Well, the Foot Snatcher certainly did a number on this poor model, didn’t he? One minute she had feet, the next minute just acres of shiny fabric billowing around the floor.
It’s possible that the Snatcher had accomplices on this particular mission, however: we know that many of our readers are more than happy to aid and abet the Snatcher in his work, so putting feet aside for the moment (which is actually what the Foot Snatcher himself does, isn’t it? And what these trousers do. Fancy that!), what say you to these 10 Crosby by Derek Lam trousers, Fashion Police jurors? We thought they’d be impossible to wear without looking like a space-age hippy, but then…
Hmmm. Now we’re thinking more along the lines of “luxe loungewear”. We’re also thinking that in the right hands – or on the right legs – they could just work.
We’ll leave the final decision up to you, as always: are these trousers guilty or innocent of the charge of committing crimes of fashion?
What with all the fuss surrounding the Grammy Awards, and the BAFTAs, and the Elle Style Awards, and New York Fashion Week and all those other things that make February the official Month From Hell™ here at Fashion Police HQ, Katy Perry thought she’d managed to fly under The Fashion Police’s radar with this outfit, worn to the 2012 MusiCares Person of the Year Gala Honoring Paul McCartney last week.
Not so, Katy P: The Fashion Police see all, and you’re not getting off that easily.
That said, the hat is really the only aspect of this outfit that may require policing. The dress itself is gorgeous and delicate, and even the hat is something of a work of art: we’re getting a bit of an “Edwardian lady taking tea in the garden” vibe from the whole look, albeit the Edwardian lady has blue hair. Which would be kind of awesome, when you really think about it.
On reflection, we think we’re going to let her off with this: in fact, we might even love it. Even although, from certain angles, it makes her look like she has a giant pink towel on her head.
It’s the Elle Style Awards, everyone! That means that everyone will be super-stylish, yes? Well, that’s not necessarily a given, as The Fashion Police know only too well. But today we’re going to take a look at a few of the contenders, starting off with Christina Hendricks, who wore a vintage Carolina Herrera dress with green suede shoes.
Any conversation about Christina inevitably seems to end up as a discussion about her breasts, which must make her want to drop-kick people, because honestly, look at that face! Too beautiful to be ignored, no? Christina tends to take one of two options when dressing The Girls: she either covers them up completely (“Who, me, busty? Why, I don’t know what you’re talking about?”) or she makes them the centre of attention. In this case, she’s gone for the demure, “covered-to-the-neck” look, which certainly makes a refreshing change from some red carpet looks we could mention, but does it work? Or does the pattern, which seems to be begging to be compared to the fabric on a 1970s bedspread, prove too much of a distraction?
Asymmetry in fashion has been around for as long as… well, for as long as symmetry has, basically. For the past year or so, however, we’ve been seeing a whole lot more of it than usual, and the epicentre of the asymmetric universe can be found at Zara, where it’s currently difficult to find a skirt that DOESN’T have one side longer than the other.
What do you think of these wonky-hemmed wonders, Fashion Police jurors? Zara have created a whole collection of them for you, as you can see from the gallery below, and if you like the asymmetric look, you’ll have plenty to choose for. Some of the skirts have the longer section at the front, for instance, while others have it at the side. Some are pleated, some are plain. Some are green, some are black. This much is evident from a quick glance at the photos. What we need YOU to do, however, is to take this a step further and categorise these as either “ugly” or “not “ugly”, “guilty” or “innocent”.
Some might argue that a long brown/mauve dress is far too dowdy for the red carpet (or shiny floor, in this case), and has the power to make even Keira Knightley look a bit like a monk.
Others, however, might argue that NO dress is THAT powerful, and that Keira couldn’t possibly look bad if she tried. (Which, honestly, we think she sometimes does…)
Then, of course, there’s the issue of that very non-monk-like split, which Keira is using to YET AGAIN show us her chest. Just ONCE we’d like to see her wear something that doesn’t flash her breastbone. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
Which side are you on? Is Keira guilty or innocent?
THIS MEANS WAR, says the red carpet Reese Witherspoon is standing on. Which honestly sounds like a bit of an overreaction to us. Reese, sweetie, it’s OK: sure, the dress isn’t doing your waist many favours, buy we’re not going to go to WAR with you over it, honestly. The most you’d get for this would be a caution, maybe not even.
Here’s Reese posing her little heart out in green sequinned Louis Vuitton, at the UK premiere of This Means War last night. Can you help set her mind at rest in relation to her sartorial choices, or do you ACTUALLY want to go to war with her over this one?
In other words: GUILTY or INNOCENT?
(We’re definitely giving her a caution for the too-big shoes, by the way. Yes, there’s probably only a half-size in it, but we’re reached the end of our patience with this. Celebrities: BUY YOUR OWN SHOES. We know you can afford them. And really, who’d want to put their bare feet into a pair of borrowed shoes, knowing that other celebrities had sweated into them before you? Not us…)
You can TELL that Madonna is the boss of this movie, can’t you? Nothing says “don’t mess with me” like big, pouffy shoulders. Madonna’s are by Marchesa, and she’s been getting a lot of praise lately for dressing in a way that’s a little more “age appropriate”, which is one of the most depressing phrases in the fashion lexicon. We wouldn’t expect Madonna cares much about whether people think she’s age appropriate or not, though, and honestly, good for her: she gives us hope that there’s still fashion after 50, and after all, why shouldn’t there be?
Andrea Riseborough, who stars as Wallis Simpson in Madonna’s W.E, is feeling shressed. Sorry, there was apparently just no way we could avoid making that particular pun. At least we got it out of our system, though.
Andrea may not be feeling shressed, then, but she is certainly all shressed up for the NYC premiere of the film, wearing a dress with a sheet skirt, dramatic crumb-catcher front, and strange frilly bit at the front. Yes, that is a technical term.
Now, look, you don’t need us to tell you what we think about shresses for the eleventy-first time. Suffice it to say that every time one appears on the red carpet, an alarm goes off at the Fashion Police HQ, and our officers slide down a pole, like firemen, and get into the, er, FashMobile, to track them down. OK, not really. It would be cool, though, so please always imagine us doing that every time you see a shress on the red carpet.
Back to Andrea: we will probably never be fans of sheer dresses, but it looks like the celebrities of the world are going to continue wearing them, for the forseeable future at least, so let’s hear your verdicts on this one: innocent or guilty?
