If you were alive during the 90s – and old enough to actually remember it – you may recall the terrible trend for cartoon-print jeans. Or, of course, you may have successfully managed to erase this memory from your mind, due to the sheer trauma of it. God knows, we’ve tried to. We may even have succeeded, too, if it wasn’t for the appearance of these “hilarious” jeans on our radar early this week.
In addition to the high-waited style and dated stone wash, these also come with what looks like the words “BAM!” – although, honestly, it looks more like “PAM” to us. Who IS “Pam”? – and “WAOO!” printed on the leg. WE KNOW. Why would you want to walk around with the word “WAOO!” on your leg? What does it even mean?
We didn’t go back to 1992 to find these, you see. No, we just went to Yoox.com, where we found them hiding in the denim department. This is about as bad as it gets, folks. Seriously, your Chief of Police did a LOT of the bad 90s trends. A LOT of them. But even she wouldn’t touch the cartoon jeans if you’d paid her. And where The Fashion Police are from, the cartoon in question was normally The Flintstones. No, we’re not joking. You’d get Fred on one leg and Barney on the other, or some other nonsense. We have no idea why. What was it about The Flinstones that made some designer think, “OMG, they totes need to be on jeans!” We don’t know, but we do know we never looked at those wacky cavemen the same way again, and we never forgave them. Fred and Barney, you are DEAD TO US, seriously.
Anyway, like we said, these aren’t from the 90s, they’re from RIGHT NOW, which means you can rush out and buy them. You’ll need £49, and you’ll need to click here to do it. What are you waiting for?
Some days you want to wear black jeans, and some days you want to wear blue jeans.
And some days you want to wear black jeans AND blue jeans, and you’re just not willing to choose one over the other.
Those are the days you turn to Cheap Monday, and their jeans which are both black AND blue, like a bruise. Or like the 80s, because that’s not so much “blue” as it is “marble wash”. So, basically, you’ll have one leg in 1987, and the other in 2011. Isn’t that the dream?
If it’s your dream, click here to view them up close. If it’s NOT your dream, just be grateful we got to them before they could cause any damage…
Yesterday we talked about how bootcut jeans are kicking skinnies in the denim ass as far as eBay sales are concerned. Today we want to introduce some other types of jeans into the fray, and start a full-scale denim war. Imagine armies of jeans, all battling for dominance. Who will win? YOU DECIDE! (Sorry, we thought we were on Big Brother for a second there…)
The question is simple: WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE TYPE OF JEAN?
To make it simpler still, we’ve included a poll. Please feel free to elaborate on your vote in the comments, so we can all argue over something as trivial as denim.
(We’re joking: let’s not argue. In fact, let’s all have a big, denim-clad hug. Only after you’ve placed your vote below, though…)
Remember bootcut jeans? Of course you do. In fact, chances are you still have at least one pair squirrelled away somewhere, and even although the skinny still reigns supreme in the denim world – for now – you’re hoping the day will come when we can all toss those tight jeans aside and get back into bootcut. Maybe that day has already come for you? Maybe you never made the switch to skinny, and have clung onto your trusty bootcuts, regardless of the vagaries of fashion trends telling you it’s time to get into wide legs, flares, or any other cut of denim. Jennifer Aniston is still wearing bootcuts, after all, so why shouldn’t you?
How do we know all this? Well, partly because we’re The Fashion Police, and it’s our job to know these things obviously. But also because we climb inside your closet at night while you’re asleep this week eBay released an infographic showing how jeans sales on the auction site have panned out over the past year. The results are not the least bit surprising: every time we write about the Battle of the Denim, you tell us you HATE skinny jeans, and LOVE bootcut. And the results of eBay’s research definitely reflect that:
Jean Sales on eBay in the Past Year:
1. BOOTCUT: 793,289
2. STRAIGHT LEG: 215,353
3. SKINNY JEANS: 214,405
So more than twice as many pairs of bootcut jeans as skinnies were sold, and skinny jeans didn’t even make it to second place on the list: straight leg jeans did.
Surprised? We’re not. While we personally prefer skinnies (Yes, we know, it’s shocking), we know that our readers have always tended to express a preference for bootcut styles, feeling that they’re more flattering to most figures. So we’re mostly just surprised that retailers and designers haven’t been taking that on board: we’d imagine one of the reasons people are buying so many pairs of bootcut jeans from eBay is because they’re not exactly easy to find in regular stores, with the balance skewed heavily in favour of skinnies, or whatever that seasons flavour of the month is. (This season: flares.)
(Actually, scratch that bit about designers. We’re not surprised AT ALL that designers aren’t making clothes which flatter people’s bodies, and which women actually want to wear. If they were, this site wouldn’t exist.)
So tell us: do you favour bootcut jeans over the other styles available? Why?
When The Fashion Police first learned that there was going to be a collaboration between two of the most frequent inhabitants of our cells, MM6 Maison Martin Margiela and Opening Ceremony, we instantly knew that we would, once again, have to call on reinforcements.
We were right.
Let’s just take a closer look at the evidence here, shall we?
The Fashion Police jail is just crammed full of ugly items of clothing, some of which our new readers may never get to see, they’re buried so deep in our archives (Which, you could argue, is where they truly belong).
Today, though, we’re taking some of them out and letting them have a quick stroll around the exercise yard before locking them back up again. And we’re starting off with our ugly jeans section.
Now jeans, as we’ve mentioned before, are one of those items which can be either very, very good, or very, very bad, with every little room for middle ground. So jeans are either perfectly unobjectionable, or as ugly as sin. Here, in no particular order, are five of the pairs of jeans our readers found ugly as sin…
5. The Jeans For When You Just Can’t Decide
We all have our fat days, don’t we? What we didn’t really realise until we found these jeans, though, is that some of us have”Fat Leg” Days. And yes, that’s “leg” in the singular, because these jeans are designed for those of you who have one fat leg and one thin leg. It’s good to know that fashion doesn’t discriminate, isn’t it?
OK, sure, when they first came out, we made fun of the name, we admit it. And we did have our concerns that jeggings would be used simply as an excuse for people to try and circumvent the Leggings Are Not Pants Rule. (Just to be clear, this climbdown on jeggings doesn’t change our minds about leggings and their status as pants. Leggings are not pants, never have been, never will be. Not while The Fashion Police have breath in our bodies, anyway.)
But look at the two examples above. Admit it, you thought they were just regular old skinny jeans, didn’t you?
But they’re not. They’re jeggings. And they have finally won us over.
Why we don’t hate jeggings
See, the thing is, jeggings DO look like jeans. In the case of some of the better quality examples (The Citizens of Humanity pair above is a case in point, although we’ve also seen good quality, jean-like jeggings on the high street, at places like Topshop or River Island), they even FEEL like jeans. The cotton is thick, stretchy, and not at all like the kind of fabric you’d expect to find on a pair of leggings.
It’s not denim, though, and this is actually a point in its favour, because while jeggings look much the same as skinny jeans, they’re a helluva lot more comfortable than them, and they’re easier to get in and out of, too.
In conclusion, as long as there’s no camel toe, the correct fit is worn, and they’re not thin enough to create VPL, we’re happy to welcome jeggings into the world of the Fashion Police Approved:
Mind you, there is a downside to jeggings, and it’s a big one. Jeggings, you see, are very much part of that whole “dressing down is the new dressing up, let’s wear pyjamas to the supermarket trend” which The Fashion Police so abhor. Get the look right, and it can be casual but chic: think Victoria Beckham is super-skinnies and a blazer. Or Kate Moss when she’s had a wash. Throw them on with fake Ugg boots and a velour tracksuit top, though, and we have us a whole different story. And now we’re starting to wonder if we should perhaps reconsider our stance.
What do YOU think of jeggings?
Of course, if you still hate leggings, skinny jeans or both (and we know there are a lot of you out there who do), you’re definitely not going to be getting on board with jeggings any time soon. As for the rest of you, however, what do you think: are you ready to give the unholy alliance of leggings and jeans a reprieve, and let them into your life (and closet?)? Or do you think these are definitely a crime of fashion, which should never have existed in the first place? Tell us in the comments section!
We’re sick and tired of people trying to mess with denim. LEAVE DENIM ALONE, people. It doesn’t deserve it. Denim has done nothing to harm anyone. Well, except this girl, obviously:
She’s certainly being damaged by denim. (Or rather WE are, because this image cannot be unseen now. Sorry.) It’s like it just up and attacked her one fine day, isn’t it? You could also argue, however, that it’s not denim which has damaged her, but her who has damaged the denim, and that she therefore has brought this upon herself. THIS is what happens when you mess with the natural order denim, readers. Treat it well and it will treat you well in return. Take scissors to it and cut giant holes out of its butt cheeks, and you’ll find your bare ass on TheFashionPolice.net. If this doesn’t prove our point, then nothing will.
Denim, you see, is not meant to be messed with. It’s one of those things that can be our very best friend, if we let it – where would we be without our favourite pair of jeans, for instance?, the ones that fit perfectly and always make us feel good when we pull them on? Treat denim badly, however, by chopping it up, adding bits of “bling”, or trying to turn it into something it just doesn’t want to turn into, and denim will turn out to be the worst enemy you ever had. Look at what happened to these three, for instance, when they got on the wrong side of denim:
Not pretty, is it?
Denim doesn’t want to have pieces of flair attached to it. It doesn’t want to be acid washed, or given fringes and pleats and all kinds of fancy accessories. It definitely doesn’t want to be “teamed” with MOAR DENIM. You can see what happens when you try to bend it to your will in this way.
Denim needs to be kept simple. Classic. Simple washes. Minimal ripping and shredding – in fact, this kind of thing really needs to happen naturally, or to at least LOOK like it happened naturally, for it to work. Definitely no drop crotches, or appliques, or, God-forbid, embroidery or transfers. Remember the 90s, and those “Flinstones” jeans people used to wear? Do you want to go back to that again? DO you?
What we’re trying to say here is that these Dolce & Gabanna lace jeans may not look too bad now.
You may even be looking at them and thinking, “Well, honestly, it’s ABOUT TIME someone did something interesting with denim! A bit of lace is edgy, and not in the least bit “Madonna in the Like A Virgin video.”
Give denim an inch, though, and it’ll take a mile. Before you know what happened, this will be you:
And you wouldn’t want THAT now, would you?
(The Dolce & Gabbana jeans are sold out at Yoox.com. The rest of the items are all under lock and key in the Fashion Police jail. This includes Britney and Justin. They’re up for parole in… they’re never up for parole.)
