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The Handbag Raincoat: for rainy days and designer bags

handbag raincoat

Handbag raincoat, $30

When we first saw the image above, we assumed the handbag underneath the cover was in disguise. What kind of fashion criminal was this, we wondered, that needed such protection from prying eyes? Or perhaps it was a fellow undercover cop – who just happened to be taking the word “undercover” a little too literally?

Actually, however, the answer is a little less exciting than that. This, you see, is a handbag raincoat – which is exactly what it sounds like: it’s a raincoat for your handbag. What’s that we hear you say? It sounds like a waste of money? Well, it probably would be if your handbag came from Primark, say, or some other budget retailer where the bag costs less than the raincoat. If you’re the kind of person who views handbags as investments, however, you probably want to take care of them, and so buying a $30 raincoat might not seem all that out of the ordinary. It’s definitely a very first-world problem to have, obviously, and it’ll no doubt get you a few strange looks from anyone you pass on the street while you’re using it, but if you like it, you can buy it at Shopbop, where it comes in three different sizes.

We really want to see the handbag underneath, now…

Crimes of Fashion, Handbags

This is not a Moschino t-shirt, it’s a possible crime of fashion

this is not a Moschino t-shirt

This is Not a Moschino T-Shirt, £860

At this point, policing the world of Moschino feels a little bit like shooting fishing in a barrel: it’s almost like they WANT to be caught by The Fashion Police, isn’t it?

Still, we swore a solemn oath to fight crimes of fashion (You should see the Fashion Police swearing-in ceremony: it’s more fun than the MET Gala, seriously…), and we’ll continue to do that, even when we suspect the criminals are deliberately provoking us. Which brings us to this bag, which is NOT – we repeat, NOT – a Moschino t-shirt. Moschino have been working this schtick for a while now, using a heavy dose of self-reflexive irony to gently poke fun at both themselves and their customers, while raking in the cash. The joke, however, is most definitely on the people who buy these items, because not only will it cost you £860 (an amount which would buy most of us a whole new wardrobe…) to make this hilarious visual gag, you’ll also end up looking like you’re carrying a  torso around with you, thus:

this is not a Moschino t-shirt tote bag

this is not a Moschino t-shirt tote bag

On the plus side, this is larger than it looks in the product shot, which means you get a lot more bag for your buck. It’s also leather, and we’re willing to believe it’s beautifully and sturdily constructed – well, we have to cling to some hope with things like this, don’t we?

If you’re prepared to spend £860 on the bag, we reckon you may as well cough up an extra £125 for the t-shirt:

this actually is a moschino t-shirt

What’s funny about this one is that this actually IS a Moschino t-shirt. Those japesters!

Of course, it could all be so much worse : and, knowing the word of high fashion, it probably will be – and soon. What do you think: would you wear either of these items?

Handbags, Style On Trial

Anya Hindmarch’s cereal packet and laundry detergent clutch bags

cereal packet clutch bagss

[Buy them here]

“Wait a minute,” you’re probably thinking. Why are The Fashion Police showing me photos of cereal packets? This isn’t a breakfast blog! This isn’t what I signed up for! Where are the fashion crimes?”

Guys, you’re looking at them. Or not, depending on your point of view. These, you see, are no cereal packets. They’re clutch bags – and expensive ones, too – which are just designed to LOOK like cereal packets. So, basically, for the price of just £995, you can look like you’re walking around carrying a box of Corn Flakes. OR… and bear with us here… for the price of an ACTUAL box of Corn Flakes, you really CAN walk around carrying a box of Corn Flakes. You wouldn’t, though, would you? Because that would be silly. Important question coming up: why would it be silly to carry a box of Corn Flakes around with you, but totally cool and fashion-forward to spend almost £1,000 in order to create exactly the same effect? Questions like this are the reason The Fashion Police exist…

Don’t have a spare £1,000 burning a hole in your pocket? Just not a big fan of Frosties? That’s OK: how about one of these, instead?

Anya Hindmarch clutch bags

[buy them here]

Also by Anya Hindmarch, these bags have the benefit of being both a little cheaper (£595, as opposed to £995), and a little less literal, so there’ll be much less chance of people think you’re actually wandering around clutching a box of Daz? Does this make them better or worse, we wonder? More of a fashion crime, or less of a fashion crime? Are they, for that matter, a fashion crime AT ALL? Would you buy one of these clutch bags, readers? And if so, how much would you be willing to pay for them?


Six Quirky Clutch Bags

six quirky clutch bags

This season, clutch bags are getting quirky. Or quirkier than usual, that is. The fact is that clutches have always had a tendency to be a little more creative than the handbags you carry to work, or while travelling, for instance, but lately we’ve been noticing an increase in the level of whimsy from this end of the accessories market. No longer is it enough for a clutch bag to be simple, stylish and just large enough to hold your lipstick, cellphone and keys: now it has to look like something else entirely – and ideally something edible, if the images above are anything to go by.

Of course, these styles are nothing new – Olympia Le-Tan’s “book” bags, for instance, are something of a classic, and have been copied – sorry, have “inspired” –  a whole lot of similar versions over the years. While we’ve never been big fans of “novelty” clothing, however, we do have a soft spot for quirky clutches, which are small enough to allow you to have a bit of fun with fashion, and inject some personality into an otherwise basic look, without feeling like you’re in fancy dress.

Unfortunately, the combined price of the six bags in our image would buy you a car, so we’ll be holding out for the high street dupes, should any become available (Acessorize have already released a less-glittery version of the Charlotte Olympia ‘lemon slice’ bag), but what about you? What are your feelings about quirky clutch bags?

Six Quirky Clutch Bags:

Clockwise from top left: Lulu Guinness monochrome Brighton Rock clutch // Kate Spade New York ‘Via Limoni – Lina’ clutch // Olympia le-Tan book clutch // Betsey Johnson ‘Ice Cream’ clutch // Olympia Le-Tan Multi Cotton Bouee Clutch // Charlotte Olympia ‘Cherry On Top’ perspex clutch

Fashion Fraud Squad, Handbags

High Street Vs High-End | Camera clutch bags by Charlotte Olympia and Accessorize

camera clutch bags

They’re not identical, they’re not even the same type of bag (One’s a clutch, one’s a cross-body bag, but the latter could probably be carried like a clutch too, if you wanted to), but ultimately these are both bags designed to look like cameras, which makes us wonder:

Which is your favourite, and which would you buy?

The bag on the left is just £25 from Accessorize [buy it here]: it’s the cross-body version, but as we mentioned above, although it’s larger than the high-end option, you could probably tuck the chain inside and carry it clutch-style. It has a gold body with a matching strap, and is one of a few quirky clutches available at Accessorize right now. (We’re partial to the slice of lemon.)

The bag on the right, meanwhile, is by Charlotte Olympia [buy it here], and is much more expensive at £1,395. £1,370 more expensive, to be exact. Wow. In its (meagre) defence, those are Swarovski crystals on the “flash”, and it’s made from real leather, unlike the totally man-made Accessorize version, so if that justifies the extra cost to you, then so be it.

Does it, though? We really like both of these bags: they’re quirky and unusual, without being so over-the-top that you’d feel silly carrying them, and they’d add a nice, whimsical touch to an evening outfit. Which one would you buy, though? Is the high-end designer bag worth the price tag that’s attached to it, or would you rather save some cash (Well, a LOT of cash, let’s be honest…) and go for the cheap n’ cheerful high street version? Would you buy one of these AT ALL, come to think of it?

High street or high-end: which would you choose?

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Festive fashion with Kotur’s $450 tinsel clutch bag

Kotur tinsel clutch bag

Kotur ‘Margo’, $450

Is anyone else seeing a clump of gold tinsel with some Christmas bells thrown in, a bit like the kind of home-made decorations you might have made as a kid – or maybe even now, depending on your decorating style?

If you answered “yes” to that, you may well be in the minority: apparently at least some people out there are seeing a $450 designer clutch bag, which they’re just desperate to get their hands on – this appeared in Net-a-Porter’s “new in” section this morning, but is already sold out at the the time of writing. Of course, it could be that NAP only ever had a couple of these in stock, but even so, that’s some seriously expensive tinsel, and we’re now kicking ourselves for not coming up with this idea first. When we think of all of the old Christmas decorations we’ve thrown away over the years, when we could have been turning them into handbags!

Actually, this is not a handbag, but a minaudiere: the designer’s website states that it will hold “a smart phone, and not much else”, so now we’re thinking that’s one expensive smartphone case. Obviously the Christmas spirit hasn’t reached this part of the world yet, hence the Scrooge act from us…

What do you think of this? If you reckon it’ll bring just the right amount of holiday cheer to your Christmas wardrobe, you can buy it at the Kotur website!


Bags of Style? Charlotte Olympia’s quirky clutch bags

selection of quirky clutch bags by Charlotte Olympia

All clutch bags by Charlotte Olympia

Charlotte Olympia may be best known for wacky footwear (ShoeperWoman has blogged about a whole lot of them), but the brand also has an interesting line in clutch bags, ranging from the quirky to the downright cookie. The movie theme is strong in this season’s collection, and you can choose to carry around a clapperboard, a box of popcorn or an issue of Silver Screen magazine. If the movies aren’t your thing, however, you can also choose to cart your phone, lipstick and other essentials inside a giant perfume bottle or, well, a pink poodle. Everyone loves a poodle clutch, right? RIGHT?

What do you think? DO you love poodles, popcorn and perfume enough to want to carry them around with you all day long, or do you prefer your handbags to resemble, you know, HANDBAGS?


Meadham Kirchhoff turn teddy bear into bag, Fashion Police horrified

Meadham Kirchhoff teddy bear bag

The Fashion Police are completely unable to pass judgement on this bag.

You see, the Chief of Police has a teddy bear just like this. (As in, it’s like the teddy bear part. It doesn’t have a flap or a handle, needless to say.) Seriously, it’s JUST LIKE IT. Which makes this bag… distressing, to say the least. Well, how would YOU like seeing one of YOUR loved ones turned into a handbag? Yeah, it’s not so funny NOW, is it? What were Meadham Kirchhoff THINKING when they decided to skin a soft toy in the name of fashion? Imagine the small children (and, er, Fashion Police editors…) who will be traumatised by this! Just look at its poor, panicked eyes!

teddy bear bag

So, we’re horrified. Which means we really can’t decide whether this is cute, quirky, humorous, adorable, or a complete and utter waste of $1,287. You decide. Do you like it? Would you carry it? Click here if you would…

[Buy it]
Crimes of Fashion, Handbags

Fashion Ripper targets Free People handbag

distressed handbag

It’s been a long time since we last came up against our old nemesis, Jack the (Fashion) Ripper, but late last night our officers attended the crime scene shown above, and, well, the images speak for themselves, don’t they?

We’ve no idea what these bags did to deserve the mauling they received at the hands of the ripper: all we can say is that we hope to goodness some of you find them interesting and edgy, rather than “ripped apart” and “scruffy”, because how else will they sell for the £350 asking price?

DO you find them interesting and edgy? Would you buy one? If you would, you’ll find them at Free People, in a range of colours.

[Buy them]

Bring us the heads of Anna Wintour and Karl Lagerfeld…

Anna Wintour & Karl Lagerfeld bags by Yazbukey

Who wants to carry the disembodied heads of fashion heavyweights, like Karl Lagerfeld or Anna Wintour, slung over their shoulder all day?

Wait, that was a stupid question, wasn’t it? Because, seriously, who DOESN’T want to do that?

Well, now you can. But it’ll cost ‘ya. It’ll cost ya $646, to be exact. Worth it? It’s up to you to decide. If you think it most definitely IS, though, you can click here to buy these (and David Bowie, whose disembodied head is also represented) at Colette.

Crimes of Fashion, Handbags

How to get ahead in fashion

wig bag

From the product description:

“The intention of this piece is to simulate a person carrying a human head, it is meant to arouse curiosity and induce interesting reactions from passers-by, the humour in the psychology of this process was intentional.”

In other words, if you don’t like this, you just don’t understand fashion. Also, you’re probably old. And fat. And all of the other things fashion victims like to tell us when they’re defending their favourite designers. At least you’ll be £1,600 better off than the people who buy one of these, though…

Suspect: Wig Bag by 123BLUEGUYLOVE, £1610: click here to buy it.


Handbags, Style On Trial

Style Trial: Olympia Le Tan ‘Wiagra’ Pill Box Clutch Bag

Olympia Le Tan Wiagra box bag

As we’ve mentioned many a time, The Fashion Police are big fans of Olympia Le Tan’s ‘Book’ clutches, which allow the nerdy, bookish types amongst us to walk around looking like we’re carrying one of the classics, when actually, it’s just a clutch bag. Genius.

This ‘Wiagra’ box bag, though? We’re not so sure. Designed to look like a box of viagra tablets, these ones come from Olympia’s “Love Pharmacy” and promise to “give your man  a massive hard on”. We’re glad she spelt that out for us. On a handbag.

What do you think: a quirky, funny accessory which you just can’t wait to carry around (it would be particularly appropriate for that first meeting with your boyfriend’s parents, don’t you think?), or just a little bit too crude for comfort?

[Olympia Le Tan ‘Wiagra’ clutch, £260, Colette: click here to buy it.]

Cute or Kiddy-ish? Meadham Kirchhoff ‘Kitty’ clutch

kitty clutch bag

It’s been a while since we talked about age-appropriate dressing – or the ‘Dress Like a Toddler Trend’ as we call it – but this Meadham Kirchhoff clutch bag brought it back to mind.

Now, the cat ladies amongst you may well be squealing in delight at the sight of the cute ickle kitty-witty. But at the same time, this is a £450 clutch… which looks like something you could pick up in Claire’s for a mere fraction of that price.

Is this a cute, fun little bag that will add a touch of whimsy to any outfit? Or is it strictly for the (very rich) kids?

[Product Page]
Crimes of Fashion, Handbags

Anyone for tennis? Kate Spade Hold Court Quinn tote bag

Kate Spade faux grass tote bag

We’re all used to seeing faux leather and even faux fur on handbags, but we reckons this is the first time we’ve seen one made of fake GRASS.

This Kate Spade tote is $298, and is made out of that cheap-looking fake grass you see in … actually, we can’t remember the last time we even seen that stuff. Can you tell The Fashion Police aren’t the outdoors type?

Would you carry one of these, fashion jurors? If you would, you can click here to buy it.


JumpFromPaper two-dimensional handbags

JumpFromPaper two-dimensional handbags

You’re possibly wondering why on earth we’re showing you drawings of handbags, rather than actual handbags, aren’t you?

The answer is… we’re not:

cartoon style bowling bag

Cartoon Style Handbags

These are real handbags, which have been cleverly designed to look like two-dimensional drawings. They’re the work of JumpbyPaper, and we think they’re pretty awesome: all the functionality of a regular bag, but with the added bonus of making you look like you’re starring in your own personal cartoon. And just imagine the looks you’d get from passers-by!

cartoon handbags

Want one? You can click here to order them direct from the brand themselves.


The Tardis Purse, for your inner geek

Tardis purseYou know what annoys us? When people – and by “people”, we mean “hipsters” – think that watching very mainstream TV shows, like Doctor Who, say, makes them “geeks”. And then they go around all the time saying things like, “Oh, I can’t wait for the next episode of Doctor Who! I’m such a geek, lol!”

(Other things that annoy us: people who write “lol” at the end of every sentence, regardless of whether it’s appropriate or not, lol!)

That has absolutely nothing to do with this Tardis purse, by the way. We just wanted to get it off our chests.

tardis purse

Click here to buy it.

Crimes of Fashion, Handbags, Shoes

Crime of Fashion? More Shoe/Bag hybrids by Azumi & David

We’ve shown you some of Azumi & David’s amazing (We may or may not be using that word sarcastically) shoe/handbag hybrids before, but that was a long time ago, so just to remind you, this is a clutch bag:

boot bag by Azumi & DavidNo, seriously, it’s a clutch bag. What, you didn’t seriously think they’d just grabbed an old boot, thrown some random belongings inside it, and called it a “bag”, did you? Oh no, wait. they kind of did. Moving on, there was also this work of genius:

Bag that looks like a shoeSee, it’s a bag… but it’s also a shoe! Only, not really, because if you tried to put these on your feet, you’d get some funny looks, wouldn’t you? Then again, if you carried it as a bag, you’d probably STILL get some funny looks: such is the tragedy of the shoe/bag. We’d say it was a bag for shoe lovers, but… shoe lovers probably wouldn’t actually love this, would they?

As interesting as all of this isn’t, however, we feel Azumi & David have really excelled themselves with the latest incarnation of their “Bag that is also a shoe”. Witness:

cleat tote bag with shoeYou have to ask yourself what the shoe did to deserve this, really, don’t you? Why has it been imprisoned in plastic, like Han Solo in carbonite? WHY?

We bet you’re just desperate to know what it looks like from the back, aren’t you? Let’s just pretend you all answered “yes” to that, OK?

As horrifying as this is, it does at least show that there are, in fact, TWO shoes trapped inside the bag. So at least you’re getting the pair, you know? Perhaps that’s what justifies the £200 price tag?

SUSPECT: shoe/handbag hybrids
SPOTTED: Azumi & David website
PRICE: £140 down from £200

What’s your verdict, jurors?