Holey Clothes! River Island Crochet Maxi ‘Dress’

Let’s get one thing clear, River Island: This is not a dress.

This ‘outfit’ might be one of  the worst things we’ve seen in recent months. Sometimes, River Island come up with some great pieces (their shoes are often pretty fantastic) but when they get it wrong, well it looks like this. That bikini top doesn’t fit her very well, either.

We’re not even sure where you’d wear this crochet maxi dress. Would you wear it on the beach as a cover up? You’d get a tan with holes in it. Would you wear it to a club? No, you’d be cold and boys would stare at your lady bits. Not really the outfit for doing the weekly shop either. There’s absolutely nowhere to wear this. Which is a good thing, because it’s hideous. £39.99 worth of hideous. Unsurprisingly, it’s still available in every size.

We think a good rule of thumb is if you can see your crotch in an outfit, it should be banished. But if you’re looking for a fancy maxi dress, with a bit of crochet action, Oasis have got it right.


  • June 15, 2010


    Looks like someone took a pair of scissors to a mesh laundry bag.

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  • June 15, 2010


    I’d love to see my girlfriend wear this at home in the summer. We don’t have any air conditioning but this dress surely does.

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  • June 17, 2010


    Any dress which requires a very recent bikini wax is showing waaaaaaay too much skin.

    However, I own a crochet dress v. similiar to this and I wear it over a long vintage silk slip. Wearing it over a badly fitting bikini (ie. her breasts are popping out of the bottom of the cups) is just tacky and there’s nowhere a mere mortal could respectably wear it .

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