Modelling Is Hard

      modelling-is-hard

      Modelling is Hard at Tom Van Der Borght

      It’s been a while since our last edition of Modelling is Hard, but lest we forget that models work hard for a living, and sometimes have to endure the kind of indignities no one should ever have  to suffer, here’s this from Tom Van Der Borght: [Buy it here.] The model’s doing his best, poor guy, but when the styling is so distracting it totally overshadows the clothes you’re supposed to be selling, we’re pretty sure that’s not a good sign. Or acually, in this case, maybe it IS a good thing: the while “cowardly lion” look going on around his head ALMOST managed to distract us from the strange shoes, the fuzzy pink shocks (Worn with thong sandals, no…

      male-model

      Modelling is Hard: Menswear Edition

      Modelling is Hard. It’s hard for everyone, of course: all of those poor models who work so hard, only to be told that they need to eat a sandwich, or get some “curves”, or some other kind of bodysnark. It’s hard for them all, but modelling is particularly hard for this guy: You may recognise him as one of the stars of last week’s Crimes of Fashion Roundup, in which he modelled a pair of fetching pink towel trousers, and some pants made from feathers. Now here he is: he’s lost his pants, and he’s wearing what is possibly the most ridiculous outfit we’ve seen all year – so far – but just look at our guy, still smiling through…

      model makeover

      Model Makeover: Saving Models from Crimes of Fashion

      Modelling is hard. We know this from the many years we’ve spent patrolling the world of fashion. No one knows what those poor models suffer in the name of fashion: well, no one except other models, obviously. Forced to wear ugly outfits, to pose in ridiculous ways, and to keep on smiling, even when they’re wearing leggings as pants, these poor models are often suspected of committing crimes of fashion, when the reality is that they are but helpless victims. Today we’ve decided to stand up for the models: to help them, rather than simply arresting them, and we’re doing it with a Model Makeover – a simple challenge in which you get to re-dress a model, in a style of your…

      How to pose like a model

      How to Pose Like a Model: The Hair Twirl

      Want to amaze and impress your friends by posing exactly like a fashion model? Let The Fashion Police show you how! In part one of our series we present Model Pose #1: The Hair Twirl, as demonstrated by our old friends, the ASOS models! “Oh, gosh, is that a camera? I totally didn’t see it there!” [source] STEP ONE: Adopt open-mouthed, “Just standin’ here twirlin’ mah hair, when along comes a cameraman” expression. “Whoops! Got me again!” [source] STEP TWO: Start twirling! “Er, actually, I think the hair might be stuck to my finger…” STEP 3: That’s it. Congratulations! You’re now posing like a model! “Mind if I get in on the act?” “And me?” “Room for one more?” And…

      Is the dress too short or is the model just too tall for it?

      Is the dress too short or is the model just too tall for it?

      ASOS PETITE Exclusive Ruched Side Bodycon Dress, £18 We were all set to arrest this “dress” for secretly being a top, and for being so short the model wouldn’t even be able to sit down in it without showing everyone her undies. Then the penny dropped: the dress is from the ASOS Petite range. If the model isn’t (which, let’s face it, wouldn’t be unusual: we’re very used to seeing plus-sized lines modelled by super-slim models, and petite lines worn by very tall ones: it’s one of the many reasons modelling is so very hard…), then that would definitely explain the length, wouldn’t it? ASOS normally put the model’s height and the size she’s wearing on their product descriptions, to…

      male model in dungarees

      Modelling is Hard: Dungaree Edition

      It’s tempting to think the problem here lies mostly with styling (and, perhaps, with the lack of ironing): or maybe that should be the lack of styling. When you really sit back and take a look at it, though, can you see ANY way of styling these  in a way that would make them suddenly acceptable? Or suddenly worth spending more than £500 on? We can’t. But if you can, we’d sure love to hear your suggestions… [Buy them]

      crime of fashion

      Modelling is Hard: Maison Martin Margiela edition

      This outfit is one of those things that just gets stranger, and more confusing, the longer you look at it. At first you think it’s just a simple pair of jeans and a turtleneck sweater, and who could possibly object to that? Then you notice that although the model’s head has been cut off (Not by us, we hasten to add. Our officers are authorised to use force if necessary when arresting fashion criminals  but not THAT much force…), whoever did it has failed to disguise that the turtleneck comes all the way up to her eyes: How can she breathe under there? How can she hear? Or speak? Does her union rep know about any of this? Then you realise…

      Bless turtleneck sweaters

      Strange Sweaters from Bless

      “Gosh!” we thought, “It’s not like our old friends at Bless to make an item of clothing that looks, well, ordinary. We’re more used to seeing hairy shoes, strange, off-the-shoulder suit jackets, and who could forget the Ra Multispaghetti dress? But these… these look like regular turtleneck sweaters!” Sigh. At least some things never change, eh? Of course, you don’t have to be in the Fashion Police detective squad to see what happened here. Obviously one sweater stole the back right off the other one. And turned it into a … knapsack? A cape? We have no idea. The good news is that there’s really only one fashion criminal in this post: the yellow sweater is guilty as sin. Its blue…

      strange outerwear for men

      Modelling is Hard: Kampe Menswear edition

      They had to balance on scary cubes. And they had to do it while wearing some of the most uncomfortable looking outerwear we’ve seen outside of a Margiela runway show. They did it for fashion, people. And they did it for YOU. Yes, these brave models wear the strange coats so you don’t have to. But perhaps you WANT to wear the strange coats? Well, the good news is that you can: these are by German label Kampe, and they’re not just concept pieces – they’re actually available to buy and wear over at Not Just a Label. Just be aware that you won’t get much change out of £1,000 – and for some of them, you’ll be needing much…

      Bearded model in tragic jumpsuit

      Modelling is Hard: Apocalypse Now

      At first glance, we thought this was another gig for our old friend, the Bearded Model. Let us just quickly refresh your memory, in case you can’t be bothered clicking on the link there: Oh, hai, Bearded Model! We hope that face fur didn’t leave you with a rash! Closer investigation of the images below, however (and of the Not Just a Label Website) makes us think this is, in fact, a male model – and quite a distinguished looking one, at that – wearing a Lord-of–the-Rings style fake beard: It must get quite awkward when his folks ask to see some of his “work”, huh? This post isn’t really about the beard, though. It’s about the tragic, outfit he’s…

      Aqua high neck jumpsuit

      Modelling is Hard: Jumpsuit edition

      She can’t believe she spent all that time working on getting the perfect “model” figure, only to have to force it into a jumpsuit which makes her look like she’s wearing someone else’s legs and butt. Oh, the humanity! She wonders if a different colour might work better? She wonders no more. Now she’s going to go sulk in the corner and think mean thoughts about the nasty ol’ stylists who got her into this mess: Pity the beautiful people, readers: they, too, have their crosses to bear. [Click here for the product page.]

      fashion crime

      Modelling is Hard: Foot Snatcher Edition

      This Acne model got her feet snatched while modelling this attractive and edgy pair of sheer pants. Such a shame. Such a tragedy. Such a timely reminder of the dangers of trying to dress like a fashion victim, in see-through pants which are so long that we’re wondering if they make potential purchasers sign some kind of disclaimer promising not to sue them if they trip over them and break a leg. Modelling is hard, people: NEVER FORGET IT.

      Model in ugly dress

      Modelling is Hard: Best of 2011

      (Image: ASOS) Modelling is Hard is an occasional Fashion Police feature in which we attempt to show you that modelling isn’t the glamorous career it’s sometimes presented as: far from it. From unflattering outfits to strange poses, gratuitous nudity and Photoshop disasters, we can only hope these models are being paid well for the indignities they’re forced to endure in the name of their art. It’s not easy being beautiful, you know. These brave women and men suffer bad fashion so we don’t have to, readers: let’s celebrate them, and thank them for a job well (and sometimes badly, let’s face it) done. Models of the world, we salute you. Here are some of your hardest jobs of the year…

      Male models in ugly outfits

      Modelling is Hard: Male Model Edition

      So, you thought female models had it tough, did you? All those sheer dresses, the boob windows, the harem pants. The struggle to keep a straight face while dressed in the type of outfit you wouldn’t even wear to a costume party. Yes, modelling is many things, but glamorous it ain’t. Or at least, not for most of the models we feature here on TFP. Hard though it may be, though, those girls have it easy compared to the brave gentlemen chosen – or perhaps “sacrificed” would be a better word here? – to model the KTZ Winter 2011 collection. These poor guys just never stood a chance. Faced with such a startlingly ugly selection of clothing, they did what…

      Model wearing three Jeffrey Cambell handbags

      Modelling is Hard: Jeffrey Campbell handbags edition

      These bags are from Jeffrey Campbell’s Girls We Hated in High School line. Luckily we were wearing sunglasses when we looked at them (The Fashion Police never remove our dark glasses) so we have no real problem with the bags themselves: we show you them purely because the expression on the model’s face suggests that girls we hated in high school ended up with three designer handbags strapped to their bodies, in the name of fashion. And that they don’t like it. But modelling is hard, girls! Look who unimpressed this girl is with her 80s outfit and slightly “wacky” pose! And, you know, you can change her clothes, but you can’t change her ‘tude: Modelling is hard: remember it.

      Blue woven dress with sheer panels

      Modelling is Hard: Open Knit Woven Panel Dress

      Oh, hai, model, why so perplexed? Pondering the mysteries of the universe, perhaps? Trying to to solve a really complex mathematical problem inside your head? Or just wondering what the hell you did to deserve being given THIS mess of a dress to wear? And also: why is it that anything with the word “woven” in the product description can almost always be relied upon to be a fashion crime? We’re going to be generous here, and assume the dress wasn’t intended to be worn quite like this, with absolutely nothing underneath it but (possibly) a pair of knickers: That doesn’t really help the model, though, does it? WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE MODELS?!

      Yellow sack dress with floral print

      Modelling is Hard: Sack Dress Edition

      We know what you’ll say to this. “But, Fashion Police!” you’ll say. “You could belt it! And wear it with different shoes! Maybe a leather jacket or something to toughen it up. It could all be OK!” But the fact is, they DIDN’T belt it. Or put the model in different shoes. Or “toughen it up”. And it’s NOT OK. It’s very much NOT OK. And all of the objections you can think of will simply boil down to “if it looked completely different, in every possible way, THEN it might work”. Meanwhile, this poor model is suffering, and no one – not even The Fashion Police – can help here. Her torment didn’t end with the dress, either:

      modelling is hard

      Modelling is Hard: Male Model Edition

      Poor guy. No wonder he’s hiding his face, though: You’d hide your face too if you were being made to wear these: Adult diaper alert! And it looks like a pretty full one, too.. It’s not any better from the back, by the way: Sexxxaaaayyy! (Hands off girls, we seen him first…) Modelling is hard, people. Won’t someone save these poor models? [Click here to view or buy the clothes]

      rick owens high collar jacket

      Modelling is Hard: Rick Owens’ high collar jacket

      Well, you wouldn’t want to mess with THIS model, would you? Look at the expression on her face! She’s almost daring us to laugh at her high-collared Rick Owens jacket: For some reason we’re reminded of Darth Vader. Like we say, wouldn’t want to mess with her… About the jacket, though. Folded down, the collar looks fine: Standing up, though: Just a tad higher than we’re used to. Ah, we don’t know, though. We’re in a pretty good mood today, so we’re actually thinking we might turn a blind eye to this one. After all, at $1,690, it’s not like there’s going to be whole armies of people wearing them, as amusing as that mental image is. What do you…

      modelling is hard

      Modelling is Hard: Rag and Bone combat pants with knee holes

      Modelling is hard. Seriously, you think it’s all glamour and fancy parties, but the reality is that it doesn’t even pay well enough for you to replace your pants when the knees wear out in them. And the, er, crotch of your pants. Still, at least you get to wear designer clothes, right? That makes it worth it? Right? RIGHT? (These are by Rag & Bone. Click here to buy them from Shopbop.)

      Sonia by Sonia Rykiel dungarees at ASOS

      Modelling is Hard: Sonia by Sonia Rykiel edition

      This model is not happy.  Not only has she had to suffer the indignity of being forced into a pair of dungarees, but these are half denim, half silk dungarees.  The model’s face may say “You’re kidding, right?” to the front view, but wait until she catches a glimpse of the back view… You can buy these for £330 at ASOS.

      yellow top and pink skirt

      The Model’s Plight Continues…

      Readers, it saddens us to report that things aren’t getting any better for our favourite ASOS model. In fact, if these images are anything to go by, they seem to be getting worse. *sad trombone* Mind you, we’d look sad too, if we were wearing this outfit, wouldn’t you? (If you disagree, of course, you can click here to buy it)

      funny model poses

      Modelling is Hard: Zombie Edition

      Before you ask, we’re not talking issue with what this model is wearing, which is pretty inofensive: we’re just concerned for her. The vacant stare, the slumped-over posture: this model is a zombie, isn’t she? Someone has zombified her! Jeez Louise, modelling really IS hard, isn’t it? Seriously, though: why does the fashion world do this? Why does it persist in taking pretty girls and forcing them to pose in ridiculous, awkward stances, with facial expresions that resemble those of The Undead? (No offence to the girl in question, here, by the way: it’s not her, it’s the way the shoot has been styled.) Isn’t fashion supposed to be aspirational? Is everyone reading this secretly aspiring to be a zombie?…

      haider-ackermann-topless-models

      Modelling is Hard: Haider Ackermann does it again

      Apparently there was no other way to style these skirts other than to have the models topless and clutching their boobs. Because THAT doesn’t distract you from the clothes AT ALL, does it readers? Either that or the stylist was assuming that, having spent £1262/$1967 on the skirt, most people wouldn’t have enough cash left for any other clothes. In which case, the styling here is actually quite helpful, isn’t it? Or, you know, not… (Click here to buy one)