Fashion Police, Wear or Die

Wear or Die: Mesh Dress Edition

Attention fashion lovers! For this week’s Wear or Die, we’re giving you the opportunity to be “bang on trend” in a mesh, bodycon dress of your choice! Well, not quite of your choice: you have to choose from one of the two options above. Oh, and if you DON’T choose one of them to wear (in public, exactly as shown in the image), you die. On the plus side, you get to show everyone your “banging” body! Awesome, no?

Which dress will you choose, though? Boohoo’s ‘Cindy’ mesh dress (left) hides the crotch area, but looks like it could cause a nip-slip or two if you’re not careful. Then there’s all of that thigh action going on. River Island’s cobweb dress, meanwhile, keeps the girls under wraps, but puts the crotch area out on display for all the world to see.

Which do you prefer? Which would you wear if it was a choice between wearing one, or DEATH?

Tell us in the comments…

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Evil Twin Cage Knit Crop Top: appropriately named

It wasn't me, it was my Evil Twin

First we had the Guilty Brotherhood, now here’s the Evil Twin: hey, imagine what it would be like if they joined forces!

We must say, though, we’re impressed that some fashion brands are starting to recognise the depth of their crimes and label themselves accordingly: acceptance is the first step towards becoming a reformed fashion criminal, after all.

As for the crop “top”, well, what is there to say other than a) it’s not much of a “top”, and b) yeah.

Still, this kind of thing is wildly popular in fashionable circles right now: in fact, we can’t seem to find a personal style blog that doesn’t feature someone wearing a harness of some kind, so more power to them. Personally, if we really wanted this look, we’d just DIY it and save our $108 for shoes, but given that we’re talking about a parallel universe in which we’d actually want to wear a cage top, it’s kind of a moot point, isn’t it?

Would you wear this? You would? If you’re in the US, click here to buy it from Shopbop, and if you’re in the UK or Europe, click here to get it from ASOS, who’ll charge you £85 for it.

Crimes of Fashion, Knitwear

Double the crime, double the price: TAO sweater with handbag detail

At first glance, we assumed this was a simple case of Stuck-Together-Clothes. Upon re-examination of the evidence, however, we’re just not convinced that the handbag stuck to the front of this sweater has any real function other than a decorative one, so we now have to conclude that it’s just ugly. (Which is kind of disappointing actually, because if it had been a handbag AND a sweater, that would have at least helped explain the $895 price tag. Double the crime, double the price, after all…)

Or is it?

We guess if you really like handbags – and this one in particular – you might find this the perfect way to demonstrate that love. To wear your handbag close to your heart, so to speak. And if you would, well, you better get yourself over to Colette quickly, before they sell out. Click here to buy this, or just click on the comments box to tell us what you think of it: up to you.

Fashion Police

Best Dressed of the Day: Katy Perry in florals in New York

The rest of the world may be dreaming of Fall, but Katy Perry (and The Fashion Police) is still clinging onto summer style, choosing a floral tube dress, fluffy pink cardigan and Christian Louboutin peep toes to attend meetings in New York City this week.

Katy’s style can be just a little too OTT a lot of the time, but we think this is a sweet look for the the end of summer. What do you think?

Celebrity Fashion

Vanessa White doesn’t think of herself as an icon, she just does her own thing

Vanessa White (of girl group The Saturdays) has a message for us. The message is, “I never think of myself as an icon, I just do my own thing.” Good to know, Vanessa. We’d have liked it better, though, if, rather than the Audrey Hepburn quote, the shirt had read “I don’t wear pants, just this t-shirt.” But Audrey’s good, too.

What do you think of the look, readers? Are you a fan of the slogan shirt? Of the t-shirt-as-dress? Tell us!

Crimes of Fashion

The Snazzy Napper: it’s the snazzy way to sleep, y’all!

Do you worry about looking snazzy while you sleep, readers?

Well, this guy – or gal, it’s impossible to tell – clearly doesn’t: s/he is more concerned with looking like a fugitive from justice instead. Or possibly a corpse that’s been covered with a blanket to avoid alarming the other passengers. Hmmm.

Don’t worry, though, our blanketed friend isn’t actually in hiding (or, you know, dead): he’s simply protecting his privacy while he sleeps, using the Snazzy Napper, which, as you can see, is a blanket with ventilation holes, which you can attach to your head, thus ensuring that no one will catch you in one of those private moments.

Yeah, we thought it was a joke too, at first.

Actually, the more we think about this, the more we can understand why it came into being. After all, there’s nothing more embarrassing than waking up on a plane (or bus, or train, or whatever), only to find that you’ve been lying there with your mouth open, a string of drool hanging from chin to chest, and all your fellow passengers looking on and laughing, is there? Or is the Snazzy Napper itself more embarrassing than that, we wonder? Is this one of those cases where the solution is almost as bad as the problem? Let’s find out.

Which would you rather do, readers:

a) Be seen sleeping in public.

or

b) Be seen in a Snazzy Napper in public.

The choice is yours. And if your choice happens to be “Snazzy Napper, please”, then you can click here to buy one for $14.99 (or $24.99 if you want the extra large version).

Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

When socks and boots collide: Dolce & Gabbana’s Over-The-Knee Wool Sock Boots

Socks Pretending to be Boots

Is it a sock? Is it a boot? Is it… Superman?

It’s both, readers! (Note: sock and boot, we mean. Not superman. It’s not that good.) These are Dolce & Gabbana’s over-the-knee-wool-sock-boots, and obviously this is a clear-cut case of Impostor Footwear. We could throw the book at them for this, if we wanted to.

Why is this different from all of the other cases of socks-pretending-to-be-boots we’ve apprehended over the years, though? Because this time – and we can hardly bear to type this – this time we don’t hate them. We have no idea why. We should hate them. We’ve hated all of the Footwear Impostors that have come before them, and we’ve often spoken of our belief that an item of clothing should be exactly what it looks like, with no attempt to deceive. But… we don’t know. We wouldn’t say we particularly love these, either, but maybe we’ve become so used to seeing socks pretending to be boots that we’ve gotten used to it, even started to see it as – gasp! – normal.

Either that or we’ve been sniffing the eyeball bleach again.

What do YOU think of these?

(Click here to buy them at Saks.)

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Maison Martin Margiela t-shirt with fur detail

Oh, for the love of Gaga… Do we REALLY have to have fur on EVERYTHING at the moment? Do we, Maison Martin Margiela, and every other brand that can’t seem to get through a collection right now without the totally gratuitous use of some dead animal? Do t-shirts really NEED to have “fur detail”? We’re going to go with “no” on that one, and while the goat-hair pads on this shirt are removable, meaning you can also have a totally ordinary looking £435 t-shirt if you want, that doesn’t really make it a whole lot better, does it?

At least we can agree with Browns Fashion on one thing, though. They say this t-shirt “will have jaws dropping and heads turning”. Well, ya got that right, Browns. You definitely got that right…

(Click here to buy it)

Crimes of Fashion, Jeans

When denim goes bad: G-Star Dean Loose Tapered Jeans

G-Star Dean Loose Tapered Jeans

Oh dear. Where do we start? With the patched knees? The deliberate holes? Or the fact that, were it not for the dropped crotch, this would essentially be a contender for the stuck-together-clothes file: an artist’s impression of a denim mini skirt worn over sagging jeggings, perhaps?

There is frankly nothing right about these jeans. They are not flattering. They are not cutting edge. They are not sexy and could not be made to look so however you dressed them up. Their only saving grace is the fact that they could never produce the camel toe effect, however hard they tried!

To rub salt into the wounds, they weigh in at a hefty £119. Not hefty for a classic denim number, perhaps, but rather costly for something already boasting holes and saggy knees!

Available from G-Star at ASOS.

Shoes

Style on Trial: Idol studded wedges at New Look

New Look Idol studded wedgeWe have nothing against wedges.  Or studs.  Or the lovely blue colour of these shoes for that matter.  But put them all together, add some thick straps and suddenly we’re not so sure.   These wedges by Idol for New Look were initially available in blue and black, but it looks like the black is now completely sold out.  The blue is showing Low Stock in all but one size so someone must be buying them.  Is it you?  What do you think of these shoes?

If you do like them and want to purchase one of the remaining few pairs, you can do so here for £30.

Style On Trial, Trousers/Pants

Style on Trial: Snake print leggings from Topshop

Hey, everyone! Want your legs to look like a couple of reptiles! Topshop is here to help you do just that, with their snake-print leggings, £22.

On the plus side, you know all those people who have phobias about snakes? Just think of the fun you can have with them. On the minus side, however: well, to be honest, it’s pretty much ALL a minus side as far as we’re concerned, and we say that as people who don’t even have a particular problem with snakes: just with these leggings.

What about you, though? Yay or Nay to the snake-print leggings?

(Click here to buy them)

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Kilt-leg trousers by Jean Paul Gaultier and Marc Jacobs

"That's right, they're half-kilt, half-pants. SO?"

The kilt trend has only just started, and already it’s getting totally out of hand. We knew we should’ve tried to put a stop to this last week, when we first addressed the issue of the kilt in fashion! We decided to let the designers run with it for a while, though, and, well, LESSON LEARNED. Because you give them some pleated fabric, and this is what they come up with, folks: a bizarre half-kilt, half-pant hybrid. For those times when you… no, you’re right, there IS no time when you’d need that, is there?

Oh, and boys? If you were feeling left out by Jean Paul Gaultier’s kilt-leg pants, don’t: Marc Jacobs has got you covered:

Continue Reading

Fashion Police Glossary

Fashion Police Glossary: The Foot Snatcher

The Foot Snatcher is a dangerous fashion criminal who gets his (or possibly her) kicks from depriving other people of theirs: in other words, the Foot Snatcher steals feet, so run, don’t walk – if you still can, that is!

Poor Kelly Clarkson, above, was a victim of the Foot Snatcher back in May 2009. As you can see, the Snatcher showed no mercy here and left Kelly’s pants trailing inches beyond where her feet would be, if she actually had any. It’s amazing she didn’t trip over those things!

The Foot Snatcher prefers to target celebrities, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us can consider ourselves safe:

Continue Reading