Crimes of Fashion, Sock Horror!

Who’s buying all the pre-ripped tights?

OK, time to ‘fess up, folks: almost every retail site we look at these days seems to be carrying some variation of the pre-ripped tights pictured above, and we just have to know – who’s actually buying them? Is it you? Because if we’d known people were willing to spend £10 on laddered hosiery, we’d have emptied out our sock drawers long ago and be writing this from a deckchair in the Carribean on the proceeds. And, OK, we get that some of you like the laddered look, but wouldn’t it be a whole lot cheaper to just ladder your own?

Do you buy pre-laddered tights? Do you want to buy pre-laddered tights? If you do, click here and here for the ones shown above…

Fashion Trends

Fashion Trends for Winter 2010: Midi dresses

Maxi dresses were popular all summer, and mini dresses are popular almost ALL the time, which means that the midi dress has been due a revival for a while now, and this winter the fashion powers-that-be have decided it’s going to get one.

Now, the midi (or mid-calf length) is a notoriously difficult length to wear. It hits right at the widest part of the calf, which isn’t always flattering, and the length can also look just a tad frumpy if you’re not careful.

Still, midi dresses are currently finding their way into lots of our favourite stores, so if you do want to give the look a go, our advice is to:

a) Go for a fairly fitted style: sack-like dresses that hit at mid-calf are as frumpy as it gets, but a fitted style can actually look rather elegant, and the longer length of the dress makes it easier to get away with a bodycon fit without looking like you’re going clubbing.

b) Go for high heels, to help make your legs look longer and slimmer, and stop the dress from looking dowdy.

What does everyone think of midi dresses (or skirts, for that matter)? Will you give them a go, or just sticking to whatever your usual hem length of choice is?

(All dresses pictured: Dorothy Perkins)

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Harem Pants: Now available in leather By Marlene Birger

We thought harem pants were on the way out, but it would appear that they were only gathering strength before springing this on us. Seriously, leather harem pants? Sure, the fabric ones look bad, but at least all of that droopy material between your legs wouldn’t be uncomfortable. But leather. Acres of leather around the crotch just doesn’t sound like it would make for comfortable dressing, and it definitely doesn’t make for attractive dressing, so we have to ask: what’s the point?

Anyone like to hazard a guess? Or do you just want to buy them? If you do, they’re $840 at Shopbop: click here to buy.

Celebrity Fashion, The Emmys

Fashion Police at the 62nd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards: Part 2

Lea Michele

We’ve already shown you some of the celebrity fashion from the 62nd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards : now here’s the best – and worst – of the rest!

Celebrity Fashion, The Emmys

Fashion Police at the 62nd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards

Christina Hendricks

It’s a public holiday here in the UK, but we couldn’t leave you without any Emmy fashion to look at, so we’re taking a break from our, er, break, to bring you this gallery. We’ll be back with more crimes of fashion tomorrow: in the meantime, don’t forget to tell us what you loved and loathed about the Emmys!

(P.S. Look out for Part 2 of our Emmys coverage, coming up soon!)

Crimes of Fashion

Stuck together clothes crimes: Missoni silk and crochet jumpsuit

D’you know something, readers? These are not actually a bad pair of trousers. We mean, they’re not to The Fashion Police’s personal tastes, but as trousers go? Not bad. And the blouse, well, it’s quite fetching in an office-appropriate or “lunching-with-the-mother-in-law” kinda way. And as for the belt – well, we’d actually quite like the belt, if it were, in fact, a belt – as oppose to the waistband responsible for holding this whole jumpsuit together…

What we can’t figure out is why this outfit needs to be a jumpsuit in the first place. Does the phrase “capsule wardrobe” mean nothing to Missoni? Wouldn’t they make more money selling two, even three separate pieces here? Why make bathroom trips so much more difficult without good reason?

Why, Missoni, why?

Missoni silk and crochet jumpsuit, £1460 £438 from The Outnet

Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Frankenshoes: F&F Leopard print cuffed sandal at Tesco

Tesco F&F Leopard print cuffed sandalWe were a little bit lost for words when we saw these shoes.  But are they shoes?  Tesco are calling them sandals, but with that amount of fabric up the leg, surely they are entering the realms of boots?  But there’s nothing covering the foot.  This makes them “bandals“. Now, we didn’t like bandals to start with, but we like them even less in this leopard print version. What do you think?

Bail is set at the sale price of £7.50 (what, you mean these didn’t sell out at the full price?  Shocking!) and the release fee to buy their freedom can be paid here.

Celebrity Fashion

Who wears short shorts and mixed patterns? Beyonce in St Tropez!

Having just launched our Best Dressed of the Day feature yesterday, we hit an immediate stumbling block today with the realisation that the combined efforts of all of the image agencies we use could not produce a single image of a well-dressed celebrity. Celebs, you done let us down. Please try harder tomorrow.

Instead, then, here’s a photo of Beyonce, who’s currently on holiday with Jay Z in St. Tropez, leaving her yacht to head to Club 55. You’re welcome!

Fashion Police, Wear or Die

Wear or Die: Mesh Dress Edition

Attention fashion lovers! For this week’s Wear or Die, we’re giving you the opportunity to be “bang on trend” in a mesh, bodycon dress of your choice! Well, not quite of your choice: you have to choose from one of the two options above. Oh, and if you DON’T choose one of them to wear (in public, exactly as shown in the image), you die. On the plus side, you get to show everyone your “banging” body! Awesome, no?

Which dress will you choose, though? Boohoo’s ‘Cindy’ mesh dress (left) hides the crotch area, but looks like it could cause a nip-slip or two if you’re not careful. Then there’s all of that thigh action going on. River Island’s cobweb dress, meanwhile, keeps the girls under wraps, but puts the crotch area out on display for all the world to see.

Which do you prefer? Which would you wear if it was a choice between wearing one, or DEATH?

Tell us in the comments…

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Evil Twin Cage Knit Crop Top: appropriately named

It wasn't me, it was my Evil Twin

First we had the Guilty Brotherhood, now here’s the Evil Twin: hey, imagine what it would be like if they joined forces!

We must say, though, we’re impressed that some fashion brands are starting to recognise the depth of their crimes and label themselves accordingly: acceptance is the first step towards becoming a reformed fashion criminal, after all.

As for the crop “top”, well, what is there to say other than a) it’s not much of a “top”, and b) yeah.

Still, this kind of thing is wildly popular in fashionable circles right now: in fact, we can’t seem to find a personal style blog that doesn’t feature someone wearing a harness of some kind, so more power to them. Personally, if we really wanted this look, we’d just DIY it and save our $108 for shoes, but given that we’re talking about a parallel universe in which we’d actually want to wear a cage top, it’s kind of a moot point, isn’t it?

Would you wear this? You would? If you’re in the US, click here to buy it from Shopbop, and if you’re in the UK or Europe, click here to get it from ASOS, who’ll charge you £85 for it.

Crimes of Fashion, Knitwear

Double the crime, double the price: TAO sweater with handbag detail

At first glance, we assumed this was a simple case of Stuck-Together-Clothes. Upon re-examination of the evidence, however, we’re just not convinced that the handbag stuck to the front of this sweater has any real function other than a decorative one, so we now have to conclude that it’s just ugly. (Which is kind of disappointing actually, because if it had been a handbag AND a sweater, that would have at least helped explain the $895 price tag. Double the crime, double the price, after all…)

Or is it?

We guess if you really like handbags – and this one in particular – you might find this the perfect way to demonstrate that love. To wear your handbag close to your heart, so to speak. And if you would, well, you better get yourself over to Colette quickly, before they sell out. Click here to buy this, or just click on the comments box to tell us what you think of it: up to you.

Fashion Police

Best Dressed of the Day: Katy Perry in florals in New York

The rest of the world may be dreaming of Fall, but Katy Perry (and The Fashion Police) is still clinging onto summer style, choosing a floral tube dress, fluffy pink cardigan and Christian Louboutin peep toes to attend meetings in New York City this week.

Katy’s style can be just a little too OTT a lot of the time, but we think this is a sweet look for the the end of summer. What do you think?

Celebrity Fashion

Vanessa White doesn’t think of herself as an icon, she just does her own thing

Vanessa White (of girl group The Saturdays) has a message for us. The message is, “I never think of myself as an icon, I just do my own thing.” Good to know, Vanessa. We’d have liked it better, though, if, rather than the Audrey Hepburn quote, the shirt had read “I don’t wear pants, just this t-shirt.” But Audrey’s good, too.

What do you think of the look, readers? Are you a fan of the slogan shirt? Of the t-shirt-as-dress? Tell us!

Crimes of Fashion

The Snazzy Napper: it’s the snazzy way to sleep, y’all!

Do you worry about looking snazzy while you sleep, readers?

Well, this guy – or gal, it’s impossible to tell – clearly doesn’t: s/he is more concerned with looking like a fugitive from justice instead. Or possibly a corpse that’s been covered with a blanket to avoid alarming the other passengers. Hmmm.

Don’t worry, though, our blanketed friend isn’t actually in hiding (or, you know, dead): he’s simply protecting his privacy while he sleeps, using the Snazzy Napper, which, as you can see, is a blanket with ventilation holes, which you can attach to your head, thus ensuring that no one will catch you in one of those private moments.

Yeah, we thought it was a joke too, at first.

Actually, the more we think about this, the more we can understand why it came into being. After all, there’s nothing more embarrassing than waking up on a plane (or bus, or train, or whatever), only to find that you’ve been lying there with your mouth open, a string of drool hanging from chin to chest, and all your fellow passengers looking on and laughing, is there? Or is the Snazzy Napper itself more embarrassing than that, we wonder? Is this one of those cases where the solution is almost as bad as the problem? Let’s find out.

Which would you rather do, readers:

a) Be seen sleeping in public.


b) Be seen in a Snazzy Napper in public.

The choice is yours. And if your choice happens to be “Snazzy Napper, please”, then you can click here to buy one for $14.99 (or $24.99 if you want the extra large version).

Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

When socks and boots collide: Dolce & Gabbana’s Over-The-Knee Wool Sock Boots

Socks Pretending to be Boots

Is it a sock? Is it a boot? Is it… Superman?

It’s both, readers! (Note: sock and boot, we mean. Not superman. It’s not that good.) These are Dolce & Gabbana’s over-the-knee-wool-sock-boots, and obviously this is a clear-cut case of Impostor Footwear. We could throw the book at them for this, if we wanted to.

Why is this different from all of the other cases of socks-pretending-to-be-boots we’ve apprehended over the years, though? Because this time – and we can hardly bear to type this – this time we don’t hate them. We have no idea why. We should hate them. We’ve hated all of the Footwear Impostors that have come before them, and we’ve often spoken of our belief that an item of clothing should be exactly what it looks like, with no attempt to deceive. But… we don’t know. We wouldn’t say we particularly love these, either, but maybe we’ve become so used to seeing socks pretending to be boots that we’ve gotten used to it, even started to see it as – gasp! – normal.

Either that or we’ve been sniffing the eyeball bleach again.

What do YOU think of these?

(Click here to buy them at Saks.)