Crime Fighting Advice


Oasis scenic print dress

Wanted! 50s style summer dresses from Oasis

Scenic print dress, ¬£85 We know many of you can’t see a full-skirted summer dress without thinking of either grandma or Betty Draper, but for those who can (or who actually WANT to look like grandma or Betty Draper), all we can say to you is get thee to Oasis. It’s currently a veritable… well, oasis, really… of 50s style sun dresses. Here are a few of our favourites:

Viktor & Rolf green tie-neck dress

Style Trial: Viktor & Rolf Green Open Shoulder Neck Tie Dress

As some of you may know, The Fashion Police are big fans of the colour green, and we’re not averse to bows on the neck either. And yet… as soon as we laid eyes on this Viktor & Rolf dress, we just fell about laughing. And we can’t seem to stop. In fact, we’re laughing as we type this now. It’s like she’s dressed as a lettuce for Halloween. And, judging by the slightly stunned expression on her face, this photo seems to capture the exact moment when she realises she’s spent $1,645 to look like this: classic! Do you think there’s a way this dress could work? Or do you agree with us that it’s a Crime of Fashion?…

Mark Fast beach dress

The Non-Cover-Up: Mark Fast Mesh And Fringe Dress With Halter Neck

We were all ready to set the emergency siren wailing and slide down the pole in the HQ (That’s how things work around here, by the way. We may be Fashion Police, but for the real emergencies, we react more like Fashion Fire Fighters.), until we read the product description and realised this is actually a “beach dress”. After that, we called off the red alert, but we have to admit, we’re still pretty confused, because seriously: what’s the point? Call us old-fashioned (many people do), but we’ve always operated under the assumption that a beach cover-up is supposed to do exactly that: cover you up, either when you’ve had too much sun, or when you didn’t bother to follow…

shoe in a skirt

Sandals with a skirt: Viktor & Rolf 105mm lasered nappa sandals

As a different Rolf might ask, “Can yer guess whaddit is yet?” Well, we’re not going to keep you in suspense. Mostly because the answer is already in the title of this post, but folks, this is a shoe: Is anyone else uncomfortably reminded of one of those awful toilet roll dolls? Or wondering just how ugly the shoe underneath must be, for the designers to have felt the need to cover it up like this? We’re also reminded of horses hooves. Very fancy ones. Like, My Little Pony hooves or something. It’s never a good sign when you realise you’re wearing something that might look good on My Little Pony, though, is it? [Click here to buy them.]

Motel Jordan rainbow jeans

Motel Jordan Skinny Jean in Rainbow Fade Print

Bright enough for ya? Brightly coloured denim has been a trend for a couple of years now, but if you’ve been unable to make up your mind which colour to go for, worry not: Motel Rocks have made it possible to wear six of them at once, thanks to their ‘Jordan’ skinny jeans in rainbow print. Will you, though? Wear all of these colours at once, we mean? Or are you currently reaching for your sunglasses and muttering to yourself about how you really need a warning before being exposed to this kind of thing so early in the morning? (The Fashion Police accept no responsibility for damage to the retinas caused by the jeans in this post.) [Click here…

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