So, floral print: summer-staple, super-feminine, blah blah blah. You can fill in the rest yourselves, can’t you? Florals appear at around about this time every year (“Florals? For Spring? Groundbreaking.”) and we know from experience that while some of you just can’t get enough of them, some of you can’t even read the WORD “floral” without starting to type the word “granny” or “curtains”.
What about floral denim, though? Not a new idea, obviously, but we spotted these Citizens of Humanity floral skinnies at Shopbop this week, and couldn’t decide whether they were cute, or whether they looked like pyjama pants.
This dude is wearing his pyjamas. Yes, we know they look like a reasonably ugly pair of jeans, they are, in fact, pyjama jeans.
“Well, what of it, Fashion Police?” we hear you say. “He’s in his own home, and it’s not like we’ve never heard of pyjama jeans before: and at least he’ll be able to wear them to the supermarket without being thrown out!”
All of this is true. The pyjama jean, however, is the start of a slippery slope towards a life of fashion crime. Here is where that slope ends:
Pyjama jeans… with built-in boxers. So you can have the LOOK of saggy, underwear-revealing jeans, without having to actually WEAR saggy, underwear revealing jeans. Quite why you’d want to do this is an absolute mystery to us, but if you do, you can buy them here. Just promise us you’ll keep them strictly for your own private use…
DSquared2 apparently thought these jeans looked like a “Kenny”.
We think they look like their wearer rolled around in roadkill, but maybe that’s just us: if you think it is, and you’re willing to pay £1000 to look like YOU rolled around in roadkill too, you can click here to buy these from Louisa Via Roma.
If you were alive during the 90s – and old enough to actually remember it – you may recall the terrible trend for cartoon-print jeans. Or, of course, you may have successfully managed to erase this memory from your mind, due to the sheer trauma of it. God knows, we’ve tried to. We may even have succeeded, too, if it wasn’t for the appearance of these “hilarious” jeans on our radar early this week.
In addition to the high-waited style and dated stone wash, these also come with what looks like the words “BAM!” – although, honestly, it looks more like “PAM” to us. Who IS “Pam”? – and “WAOO!” printed on the leg. WE KNOW. Why would you want to walk around with the word “WAOO!” on your leg? What does it even mean?
We didn’t go back to 1992 to find these, you see. No, we just went to Yoox.com, where we found them hiding in the denim department. This is about as bad as it gets, folks. Seriously, your Chief of Police did a LOT of the bad 90s trends. A LOT of them. But even she wouldn’t touch the cartoon jeans if you’d paid her. And where The Fashion Police are from, the cartoon in question was normally The Flintstones. No, we’re not joking. You’d get Fred on one leg and Barney on the other, or some other nonsense. We have no idea why. What was it about The Flinstones that made some designer think, “OMG, they totes need to be on jeans!” We don’t know, but we do know we never looked at those wacky cavemen the same way again, and we never forgave them. Fred and Barney, you are DEAD TO US, seriously.
Anyway, like we said, these aren’t from the 90s, they’re from RIGHT NOW, which means you can rush out and buy them. You’ll need £49, and you’ll need to click here to do it. What are you waiting for?
Some days you want to wear black jeans, and some days you want to wear blue jeans.
And some days you want to wear black jeans AND blue jeans, and you’re just not willing to choose one over the other.
Those are the days you turn to Cheap Monday, and their jeans which are both black AND blue, like a bruise. Or like the 80s, because that’s not so much “blue” as it is “marble wash”. So, basically, you’ll have one leg in 1987, and the other in 2011. Isn’t that the dream?
If it’s your dream, click here to view them up close. If it’s NOT your dream, just be grateful we got to them before they could cause any damage…
Yesterday we talked about how bootcut jeans are kicking skinnies in the denim ass as far as eBay sales are concerned. Today we want to introduce some other types of jeans into the fray, and start a full-scale denim war. Imagine armies of jeans, all battling for dominance. Who will win? YOU DECIDE! (Sorry, we thought we were on Big Brother for a second there…)
The question is simple: WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE TYPE OF JEAN?
To make it simpler still, we’ve included a poll. Please feel free to elaborate on your vote in the comments, so we can all argue over something as trivial as denim.
(We’re joking: let’s not argue. In fact, let’s all have a big, denim-clad hug. Only after you’ve placed your vote below, though…)
Remember bootcut jeans? Of course you do. In fact, chances are you still have at least one pair squirrelled away somewhere, and even although the skinny still reigns supreme in the denim world – for now – you’re hoping the day will come when we can all toss those tight jeans aside and get back into bootcut. Maybe that day has already come for you? Maybe you never made the switch to skinny, and have clung onto your trusty bootcuts, regardless of the vagaries of fashion trends telling you it’s time to get into wide legs, flares, or any other cut of denim. Jennifer Aniston is still wearing bootcuts, after all, so why shouldn’t you?
How do we know all this? Well, partly because we’re The Fashion Police, and it’s our job to know these things obviously. But also because we climb inside your closet at night while you’re asleep this week eBay released an infographic showing how jeans sales on the auction site have panned out over the past year. The results are not the least bit surprising: every time we write about the Battle of the Denim, you tell us you HATE skinny jeans, and LOVE bootcut. And the results of eBay’s research definitely reflect that:
Jean Sales on eBay in the Past Year:
1. BOOTCUT: 793,289
2. STRAIGHT LEG: 215,353
3. SKINNY JEANS: 214,405
So more than twice as many pairs of bootcut jeans as skinnies were sold, and skinny jeans didn’t even make it to second place on the list: straight leg jeans did.
Surprised? We’re not. While we personally prefer skinnies (Yes, we know, it’s shocking), we know that our readers have always tended to express a preference for bootcut styles, feeling that they’re more flattering to most figures. So we’re mostly just surprised that retailers and designers haven’t been taking that on board: we’d imagine one of the reasons people are buying so many pairs of bootcut jeans from eBay is because they’re not exactly easy to find in regular stores, with the balance skewed heavily in favour of skinnies, or whatever that seasons flavour of the month is. (This season: flares.)
(Actually, scratch that bit about designers. We’re not surprised AT ALL that designers aren’t making clothes which flatter people’s bodies, and which women actually want to wear. If they were, this site wouldn’t exist.)
So tell us: do you favour bootcut jeans over the other styles available? Why?
When The Fashion Police first learned that there was going to be a collaboration between two of the most frequent inhabitants of our cells, MM6 Maison Martin Margiela and Opening Ceremony, we instantly knew that we would, once again, have to call on reinforcements.
We were right.
Let’s just take a closer look at the evidence here, shall we?
