Fashion Police Declare Zero Tolerance on Novelty Socks

Noveltysocks It’s that time of year again: the shops have set up their Christmas trees, it’s colder than a witch’s nipple outside and Mariah Carey is probably preparing yet another Christmas compilation which will allow her to dress in a "sexy Santa" outfit and frighten little kids.

More worrying than any of these, though, is the fact that, this month, even relatively sensible fashion stores like Dorothy Perkins and Topshop are selling "kerrazy", "wacky"…novelty socks.

Now, we know this isn’t going to go down well. We know many of you will be all, "But Fashion Police , novelty socks are CUTE! They’re so kerrazy and wacky and FUN!" But we don’t care. You will not melt our cold, stony hearts with your "wacky", "fun" footwear, which is why this season we’re adopting a Zero Tolerance policy on novelty socks. Novelty socks are for your "cool" uncle Kevin, who will wear them on Christmas day with his Reindeer tie and his shiny suit trousers. They are not for the rest of us. There is no need to dress like a cartoon character to demonstrate how "zany" and "wacky" you are, so leave the novelty socks for small kids and Uncle Kev, and let’s have a normally-stockinged Christmas, no? 

8 Comments

  • November 12, 2007

    Wendy Hewson

    Hurrah for your zero tolerance policy…I hate novelty socks in all their forms, and the Christmas one are definitely the worst !!

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  • November 12, 2007

    Caroline

    I started to comment, but suffice to say it ended up long enough that I decided it needed its own post on my blog! Lookit, tFP, you’re inspirational!
    Gist of the comment – I’ve pretty much outgrown them through discovering the versatility of normal socks!! Did YOU know you could wear normal socks in bed too??!

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  • November 12, 2007

    Alexandra

    I disagree with you for once – you don’t actually wear them anywhere, and saying that these are a fashion crime is akin to saying it’s a crime to wear bunny slippers – because these socks are, essentially, more comfortable slippers, and they are cute, to boot.

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  • November 12, 2007

    Kerry

    Let’s extend this zero tolerance policy to novelty Christmas ties, waistcoats, and my all time favourite – earrings. Eww.

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  • November 12, 2007

    Kerry

    Let’s extend this zero tolerance policy to novelty Christmas ties, waistcoats, and my all time favourite – earrings. Eww.

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  • November 12, 2007

    Cadi

    I will admit to having one pair of novelty socks. They are for at-home use only though (they’ve got the tread-bits on the bottom). They’re black and white houndstooth with pom-poms on the back of the cuff. But most importantly, they are WARM.
    I will still wear funny colored socks, but I’m just talking pattern, and they stay firmly out of view under jeans and shoes/boots. They’re just a tiny bit of added quirk, for my sake!

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  • November 15, 2007

    Lisa

    Hey — quit knocking the novelty socks! Although I tend to be conservative about my clothing that shows, like pants and sweaters, I love the thrill of having some secret, zany patterns underneath. That is, I tend to wear long boot-legged pants so that the socks are usually well-hidden. If someone were get a glimpse, I like to think of my zany socks as a teaser. (However, my hidden zany socks must, at least to some extent, work with the color scheme and overall feel of the outfit.) It’s kinda like wearing that red lace bra under your school uniform – you feel cooler even if no one ever sees it. An added benefit of zany socks is that they make the laundry sorting much easier — there’s never any question of what’s a pair!

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  • April 28, 2009

    Indiepink

    i agree with cadi, socks fall into the category of underwear. i say, dress understated and undress outrageous.
    i think we’d be better off with a zero tolerance policy for boring underwear. i don’t know about you, but to me style plus fun equals sexy.
    obviously a cyclist who boasts about his bicycle themed socks and machining underwear is a bit of a moron, but someone who wears them coyly under a tailored suit, becomes so much more fun and sexy than if he were wearing banker’s black socks or the white socks and underwear that people wear who take their fashion advice from mum.
    i think we should adopt a zero tolerance policy for clothes in any color except shades of black, a zero tolerance policy for clothes that don’t fit, and another a zero tolerance policy for white socks, and disavow all policies that are intolerant of fun where the sun doesn’t shine.

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