Sian Meades writes…
There aren’t many things I love more than pretty dresses. Kittens, probably. But stunning stationery wins every time for me. So when I discovered that British designer Erdem has linked up with Smythson to create the prettiest diaries, I’ll admit I jumped up and down and did a little happy dance. How much do you wish you were dressed like one of those whimsical scribbled drawings?! The red dress is my favourite which is just as well – it’s a fair bit cheaper than the larger yellow one.
If you want to get your pretty little mits on one of these, the larger ‘Soho’ diary is £220 and the smaller ‘panama’ diary is £115. Definitely not the kind of thing you want to throw around in your handbag.
[Read more from Sian at her blog, Domestic Sluttery
These Beatrix Ong boots probably thought they were being very clever when they decided to pose as shoes, using a flesh-coloured leg to make the illusion even more convincing.
They’d probably have gotten away with it too, had it not been for the fact that the illusion isn’t even remotely convincing, and, actually, they just look like a couple of prosthetic legs. Handy to leave lying around the bedroom when you bring a new man home for the first time, we guess (How he’ll laugh!), but not much use otherwise.
It’s a shame too: we love the “shoes”.
Beatrix Ong Carabas boots, £788
[thanks to Lauren for the report!]
Heroes in a half skirt!
Some people will just go to ANY lengths to be able to flash their underwear, won’t they? Any lengths at all.
Comme des Garcons skirt, £260, Yoox.com
Being a college kid and loving clothes and fashion doesn’t always mesh well. Trying to buy cute, flattering clothes on a budget doesn’t have to be impossible, but lately, CERTAIN affordable stores (*cough* Forever 21 and Wet Seal, I’m lookin’ at you! *cough*) have decided that the best way to show off a sleek, young silhouette is to slash the pattern into stripes…. Now, I’m all for stripes and prints done the right way, but looking like an item got wrinkled before the printing process isn’t exactly chic. Take this otherwise acceptable tank top from Forever 21:
And the placement of those stripes! What a way to make your hips look gigantic…. Sheesh!
Another culprit was found at Body Central:
OK, we’re exaggerating with the title of this post because a) they’re not technically slippers and b) we’re sure if we looked hard enough, we’d find a pair with an even more extravagant price tag.
All the same, almost £500 for these? All we can say is that someone’s Grandpa is going to be a very lucky man this Christmas…
Ralph Lauren moccasins, £496.81
Oh great: a shacket. Well, we’d had shants and shresses, so it was surely only a matter of time before someone decided to make a sheer jacket, no?
As well as offering proof that people will, indeed, pay £265 for essentially nothing, this also has the dubious distinction of being possibly the most useless garment we’ve ever come across. Bravo, Miu Miu: winner of this year’s Chocolate Teapot Award for fashion!
Miu Miu sheer jacket, £265
I make $45000 a year and I want to be a Fashionista without going broke. I’m bigger than average in size (ahem, lets not discuss exactly how much bigger) but I am sick of Empire waists and Wrap dresses. I know you get what to pay for but do I really need to pay $45 for a scarf in Texas? I know my shoes are fugly but I can’t walk in anything with over a 1-inch heel without falling on my butt. I love this top and the price at Ross but its the wrong size, why the heck can’t I find this in another size here?
These are the things that cross my mind every time I shop. There are the celebrities who need to make statements with fashion, the industry folks for whom fashion is a livelihood, the retailers for whom its a business, the die-harders for whom fashion is a living thing – but what about the rest of us? The rest of us who have busy lives, tight budgets and big butts?
So keeping all those in mind, here’s my “Style Challenge” for all the Fashion Police readers. I am spending 4 days in Las Vegas for the Holidays with Friends and we’re planning a night out in formal evening wear – please keep the aforementioned curves, budget and season in mind. Happy Online-Window Shopping!
[Note from The Fashion Police
: This isn’t a formal Style Challenge because as you read this, we’re actually on vacation and won’t be around to post the results. Please feel free to help out your fellow Fashion Police reader by posting your suggestions/outfit links in the comments, though!]
Are those harem pants, or are you just pleased to see us?
Well, well, well: looks like we women aren’t the only ones to face the curse of the dropped crotch this year – and the poor men who’re expected to wear these pants are even worse off than we are, if you can believe it.
We’ll leave you to make up your own jokes about why this model might need so much extra room in his pants. If you just want to get your hands on those pants, meanwhile (sorry) they’re $117 from here.
You COULD pay £265 for these Vivienne Westwood trousers. You could do that.
OR, you could simply take that ugly old over-sized sweater you got for Christmas that time, and wear it upside, on your legs. Same difference, really. Either way, you’re looking at some serious time in the Fashion Police jail…
When I saw this in a magazine it was in blue and my first thought was ‘OMG, who killed Gonzo from the Muppets?!’ The culprits turned out to be Miss Selfridge and they have cunningly tried to disguise their crime by dying the jacket black which is the only colour currently available on their website. However, we are not fooled and the jacket is therefore thrown into Fashion Police jail for its crimes.
Bail is set at £120 and you can release it here.
[Read more from Fi at her blog, ShoeGal
For once, we think we may have identified a fashion crime that Lady Gaga WOULDN’T wear. These Irregular Choice boots are just way too clumpy for our favourite repeat offender, which is ironic, given that they appear to have been named after her.
Are they too clumpy for YOU, though? They come in two different colors, and have a handy platform to give you a bit of height. And to make your foot look like a bridge. If that sounds good to you, they’re £129.50 from Irregular Choice.
Do my hips look big in these?
What we particularly love – and by “love”, we mean “hate” – about these Zucca leggings isn’t their resemblance to a pair of old fashioned jodhpurs. No, it’s the way the printed waistband and droopy fabric combine to create the illusion of a pair of trousers in the process of falling down to reveal the model’s underwear. Because who WOULDN’T be willing to pay $475 to look like they lacked the basic ability to dress themselves? Who indeed.
Zucca ribbed wool leggings, $475
"Formal trousers" fail
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into Marks and Spencer: this happens. If these were listed as lounge pants or leisurewear, I’m not saying it would make their existence right, but possibly it would make them more acceptable. But M&S? Dear old M&S, stalwart of the British nation have these listed under Formal Trousers. Formal? Really? The drawstring, the pockets: they’re jogging bottoms, and damn ugly ones at that!
But if you like them and want to wear them to a formal occasion this Christmas (although really, we’re begging you not to), you can get them here for £25.
[Read more from Fi at her blog, ShoeGa
Humour us here, readers. Imagine a tail on the back of this jumpsuit. Now imagine a long trunk growing out of the model’s nose, and a large pair of flapping ears.
Uncanny, isn’t it? And hey: it may be one of the least flattering items of clothing we’ve ever seen (and we’ve seen a LOT of unflattering items of clothing) but at least it lives up to its name. Totally.
Elephant jumpsuit by Push Button, $140
Have you ever wondered what the love-child of a moonboot and a Fit Flop would look like? No, of course you haven’t, why would you? But clearly someone has, and then they went a step further and put it into production. Now, I am all for the benefits of Fit Flops and the new range of boots they have just released feature some styles which are far better looking than this one (but let’s face it, that wouldn’t exactly be difficult now, would it?). The boots have the same leg-toning attributes of their summer flip flop cousins, only in a more practical style for the coming winter. But these? Really, there is no excuse and they are therefore thrown into Fashion Police jail for being a Crime of Fashion.
If you disagree however, you can buy their freedom here, for £85.
Searching for the perfect cross-body bag? Love our feathered friends? Then this may well be just the ticket. Soft-as-butter leather with elegant gold bird-shaped hardware, this Marc by Marc Jacobs number is big enough for a book, brolly, purse and other everyday accoutrements without being so big you feel like you’re lugging the kitchen sink. If only the price was a little more purse friendly, I’d be carrying one right now.
£420 from Net-a-Porter (also available in tan)
[Anne-Marie writes about cake, shoes, interiors and other delightful things on her blog Lovely
It’s the season of the Ugg, folks. Now, the boots we can just about understand. No, they’re not pretty, but there’s no denying that they are cosy, and sometimes when you live in a cold climate that’s all you really care about.
We have no idea why you’d need a sheepskin bag, though. Not unless you were in the habit of carrying baby animals around in it, or some other item that needed to be kept warm at all times.
Of course, if you DO frequently find yourself carrying such cargo in frosty climes, this is £130 from My-Wardrobe.
Worst case of VPL EVER
OK, we’ve given this item much more thought than it actually deserves, and we can’t think of a single scenario in which we’d willingly pay £160 for something to completely and utterly useless. Can you? If you can, hand over your hard-earned cash to Yoox.com.