Crimes of Fashion

If you saw it in a thrift store…

… would you pay £50 for this playsuit?

denim playsuit

We’re going to go with “no” on this one – in fact, we’d probably take one look at it and wonder how on earth the staff in the store had let something so obviously past its best under their radar… and who on earth would buy it. If we looked at the price label and saw it was £50, we’d be even MORE amazed – even if it still had the tags on, and was obviously unworn: and we’d be even LESS likely to buy it, obviously!

Of course, taste is subjective, and for every officer out there who wouldn’t wear this playsuit even if you paid HER £50, there’s another who’d happily pay twice as much for the privilege – isn’t fashion a wonderful thing?

Here are some other playsuits that have caught the attention of our officers lately…

strange playsuit

This one looks like some kind of wardrobe malfunction in progress – or, alternatively, some strange kind of crocheted jellyfish. You know those heart-sinking moments when you step outside in a floaty skirt, and the wind blows it right up in your face? That moment can be a permanent one, with the help of this playsuit – at least you’ll know you’re wearing your most sensible bloomers underneath, though!

denim playsuit

This one, meanwhile, goes a long way towards convincing us that denim playsuits are just a bad idea, all round. Er, at least it’s probably practical for… something? Days when it’s cold enough for long sleeved denim, but warm enough for shorts, maybe? We have no idea: but if there’s a denim jumpsuit out there that’s NOT a crime of fashion, we’d really like to see it. (No, really, we’d love to see this mythical item, because until we do, we just won’t believe it exists…)

P.S. Want to look at some cute stuff, rather than fashion crimes? Head over to our sister site ShoeperWoman, for fashion, beauty and lifestyle topics and advice – and not a denim jumpsuit in sight!

Fashion Trends

Two eighties fashion trends that came back this season

Love ’em or loathe ’em, the 1980s are never very far away when it comes to fashion. Here are two current trends which the children of the 80s might recognise…

red neckerchief

NECKERCHIEFS

Back in the late 80s, fans of the boyband Bros used to wear high-waisted jeans (the kind that would probably now be described as “mom” jeans), white shirts or t-shirts, and red bananas, tied around the neck. We thought we were the BOMB, seriously. Now we simply feel like we’ve gone back in time, because that whole look has come right back around, to the point where it’s hard to find a fashion blogger these days who doesn’t have a chirpy little red bandana tied around the neck. These are more often spotted these days with the ubiquitous Breton top and a trench coat, and honestly, the jury is still out for us: when you’re as old as we are, it’s hard not to look at the red bandana bridgage and think, “Bros! Yay!” (If you’re even older than we are, meanwhile, you might just look at them and think, “YEE HAAAW!”); on the other hand, the more we see them “in the wild”, the easier it becomes to drop that association and see them as a “current” trend again. Give it another few weeks, and who knows: we might even buy some…

satin bomber jacket

BOMBER JACKETS

It would be wrong to suggest that bomber jackets are purely an 80s-trend: they’re one of those looks that never really went away, and the current trend for satin ones has more of a “pink ladies from Grease” feel than an “I was a child of the 80s” one. If you WERE a child of the 80s, however, you might have some fond memories of padded bombed jackets, which looked awesome with those marble-wash jeans and red neckerchiefs, obviously. Oh, and don’t forget the Grolsh bottle tops on your Doc Marten shoes!

Crimes of Fashion

A fringe too far

Well, we’ve once again reached that time of year, when, likely inspired by Coachella and other festivals, fashion designers decide to start pushing fringed items on us, so we can all pretend to be flower children or something.

“Festival fashion” has a lot to answer for, basically: especially when people who aren’t even going to festivals start thinking they have to wear some strange, 70s-inspired “costume”, normally involving flower garlands and the likes. But we digress.

Here’s an example of a pair of jeans that have been given the “fringe” treatment: with fairly comical results:

fringed jeans

Jeans: River Island

Now, we’re going to assume these will probably be popular. It’s festival season, after all: people are going to look at these and say things like, “It’s an interesting twist on an old classic!” and other stuff designed to make you think that if you wear jeans WITHOUT rips and tears and giant fringes around the ankles, then you’re hopelessly out-of-date, and just really quite tragic, basically. As for us, meanwhile: we look at these jeans and see an item of clothing that’s been the victim of a crime of fashion: and it’s not the only one, either:

Zara frayed denim cullottes

Culottes: Zara

OK, one garment like this could’ve been an accident, but two? Two seems like the start of a crimewave to us. The worst thing about these frayed hems is how deliberate they look: we don’t mind destroyed denim when it has that effortless, “these are my favourite jeans: I’ve had them for years” look to it. When it has more of an “I was up all night painstakingly trying to make my denim look old and worn in: please tell me I look cool!” look to it, we’re less impressed.

Finally:

frayed denim jeans

frayed denim jeans: ASOS

In this case, the frayed hems are actually the least of the crimes, aren’t they? Who’d have thought that was even possible?

Crimes of Fashion

From the ‘Where Would You Wear It?” Files…

mesh leggings

Mesh leggings. MESH. LEGGINGS. If ever there were two words that should never appear in a sentence, “mesh” and “leggings” would be those words. Alarmingly, these aren’t the worst example we’ve ever seen, but that doesn’t necessarily exonerate them, does it? They definitely wouldn’t pass the “where would you wear them?” test (In which you have two seconds to come up with somewhere to wear the item in question: if you can’t do it, it’s guilty as charged…), let’s put it that way.

Three more words that shouldn’t ever been used in the same sentence – or, more accurately, in the same product description:

long scuba swimsuit

Long scuba swimsuit“. The “scuba” and “swimsuit” bits we can live with – nothing wrong with that. It’s when you add the word “long”, however, that things start to stray into “fashion crime” territory. What’s the point of the “half a leg” thing, after all? Why would you need it on a swimsuit? Why is it attached to the model’s ankle? Wouldn’t that be kinda annoying when you tried to walk? Can you even SWIM it it? Or is it one of those swimsuits that’s “just for show”? There are all questions which the prosecution would like to put to this swimsuit: we hope it has a good lawyer…

Finally, we know WHERE you’d wear these shoes

Vivienne Westwood toe shoes

Pretty much anywhere you’d wear shoes would work, wouldn’t it? We just don’t know WHY you’d wear them, and we never have. Sure, we know the “toe shoe” is Vivienne Westwood’s thing, and if you’re a fan, it’s a pretty iconic look. We also know that so many people love these shoes that if we tried to arrest them, we’d probably get ourselves lynched or something, so we’ll give them a pass – for now, at least…

Crimes of Fashion

Some minor fashion infractions

Not all crimes of fashion are big ones: the type that would have the Fashion Police swooping down to arrest you, without the chance of bail. Some are just… well, some are just like this:

longline denim jacket

[Buy it here]

It’s hard to imagine how they could have styled this in a way that would’ve made the jacket look any worse, or the model any more miserable, huh? She looks every bit as uncomfortable as she would if someone had stolen all her clothes, and some kind passer-by had lent her his several-sizes-too-large denim jacket to protect her modesty. There may well be a way to make this jacket look a whole lot better – this just isn’t it.

Actually, we suspect this whole “clothes stealing” situation is something we might have to look into, because it seems this poor model has suffered the same fate:

model in half a suit jacket

[Buy it here]

In this case, it looks like the kind passer-by offered up a suit jacket, rather than a denim one. The brave model has done her best to make this look work for her, but … well, let’s put it this way: if she lived where we do, she’d spend the entire day having people walk up to her shouting, “OMG, what happened? Do you need me to call someone?” And that would get really old, really fast…

skin-toned leather trousers

[Buy them here]

As for these trousers, meanwhile, well, these might not even be a minor infraction, if it wasn’t for the fact that they’re such an exact match for the model’s skin tone that, at first glance, we assumed she was naked from the waist down. On someone else, they might just work, but, well, this is why your chief of police avoids pale pink pants – the “naked” look might work for some, but it would definitely raise a few eyebrows in the environs of Fashion Police HQ!

Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Fine feathers make fine shoes… or do they?

t

FINE FEATHERS MAKE FINE BIRDS… er, we mean shoes. And not so much fine shoes, as “really quite strange shoes“. The kind of shoes you probably wouldn’t be able to wear all that often, because unless you had someone carrying you around on a litter or something, we’re not going to trust those feathers to remain looking pristine for long. And we really don’t think that bedraggled feathers would create quite the same look, somehow…

Of course, that’s just us: we can’t ignore the fact that feather-heeled shoes are still much more popular (at least, if what we’re seeing in stores is anything to go by, anyway. There’s sometimes a difference between what fashion brands will try to sell you, and what people will actually BUY…), so if you like the look, but not the price, here’s a much more affordable version from Missguided:

grey feather heeled sandals

Not quite as exotic, sure, although probably a little more wearable: although, if the reaction we get from simply wearing a pair of heels – ANY pair of heels – is anything to go by, be prepared to get a lot of questions and “hilarious” comments from onlookers about the fact that you appear to have wings on your heels…

If even these are just too OTT for your tastes, worry not: did you know you can even work the feather trend while wearing a sensible pair of boots? Oh yes you can

feathered boots

So you still get to wear feathers on your feet, but at least no one can accuse you of jumping on board a silly fashion trend, can they? These are just WAY too sensible for that…

P.S. Before we go… our sister site, ShoeperWoman, just launched a brand new Questions forum, where you can post questions, and get answers about fashion, beauty, life, or anything you want, really. Go take a look – and feel free to join in!

Fashion Police

Fighting crimes of fashion with the Shopbop sale

Shopbop spring sale

It’s Shopbop sale time again!

We’ve already shared some shopping picks today over at both Forever Amber and ShoeperWoman, so we’re going to keep it short and sweet here, and simply let you know you’ll get 25% off all purchases (both full-price and sale) by using the code ‘INTHEFAM’ at checkout. The Fashion Police have already placed their orders, so now it’s your turn!

Shop the sale here!

Crimes of Fashion

5 Fashion Crimes You *Really* Shouldn’t Commit

crimes of fashion

As our regular readers will know by now, our tongues are inserted firmly in our cheeks when we write for The Fashion Police, and most of our pronouncements on these pages are really just a matter of taste. One person’s crime of fashion is another’s most wanted item, and so on and so forth.

There are, however, just a few things that we think really ARE “crimes” of fashion: you won’t go to jail for them, but all the same, we reckon you should run, don’t walk, from the following…

01.  Wearing things just because they’re fashionable

Hands up everyone who wore Birkenstocks last year, just because they were, like, SO on trend? Have you bought yourself a pair of glove shoes, yet? You will – because glove shoes are this year’s Birkenstock, and if you want to keep up with the fashion pack, you’re going to have to wear them. Or, you know, here’s a revolutionary thought: you could just not bother? Obviously if you GENUINELY love an item, then wear it until it falls apart, and don’t let anyone convince you not to – but if you’re wearing it just because you desperately want to be fashionable, and you secretly don’t like it all that much, then you’ve turned yourself into a fashion victim: and fashion victims NEVER look stylish. Speaking of fashion victims…

02. Buying things because “they’re designer!”

Some people are still super-impressed by the idea of wearing clothes with designer labels – to the extent that they don’t really care what the item looks like, as long as it’s OMGDESIGNER, they’ll buy it. These people tend to have no real sense of style of their own, so they use the presence of a designer label as “proof” that the item is stylish. Often, they’ll take a “the bigger, the better” approach to this, ending up wearing clothes emblazoned with giant logos, just to prove they had the money to buy them. They’re not impressing anyone, but they ARE keeping Moschino in business, so there’s that…

03. Wearing things because they look good on someone else

Look, we’ve all been there: you see someone looking amazing in a particular outfit or item, so you rush to copy it – only to end up looking nothing like the person you so admired. The fact is, we’re all different: what looks good on one person might look terrible on someone else, and vice versa, so it’s important to wear the clothes that look good on YOU, not the clothes that look good on other people. This sounds so obvious that it’s barely worth saying, but SO many people commit this “crime” every day: they don’t understand why the look doesn’t work on them, so they just keep on wearing it, instead of finding something that WILL work, instead. Don’t do that.

04. Not ironing your clothes

Yeah, yeah, we know: YOU’VE got BETTER things to do than iron your clothes! YOU have a LIFE, and you’re not going to waste it by standing around ironing all day, are you? We’ll never understand why this is, but for some reason, the very idea of ironing makes some people super-defensive, and even angry – they don’t want to iron, and you can’t make them: in fact, if you even try, they’ll start spitting venom and telling you to “get a life”, just like they have. “I don’t even OWN an iron!” they’ll say, bursting with pride – as if not owning an iron somehow makes them a better person than those who do. Here’s the thing, though: ironing your clothes makes them look better  – it just does. (And yes, we CAN tell that you didn’t bother: sorry.) Yes, you DO have time: if you don’t want to stand at the ironing board for hours, just take a few minutes to run the iron over your outfit before you put it on – unless you think you could maybe cure cancer, write a prize-winning novel, or do any of those much-more-important things that make ironing a compete impossibility for you?

05. Sticking to the same style forever

There comes a point in many people’s style evolution where they just stop evolving, and stick to the same things, worn in the same way, for years on end. Now, we’re big fans of developing a “uniform” of sorts, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with knowing what you like, but if you NEVER update your closet/look, you WILL end up looking dated – and not in a cute, retro-inspired way, either. You don’t have to slavishly follow trends – that was number 1 on our list, after all – but don’t be afraid to try something new every now and then: you never know where it might take you…

Crimes of Fashion

Introducing the jumpsuit that’s also a dress

jumpsuit that turns into a dress for some reason

We are so confused right now.

ASOS describe this item as an “oversized jumpsuit dress”, which, they point out, “can be worn as a dress or as a jumpsuit”.  We have so many questions:

Question # 1: We get that it’s oversized. What we don’t understand is why it’s SO oversized. Like, “oversized” can look cute, and kinda sexy, in an effortless, “Oh yeah, I totally just stole my boyfriend’s shirt,” way… or it can just make you look like you’re wearing someone else’s clothes, and they really, REALLY don’t fit. The fact that this model is looking down at herself, as if to say, “What the HELL am I wearing here?” suggests to us that this outfit falls into the latter category.

Question # 2: How DO you convert it from a jumpsuit to a dress, anyway? There are no instructions on the site: is there a hidden hook, or button, or something, that you can use to make the change? And what would be the point, anyway? Given that the model’s having to adopt a “legs apart” pose in order to show us that it is, in fact, a jumpsuit in the image on the left, we’re thinking that if she were standing normally, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, anyway.

Question # 3: WHY? Just…. why? This is a question that comes up almost every time we look at jumpsuits, though, so we’ll admit to a degree of bias here. For instance:

baggy, shapeless jumpsuit: WHY?

This one doesn’t claim to be anything other than a regular old jumpsuit, but we’re still totally confused by the completely shapeless design, the “nude” colour, the way it makes the model’s body look like a rectangle…It’s prison-uniform chic, only without the “chic” bit, really.

Still, at least we know where to go next time we’re buying uniforms for the inmates of the Fashion Police jail!

Crimes of Fashion

A solution for people who wear pyjamas in public

pyjamas in public

pyjamas in public

Did you see the recent fuss about the headteacher who asked parents to stop doing the school run in their pyjamas, and to think about maybe getting dressed before leaving their homes in the mornings?

It was a recent story, but it wasn’t a recent development. Back in the days when The Fashion Police were at school (which, OK, is a long time ago now, but still…) it would’ve been totally unthinkable for anyone’s parents to turn up at the gates in their pyjamas or dressing gowns: in fact, anyone who DID have to suffer the indignity of being seen with pyjama-clad parents back in those days is probably still in therapy, trying to get over the after-effects of the teasing and bullying they’d have been subjected to.

Now, though, nightwear-in-public seems to be a fairly common phenomenon – at least, if the media is to be believed. (We can still count on one hand the number of times we’ve seen someone walking around in a dressing gown and slippers, but who knows, that might just be us.) This isn’t the first time schools have had to write to parents requesting that they wear clothes, and we’ve also heard stories about supermarkets and other public places banning patrons in pyjamas from entering their store. No matter how many stories we read along these lines, though, it just keeps on happenigng, so it looks like we’re just going to have to accept that people want to wear their pyjamas in public, and nothing’s going to stop them.

Taking the “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” philosophy to its natural conclusion, then, Zara have helpfully decided to come to the rescue. Their current collection contains a few pieces of pyjama-inspired daywear, and technically these ARE “real” clothes, so you can still LOOK like you’re wearing your pyjamas in public… without actually having to wear pyjamas in public.

But how will the schools cope with this, we wonder?

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Where would you wear it? Foil jumpsuit

isabel marant jumpsuit

Some items of clothing become fashion crimes purely because they’re ugly, while others are just totally impractical. (And some, of course, are both ugly AND impractical: those are the biggest criminals of all…)

This one, however… well, ugliness is subjective, and we GUESS you could it practical, depending on what you were wearing it for. It’s probably reasonably warm, for instance – although it’s possible we’re just thinking that because of the fabric’s resemblance to a foil blanket. It doesn’t look too tight or restrictive, and you wouldn’t have to worry about it blowing up in a stiff breeze, the way you would with a skirt or dress. So, OK, let’s say it’s practical: that just leaves us with the third category of fashion crime – or what we in the force refer to as “a category 3”:

Where on earth would you wear it?

The thing is, we’ve been looking at it for a while now, and we just can’t imagine a single situation in our entire lives when we’ve been in need of a £700 foil jumpsuit. Not ever. What’s more, unless we suddenly find ourselves living in some kind of sci-fi sitcom, we can’t imagine there ever BEING a situation where we’d need to wear a £900 foil tinfoil, either. This actually makes us a bit sad: because just imagine how fun your life would be if you were the kind of person who regularly found yourself in need of a foil jumpsuit? Exactly.

We’re not, though, and chances are, YOU’RE probably not either. Just think about it: have you ever been getting dressed for something, and found yourself thinking, “You know what this calls for? A tinfoil jumpsuit. If only I owned such an item, or knew where to buy one!”

If you answered “yes” to that question, the good news is you DO know where to buy one: you can buy this one at Net-a-Porter.

If you answered “no”, on the other hand, well, at least you just saved yourself £925. So it’s good news for YOU, too, isn’t it?

 

Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Furry mules: still a crime of fashion

furry slides

furry mules

Well, THIS is disappointing.

We really thought that furry slides were one of those flash-in-the-pan fashion trends that would be left well and truly behind us in 2015. One of those trends, in fact, that people would look back on a few months later, and think “what on EARTH was I thinking?”

We STILL think that’s probably going to happen at some point, but unfortunately it seems we’re going to have to wait a little while longer for it to happen, because look what we just found at Topshop: yup, furry slides. In a choice of three colours. Is that someone calling the Fashion Police, we hear?

These are £56, which seems like quite a lot of money to us for something that looks… well, like THIS, basically. With that said, we can’t really imagine thinking any price would be reasonable here – not even if we were buying them purely as slippers, with the intention of wearing them around the house. (Side note: it’s a sign of what the fashion world has come to that we actually have to clarify here that slippers are what we’d wear ‘around the house’, but with the line between “pyjamas” and “outdoor clothes” now blurred to the point where it doesn’t actually exist any more, we think the disclaimer is probably necessary…) In fact, you’d actually have to pay US to wear these in public, and we probably wouldn’t do it for £56, either.

So, have Topshop got it wrong, or are people going to be lining up to buy these? Well, we’ve said it before, but this is yet another so-called trend that we’ve only ever seen on fashion bloggers and reality TV stars, so we’ll be surprised if people start wearing them to work, say. Unless, of course, they work as the aforementioned fashion bloggers and reality TV stars, obviously…

Fashion Police

Shopping the Shopbop Spring Sale

shopbop spring sale

Love Kate Spade? Love Shopbop? Think some of the items above would look just AWESOME on Instagram? If you answered yes to any of those questions, you need to get yourself over to Shopbop, STAT: their spring sale started today, which means you can get up to 25% off your orders by using the code ‘BIGEVENT16’ at checkout.

All of the items in the image above can be found in the Kate Spade section, but we’re sure you’ll have fun browsing the rest of the site, too – we certainly did…

(If you just like tongue-twisters, meanwhile, try saying, ‘shopping the Shopbop spring sale’ ten times really fast…)

Wanted!

5 Things To Buy This Week

Week going  little slowly? 

Not to worry: here are five things to brighten it up, from the super-simple basics to the slightly more special: enjoy!

stripe bardot top

01. Vero Moda stripe bardot top

Can you ever have too many stripe tops? Don’t think so. What about bardot tops: can you have too many of those? Nuh-uh: or not the last we heard, anyway. This is a stripe bardot top, and it’s only £22: it’s impossible for us not to love it.

anchor print t-shirt

02. Oasis embroidered anchor t-shirt

Because if there’s something else we can’t get enough of, it’s anchor print. This is a cute way to make a plain white t-shirt a little more interesting, and if you’re a fan of the nautical look, it might be hard to say ‘no’ to.

red dress

03. Warehouse’s cross-back red dress

When it comes to making a statement, there’s nothing quite like a bright red dress. Warehouse’s cross-back dress is super-simple, but add a pair of killer heels and it’s the kind of thing that’ll turn heads – in a good way, we hope. Need shoes to wear with it? No problem…

Kurt Geiger Gabriella

04. Kurt Geiger ‘Gabriella’ sandals

Kurt Geiger’s ‘Gabriella’ sandals are a stunning black bow sandal, with just a touch of red on the insole and platform. They’ll go with far more than just that dress, but you’ll have to be quick, because these are on sale, and starting to sell out. Apologies in advance if your size isn’t available…

Finally, and because one dress just isn’t enough, really…

Ted Baker bird print dress

05. Ted Baker ‘Zaldana’ bird print dress

We kinda saved the best for last with Ted Baker’s ‘Flight of the Orient’ bird-print dress, which is all kinds of awesome. It’s pricey, true, but we reckon this one’s definitely worth it, with the classic shape and full skirt brightened up with that beautiful bird print.

Crimes of Fashion

4 Winter Fashion Crimes to Avoid

winter fashion crimes

Each season has its own set of fashion crimes, that are particular to the season they occur in.

Summer, for instance, has socks with sandals, and inappropriate use of swimwear (here’s a clue: if you’re wearing a bikini in a public place that isn’t the beach, pool or jacuzzi, it’s probably “inappropriate”). Winter, meanwhile, has some of these…

Not dressing warmly enough for the weather

Look, we can’t wait for spring either, AND we hate wearing boots, tights, layers – anything connected to winter, and the idea of being “bundled up”, basically. But when you’re out in the snow wearing short sleeves and bare feet in pumps, it doesn’t really matter how stylish your outfit is – you’re just going to look like you’ve no idea how to dress yourself, aren’t you? Equally, though…

Being overly “bundled up”

Can you tell we hate the phrase “bundled up”? People are not “bundles”, and unless it’s REALLY cold outside, they don’t need to LOOK like “bundles”, either.  Over-dressing for the weather can look just as silly as under-dressing, so find a happy medium and stick with it: not only will you look better, you should feel more comfortable, too.

Trying to “winterize” a summer dress

We don’t know about you, but we always seem to be coming across articles helping people find ways to “wintrize” summer clothing. Our number one tip on this subject, though, is this: don’t bother. Just buy winter clothes. Unless you genuinely can’t afford to buy a few items that are actually designed to be worn in winter, obviously, there should be no reason to layer a cotton sundress up with woolly tights and a thick cardigan: because doing that won’t miraculously make it look like a WINTER dress, will it? Nope, it’ll just make it look like… a cotton sundress, being worn with winter woollies. And trust us when we tell you, it’s not a great look…

Ugg boots in the snow

Ugg boots are soft, snuggly, and fall into that “ugly-but-practical” category, which means we don’t hate them nearly as much as you might think we would. Here’s the thing, though: Ugg boots are not designed to be worn in the snow. They don’t work in the snow. They get soggy and wet, and then you’re essentially wearing a wet sheep on your feet: nice.

And there you have it! Avoiding these winter fashion crimes won’t get you completely off the hook with The Fashion Police – but at least it’ll be a start…

Crimes of Fashion

Fashion Fails

It’s been a while since we rounded up some potential fashion criminals for you, but the following crimes have been called in by our officers: as for whether they’re innocent and guilty, well, that’s for you to decide…

fashion fail

ZARA have a ton of great stuff in store right now, but we’re going to go out on a limb and say this dress isn’t one of them. We don’t think many people would look good in this one, but then again, its crimes suddenly don’t seem all that serious when we compare it to these frayed denim cullotes:

frayed denim culottes

So, it looks like frayed denim is going to be A Thing this season, huh? Seriously, though: the drawstring waist. The cut-off legs … which have been cut off right at the MOST unflattering part. The fraying, which makes these look more VICTIM than criminal… the list goes on, and so we will we: on to the next crime, to be exact…

what the hell even is this?

This ASOS kimono

They’re calling it a kimono, although it’s like no kimono we’ve ever known: or ever WANT to know, for that matter. What we would love to know about this one is where you’re supposed to wear it, though? The high lycra content and general “unitard” look of it suggests the gym, but… then there’s the cape. It’s true that it’s been a long time since we last had a gym membership, but have things really changed THAT much? Have gym goers swapped regular old workout gear for caped unitards? If so, that ALMOST makes us want to re-join the gym, just to see it. ALMOST.

As confusing as THAT crime is, however, we have to admit that this one has us completely stumped:

crime of fashion

“WHY?” is our main question here, we guess. Also, “WHERE?” And “HOW IS THAT COMFORTABLE?” Still, at least it outs the whole “frayed jeans” thing into perspective, doesn’t it?

frayed black jeans

Then again...

What To Wear

Heart print pieces for Valentine’s Day

heart-print clothes for Valentine;s day

Valentine’s day: whether you love it or hate it, you just can’t avoid it – not even here at TFP, we’re sorry to say.

(Actually, you probably could: you could head out into the wilderness, or travel to some far-distant land, where no one cares about pink hearts and other romantic cliques. We’re willing to be that even there you’d bump into at least one person who’d ask if you got any cards, or what your plans are for the “big day”.

Are you picking up on the fact that we’re not huge fans of Valentine’s Day? That’s good: we were worried we weren’t making it quite clear enough.

Here’s the thing, though – our shameful secret, if you will: we might not be big fans of Valentine’s day itself (or, more truthfully, of the hysteria that generally surrounds it), but we DO have a bit of a soft spot for heart print clothes. And shoes. And accessories. And, oh, what the hell – we’ve even included a heart-shaped dish in this list, because why not? It’ll look good on Instagram. You’ll thank us later.

Now, we don’t normally go in for “themed” dressing, and the only kind of holiday we’re remotely interested in dressing for is the type that involves us lying on the beach for most of the day, and then getting all dressed up for dinner in the evening. But soft pinks and shades of blush, combined with rose gold and maybe a bit of red? That gets our vote, especially at the end of a long, dark winter, when even your hard-hearted Fashion Police are able to be won over by a bit of romance…

pink heart cardigan; heart-front pumps; gold watch; heart print scarf; green shoulder bag; heart pattern sweater; heart flats; heart dish ; heart and arrow earrings

Tips & Tricks

Why buying duplicates can be a sound shopping strategy

Why you should buy duplicates of the clothes you love the most

Ever had an item of clothing you love so much that you end up being too scared to wear it, in case something happens to it? 

Er, please tell us we’re not the only ones who do that? Sometimes particular favourites end up being consigned to the “do not wear” pile much earlier than they really need to be, purely because we know that, left to our own devices, we’d wear them so often we’d wear them right out – and can you imagine how awful it would be to no longer have that favourite sweater, or perfectly-fitting pair of jeans? Exactly.

The trouble with THAT theory, obviously (and we’re sure you’ve spotted it already), is that if you’re avoiding wearing something just so you don’t wear it out, it’s basically the SAME as not having it. And what’s the point of having beautiful clothes if you’re not going to wear them? The answer to the dilemma?

Shopping in duplicate.

It’s a very obvious answer, but it’s a technique that a lot of people don’t use, purely because of the cost. No matter how much you love something, after all, it can feel wasteful to buy more than one of it, and it’s not always financially feasible, either. If you CAN afford to double-up on certain items, though, it can be a really useful thing to do, because it gives you the freedom to wear that treasured item as often as you like, safe in the knowledge that you have another one tucked away, just waiting for that fateful day when you spill an entire glass of red wine down the first one, and it won’t come out, no matter how many Pinterest-approved techniques you try.

Of course, not all clothing is worth buying duplicates of. Here are some that are…

Things it’s worth buying more than one of:

  • Jeans that fit perfectly.  We all know how hard it is to find the perfect pair of jeans, right? Well, when you DO find them, for the love of God, don’t just buy one pair: if you can afford to, buy a backup – because you’ll probably never find THAT good a fit ever again.
  • Frequently-worn basics. It’s not much fun to stock up on t-shirts, to be honest, but at the same time, it’s ALSO not much fun to go to your closet and discover a huge stain on your favourite white tee – and then not be able to replace it, because although you’d THINK this kind of thing would be easy to find, sometimes there’s just no replacing a favourite, is there?Also, you can NEVER have too many Breton stripes. NEVER.
  • Ballet flats –  maybe it’s just us, but we seem to be on a permanent search for ballet flats that are just the right shape and colour. When we do find them, we seem to go through them fast, so having a second pair in reserve is a good way to cut down the number of shopping searches we have to embark upon each year.

Things it’s NOT worth doubling up on:

  • Trend pieces. No matter how amazing you think it is NOW, chances are you won’t feel the same way a few years from now, which is when you’d be needing your back up: resist!
  • Anything that’s easily replaced. We said it’s a good idea to stock up on basics, but that’s only the case if your “basics” aren’t always readily available – i.e. you’ve found a particular type of tank top, say, that’s out-of-this world amazing, but it’s from a brand that might not keep on making it. If, on the other hand, you love a particular Gap t-shirt, say, or something else the brand has been making forever, buying duplicates means you’ll just spend money needlessly, and clog up your wardrobe with items you could very easily replace if you really needed to. The idea is to use this technique to REDUCE the amount of shopping you do, not simply to turn into a hoarder by buying tons of things you can easily get from Target.
  • Clothes you don’t wear very often. As with the trend pieces, that evening dress you just bought might make you feel like a million dollars, but unless you’re going to be wearing it every other week, it’s not worth duplicating, because even if something DID happen to it, you probably wouldn’t miss it that much, anyway.
Fashion Police

How Much Is Your Wardrobe Worth?

Have you ever wondered how much your wardrobe is worth?

I hadn’t, actually: I’m not sure if that’s unusual, but it’s just not something that ever really entered my head. My wardrobe was built up over a number of years after all (many, many years, in some cases – there are a few items in there that are older than I’d really like to think about right now!), so it’s not like I went out and dropped a wad of cash on it, after all. This week, though, River Island added a wardrobe calculator to their website, so I thought I might as well give it a go:

wardrobe calculator

WHOA.  Did NOT expect that.

Now, to be fair:

a) I have no idea how they calculated what the “average wardrobe” is worth, or how accurate that figure may or may not be.

b) I also have no idea how accurate my OWN figure is, because I couldn’t be bothered going and counting every item I owned, so I estimated most if it. Everything in the list is split into “high street” and “designer”, but prices can vary wildly within each of those brackets, so, without knowing the exact value of each item, it would be impossible to get a truly accurate figure.

c) As a full-time fashion blogger, I not only have a much larger wardrobe than people in many other professions, I also get sent a lot of items for “free”, so even if the figure generated WAS accurate, it wouldn’t mean I’d actually SPENT that much – heaven forbid!

With that said, this little exercise was definitely a bit of a wake-up call for me. I’ve been on a bit of a mission to simplify and downsize my wardrobe for a while now, and this could be just the extra push I needed to continue with that. I’m not sure that’s quite the effect River Island were hoping to have, but that’s the one it had – on me, at least. If you’d like to find out how much YOUR wardrobe is worth, meanwhile, you’ll find the wardrobe calculator here.

Fashion Police

Trend Alert: Cute Collars for Spring

spring trend: cute collars on knitwear and dresses

Well, it’s been a very long winter here in the frozen north, but at last the spring/summer collections are starting to appear in our favourite stores. It’s still too cold to actually WEAR any of the items, you understand, but isn’t it nice to be able to just look at them, and to know that a time is coming when we’ll be able to get dressed without having to add a dozen layers over the top of that pretty dress, totally defeating the purpose of wearing it in the first place? Exactly.

Today our style sleuths have been doing some digging, and we’ve uncovered an incoming spring trend – cute collars. Whether they’re on knitwear, dresses or tops, cute collars are all over the spring collections. The ones in our collage are all from Oasis, but you’re going to be seeing this style popping up in other places too, so keep an eye out for them – assuming, of course, that you actually like them.

If you do, this look is a really way to instantly make a simple piece of knitwear stand out: the sweaters in the image above, for instance, would’ve been nice, but fairly basic, if it weren’t for the floral and animal print additions to the necklines. The florals add a fresh, spring-like touch, the animals are cute and quirky, and the other patterns on offer – well, they just help make the overall effect that little bit more interesting.

Regardless of the colour or style of the collar itself, this is a very preppy kind of look, and it’s probably not one that will work for absolutely everyone: high necklines can look somewhat frumpy without careful styling, but if you like a very polished, pulled-together kind of look, this is an easy way to achieve it, without spending too much money.