Frankenshoes | Strange Shoes Ride Again

We know we’ve been bringing you a lot pf shoe-related arrests lately, but as we mentioned in our last crime report, shoes have become the master criminals of the fashion world. The ringleaders, if you will. Never has there been a time in which ugly footwear was quite so prevalent: footwear like THIS:

strange shoes: platform boots with flower detail

Thom.Solo x Solestruck Dahlia’ boots, $299.95

We’d imagine some of you will like these, and think they’re pretty. Because those are flowers on the platform, after all, and flowers are pretty, yes? Well, yes, but here’s the problem: those are FLOWERS on the platform. When we first looked at them, we assumed the wearer of the boots had stepped in something nasty, and not bothered to wipe it off. Once it’s been seen, it can’t be unseen, so that’s basically spoiled THESE for us. (Er, not that we’d have necessarily wanted a pair of giant platform boots in the first place, you understand…)

Jeffrey Campbell 'Pepe' fur heeled shoes

Jeffrey Campbell ‘Pepe’, $149.95

We thought Jeffrey Campbell had been keeping it quiet on the fashion crime front lately… then we found these. Trust ‘ol JC to jump right aboard the “fur-heel” bandwagon, huh? These ‘Pepe’ shoes are similar in shape to the DSquared2 pumps we arrested a couple of weeks ago: same square heel, same inexplicable use of fur, same chance of getting you arrested by The Fashion Police. We really hope this heel isn’t going to be a trend: we don’t think there are enough Fashion Police officers in the world to handle  a Lita-esque crimewave…

On the subject of Jeffrey Campbell:

Jefrey Campbell Rookbee

Jeffrey Campbell ‘Rookbee’ boots, $209

Again, the industrial feel of these boots will really appeal to some people, while others will hate them for exactly the same reasons. Such is the beauty of fashion: one woman’s fashion crime is another woman’s Most Wanted: what we want to know is where YOU stand. What do you think of the footwear in our lineup:  which ones (if any) do you want us to arrest?


  • July 30, 2014


    At the first glance at the first pair I thought the shoe was covered in glass.

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  • July 30, 2014


    Well, the first pair at least covers up the fugly big platform. But pink and flowers dragging in the snow melt? And the second just looks like you ran over a skunk and it stuck to your shoes. Ugh. For some reason the third pair reminds me of Legos–with Big Wheel traction. It feels like they ought to be mechanized or wired with sound that goes, “brooooom”. Make them go away!

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  • August 7, 2014


    These Rookbee boots combine the worst of two worlds – the clumpy, havy look of a sturdy boot and the instability of a stiletto heel. Of course, we want it the other way round – the svelte look of a stiletto with the stability and comfort of an engineer boot, but since that is maybe to difficult to achieve, Mr. Campbell at least gave us… that. Don’t venture near a workshop for agricultural machinery, the workers might just plunder your shoes if they need a few 10 mm nuts.

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