Crimes of Fashion, Lingerie

Fashion Police for the Boys: Yohji Yamamoto boxer shorts

Yohji-Yamamoto-boxer-shortsThey’re exactly the kind of thing you’d expect to find in a tacky souvenir store in a tourist town. You know, the kind of place selling shirts that read “FBI: Female Body Inspector”?

So why on EARTH are they selling for $925 and $1,010 respectively at Barney’s?

Oh. Because they have “Yohji Yamamoto” stamped on the waistband.

There’s officially no hope left for humanity.

[Thanks to Rafael for the report!]

Fashion Police

Unusual rings by Betony Vernon


The Fashion Police have been loving the current trend for huge cocktail rings, and “the bigger, the better” tends to be our motto. But we’re just not sure about these ones by Betony Vernon, which will make you look like you have a small furry animal perching on your finger at best, and prevent you using said appendage at worst – or it certainly looks that way, anyway.

What do you think of these? Would you wear them? If so, you’ll find them at Colette, where you can expect to pay anything from £370 up.


Would you wear… Jeremy Scott’s phone skirt?


The Fashion Police are big fans of the cellphone. In fact, so attached to her iPhone is the Chief of Police that it’ll probably have to be prised from her cold, dead hands.

As much as we appreciate mobile technology, though, we have to say, we prefer to use it than to wear it. We may just be alone in that, though, because Jeremy Scott certainly seems to feel there’s a market for skirts that look like phone keypads – and that people will be willing to pay $198 for them.

Is Jeremy Scott right? Would you wear this skirt? If you would, you can buy it at Forward by Revolve.


Bread Shoes: wear ’em then eat ’em

Bread shoes

Bread shoes

At frst we thought this HAD to be a joke, but no: it turns out that someone is actually making and selling shoes made out of bread, and selling them for 30 euros /$44 too, which is just… well, let’s just say we kinda wish we’d thought of it first, because if we’d known there were people willing to pay £26 for bread, we’d have paid more attention in home economics.

The bread shoes are sold by Da Da Da, and are made from real bread, so you can either eat them, wear them, or wear them, THEN eat them, if you can bear the thought of eating your own shoes, in which case you clearly have a stronger stomach than we do.

The 30 euro charge includes shipping and handling, and the shoes are available here.

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Fashion Police

[Guest Post] Erdem take on Smythson



Sian Meades writes…

There aren’t many things I love more than pretty dresses. Kittens, probably. But stunning stationery wins every time for me. So when I discovered that British designer Erdem has linked up with Smythson to create the prettiest diaries, I’ll admit I jumped up and down and did a little happy dance. How much do you wish you were dressed like one of those whimsical scribbled drawings?! The red dress is my favourite which is just as well – it’s a fair bit cheaper than the larger yellow one.

If you want to get your pretty little mits on one of these, the larger ‘Soho’ diary is £220 and the smaller ‘panama’ diary is £115. Definitely not the kind of thing you want to throw around in your handbag.

[Read more from Sian at her blog, Domestic Sluttery]
Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Boots-Pretending-to-be-Shoes by Beatrix Ong


These Beatrix Ong boots probably thought they were being very clever when they decided to pose as shoes, using a flesh-coloured leg to make the illusion even more convincing.

They’d probably have gotten away with it too, had it not been for the fact that the illusion isn’t even remotely convincing, and, actually, they just look like a couple of prosthetic legs. Handy to leave lying around the bedroom when you bring a new man home for the first time, we guess (How he’ll laugh!), but not much use otherwise.

It’s a shame too: we love the “shoes”.

Beatrix Ong Carabas boots, £788

[thanks to Lauren for the report!]
Crimes of Fashion

[Guest Post] Fashion on a Budget: Why is it so hard?

Cassandra writes…

Being a college kid and loving clothes and fashion doesn’t always mesh well.  Trying to buy cute, flattering clothes on a budget doesn’t have to be impossible, but lately, CERTAIN affordable stores (*cough* Forever 21 and Wet Seal, I’m lookin’ at you! *cough*) have decided that the best way to show off a sleek, young silhouette is to slash the pattern into stripes…. Now, I’m all for stripes and prints done the right way, but looking like an item got wrinkled before the printing process isn’t exactly chic.  Take this otherwise acceptable tank top from Forever 21:


And the placement of those stripes! What a way to make your hips look gigantic…. Sheesh!

Another culprit was found at Body Central:
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Crimes of Fashion, Outerwear

The Emperor’s new Miu Miu jacket


Oh great: a shacket. Well, we’d had shants and shresses, so it was surely only a matter of time before someone decided to make a sheer jacket, no?

As well as offering proof that people will, indeed, pay £265 for essentially nothing, this also has the dubious distinction of being possibly the most useless garment we’ve ever come across. Bravo, Miu Miu: winner of this year’s Chocolate Teapot Award for fashion!

Miu Miu sheer jacket, £265

What To Wear

[Guest Post] Style Challenge – formal evening wear for curvy figures

what to wear

Deepti writes:

I make $45000 a year and I want to be a Fashionista without going broke. I’m bigger than average in size (ahem, lets not discuss exactly how much bigger) but I am sick of Empire waists and Wrap dresses. I know you get what to pay for but do I really need to pay $45 for a scarf in Texas? I know my shoes are fugly but I can’t walk in anything with over a 1-inch heel without falling on my butt. I love this top and the price at Ross but its the wrong size, why the heck can’t I find this in another size here?

These are the things that cross my mind every time I shop. There are the celebrities who need to make statements with fashion, the industry folks for whom fashion is a livelihood, the retailers for whom its a business, the die-harders for whom fashion is a living thing – but what about the rest of us? The rest of us who have busy lives, tight budgets and big butts?

So keeping all those in mind, here’s my “Style Challenge” for all the Fashion Police readers. I am spending 4 days in Las Vegas for the Holidays with Friends and we’re planning a night out in formal evening wear – please keep the aforementioned curves, budget and season in mind. Happy Online-Window Shopping!

[Note from The Fashion Police: This isn’t a formal Style Challenge because as you read this, we’re actually on vacation and won’t be around to post the results. Please feel free to help out your fellow Fashion Police reader by posting your suggestions/outfit links in the comments, though!]
Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Fashion Police for the Boys: MJOLK Simonslouch trousers

Are those harem pants, or are you just pleased to see us?

Are those harem pants, or are you just pleased to see us?

Well, well, well: looks like we women aren’t the only ones to face the curse of the dropped crotch this year – and the poor men who’re expected to wear these pants are even worse off than we are, if you can believe it.

We’ll leave you to make up your own jokes about why this model might need so much extra room in his pants. If you just want to get your hands on those pants, meanwhile (sorry) they’re $117 from here.

Crimes of Fashion, Outerwear

[Guest Post] Crime Of Fashion: Miss Selfridge Ostrich Feather Jacket


Fi writes…

When I saw this in a magazine it was in blue and my first thought was ‘OMG, who killed Gonzo from the Muppets?!’  The culprits turned out to be Miss Selfridge and they have cunningly tried to disguise their crime by dying the jacket black which is the only colour currently available on their website.  However, we are not fooled and the jacket is therefore thrown into Fashion Police jail for its crimes.

Bail is set at £120 and you can release it here.

[Read more from Fi at her blog, ShoeGal]
Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Frankenshoes: Irregular Choice ‘Gaga’ boots


For once, we think we may have identified a fashion crime that Lady Gaga WOULDN’T wear. These Irregular Choice boots are just way too clumpy for our favourite repeat offender, which is ironic, given that they appear to have been named after her.

Are they too clumpy for YOU, though? They come in two different colors, and have a handy platform to give you a bit of height. And to make your foot look like a bridge. If that sounds good to you, they’re £129.50 from Irregular Choice.

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Hips Don’t Lie: Zucca wool leggings

Do my hips look big in these?

Do my hips look big in these?

What we particularly love – and by “love”, we mean “hate” – about these Zucca leggings isn’t their resemblance to a pair of old fashioned jodhpurs. No, it’s the way the printed waistband and droopy fabric combine to create the illusion of a pair of trousers in the process of falling down to reveal the model’s underwear. Because who WOULDN’T be willing to pay $475 to look like they lacked the basic ability to dress themselves? Who indeed.

Zucca ribbed wool leggings, $475

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

[Guest Post] Crime of Fashion: M&S Velour Wideleg Trousers

"Formal trousers" fail

"Formal trousers" fail

Fi writes…

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into Marks and Spencer: this happens.  If these were listed as lounge pants or leisurewear, I’m not saying it would make their existence right, but possibly it would make them more acceptable.  But M&S?  Dear old M&S, stalwart of the British nation have these listed under Formal Trousers.  Formal?  Really?  The drawstring, the pockets: they’re jogging bottoms, and damn ugly ones at that!

But if you like them and want to wear them to a formal occasion this Christmas (although really, we’re begging you not to), you can get them here for £25.

[Read more from Fi at her blog, ShoeGal]
Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Elephant jumpsuit: does what it says on the tin


Humour us here, readers. Imagine a tail on the back of this jumpsuit. Now imagine a long trunk growing out of the model’s nose, and a large pair of flapping ears.

Uncanny, isn’t it? And hey: it may be one of the least flattering items of clothing we’ve ever seen (and we’ve seen a LOT of unflattering items of clothing) but at least it lives up to its name. Totally.

Elephant jumpsuit by Push Button, $140

Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

[Guest Post] Crime of Fashion: The Fit Flop Snuggler


Have you ever wondered what the love-child of a moonboot and a Fit Flop would look like?  No, of course you haven’t, why would you?  But clearly someone has, and then they went a step further and put it into production.  Now, I am all for the benefits of Fit Flops and the new range of boots they have just released feature some styles which are far better looking than this one (but let’s face it, that wouldn’t exactly be difficult now, would it?).  The boots have the same leg-toning attributes of their summer flip flop cousins, only in a more practical style for the coming winter.  But these?  Really, there is no excuse and they are therefore thrown into Fashion Police jail for being a Crime of Fashion.

If you disagree however, you can buy their freedom here, for £85.