crimes of Fashion

A fringe too far

Well, we’ve once again reached that time of year, when, likely inspired by Coachella and other festivals, fashion designers decide to start pushing fringed items on us, so we can all pretend to be flower children or something.

“Festival fashion” has a lot to answer for, basically: especially when people who aren’t even going to festivals start thinking they have to wear some strange, 70s-inspired “costume”, normally involving flower garlands and the likes. But we digress.

Here’s an example of a pair of jeans that have been given the “fringe” treatment: with fairly comical results:

fringed jeans

Jeans: River Island

Now, we’re going to assume these will probably be popular. It’s festival season, after all: people are going to look at these and say things like, “It’s an interesting twist on an old classic!” and other stuff designed to make you think that if you wear jeans WITHOUT rips and tears and giant fringes around the ankles, then you’re hopelessly out-of-date, and just really quite tragic, basically. As for us, meanwhile: we look at these jeans and see an item of clothing that’s been the victim of a crime of fashion: and it’s not the only one, either:

Zara frayed denim cullottes

Culottes: Zara

OK, one garment like this could’ve been an accident, but two? Two seems like the start of a crimewave to us. The worst thing about these frayed hems is how deliberate they look: we don’t mind destroyed denim when it has that effortless, “these are my favourite jeans: I’ve had them for years” look to it. When it has more of an “I was up all night painstakingly trying to make my denim look old and worn in: please tell me I look cool!” look to it, we’re less impressed.

Finally:

frayed denim jeans

frayed denim jeans: ASOS

In this case, the frayed hems are actually the least of the crimes, aren’t they? Who’d have thought that was even possible?

Crimes of Fashion

From the ‘Where Would You Wear It?” Files…

mesh leggings

Mesh leggings. MESH. LEGGINGS. If ever there were two words that should never appear in a sentence, “mesh” and “leggings” would be those words. Alarmingly, these aren’t the worst example we’ve ever seen, but that doesn’t necessarily exonerate them, does it? They definitely wouldn’t pass the “where would you wear them?” test (In which you have two seconds to come up with somewhere to wear the item in question: if you can’t do it, it’s guilty as charged…), let’s put it that way.

Three more words that shouldn’t ever been used in the same sentence – or, more accurately, in the same product description:

long scuba swimsuit

Long scuba swimsuit“. The “scuba” and “swimsuit” bits we can live with – nothing wrong with that. It’s when you add the word “long”, however, that things start to stray into “fashion crime” territory. What’s the point of the “half a leg” thing, after all? Why would you need it on a swimsuit? Why is it attached to the model’s ankle? Wouldn’t that be kinda annoying when you tried to walk? Can you even SWIM it it? Or is it one of those swimsuits that’s “just for show”? There are all questions which the prosecution would like to put to this swimsuit: we hope it has a good lawyer…

Finally, we know WHERE you’d wear these shoes

Vivienne Westwood toe shoes

Pretty much anywhere you’d wear shoes would work, wouldn’t it? We just don’t know WHY you’d wear them, and we never have. Sure, we know the “toe shoe” is Vivienne Westwood’s thing, and if you’re a fan, it’s a pretty iconic look. We also know that so many people love these shoes that if we tried to arrest them, we’d probably get ourselves lynched or something, so we’ll give them a pass – for now, at least…

Crimes of Fashion

Some minor fashion infractions

Not all crimes of fashion are big ones: the type that would have the Fashion Police swooping down to arrest you, without the chance of bail. Some are just… well, some are just like this:

longline denim jacket

[Buy it here]

It’s hard to imagine how they could have styled this in a way that would’ve made the jacket look any worse, or the model any more miserable, huh? She looks every bit as uncomfortable as she would if someone had stolen all her clothes, and some kind passer-by had lent her his several-sizes-too-large denim jacket to protect her modesty. There may well be a way to make this jacket look a whole lot better – this just isn’t it.

Actually, we suspect this whole “clothes stealing” situation is something we might have to look into, because it seems this poor model has suffered the same fate:

model in half a suit jacket

[Buy it here]

In this case, it looks like the kind passer-by offered up a suit jacket, rather than a denim one. The brave model has done her best to make this look work for her, but … well, let’s put it this way: if she lived where we do, she’d spend the entire day having people walk up to her shouting, “OMG, what happened? Do you need me to call someone?” And that would get really old, really fast…

skin-toned leather trousers

[Buy them here]

As for these trousers, meanwhile, well, these might not even be a minor infraction, if it wasn’t for the fact that they’re such an exact match for the model’s skin tone that, at first glance, we assumed she was naked from the waist down. On someone else, they might just work, but, well, this is why your chief of police avoids pale pink pants – the “naked” look might work for some, but it would definitely raise a few eyebrows in the environs of Fashion Police HQ!