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6 Christmas Jumpers We Don’t Totally Hate

Here at The Fashion Police, we’re not fans of Christmas jumpers. 

No, not even when they’re being worn “ironically”. Yes, it’s OK that you hate us for it, because seriously: who WOULDN’T want to wear a hilariously ugly sweater with a cartoon picture of Santa Claus stuck on the front? Er, we wouldn’t. And, more to the point, we wouldn’t want to waste our money on something we’d just be wearing for the sake of “joining in”, so assuming that we absolutely HAD to wear a Christmas jumper, here are some of the jumpers we’d choose…

6 stylish Christmas jumpers

01. H&M ‘Honey It’s Cold Outside’ jumper

We’re fond of a good ol’ slogan sweater, and although the slogan on this one is definitely Christmas appropriate, it’s not so specific that you couldn’t go on wearing it all winter long. Because, let’s face it, it’s ALWAYS cold outside at this time of year, isn’t it?*

(*In the northern hemisphere. Yes, we know it’s summer in Australia…)

02. Dorothy Perkins glitter bow jumper

Now THIS one we’d consider wearing all year round. Well, we DO love a bow – and a sequin bow is even better.

03. Boden ’25’ jumper

Boden can always be relied on to bring a touch of class to the Christmas jumper party, and this one is so subtle we almost missed the reference altogether. (It’s December 25th, obviously. But you knew that, of course.)

04. George sequin snowflake jumper

We know that all of our selections so far have been grey or beige, by the way. We know… we just don’t care, because if that’s what it takes to get us into one of these things, then that’s what it takes.

05. Collectif Chrissie Deer Jumper

Just for you, here’s one that isn’t grey or beige: it isn’t baggy or oversized either, like so many Christmas jumpers are, so that naturally makes it our favourite.

06. Oasis Stag jumper

We’re not sure this one even counts as a Christmas jumper, but hey: it’s sparkly, it’s wintry and we’d wear it – so we’re counting it.


Crimes of Fashion, Knitwear

Not Your Average Sweaters

It’s sweater weather! No doubt you’ll have already seen a million fashion editorials, and a million-and-one blog posts helpfully informing you of this very fact. Gone are the days when the humble sweater was the “sensible” choice for a cold day, however. No, today’s sweaters are fashion-forward, edgy and unique. And probably not much use on a cold day, come to think of it. Take a look at this suspect, for instance:

strange cutout sweater

Costume National Wool Vest, $999

We guess you could layer something under it if you actually wanted to beat the chill in it? You’d still look and feel like you were in a cocoon, obviously, but maybe that’s the point?

Along somewhat similar lines, but with fewer cutouts, and a much brighter colour, we have this suspect:

Christopher Kane neon sweater

Christopher Kane neon sweater, £995

We’re so blinded by the colour we almost didn’t notice the strange, ruffled cut-outs on the arms, but when we did…well, it didn’t make it any better, let’s just put it that way. Of course, if we were a REAL police force, we’d declare anything in this particular shade of neon green to have automatic fashion crime status.We’re not a real police force, though, so moving on…

ashish sweatshirt

Ashish tulle and cotton jersey sweatshirt, £665

This one seems almost tame in comparison, doesn’t it? We’re soothed by the soft grey jersey and the, er, bright pink tulle. And if you want to pay £665 for a cotton sweatshirt, then that is, of course, absolutely up to you.


stella mccartney sweatshirt

Stella McCartney rope-detail sweatshirt, £610

We’re filing this one under ‘Craft Project Gone Wrong’. Also under ‘Snakes On a Sweatshirt’, because that’s what this looks like to us from a distance. Oh, and maybe also under Those Tassels Look Ticklish. Because they do, don’t they? £610 gets you this one – but you’ll have to be quick, because it’s almost sold out!

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Knitwear, Style On Trial

The Christmas Sweater gets trendy. Sort of.

Santa sleep tee

Santa sleep tee, Topshop

Once upon a time, Christmas sweaters were the kind of items that were worn just once a year (Christmas Day itself), and normally out of a sense of obligation: well, if someone had gone to the trouble of knitting one for you, the least you could do was to wear the thing for a few hours, huh?

Now, however, things have changed for the Christmas sweater. Once the inspiration behind many an “Ugly Sweater” party, Christmas sweaters have now taken their place in our stores, and in our closets, and are being worn un-ironically, and by people who generally consider themselves to be “fashionable”. It may only be the middle of November, but we’ve already seen more than one fashion blogger ask Twitter if it’s “too early” to bust out their Christmas-themed knitwear (Answer: YES.), while others are squeeing in excitement at the prospect of one day, hopefully soon, being able to pull on a sweater with a giant, smiling snowman on the front, and wear it with pride.

Having witnessed this upsurge in the popularity of holiday knits, then, we put it to you today: what do you think of them?

We have to confess: although today’s holiday sweaters tend to be a little more stylish than some of the ones we’ve featured here in the past, we still have a hard time seeing them as anything other than yet another manifestation of the Dress Like a Toddler Trend. Cartoon reindeer and grinning Santa Claus figures, after all, do have a distinctly childish feel to them and that, of course, is the whole point. Christmas sweaters aren’t supposed to be taken seriously: their point is to be fun, frivolous, and perhaps a little bit nostalgic, reminding us of the childlike excitement of Christmas past. Sophisticated they ain’t, but then again, we can’t be sophisticated ALL the time, can we?

Well, CAN WE? Take a look at our small gallery of Christmas sweaters, and tell us: do you go in for festive dressing, or do you prefer to keep your closet theme-free?

GALLERY: Christmas sweaters

Knitwear, Style On Trial

Style Trial | Fluffy fashion from Topshop

fluffy fashion

All items available at Topshop

We had a lot of love for Topshop’s fluffy knitwear a few weeks ago, but we’re a little less enamoured with some of the latest fluffy fashions to hit our favourite website.

With their lurid colours and long-haired wool, these pieces have more in common with The Muppets than they do with Lana del Rey and other fuzzy sweater-wearers: in fact the neon green number could work pretty well as a part of a last-minute Kermit the Frog Halloween costume, if you can just find some matching bottoms.

Do you hold it against them, though? Well, let’s see:

The case for the prosecution:

1. They’re (mostly) neon. Neon may well be fashionable at the moment, and God knows we’ve cried many a tear over that fact, but it can be hard to wear, and much too bright for some tastes.

2. The 90s are over: cropped, neon sweaters should be too.

3. Who really wants to be mistaken for a giant stuffed animal as they walk down the street?

The case for the defence:

1. They’re fun. We guess.

2. They’re “cosy”. (Ever notice that this is almost ALWAYS an argument for the defence?)

3. The fluffy fabric has a luxurious feel, and is a little more interesting than regular old knitwear.

So, three for three. Which side wins your vote, though? What do you think of these super-bright, super-fluffy sweaters and dresses, and would you wear them? Tell us in the comments section…


High Street Shopping: Louche ‘Ivy’ bow cardigans

Louche 'Ivy' bow cardigans

Louche ‘Ivy’ bow cardigans, £29

The Fashion Police are big fans of the humble cardigan. They keep you warm when it’s cold out (well, d’uh!), dress down too-fancy outfits, and make strappy dresses and tops suddenly appropriate for all kinds of settings they’d otherwise have been deemed semi-scandalous in. Honestly, we’d be lost without them. In fact, we feel like we should award them some kind of medal for services to style. We’ll look into that.

Good cardigans, however, as is always the case with many of those so-called “wardrobe essentials” can be hard to find, (And why is it that the simplest things are always the trickiest to track down, anyway?) which is why we were so happy to come across this little ‘Ivy’ cardigan by one of our current favourite brands, Louche.

This ticks all of our boxes for knitwear: it’s close-fitting (nothing’ll make you look matronly quicker than a saggy cardi*…), has long-sleeves (unlike all of those elbow and three-quarter-length versions, which may look pretty, but which really need another cardigan over them in order for the to fulfil the purpose of actually keeping you warm…), and, most importantly of all, are super-cute, in two bright, cheerful colours.

And they’re only £29, too. Go get ’em

*TFP TOP TIP: To avoid the “saggy cardi” effect, always buy at least one, maybe even two sizes down, even if it means shopping in the children’s section. As long as it buttons up without looking stretched, it’ll look far more chic than a looser fit.


The holiday sweater goes designer

designer holiday sweaters

Holiday sweaters. For some people, they will always be the horrid, scratchy things they were forced to wear every Christmas morning, and were begging to be released from by the time the turkey was on the table.

For others, however, they’re a designer fashion statement, and a chance to splash some serious cash on the kind of knitwear that wouldn’t look out of place at an ugly sweater party.

The ones pictured here are by the likes of Stella McCartney, Markus Lupfer and Moschino, and we’re hoping they’re REALLY impressive up close, because as you read this, little old ladies around the world are looking at this post, clutching their knitting needles and hearing cash registers ringing in their ears. You might want to keep hold of that scratchy sweater you get this year, folks: you can tell everyone it’s a Meadham Kirchhoff, and “bang on trend!”

What do you think? Is the humble holiday sweater something you’d pay in the range of $1,000 for? Is it something you’d wear AT ALL?

[All sweaters pictured are available to buy at Net-a-Porter]

High Street Shopping: Primark ‘Pow!’ sweater

Primark Pow Sweater

Move over Marcus Lupfer… Primark jumped right on the comic book trend with their ‘Pow!” sweater, which will set you back all of £14 (unlike the designer version, which was over £300). We hate to use the phrase “on trend”, so instead we’ll simply note that this will certainly help keep you cosy as the nights draw in. Sadly, Primark are yet to launch an ecommerce website, so you’ll need to track this one down in store….

Crimes of Fashion, Knitwear

Winter woolies, fashion criminal style

crime of fashion

Well, as long as your thighs are warm, who cares about freezing your butt and back?

That seems to be the thinking behind this item, anyway. And really, this isn’t so much a fashion crime as it is a fashion mystery: the kind of thing that makes us shake our head and wonder who on earth would look at something like this and think, “£125? Oh HELL yes: this is just the thing that’s missing from my life!”

Would you?

[Buy it]
Crimes of Fashion, Jeans, Knitwear

Modelling is Hard: Maison Martin Margiela edition

crime of fashion

This outfit is one of those things that just gets stranger, and more confusing, the longer you look at it.

At first you think it’s just a simple pair of jeans and a turtleneck sweater, and who could possibly object to that?

Then you notice that although the model’s head has been cut off (Not by us, we hasten to add. Our officers are authorised to use force if necessary when arresting fashion criminals  but not THAT much force…), whoever did it has failed to disguise that the turtleneck comes all the way up to her eyes:

ridiculous sweater

How can she breathe under there? How can she hear? Or speak? Does her union rep know about any of this?

Then you realise than when Far Fetch described these as “high waisted” jeans, they really weren’t kidding:

high waisted jeans

Now we know why the model’s face is hidden. Well, would YOU want anyone to see in jeans halfway up your back? Didn’t think so.

If Maison Martin Margiela’s goal was to make human bodies look… well, less human, basically… we’re pleased to say they’ve succeeded.

If their goal was to get these items arrested by The Fashion Police, meanwhile, they’ve succeeded in that, too.

Have they succeeded in convincing you that you should pay £494 for the jeans and £539 for the sweater, though? That’s up to you to decide. We, meanwhile, have a model to rescue…

[Product page]


Crimes of Fashion, Knitwear

Strange Sweaters from Bless

Bless turtleneck sweaters

“Gosh!” we thought, “It’s not like our old friends at Bless to make an item of clothing that looks, well, ordinary. We’re more used to seeing hairy shoes, strange, off-the-shoulder suit jackets, and who could forget the Ra Multispaghetti dress? But these… these look like regular turtleneck sweaters!”

strange sweaters


At least some things never change, eh?

Of course, you don’t have to be in the Fashion Police detective squad to see what happened here. Obviously one sweater stole the back right off the other one. And turned it into a … knapsack? A cape? We have no idea. The good news is that there’s really only one fashion criminal in this post: the yellow sweater is guilty as sin. Its blue brother, meanwhile, is but a helpless fashion victim, and although it may not LOOK quite as bad as  some crimes we’ve featured here, let’s face it: it’s a £400 sweater that will keep your chest warm while your back freezes – what kind of future can it possibly have?

[Buy them]
Crimes of Fashion, Knitwear

Unsolved Mysteries: Acne ‘Gladys Light’ grey sweater

Acne Gladys light sweater

Something’s missing here.

Over the years we’ve been policing the world of fashion, we’ve come to the conclusion that  fashion victims live in a completely different climate from the rest of us. In fashion land, it’s always warm enough for shorts… but also cold enough for boots. It’s cold enough for the fashionista’s favourite thing – LAYERING, and LOTS OF IT – but at the same time warm enough for bare legs and sandals. And today we learn that in the land of the fashionable, it’s often cold enough to need a thick-knick sweater… but simultaneously so warm that you’d want to hack a huge square out of the front of it, exposing your naked body from nipple to clavicle.

We want to know where this place is, that has such an incomprehensible climate. Failing that, we’ll settle for knowing where the fashionistas are going dressed like this. Seriously, where would you wear this sweater? It’s not work appropriate; it’s not particularly “casual”, but it’s not really “dressy” either. But, you know, you paid £170 for it, you better be going to wear it. So, where?

[Buy it]
Crimes of Fashion, Knitwear

Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: Glove Sleeve Sweater

glove sleeve sweater

As far as Stuck Together Clothes Crimes go, sweaters with attached gloves have to be amongst the most hilarious. Seriously, can YOU look at the image above and keep a straight face? We’re impressed, if so.

As chucklesome as this is, though, the fact remains that most glove sweaters are the type your mother used to DIY for you when you were a kid, i.e. the gloves can be removed, which makes the item just a bit unnecessary (unless you’re REALLY prone to losing your gloves, obviously, but even if you are, do you really want to have to wear the same sweater day after day, just so you can attach them to it? Thought not.), as opposed to being an out-and-out crime.

Not this one, though.

Nope, these gloves remain attached to the sweater at all times:

sweater with attached gloves

It’s actually even funnier this way, isn’t it?

[Buy it]

Wanted! Cute, cheap knitwear

cheap knitwear

[Image: A|Wear]

Knitwear: it’s one of those wardrobe staples, especially at this time of year, as the weather starts to turn colder, and our closets start to fill up with winter woolies. Is it too much to ask  that it actually be cute, though? Well, thankfully not: we’ve rounded up some of our favourite pieces of knitwear for the coming season – take a look and see what we’ve found!

40s style cardigans

40s style angora cardigans: 40 euros at A|Wear

Now, we have to admit to being a little confused by the concept of short-sleeved sweaters. They’re cute, sure, but it can be hard to know when to wear them, because when it’s cold enough for sweaters, it’s normally too cold for short sleeves – or it is where we come from, anyway.

We do love the 40s-influenced style of these A|Wear sweaters, though, and if you put them into rotation now, when the weather’s getting cooler, you may still be able to get a few weeks’ wear out of them before the real cold sets in.

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Crimes of Fashion, Knitwear

Bad fashion is watching you…

Sonia Rykiel eye sweater

This is a sweater.

We know.

The good news is it’s already sold out, so there’s no chance of anyone buying it and actually wearing it. (Or, wait: maybe that’s the bad news, because it means people are already wearing it?)

The bad news, meanwhile, is that it may be sold out, but it’s still watching you. And it will no doubt be appearing in your nightmares tonight.

Have a good weekend!

Crimes of Fashion, Knitwear

Comme des Garcons make sure we never forget our gloves again

comme des garcons glove sweater

Remember when you were a little kid and your mother would sew your gloves into the sleeves of your coat, so you didn’t leave them behind anywhere?

Think of Comme des Garcons as your mother.

And think of this £244 sweater as your coat.

Now think of yourself as a fashion victim, because you just spent all that money on a plain black shirt with a pair of gloves attached to it, just because it was OMGDESIGNER…

[Click here to buy it]
Crimes of Fashion, Knitwear

Meet the Mitchelin Woman…

Bless Mitchelin sweater

This post WAS supposed to be about Bless’s aptly-named ‘Mitchelin’ sweater, but actually, now we come to write it, all we can think about is those shoes. Oh, those shoes! The peep-toe boot rule is in full effect here, but honestly, we think the model is probably using the gargatuan sweater purely as a distraction technique, to draw our eyes away from those Frankenshoes. And we don’t blame her.

We think the original £708 was maybe a little steep for this sweater (Although, mind you, it’ll definitely keep you warm. And you won’t have to buy any more sweaters ever again, because this sweater is like twenty sweaters.) but perhaps the sale price of £354 will make it more appealing to you? If it does. you can click here to buy it. But only if you promise not to wear it like the model on the right…

Crimes of Fashion, Knitwear, Skirts

Skirt… or cardigan? You choose!

skirt cardigan

Is it a skirt? Or is it a cardigan?

It’s both!

One minute it’s a really ugly skirt:

cardigan skirt

But the next minute? It’s a cardigan!


Isn’t that… clever?

At first, we thought this garment was only a skirt/cardigan (a “skirtigan”?) hybrid in the same way that ANY cardigan tied around the waist could be described as such. Upon closer inspection, however, we see the “belt” around the neckline and the “skirt” at the hem, which makes this the ingenious and versatile item it is, and totes justifies the $900 price tag, don’t you think?

Want it? Then buy it!


Crimes of Fashion, Knitwear

Moschino Not-So-Cheap-or-Chic

Moschino Cheap & Chic sweater

“No, seriously, I’m a size 0 – look how tiny my clothes are!”

Well, that’s one way to try to trick people into thinking you wear a smaller size than you really do, we guess. And also a good way to make yourself look like you’ve been raiding the wardrobe of very tiny people. Win-win!

[Click here to buy it at]