Frankenshoes: Jeffrey Campbell ‘Sporty’ flatforms

Jeffery Campbell flatform shoes with stripe soles

With the creation of these shoes, the lines between “fashion victims” and “clowns” will become even more blurred. Thanks, Jeffrey Campbell.

Actually, for a long time now, we’ve suspected Jeffrey Campbell, enemy of feet, is playing an elaborate joke on the fashion victims of the world. Knowing that they will now apparently buy and wear anything he puts in front of them, declaring it to be “fierce!”, he’s now just seeing how far he can go with footwear that makes people look like clowns, isn’t he? And the scary thing? It’s working. People are gushing over these ‘Sporty’ flatforms over on Solestruck. They’re buying them. They’re presumably wearing them, and walking around like flat-footed giants, on those 4″ stripey platform soles. This makes us fear for the future of stylish humanity. And also for the future of professional clowns, now we come to think of it, because how will they be able to find work when every fashion blogger on the planet looks just like them?

We’re scared. Hold us.

(Want to buy them? Click here to do it, but please take a moment to tell us how you’re planning to wear them first!)

4 Comments

  • October 5, 2011

    Moni

    *hands the Chief of Police a cozy blanket and a cup of hot chocolate for comfort*

    Yowzers, this must have given me the biggest scroll-down-shock of my life! Help!
    I suspect that Mr. Campbell is not so secretly a follower of Dr. Seuss, wanting us all to look like those distorted cartoon creatures. That must be it.
    Now I’m scared, too.

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  • October 5, 2011

    Nina

    I wore shoes like those in the 90s while listening to Spice Girls and Aqua and playing with my Tamagotchi – that is seriously not the decade to bring back! :S

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  • October 5, 2011

    Emily via Facebook

    Ri-DIC!

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  • October 5, 2011

    Sonya

    Well, platforms like that are used for kids with leg-length discrepancies (AKA, one leg is longer than the other), so some people actually do have to walk around with one shoe looking like this. That being said, it’s highly inappropriate for anyone else.

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