Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Onion Heels: a new trend in footwear?

onion-heels

These, readers, are “onion heels”, apparently – although some of the readers at Shoeperwoman suggested “goiter heels” may be a more appropriate term for them.

We’ll let you be the judge of that, but tell us: what do you think of them? We think the disproportionate heel on a boring black court shoe looks like some kind of strange experiment gone badly wrong, but if you disagree and think these are the best thing since… onions… they’re £220 from Far Fetch.

Fashion Police

Pointy hood hat from Topshop: let’s all buy one!

pointy-hood-hat

Every so often, a “fashion crime” comes along that makes us think, “Wow! We really hope this catches on, purely for the humour value in seeing everyone walk around wearing it!”

Topshop’s pointy hood hat is one of those items. Just imagine the sight of a street full of people, all wearing tall, pointed bishop’s hats, and perhaps looking a little bit like they might have tall, pointy heads underneath. Awesome.

If you want to join in the fun, these are £16 from Topshop.

Ugly Prom Dresses

Ugly Prom Dress Alert: Jovani and the dress of many colours

ugly-prom-dress-jovaniWe apologise for any burning caused to your retinas during viewing of this dress. We were still seeing the pattern a few hours after we looked away from it, so we feel your pain.

Nevertheless, we feel the existence of this dress teaches us all an important lesson about colour mixing and how not to do it. It could be summed up as “Orange and green should not be seen, without a….” Actually, no: they just shouldn’t be seen. Ever. Especially when they’re fluorescent orange and lime green.

If you disagree, however, this dress is $500 and you can buy it here.

Crimes of Fashion, Dresses

Citizen’s Arrest: the shirt dress gets literal

shirt-dress

This item was apprehended at Zappos by Style Bargain Hunter, who points out that it’s not a shirt, not even a NIGHTshirt. Nope, it’s a dress, and is designed to be worn “as is”, for that “Look, I just threw on my boyfriend’s shirt and I still look fabulous!” look. It’s a hard look to pull off – most people who try just end up looking like the fire alarm went off while they were in the middle of getting dressed – but do you think you could do it? If so, it’s £265 here. Or, of course, an ACTUAL nightshirt will give you a similar look, only much cheaper…

Fashion Police

Happy Christmas from The Fashion Police!

christmas-gift

There’s just two sleeps left to go until Christmas Day, which means it’s time for us to down tools and take a few days off to enjoy the holiday. We just wanted to take this opportunity to wish all of our readers a happy holiday – and don’t worry, we’ll be back to police the world of fashion in a few days time!

The Fashion Police x

Fashion Polls & Debates

Dress of the Year 2009: Vote for your favourite!

dress-of-the-year-2009

Every day (with the exception of the couple of brief hiatuses we’ve had this year), The Fashion Police bring your our Dress of the Day selection. Some dresses you’ve loved, some you’ve hated – and some you’ve wanted to see us publicly executed over. But of all these dresses, we think it’s time we picked a leader. A Queen. One dress to rule them all, if you will. And so today we ask you to place your vote and help us decide on the Dress of the Year 2009.

There was no easy way to select the dresses on the shortlist. In the end, we simply picked the dresses that seemed to get the best reaction when they were first posted, although obviously this isn’t an exact science, as not everyone comments/retweets (and a lot of comments were lost during the Black Friday crash), so we hope you’ll forgive us if your personal favourite isn’t included.

You’ll find larger pictures of all of the dresses under the jump – cast your vote in the poll below and help us decide on the Dress of the Year!

black-wiggle-dress

Black wiggle dress by Heartbreaker Fashion

pink-mesh-prom-dress

Pink mesh prom dress from Lipsy

rose-corsage-pencil-dress

Rose corsage pencil dress from Karen Millen

tropical-flower-dress

Tropical flower print dress from Oasis

matilda-dress

Matilda dress from Modcloth

silk-blend-dress

Silk-blend asymmetric dress by La Petite S*****

all-over-sequin-dress

All over sequin dress from Oli

miu-miu-leather-dress

Miu Miu leather boned bustier dress

monroe-dress

Green Monroe dress by Vivienne Westwood

bonita-dress

Red Bonita dress from Stop Staring

Crimes of Fashion, Dresses, Outerwear

Jean Charles De Castelbajac’s further adventures in animal-themed fashion

Jean-Charles-De-Castelbajac

Ah, Jean Charles De Castelbajac! By now we’re used to his weird and (debatably) wonderful forays into the world of animals-as-clothing, but it would still be remiss of us not to bring your attention to these latest examples of his craft. Some designers just use leopard print, you see, but JCdC, he uses the whole leopard – or its head, at least.

In a Wear or Die type of situation we’d probably go with the dress, but all the same, we’re glad we don’t have to choose. If you, on the other hand, would find the choice a pleasant one, you can find both of these at Colette, where they retail for around £600 each.

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Harem Hell: Rachel Pally Seraglio pants

rachel-pally-seraglio-pants

What’s worse than a pair of harem pants?

A pair of harem pants in a colour not too far removed from the shade of some people’s skin.

Because, that way you won’t just look like you’re wearing a particularly ugly pair of pants. No, you’ll look like your wearing a particularly ugly pair of LEGS: ones with the flesh hanging loosely around your knees, and a strangely deformed groin area.

But, you know, if that’s the look you’re going for, be our guests. In the Fashion Police jail, that is. These are by Rachel Pally, they’re also available in black, and they’re $185 at Shopbop.

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

The Wild Child Leggings by Wildfox. For non-wild adults.

Not particularly wild

Not particularly wild

There is a saying The Fashion Police have always found to be true. The saying is, “If you have to say it, you ain’t it”. You know all those people who go around telling you how “crazy” they are? Ever noticed how they always end up being some of the dullest people around? This is the proof of our little saying. By the same token, we’d be willing to bet that the kind of people who buy and wear these ‘Wild Child’ leggings by Wildfox, will probably be anything BUT “wild”. Instead, they’ll be the kind of people who commit crimes of fashion, you mark our words.

If you’d like to be one of them, though, these are $92 at Karmaloop.

Crimes of Fashion, Lingerie

Fashion Police for the Boys: Yohji Yamamoto boxer shorts

Yohji-Yamamoto-boxer-shortsThey’re exactly the kind of thing you’d expect to find in a tacky souvenir store in a tourist town. You know, the kind of place selling shirts that read “FBI: Female Body Inspector”?

So why on EARTH are they selling for $925 and $1,010 respectively at Barney’s?

Oh. Because they have “Yohji Yamamoto” stamped on the waistband.

There’s officially no hope left for humanity.

[Thanks to Rafael for the report!]

Fashion Police

Unusual rings by Betony Vernon

betony-vernon-rings

The Fashion Police have been loving the current trend for huge cocktail rings, and “the bigger, the better” tends to be our motto. But we’re just not sure about these ones by Betony Vernon, which will make you look like you have a small furry animal perching on your finger at best, and prevent you using said appendage at worst – or it certainly looks that way, anyway.

What do you think of these? Would you wear them? If so, you’ll find them at Colette, where you can expect to pay anything from £370 up.

Skirts

Would you wear… Jeremy Scott’s phone skirt?

jeremy-scott-phone-skirt

The Fashion Police are big fans of the cellphone. In fact, so attached to her iPhone is the Chief of Police that it’ll probably have to be prised from her cold, dead hands.

As much as we appreciate mobile technology, though, we have to say, we prefer to use it than to wear it. We may just be alone in that, though, because Jeremy Scott certainly seems to feel there’s a market for skirts that look like phone keypads – and that people will be willing to pay $198 for them.

Is Jeremy Scott right? Would you wear this skirt? If you would, you can buy it at Forward by Revolve.

Shoes

Bread Shoes: wear ’em then eat ’em

Bread shoes

Bread shoes

At frst we thought this HAD to be a joke, but no: it turns out that someone is actually making and selling shoes made out of bread, and selling them for 30 euros /$44 too, which is just… well, let’s just say we kinda wish we’d thought of it first, because if we’d known there were people willing to pay £26 for bread, we’d have paid more attention in home economics.

The bread shoes are sold by Da Da Da, and are made from real bread, so you can either eat them, wear them, or wear them, THEN eat them, if you can bear the thought of eating your own shoes, in which case you clearly have a stronger stomach than we do.

The 30 euro charge includes shipping and handling, and the shoes are available here.

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Fashion Police

[Guest Post] Erdem take on Smythson

 

smythson

Sian Meades writes…

There aren’t many things I love more than pretty dresses. Kittens, probably. But stunning stationery wins every time for me. So when I discovered that British designer Erdem has linked up with Smythson to create the prettiest diaries, I’ll admit I jumped up and down and did a little happy dance. How much do you wish you were dressed like one of those whimsical scribbled drawings?! The red dress is my favourite which is just as well – it’s a fair bit cheaper than the larger yellow one.

If you want to get your pretty little mits on one of these, the larger ‘Soho’ diary is £220 and the smaller ‘panama’ diary is £115. Definitely not the kind of thing you want to throw around in your handbag.

[Read more from Sian at her blog, Domestic Sluttery]
Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Boots-Pretending-to-be-Shoes by Beatrix Ong

beatrix-ong-boots

These Beatrix Ong boots probably thought they were being very clever when they decided to pose as shoes, using a flesh-coloured leg to make the illusion even more convincing.

They’d probably have gotten away with it too, had it not been for the fact that the illusion isn’t even remotely convincing, and, actually, they just look like a couple of prosthetic legs. Handy to leave lying around the bedroom when you bring a new man home for the first time, we guess (How he’ll laugh!), but not much use otherwise.

It’s a shame too: we love the “shoes”.

Beatrix Ong Carabas boots, £788

[thanks to Lauren for the report!]
Crimes of Fashion

[Guest Post] Fashion on a Budget: Why is it so hard?

Cassandra writes…

Being a college kid and loving clothes and fashion doesn’t always mesh well.  Trying to buy cute, flattering clothes on a budget doesn’t have to be impossible, but lately, CERTAIN affordable stores (*cough* Forever 21 and Wet Seal, I’m lookin’ at you! *cough*) have decided that the best way to show off a sleek, young silhouette is to slash the pattern into stripes…. Now, I’m all for stripes and prints done the right way, but looking like an item got wrinkled before the printing process isn’t exactly chic.  Take this otherwise acceptable tank top from Forever 21:

forever-21-top

And the placement of those stripes! What a way to make your hips look gigantic…. Sheesh!

Another culprit was found at Body Central:
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