Style On Trial

green coat

This coat is totally ‘armless

This coat isn’t a crime of fashion: or not in our book, anyway. Actually, it’s quite nice: we love the colour, like the slim, unfussy shape… nope, no issues with THIS coat. Well, other than the lack of arms, obviously. This coat, you see, is totally armless (GEDDIT). It’s not particularly a sartorial issue, you understand, because as we say, its appearance is perfectly inoffensive. So we guess our main question with this one is whether or not you’d pay £89 for a piece of winter outerwear, which would require you to buy/wear other items in order for it to fulfil its purpose AS outerwear. This isn’t a new concept, obviously. We submit into evidence the humble body-warmer, which is…

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Honey, I Shrunk the Fashion Models…

  shirt / sweater So, the over-sized look is “in”, we guess. And, just in case the giant orange dress from our last post wasn’t enough of a clue about that, ASOS helpfully bring us the type of shirt and sweater that make the model look like’s she’s been the victim of some kind of hilarious “shrinking” experiment, but hasn’t had time to shop for clothes in her new size yet. We present these more as a ‘Style Trial’ or a simple trend alert than as a fashion crime as such – although we certainly think there are ample opportunities for this particular look to stray into fashion criminal territory. In the shots above, for instance, the items in question aren’t so…

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Style Trial | Unusually embellished denim

We realise we’re fighting a losing battle here, but we firmly believe that denim is almost always at its best when its kept nice and simple. We don’t object to a bit of distressing, and it might surprise you to know that we don’t even TOTALLY hate the look of ripped jeans. (Just as long as it’s not taken to ridiculous levels…) What we can’t really bring ourselves to love, however, is THIS kind of thing: House of Holland ripped jeans, £195 Now, we’ve seen worse, we’ll give you that. Especially from House of Holland. In fact, to be completely honest, these are really quite restrained from House of Holland. They’re also veering dangerously close to ‘subtle clown costume’ territory,…

ZARA autumn 2014

Trends on Trial | Baggy Trousers

This season, ZARA is carrying a lot of stuff like this: All items: ZARA And, OK, they’re not all “baggy”. Not exactly. Some are just stretchy. And have obviously been victimized by our old enemy, The Foot Snatcher.  Others, meanwhile, look a lot like sleepwear, or yoga pants, or some other kind of “not necessarily intended to be worn as a fashion statement… or as outdoor clothes” garments. These ARE meant to be worn out of doors, and they’re quite a departure from the usual round of super-skinny jeans and leggings-as-pants which have reigned supreme over the fashion world for years now, so we naturally want to know what you think of them. To take the case for the defence…

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Anya Hindmarch’s cereal packet and laundry detergent clutch bags

[Buy them here] “Wait a minute,” you’re probably thinking. Why are The Fashion Police showing me photos of cereal packets? This isn’t a breakfast blog! This isn’t what I signed up for! Where are the fashion crimes?” Guys, you’re looking at them. Or not, depending on your point of view. These, you see, are no cereal packets. They’re clutch bags – and expensive ones, too – which are just designed to LOOK like cereal packets. So, basically, for the price of just £995, you can look like you’re walking around carrying a box of Corn Flakes. OR… and bear with us here… for the price of an ACTUAL box of Corn Flakes, you really CAN walk around carrying a box…

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Style Trial | Moschino’s Sponge Bob collection

All items available here Ever since Jeremy Scott took over at Moschino, the brand has descended into a strictly novely-wear line.  Earlier this year there was the ‘fast food’ collection, and now, for Fall 2014, we have a Spongebob-inspired range, including sweaters, bags, visors and more. Of the items shown above, the sweater is £429, the bag is £580 and the visor is a snip, at “just” £151. They’re all available to order now at Louisa Via Roma: our question is, WILL YOU order them? Of course, the people who love this stuff argue that it’s humorous, irreverent and fun, and it’s true that even Moschino themselves poke fun at the fact that they’re able to sell this stuff for…

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Style Trial | The Mullet Mini Skirt

ASOS Volume Skater Skirt With Extreme Dip Back, £38 If you thought (or maybe even hoped…) high-low skirts were, like, SO last season, think again. Last week, ASOS released this red, mini version of the mullet skirt, and ever since, we’ve been scratching our heads and wondering why it reminds us so much of a rooster. (Probably the fact that it has a tail, we guess. Should a skirt ever have a tail? That’s what we’re here to find out.) Also available in black, this is a “Mini Mullet”, although, if you want to be totally accurate, it’s really a REVERSE mullet: rather than being business in front, party in back, we think the party is is pretty up-front here,…

ASOS awkward length trousers

Even ASOS think these trousers are an awkward length: would you wear them?

ASOS awkward length trousers, £35 When these trousers first appeared on the ASOS website yesterday, the product description called them “awkward length trousers”: in fact, they’re still described that way in the Google search: Awkward. Since then, however, they’ve changed the description, and now simply describe them as “cropped trousers in tropical Hawaiian print”. Which is a little less… awkward. Well, we guess it doesn’t make great business sense to describe your own products as “awkward”, although there’s no doubt that this is a length many people would agree is, indeed, somewhat difficult to wear. Why? Well, it’s a length that hits right at the widest part of the calf, thus drawing the eye straight to it: if you have…

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Style Trial | Zara eye print dress: a fashion blogger favourite…

very year, Zara manages to create an item of clothing which is snapped up and worn by absolutely everyone. And by “absolutely everyone”, we mean “by fashion bloggers”. Fashion bloggers often seem to exist in their own little trend microcosm, don’t they? For instance, we don’t recall seeing anyone wearing THAT Zara skort (which was LAST year’s fashion blogger ‘must have’) in “real” life, but every fashion blogger on the internet seemed to have one, and so it is with this eyeball-print dress. This dress is currently sold out online, but if you’re lucky you may be able to find one in store, and if not, there’s always eBay, where you’ll find tons of them, all selling for double the price…

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STYLE TRIAL | Elizabeth Olsen’s See-Through Dress from the Godzilla premiere

Elizabeth Olsen at the ‘Godzilla’ European premiere OK, so “see-through” is possibly a bit of an exaggeration here. We can only see-through PART of Elizabeth Olsen’s dress here, and given the kind of thing we’re used to seeing on the red carpet these days, that’s no small thing. With that said, we just don’t think we’re ever going to get fully on board with the “see-through skirt” trend. Because we’re old, presumably (just thought we’d get that out there to save you the trouble..). To us, though, this kind of look will also look like a wardrobe malfunction: as if the poor starlet got dressed, but forgot to put on the petticoat which was supposed to go with the dress….

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Trend Trial | Knee Socks and Over-the-Knee Socks for Spring 2014

All socks available at ASOS According to Glamour, knee socks are trending for spring 2014, and we have Taylor Swift to blame for it. She was spotted out and about in New York City last week, wearing a pair of short-shorts with a pair of knee socks, and remarkably, it didn’t look nearly as bad it sounds like it should: you can check out the images here if you don’t believe us. Can one person start a knee socks trend? Well, probably not. Orla Kiely also featured knee socks in her spring/summer 2014 collection, though, and retailers like ASOS and Topshop are stocking growing collections of both knee socks and their bigger sisters, over-the-knee socks (Also “on trend” this season,…

Kim Kardashian

Style Trial | Kim Kardashian’s off-white ensemble for the USC Shoah Foundation 20th Anniversary Gala

Kim Kardashian at the USC Shoah Foundation 20th Anniversary Gala Did you know Kim Kardashian is about to get married? Kim Kardashian is about to get married. And last night she got in some practice by wearing this bridal-inspired all-white ensemble to the the USC Shoah Foundation 20th Anniversary Gala. You can’t see from these photos, but the skirt has a very long train, so she’d have been able to get in some practice walking down the aisle in it for sure. For us, the most amazing this about this look is that Kim has obviously picked out a facial expression to go with the outfit, and she rigidly maintained it all night as far as we can tell. Seriously, we’ve examined…

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Style Trial | Eva Green’s Elie Saab black and white mesh jumpsuit

Actress Eva Green wore this unusual black and white jumpsuit to the world premiere of Penny Dreadful in New York last night: we want to know what you think of it? This is from the Elie Saab Resort 2014 collection, and features a black mesh top, attached to a white jumpsuit with wide sleeves. The trousers, meanwhile, are equally wide, and it would appear poor Eva was the unfortunate victim of that dastardly fashion criminal, The Foot Snatcher, because we can’t see her feet at all. Now we know why the Elie Saab presentation showed this collection in motion: an outfit like this is designed to flow, and we’re guessing it would probably look better with a bit of movement…

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Would you wear… River Island’s multicoloured feather Mohawk?

River Island feather mohawk’s, £35 You can always tell festival season is approaching when headgear like this starts to appear on your favourite retail sites, nestled innocently amongst the dresses and shoes you were expecting to see there. These mohawk hats are from River Island, who we don’t normally associate with “edgy” dressing, but that’s how they’ve described these. They also note that these will help you “ensure your festival style stands out from the crowd,” so at least that provides SOME explanation for their existence. We guess that if we were going to wear something like this, a festival would probably be the place to do it, but the word “edgy” is a good clue that we wouldn’t wear…

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Trend Trial | Co-ordinated separates (co-ords)

Co-ordinated separates – or “matching sets”, as your granny might have called them – are not a new thing. Far from it, in fact. At a time when the “matchy-matchy” look has been out of fashion forever, and very much looked down upon by the “edgier” dressers out there, the idea of intentionally wearing two items of clothing that are designed to match perfectly seems almost novel. We’re so used to hearing fashionistas extole the virtues of the “unexpected” while sneering at anything too predicable, that the popularity of co-ordinating separates (“co-ords”, if you will) has taken us slightly by surprise. Not that we’re complaining, of course: we’ve always been not-so-secret fans of the idea of matching items, and buying…

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Style Trial | Irregular Choice ‘Eternal Friend’ unicorn high heels

Last season, Irregular Choice wanted us all to stomp on gnomes. This year, it seems unicorns are in the firing line: Irregular Choice ‘Eternal Friend’ unicorn high heels, £115 Seriously, what is it with this brand and the abuse of mythical creatures?* Surely our “eternal friends” won’t be eternal for much longer if we keep on stomping on them? From this, you’ll probably gather (correctly, as it happens), that we’re not big fans of the whole “living being as heel of shoe” thing. With that said, though – and we’re bracing ourselves for the backlash here – we’re not huge fans of Irregular Choice in general. Sure, they have their moments of genius: there are some styles we’ve really liked,…

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Style Trial | White cleated sole shoes

Flicking through the photos of attendees at London Fashion Week (Which, honestly, is much more interesting than the actual runway photos a lot of the time…) we were instantly struck by the fact that everyone (or, OK, ALMOST everyone…) seemed to be wearing the same shoes. These shoes, to be exact: Choies cleated sole shoes, $119.99 or sometimes these: River Island white cleated sole shoes, £60 Or any one of many variations on this style, which is white, chunky, and with that distinctive, cleated sole, which at least looks like it’ll have a lot of grip on it. And that’s really the most positive thing we can think to say about it. Now, make no mistake: these shoes are not…

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Trend Trial | Sensible Sandals as a Fashion Statement

This summer, sandals are getting sensible. And by “sensible”, we’re talking Birkenstock-esque levels of comfort, all worn with the kind of outfits we’re more used to seeing with much more dressy shoes: Images: Zara, Topshop, Primark   Now, before we go any further here, we just want to make it crystal clear that we’re not talking about people who wear these shoes because they have foot problems, or because they need to walk miles in the midday sun, and just want to be comfortable while they’re doing it. Nuh-uh. That’s not why the brands showcased above have styled their clothes with chunky, almost orthopaedic looking footwear. They’re not doing it because they want the models to be comfortable: they’re doing…

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Style Trial | tulle ballerina skirts

Once the sole province of ballerinas and, well, little girls, tulle skirts have been making their presence known in the fashion world lately, which made us think it was high time to put this trend On Trial… Raluca Mihalceanu, $297 Topshop ballerina midi skirt, £50 Coast Cordelia skirt, £135 Beloved by fashion bloggers, the voluminous shape, and fancy net fabric both suggest that these skirts are the type of thing you’d wear to only the most formal of occasions. Not so, though: while the skirts on their own have a very “princessy” feel to them, we’re mostly seeing them being worn with casual pieces to tone down the look. Think sweaters and t-shirts on top, with either plain pumps or boots…

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Spaghetti straps over t-shirts: the 90s revived

We haven’t said much about the 90s-revival that’s been going on in fashion for a while now: mostly because we were hoping that if we ignored it for long enough, it would simply go away. Well, it didn’t go away. And now the stores are full of items of clothing that look like this: Dresses: Miss Selfridge Spagetti-strap dresses over white t-shirts: all you need is a velvet choker and a pair of Doc Martens, and it’ll be like 1995 never ended. GOD. Back then, of course, people wore ACTUAL dresses, over ACTUAL t-shirts, not this “stuck together” nonsense that prevails nowadays. This was all fields then, of course. Onesies were just for babies. Crocs hadn’t been invented. People didn’t…

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Trend Trial | Sheer Stripes

Phillip Lim trousers; Jason Wu skirt and top; Nasty Gal track pants;  Tata Naka stripe skirt; Over the course of The Fashion Police’s history, we’ve (unfortunately) become very used to the sight of completely sheer items of clothing, both on the runway, and in some of our favourite stores. For some reason the fashion world continues with the belief that in order to be “edgy” it’s often necessary to expose large amounts of flesh, and we don’t see that stopping any time soon – if ever. Recently, though, a slightly different twist on this look has come to our attention: we’re talking about sheer stripes. You can see some examples of what we’re talking about above, and while most of…

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Style Trial | Bare ankles in winter

If you read a lot of fashion blogs, you’re probably familiar with a look we’ve come to think of as “Big Coat/Bare Feet”, and which you probably know simply as “bare ankles in winter”. It’s exactly what it sounds like: an outfit in which the wearer is wrapped up warmly, in a thick winter coat and scarf… but whose bare feet are totally exposed to the elements in a pair of stiletto pumps: All looks: Net-a-Porter This is the kind of fashion “thing” that seems to be just begging for us to make the observation that if it’s cold enough for a thick coat and woolly scarf, then surely – SURELY – it’s too cold for bare ankles in winter?…

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The Christmas Sweater gets trendy. Sort of.

Santa sleep tee, Topshop Once upon a time, Christmas sweaters were the kind of items that were worn just once a year (Christmas Day itself), and normally out of a sense of obligation: well, if someone had gone to the trouble of knitting one for you, the least you could do was to wear the thing for a few hours, huh? Now, however, things have changed for the Christmas sweater. Once the inspiration behind many an “Ugly Sweater” party, Christmas sweaters have now taken their place in our stores, and in our closets, and are being worn un-ironically, and by people who generally consider themselves to be “fashionable”. It may only be the middle of November, but we’ve already seen…

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Style Trial | Fluffy fashion from Topshop

All items available at Topshop We had a lot of love for Topshop’s fluffy knitwear a few weeks ago, but we’re a little less enamoured with some of the latest fluffy fashions to hit our favourite website. With their lurid colours and long-haired wool, these pieces have more in common with The Muppets than they do with Lana del Rey and other fuzzy sweater-wearers: in fact the neon green number could work pretty well as a part of a last-minute Kermit the Frog Halloween costume, if you can just find some matching bottoms. Do you hold it against them, though? Well, let’s see: The case for the prosecution: 1. They’re (mostly) neon. Neon may well be fashionable at the moment,…

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Style Trial | Boyfriend jeans

While the skinny still reigns supreme in the world of denim, this year skintight styles have found themselves a rival in the saggy, baggy shape of boyfriend jeans: Boyfriend jeans available at Shopbop Boyfriend jeans, of course, aren’t a new thing, so we very much doubt you’ll need us to tell you that they are exactly what they sound like: not your ACTUAL boyfriend’s jeans, but simply jeans that are designed to LOOK like they belong to your boyfriend. The idea is to create that , “Gosh, aren’t I cute, just wandering around in my boyfriend’s clothes!” look, so the jeans in question are intentionally oversized, slouchy and often (although not always) a little more distressed than regular jeans tend…

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Style Trial | Charlotte Olympia ‘Bear Necessities’ shoes

  Charlotte Olympia ‘Bear Necessities’ pumps, £565 Charlotte Olympia has never been a brand we’ve ever associated with the word “ordinary”. We described designer Charlotte Dellal as “the Queen of Quirk” in yesterday’s post, and just like any reigning monarch, she has her trusted supporters, and her sworn enemies. Which one of those groups you find yourself a member of will probably determine how you’re likely to vote in this edition of Style Trial. If you love Olympia, and Della’s particular brand of off-the-wall style, you might just love the idea of a pair of shoes with a teddy bear’s head glued to the toes. Sorry, make that TWO teddies. Well, it would be weird if there was just one,…

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Style Trial | Bright yellow coats

We’ve already talked about pink coats as a fashion trend for this autumn/winter, but pink isn’t the only colour dominating the outerwear world right now: in fact, another, slightly less “safe” colour has also been cropping up on coats and jackets this season: we’re talking yellow, folks. Neon yellow, to be specific. Bright yellow coats are one of the slightly more unusual trends of the year, and we need to know what you think of them. First, however, let’s take a look at the evidence: Bright Yellow Coats for winter 2013 Coats by Topshop // Orla Keily // Zara Yellow itself isn’t an unusual colour for outwear, of course: in fact, mustard yellow is shade we see fairly often on…

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Style Trial | Three Floor scalloped dress

Three Floor scalloped dress, £128 ASOS describe this item as a “fancy dress”, and while we guess that’s technically true – well, it IS pretty fancy – it also totally had us thinking it was supposed to LITERALLY be fancy dress. As in, “a Halloween costume”. Maybe a cartoon dinosaur of some kind, say? As it turns out, however, this isn’t a costume, and it’s not a dinosaur suit either (although if you want to wear it as one, we promise not to tell.) Actually, it’s a dress designed by London label Three Floor, who, ASOS inform us, are “inspired by the effortless style of fashion insiders, from models to bloggers.” So now you know, folks: IT’S THE BLOGGER’S FAULT….

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Style Trial | Valentino wool and silk dress

Dress: Valentino Don’t worry, Style Sleuths: you haven’t gotten lost on the highways and bye-ways of the Internet and ended up on the wrong website altogether. This isn’t, you see, an image from some strange made-for-TV costume drama involving a sexy, high-fashion nun who goes astray (Although, as an aside, we would totally watch that…): it’s a product shot for a £2535 Valentino dress. As in, they’re expecting you to wear this. In public, presumably. So, we have to ask: where would you wear this? And don’t say, “On Halloween, dressed as a bishop, or other religious figure,” because that doesn’t count. Seriously, though, we’re wracking our brains here, and while this isn’t actually offensive, in the way some so-called…