Style on Trial: Loopy cardigan by Simone Shailes

Did you ever have a loopy jacket when you were a baby? The Fashion Police did, and we even had loopy hats to match! Clearly we were very fashion-forward babies, and way ahead of our time, for Simone Shailes has designed this version of the loopy jacket, which is sold at Topshop for the "bargain" price of £250. [Edit: now down to £60 in the sale. We wonder why?]

As adults, we think there's a bit too much bulk there for our current tastes, and so we're probably going to just try and forget our loopy-cardigan-wearing pasts, but we do find this design interesting and, for reasons we can't quite explain, want to run our hands all over it.

What do you think, readers? Love? Hate? Indifference? Tell us!

Winter Warmers: Anthropologie's Defy-The-Odds Sweater Jacket

As regular readers will already know, your Chief of Police suffers from the unfortunate condition of Being Constantly Freezing. One of our favourite solutions to this situation, which can create serious havoc with the fashion sense, is to call on the services of our old friend, the Cardigan-That-Looks-Like-a-Jacket.

With the help of a good CTLLAJ, you can continue to look stylish while still keeping yourself warm, and we have to say that this particular Cardigan-That-Looks-Like-a-Jacket is one of the nicest ones we've seen. It'll look fantastic with jeans, helping to both dress them up a little bit and provide that much-needed element of warmth. The military look is also very appropriate for the Chief, who just wishes it wasn't £129.66. If you have no such qualms over price, you can pick one up at Anthropologie.

Sweater with boob windows. Nice.

This sweater wouldn't ordinarily have attracted the attention of The Fashion Police, because as far as fashion offences go this is only a minor infraction.

The thing is, though, the Chief of Police is short. Every sweater she ever buys, therefore, sits much lower than it's supposed to, and she knows a lot of other women who are in the same unfortunate position.

All we're saying is that we'd really hate to see this sweater on one of those women. Especially if they'd decided to go bra-less underneath it...

Shagpile: now available for sweaters

Our apologies for the disturbing nature of these photographs. Yes, this model DOES appear to be wearing a shagpile carpet on her torso. No, we have no idea why. This crime was reported to us by Officer Jannet, and we've instantly put out an APB on this item, which can be purchased from Miss Sixty. The final insult? It's £70.

Someone pass us the smelling salts...

You paid HOW much?! Caroline Herrera bow sweater

Now, we love this sweater. Seriously, how could we not? As regular readers know, we're like magpies, only with bows rather than sparkly things (OK, with bows as well as sparkly things), and this? Is gorgeous. Just gorgeous. So, the second we laid eyes on it, we began to imagine all the things we'd wear it with, and to think dreamily about how our lives would be transformed by ownership of the Caroline Hererra bow sweater.

And then we looked at the price.

$1,190. One. Thousand. One Hundred. And Ninety. Dollars.

We may have had to call for our smelling salts.

If you think this price is justified, you can hand over the readies to Bergdorf Goodman. We, meanwhile, will be making do with a plain black sweater and a long silk scarf tied in a bow at the neck. Same basic effect, mere fraction of the cost. Perfect.

Christopher Kane's £3,000 sweater: worth the money?

Admission: this Christopher Kane sweater doesn't actually cost £3000. We exaggerated for dramatic effect. Sorry. No, it actually costs £2,995, which, for the benefit of our American readers, works out at around $4,728. Yikes.

Now, it's a fine sweater. It's 100% cashmere, and it's embellished with lots and lots of little crystals and studs, which must have been an absolute bitch to sew on, so, you know, clearly we wouldn't have expected such an item to be cheap, exactly.

Is it worth £2,995 to you, though, we wonder? Tell us, readers: would you ever consider paying that much for a sweater like this, or do you think it amounts to Daylight Robbery?

Haute Halloween: 'devil' sweater by Betsey Johnson

Planning to keep things low-key this Halloween? This yellow 'Devil' sweater from Betsey Johnson is just the thing for you, then: from the front, it's a totally plain (albeit very yellow) longline sweater. Turn around, though, and it'll be clear to all who see you that the devil's got your back.

And how much does it cost to carry Beelzebub on your back, we hear you ask? Why, a mere $305 from Betsey Johnson's online store!

Style on Trial: hairy jumper by Kate Moss for Topshop

Of all of the items of clothing in Kate Moss' latest collection for Topshop, this is the one that puzzles us most. Because it's a hairy jumper. Yes, a hairy jumper - words to strike fear into our hearts if ever we heard them. Now, The Fashion Police aren't really down with hairy jumpers, and we suspect the reasons for this are probably self-explanatory (the fact that you'll look almost exactly like a bear in it figures highly, though), but we have to assume there was some reason why Kate Moss and the good people at Topshop decided this had to be made available to the public, so we're putting it up On Trial.

It's available in either black or grey, is £45, and, lest you forget, is a hairy jumper. What do you think, readers: a crime of fashion, or just a great way to keep warm in the winter?

The Return of the Poncho: good thing or bad thing?

Back in the summer of 2005 (or was it 2005?), ponchos made a comeback. It was mostly Sienna Miller's fault: she'd been spotted wearing one, and suddenly every woman and her dog had one, and market stalls across the UK were churning them out like there was no tomorrow. Remember? These were lightweight "summer" ponchos, which were generally crocheted, but as summer changed to fall, some heavy knit ones started to pop up too before they finally faded off the fashion radar again the next year.

The Fashion Police managed to completely resist the poncho trend, although we have to admit there were moments during the depths of winter when we started to see the appeal of them, and we also spotted some people wearing them and making the look work.

And now the poncho has made a return. Or one of them has, anyway. We're not sure if this poncho from Dorothy Perkins is acting alone, or if it has simply been sent ahead by an entire army of ponchos to find out the lie of the land and pave the way for a veritable invasion of the things, but regardless, we want to know what you think of it.

Will you welcome our poncho friends back with open arms, should they try to return, or will you simply switch off the lights, hide behind the sofa and pretend you're not at home when the ponchos come a-knocking?

Budget Buy of the Week: South long sleeve bow neck sweater

The pussy bow thing: you can't have failed to notice there's a lot of it around right now, and you're probably either lapping it up (like us) or just hoping to God it all ends soon.

If you're in the former group, this pussy bow jumper is from Additions Direct, and we like it, not just because it's only £14, but because it looks thicker, and therefore hopefully warmer, than many of its counterparts. And because it's also available in grey and black.

Also: is it just us, or is this model reminding anyone else of Keira Knightly? No? Just us then...

Ashish's padded bust sweatshirt - a sweater with breats

This item was reported to us by Fashion Police reader Helen, who points out that this sweater? Has breasts. Yes, breasts. It has breasts even when no one's wearing it, which is an, um, interesting idea, we guess. And of course, we're used to padded bras, so it was probably only a matter of time before the same principle was applied to knitwear, no?

Would you wear this, though, readers? Do you feel the need to draw attention to your boobs in this particular way, or do you think it'd be easier all round to just buy a padded bra and wear it under a regular sweater?

If you want it, it'll cost you £190 and you can buy it here.

Walter Van Beirendonck's 'Happy Knit' - does it make you happy?

Are you feeling happy yet? More to the point, perhaps: are you feeling £1,089 (over $2000) worth of "happy"? You should be - that's how much this chunky knitted sweater by Walter Van Beirendonck will cost you, and for that amount, we'd want it to make us feel very happy indeed...

On the plus side it looks like it'll keep you warm, and will also allow you to look like you were drawn by a four year old. Which could be... fun. Would it convince you to spend over $2000, though, that's the question?

Open shoulder hoody by Cheap Monday: not exactly practical

 

We'd hesitate to call this a crime of fashion, because, let's face it, we've seen worse, haven't we? Like much worse...

No, this is just the kind of thing that makes us scratch our heads a little and wonder why, for the love of God, anyone would want an open-shoulder hoody. Seriously, why? Can someone explain this to us? Is it for people with unusually sweaty shoulders? Are there situations in life which necessitate covering your ears, arms and body, but leaving your shoulders bare? And if so, what are they?

"Keep your head toasty but your shoulders cool," says the Urban Outfitters website, where you can buy this for $55. But why would you need to do that, Urban Outfitters? WHY?

Budget Buy of the Week: Monochrome bow cardigan from New Look

This cute little bow cardigan has proved so popular that it sold out online within a few days, so the bad news is that if you like it, you're going to have to take your chances with trying to find it in store, unfortunately.

If you do find it, you'll discover that this is thicker than it looks in the picture, and is actually more like a little knitted jacket than a cardigan. We love it because there's something just a little bit Chanel about it which makes it look more expensive than the £22 it actually costs. A great little buy to instantly dress up jeans, trousers or ... well, anything, really.  Oh, and it has a whopping great bow on the front. Sold.

Sonia Rykiel and the Amazing Technicolour Dream Coat Cardigan

We know what you're (probably) thinking here, folks, but this isn't someone's knitting project gone wrong. No, this is a "hot catwalk look". How do you tell the difference between that ill-advised cardi your granny knitted you back in the 80s and a "hot catwalk look", though? Well, that's easy: the difference is exactly £660. See?

Yes, £660. That's how much Net-a-Porter are expecting people to pay for what they call "this season's cosy trend" and we call "Oh God, we're blind! Help us!"

We won't deny that this is probably "cosy", but it reminds us of the kind of thing children's TV presenters used to wear, complete with poodle perms and huge, brightly coloured spectacles (normally red), so, for that reason, we're going to keep our £660 in the bank, "catwalk look" or not.

If you want to wear your £660 on your Technicolor back, however, you can buy this at Net-a-Porter.

Wanted! Cashmere tie neck sweaters from Oasis

Pussy-bow tops are everywhere right now, which is great news for The Fashion Police because we love 'em. We also love cashmere, though, so the fact that these tie neck sweaters from Oasis combine the two makes them our new favourite thing. They're a trifle pricey at £90 each, but of course they are cashmere, so they're never going to be cheap, exactly.

We're still suffering the after-effects of a summer filled with stripes, so the sweater in the middle is currently exerting the most powerful pull on our credit cards, but the other two are pretty cute too. Buy them here.

Style on Trial: Junya Watanabe stretch jersey top

Maybe it looks better in person. And by "better" we mean, "less like a couture version of a straight jacket", because let's face it, this jersey top by Junya Watanabe just doesn't look comfortable to us. At all. In fact, it looks a lot like it would force you to do everything one-handed, your right arm strapped to your side and only the left one free to move.

We're sure that wouldn't actually be the case, of course, but we're right handed here, and we wouldn't want to risk it. What about you? Is this a crime of fashion, do you think, or just a quirky take on a winter essential? Would you pay £310 for it?

Fantasy Buy of the Week: Sonia by Sonia Rykiel trench style cardigan

As regular readers will know, Fashion Police HQ gets mighty cold in the winter. And sometimes in the summer, too, if the truth be told. This is why our officers try to hunt out the warmest, but most stylish items of clothing available once the seasons start to turn. We don't want to look like Nanook of the North, but we don't want to be too cold to type, either.

This is why we'd totally wear this cardigan inside, even although it looks like outerwear, and, in fact, is outerwear. We have a feeling it'd be soft and comfortable enough to work in on those days when we usually have to resort to wearing all of our clothes at once, just to keep the chill out, but if you live in a more temperate climate, it'd make a good alternative to a thick winter coat, too.

Buy: Sonia by Sonia Rykiel Trench style cardigan

Save or Splurge: purple cardigans

In comparing these two cardigans, we have to admit up front that we're not technically comparing like with like, because one is 95% cashmere, while the other is a cotton/nylon mix. (No prizes for guessing which is which). The styles are broadly similar though: these are the so-called "girlfriend" cardigans (or "boyfriend" cardigans if you prefer) so beloved of The Fashion Police. We'll be wearing these all winter over skinny jeans and dresses, but we have to admit, we're much more likely to be spending £22 than £485 on them, cashmere or not.

What about you? Which of these two cardigans would you buy, assuming that you'd buy either of them? Do you think a basic cardi is worth splashing the cash on, or is it something you look to buy cheap and wear out? Or, to put it another way: would you save or splurge?

Product details: L'Wren Scott cardigan, £485, Net-a-Porter; Purple girlfriend cardigan, £22, Dorothy Perkins

Alexander McQueen's Union Jack mohair sweater

Hey, kids, look what granny knitted you for Christmas this year!

Whoops, sorry, our mistake: it's by Alexander McQueen, and it's $1,030. Which makes us think granny maybe missed a trick here: and that if we could only find the pattern and some mohair/nylon, we'd proably give up fashion policing and start churning out loud mohair sweaters instead. At that price, it has to be more profitable.

Of course, the amount of profit you could make on your Union Jack sweater would depend on how many people were actually willing to buy it. So, whaddya say, readers? Anyone want to place an order for one of these? Is it something you'd wear, do you think?

[Buy: Alexander McQueen Union Jack sweater, £1,030]

Wanted! Stripe bow pocket cardigan from Miss Selfridge

This little bow pocket cardigan from Miss Selfridge will be literally too cute for some of you, who probably want to vomit right about now, but if you're into that retro/pin-up-girl look, pair this with with either a 50's style circle skirt or some denim capris, add red nail-polish and lipstick and some heart-shaped sunglasses and you'll have the look down pat.

You'll also look a little like you're on the way to a fancy dress party, but don't worry, you'll be able to tone it down easily enough too.

It's £30 from Miss Selfridge.

Fashion Police for the crazy cat ladies

OK, this isn't the kind of cat the "cat ladies" in our lives tend to go for, but it definitely gets full marks for the "crazy", no?

Why grown women would ever want to dress like this, we have no idea. And we're not sure we want to know, either...

Fashion Trends: boyfriend cardigans

Boyfriend, grandad, longline - whatever you want to call them, and whichever male family member you're supposed to look like you stole it from, this is the style of cardigan we've been seeing most of this year. This is good news as far as The Fashion Police are concerned, because the boyfriend cardigan is comfy, cosy and versatile, looking good thrown on casually over jeans or open and belted at the waist over a dress. We love that slouchy, menswear-inspired look, and if you do too, you'll find links to the four boyfriend cardigans above at the bottom of the page. Or you could just nick one from your boyfriend/grandad...

L-R: Long boyfriend cardigan, $29.98, Alloy; Long pocket cardigan, £49.50, Gap; South long sleeve cardigan, £9, Littlewoods direct; boyfriend cardigan with self-tie belt, £22, Oli

What's worse than ugly sweaters?

Matching ugly sweaters! And no, we don't care that your dog looks exactly like the dog on your sweater - you're still taking that thing right back to the 80s where it belongs. You can leave the 80s hairdos, though: those just make us smile.

Note: The Fashion Police would like to assure you that no dogs were harmed in the making of these sweaters. We can't say the same for the Ken Doll at the back, though, unfortunately - that fixed smile makes us think someone brainwashed him into modeling this...

Hug Me! I'm a fashion criminal!

"And for my next trick, I'll be squeezing out a small person from under my right arm!"

She's not sure whether she wants a hug, or whether she just wants to hide underneath the neck of her sweater. Given that it's making her look weirdly deformed, and she's also committing the classic "adults dressing like toddlers" fashion crime, we'd suggest the latter course of action. We'd also suggest replacing the words "hug me" with "arrest me", because that's exactly what's going to happen to anyone over the age of ten we catch dressing like this...

(Thanks to Amanda for the report!) 

Style on Trial: Big Fluff Inside Out Trophy Hand Print Sweater

Whew! For a moment there, as we surfed lazily through the ASOS knitwear section, we thought we were looking at one of our own features on holiday sweaters. And even when we realised that no, this sweater is available to buy right now, we were still confused because:

a) It's not winter

b) We had no idea that massive reindeer heads had suddenly become fashionable. When did this happen?

In short, we need you to clear up the confusion, gentle readers. Tell us, is this something you would wear? Should we be buying them for the whole family? They'd certainly look great on The Fashion Police's annual Christmas card this year, but would they make us look great, or would they just make us look like Fashion Criminals? You decide.

(And if you decide that this sweater is the greatest thing since skinny jeans, you can buy it for £55 at ASOS).

Ben Affleck's secret fug modelling past exposed by The Fashion Police

Ben Affleck was in hiding this week after his sordid past as a model for knitting pattern makers, Phildar, was sensationally exposed by The Fashion Police.*

"It was in the early days of his career, before he hit the big time," said a source close to the star. "Ben had to bring in the bucks somehow, and modeling fugly sweaters seemed like the answer at the time. Of course, he had hoped these pictures would never get out: I guess he's feeling pretty ashamed of himself now. Some people are saying he'll never work in this town again..."

* Note: Not actually true. That's not the real Ben Affleck in the picture - as far as we know...

Style on Trial: Louise Goldin long sleeve cardigan

Just one look at this Louise Goldin cardigan, and we start fidgeting in our seats and fussing around trying to straighten our imaginary, wonky-hemmed clothes. And we just know that if we actually wore it, our mum's would spend the day telling us that our buttons were done up wrong, and when were we going to straighten them.

The fact that this cardigan has actually tried to recreate that uncomfortable feeling of buttons-in-the-wrong-holes deliberately, then, is puzzling to us. The fact that it does this whilst also having only one sleeve, puzzles us even more. One sleeved dresses we can understand. One sleeved pieces of knitwear, though? Not really, no.

The cardigan in question is £499 from Browns. Is it a crime of fashion, though, or would you let it walk free?

Name that cardigan at Modcloth!

Have you ever wanted to name a cardigan? Of come on, of course you have! Well, thanks to our friends over at Modcloth, you can. In fact, you can name this very cardigan, and the winner will not only have their name used in the store, they'll also win one the cardigan for themselves, plus a a Twisting Tree Necklace in silver, and a Lovely Dove Necklace.

All you have to do to enter is post your suggested name on this post at the Modcloth blog. Easy, no? Now off you go and name that cardigan!

Cute Knits at New Look

Ever since New Look opened their online store, I've been vaguely disappointed not to find anything I particularly wanted to buy from it. Until now, that is. Now I want both of these sweaters. Well, OK, maybe not the pink one, because bright pink sweater + bright red hair = Clashy McClash for me, but if it was a slightly paler pink, I'd be all over it. Its got that vaguely 50s, rockabilly style to it, and what is it about pieces of fruit that makes them look cute if you stick a few sequins on 'em and add them to a cardigan? Beats me.

The teal/green bow sweater, on the other hand?  So mine...

Wanted! Big Bow Waistcoats by Gaspard Yurkievich

Spotted this morning over at Style Bubble, these gorgeous bow waistcoats by Gaspard Yurkievich instantly went straight to the top of my "items I'm obsessing over" list. Bows will win me over every time, of course, but these ones are feminine without being frilly, and they're also reduced to half price and now available for 325,000 euros. I'll have one in each colur, please...

Wanted! Long houndstooth cardigan from River Island

No, it's not a coat, it's a cardi - and that, my friends, is why I love it! I've talked before about how I'm the coldest person in the world, and how this means that in the winter months I'm usually forced to forget all about fashion and just concentrate on trying to stay warm. This is why cardigan-coats are my best friends. Much more comfortable and easy to wear than actual outerwear (although there have been times during particularly cold spells when I've walked around the house with my coat on), if you live in a cold climate, a good cardigan coat can be indispensable.

I particularly like this one from River Island because it's smart enough to wear outside the house, too - ideal for overheated shopping malls, which are far too hot for actual outerwear I'd wear it on super-cold days with a black, skinny rib turtle neck and either leggings or skinny jeans. Yes, I'd look like I was wearing my coat indoors, but at least it would make a change from the hoodie and thermal vest combo I'm sometimes forced to adopt when it's freezing out. £39.99 from River Island. 

Winter Woolies: Owl knit polo sweaters from Frock

I know we've been very vocal in the past about our hatred of any so-called "fashion" item that could possibly have the word "novelty" applied to it, but we're just going to pretend we didn't say any of that now, because lookit! Sweaters with owls on the front! And on the back! And, as the piece de resistance, the back of the sweater features the back of the owl, so when you turn round, your owl friend turns round too. Yes, I know they're probably too twee for words, but I'm already choosing a name for my owl.*

Get yours from Frock.

* I'm going to call him "Larry".
* We still hate novelty socks, though.

The turtleneck gets stylish

Not to say that turtlenecks weren't stylish before, of course, but they can be a little on the boring side. Not this one, though. This one is from the Plenty by Tracy Reese, and the dramatic sleeves and flocked print really sets it apart. If you were very brave, you could probably even wear it as a mini dress. $195 at Nordstrom.

Crime of Fashion: Christmas sweaters

Kerry's comment on our post about novelty socks yesterday got us thinking: why stop at socks? Why, there's a whole closet full of Christmas-themed fashion crimes out there, and chief among these is the holiday sweater. Now, we've all had one - when we were five. You'd think adults would no more want to place a giant Santa Claus or grinning snowman on their chests than they'd want to wear cartoon reindeer on their toes, though, but you'd be wrong, for the holiday sweaters, they are thriving - and at this time of year they go into "attack" mode, flooding into the stores and almost overwhelming us all with their sheer ugliness.

Our problem with Christmas sweaters is pretty much the same as our problem with novelty socks: it's that whole 'Dress Like a Toddler' trend in action again, isn't it? You see, LOTS of sweaters are "cosy". LOTS of socks are "warm". Not all "cosy and warm" sweaters and socks look like they belong on a three-year-old, though, do they? And thus is born one of the fundamental fashion laws of our time: adults should dress like adults. Kids should dress like kids. And no one over the age of seven should ever be seen in a holiday sweater...

Martin Margiela's link sleeved polo neck. WHY?

Yesterday we had the House Arrest Boots, today we bring you the Straight Jacket Sweater. HAS THE  WHOLE WORLD GONE  MAD?  Or do  fashion designers just think we've gone mad enough to want to actually buy this stuff? I mean, granted there are armholes in this sweater, so the sleeves don't actually link together, straight-jacket style, but I ask you: who wants their arms to be actually ATTACHED to each other? And why? What purpose does it serve, other than making you look like you just escaped from the asylum?

I dunno, I guess Lindsay and Paris might like this. They'll probably be the only ones, though...

Fashion Police Fraud Squad: 'That' Kate Moss for Topshop stripe sweater V. Primark's budget alternative

I'm cheating just a little bit with this one because as you can see, these sweaters are two different colours. They're both stripe crewnecks with cashmere, though, the two big differences being that one is 100% cashmere while the  other is just 5%, and one is £45 while the other is just £25. So, can you guess which is which?

Well, the sweater on the left is by Kate Moss for Topshop. It contains 5% cashmere but is the more expensive option at £45. The sweater on the right, meanwhile, is Primark's 100% cashmere offering which is £25. Just goes to show what the Kate Moss name can do to a price tag - although I have to admit to loving those pink and black stripes, and if it wasn't for the fact that the pink would clash horribly with my hair, I'd be all over it...

Wanted! Stripe sweaters by Sonia Rykiel

I'm going through a bit of a "stripey" phase right now. Give me something striped - especially something grey and striped - and I'm happy. These Sonia Rykiel sweaters make me happy - especially the one on the right: I love the puffed sleeves and the little heart motif, and I think it'll look fabulous with some grey skinny jeans.  I'm not quite so sold on the other one - that bow's a little too big even for me, and there's something a little clownish about it. I still wouldn't say no if it were to mysteriously fetch up on my doorstep, though.

Wanted! Lurex pleat cardigans from Dorothy Perkins

A few months ago, Dorothy Perkins were selling one of these lurex pleat cardigans in silver. I picked it up, put it back down, picked it up again, stroked it, admired it, wondered what I'd wear with it, put it back down again... then walked out of the shop without buying it. By the time I'd realised that, no, I really couldn't live without it any longer, of course, it had sold out. Isn't that always the way of things? I'm going to try really hard not to make the same mistake again now that they have the same cardigan back in gold and blue. I love the vintage-look of it, and I know I want one of these, it's just - which colour do I want?

Wanted! Marc by Marc Jacobs wool thermal tunic for winter

Yes, yes, I know what I've said about tunics in the past, and no, I'm not changing my mind. Not completely, anyway. I still think tunics have the power to make even the slimmest woman look pregnant, but I can't help being drawn to this thermal version courtesy of Marc by Marc Jacobs.

It's partly the little bow that's doing it (y'all know by now how I feel about bows) but it's also the fact that it's thermal. Remember my "I'm always freezing, even in summertime?" problem? Well, I'm thinking that thermal clothing could be a good way around that, and while a thermal tunic could just mean that I done lost my mind, I'm going to bookmark it anyway. Could be a hard winter, folks, you never know.

Crime of Fashion: The World's Sexiest Jumper

Now, I'm not disputing that this is, indeed, "the world's most sexy jumper", as the seller claims it is. No, what I'm disputing is that it's meant to be worn like this, with absolutely nothing underneath it to stop your tits jumping out and swallowing someone...