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Five Things The Fashion Police Would Never Wear

Before we start this post, let’s just make one thing crystal clear: we don’t really believe in fashion “rules”. We don’t believe that you should never mix navy and black, for instance, or that red and green should never be seen. (If we believed in that last one, our red-haired, green-dress-wearing Chief of Police would be permanently incarcerated in the Fashion Police jail. Which would be pretty ironic, no?)

For the most part, we believe that people should wear whatever they want to, as long as it’s within the bounds of common decency. But at the same time, we all have our personal taste, don’t we? We all have those little things that we just can’t imagine ever wearing even although we wouldn’t necessarily bat an eyelid if we saw someone else doing it.

This list, then, contains five things that fall into that category FOR US. We’re not for a second suggesting that these things are crimes of fashion, or that no one else should ever do them: they’re just the silly, pointless “rules” that we impose upon ourselves for no particular reason. They’re our own little fashion foibles, in other words, and we bet you have one or two of your own, although probably not the same ones as us, which include…

1. Thick tights or knee high boots in the height of summer

This is particularly stupid of us, because the Fashion Police HQ is in the frozen North. It’s cold 99.8% of the time. But no matter how unseasonably cold it is in August, we just can’t bring ourselves to break out the opaques and boots. Don’t get us wrong: it’s not that we’re walking around in shorts when it’s pouring with rain and freezing cold. We’ll happily wear leggings, or trousers, and we have no issue with breaking out the knitwear and other so-called” wintery” clothes, but we reserve the woolly tights and the knee high boots for the actual winter, not the pretend one we sometimes get in summer.

MM6 Maison Martin Margiela. Nice boots, but not for summer.

2. Summer dresses in winter

Along the same lines as the above. Fashion magazines seem to constantly be telling is how to make sundresses winter-appropriate, usually by layering them over something else, or layering them under piles of knitwear. But we don’t want to. We prefer to keep the lightweight fabrics for summer and the heavier ones for winter. Don’t ask us why, we just do.

Vero Moda sundress. No, we don’t want to wear a long-sleeved t-shirt under it.

3. High heels with frilly ankle socks. Or any ankle socks.

Some people can pull this off and look just great. Not us. We’d look – and feel – like little kids playing dress-up with mummy’s shoes. A look best left to the young ‘uns, we suspect…

4. Anything with a drop crotch

You knew we were going to say this, of course. But we will never, ever wear anything that looks even vaugely like this:

(Click here to view the original)

Your butt just doesn’t ever need to have a face, does it?

5. Pyjamas in public

You know, if we were really ill, and we absolutely HAD to leave the house for something, them OK, we guess we can imagine throwing a coat over the PJs and hurrying back before too many people were exposed to our dishevelled night attire. But we honestly can’t imagine wearing nightwear in public deliberately, or habitually. If that makes up uptight then fair enough, we will wear that badge with pride, but we will never wear our PJs in public.

What about you? What will you just NEVER wear?

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