Fashion Crime Friday | I Wore A Watermelon, and other crimes of fashion

Happy Fashion Crime Friday, everyone! As today is Valentine’s Day (Which is MUCH less important than the fact that it’s Fashion Crime Friday, but anyway…) we thought we’d start off with something pink and girlie:

loita dress

[buy it here]

Suspect # 1 | Ammerman Schlosberg ‘Lolita’ dress

If you’re into the ‘Lolita’ style this dress is named after, you might just want us to set this one free. Then again, the fact that bail has been set at the retail price of $2,760 might make you think twice about that…

Sticking with Opening Ceremony for the moment:

watermelon leggings

[Buy them here]

Suspect # 2 | Watermelon leggings

After all these years, you’d think leggings would have become “normalised” to the point where they’d lose their ability to attract our attention, but something about these ones strikes us a particularly ugly. We’re not sure if it’s the high waist or the watermelon print (which, combined with the matching top, makes the model look like a human watermelon: nice), but whatever it is, we’re not fans. Note also, the appearance here of the “sensible shoes” we wrote about last weekNeedless to say, we’re not fans of these either: we would’t have thought it was possible to make these leggings look worse than were to start with, but somehow they’ve managed it!

Still, if you don’t want to wear the matching top with these, you could always wear this instead:

hairy sweater

[Buy it here]

Suspect # 3 | Fendi goat hair sweater

That’d put hairs on your chest, that would. Alpaca goat hairs, to be precise. Lord save us all from high end “fashion”…

Speaking of which, next up we have these:

Ashish denim shorts

[Buy them here]

Suspect # 4 | Ashish’s £604 denim shorts

The fact that they’re covered in sequins doesn’t come nearly close enough to making up for the fact that these are the type of destroyed denim shorts that we wouldn’t have wanted to wear even if they WEREN’T destroyed. Or if they weren’t £604, for that matter.

Finally, and for something a little bit different;

back for good dress

[Buy it here]

This dress is described by the retailer as “great for layering”. If they mean “layering under something that covers it completely”, we’re down with that. Otherwise, we think it could be a crime of fashion.

What do YOU think? Are these items crimes of fashion, or do you want us to set them free?


  • February 14, 2014


    Nopey mcNoperson.

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  • February 19, 2014


    Well, combine the shorts with the goat hair sweater and layer the water melon leggings underneath… This is about as ugly as it gets. The water melon pattern does not look like water melon seeds to me, rather like so many fistula openings in gangrenose flesh. And if I had a yellow nightshirt like that dress, I would toss it into my husband’s box of cleaning rags, it is that ugly.

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  • May 28, 2014


    Gag me, that first one is no where near Lolita style. You can just stick bows on shit and say it’s Lolita. *shudders*.

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