Fashion Criminals

Chloe Sevigny

Spotted! Chloe Sevigny in Miu Miu’s “bra” dress

We have no idea what either Chloe Sevigny or Miu Miu thought they were doing with this dress. Seriously: when your dress is actually designed to look like a wardrobe malfunction, that’s never going to end well. In this case the mid-calf skirt and sensible grey cardi make Chloe look like a forgetful grandmother who forgot to button up her blouse before leaving the house. On the plus side, though: great shoes!

Forget something, Mel B?

Whoops! Mel B forgets to wear a skirt to AFI Fest 2009

As far as skirts go, there’s “short”, and then there’s “short“. And then there’s “OMG, I totally forgot to finish getting dressed before leaving the house.” Guess which category Melanie Brown here falls into? Yes, Mel, they are indeed a very fine set of legs. But you’re still making us think of one of those nightmares where you find yourself out in public without your clothes on. (Or, in our case, with your clothes on, but your clothes are suddenly Crocs and harem pants. Aaaargh!) Remember: skirts are not the enemy. They are your friends.

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson

Fashion Criminal: Tara Palmer-Tomkinson at the Tatler 300th Anniversary Party

Really? We’re still doing this? This whole, “I’m actually naked, but you can’t say anything about it, because I’m wearing a shress in a bizarre attempt to create the illusion of modesty” thing? Because, the thing about that is, it’s not really much of an illusion, really, is it? And in the case of Tara Palmer-Tomkinson here (English heiress and party girl, for the benefit of those of you who’ve never heard of her), we have to ask: what was the point of the dress? Why not just go out naked? (NOT THAT WE’RE ADVOCATING THAT) It would serve exactly the same purpose, but cost a whole lot less…

Lily Cole

Lily Cole and LaToya Jackson at the UK Premiere of “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus”

Oh dear. It’s almost as if Lily Cole looked at herself in the mirror on the morning of The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus premiere, and thought, “Crap, I’m too good looking to be taken seriously as an actress. I need to play things down. I know! I’ll throw on some kind of tent! And maybe some sheer black tights, worn with white, open-toed shoes! That’ll work.”

Kate Moss

Wardrobe Malfunction: Kate Moss flashes her boobs at the Yves St. Laurent show

Now, we know what you’re going to say: “Oh, but some dresses/tops don’t look see-through until the camera flash hits them!” And yes, that’s true. But: a) This doesn’t look like one of those tops b) You’d think Kate Moss would know about the whole “flash makes some fabrics see-through” thing by now, wouldn’t you? She’s been in the business long enough, after all. Don’t they teach that kind of thing at Celebrity School? In conclusion: we’re letting her off with a Wardrobe Malfunction ticket, but we’re not totally convinced this isn’t a full-blown crime of fashion. What do you think?


Rihanna wears her bra to Paris Fashion Week

It’s almost like she actually wants us to arrest her, isn’t it? Is that what’s going on here, Rihanna? Is it some kind of cry for help? Because while going out in your bra is at least a little better than going out without your bra, like you did on Friday, lingerie covered with a few strips of material does not an outfit make. Now go and put some clothes on before you catch your death…


Rihanna leaves little to the imagination at Paris Fashion Week

The Fashion Police contend that even when you have a body as hot as Rihanna’s, it’s still a good idea to keep some of it covered in public. And by “keep it covered” we don’t mean “with just a couple of strips of fabric”. This is why Rihanna will soon be finding herself wearing a different kind of stripey outfit altogether: the traditional stripes of the prison uniform, as she takes up residence in the Fashion Police jail.


Case Closed: Sophie Monk has a nipple slip in a monokini

All summer we asked the question: who on earth would wear those vaguely pornographic looking monokinis all the stores seem to be flogging right now? Other than Lady Gaga and Paris Hilton, obviously. Well, it took a few months, but at last we have the answer: Sophie Monk would wear them. And yes, her nipple DID pop out of the suit. Gosh, would’ve thought THAT would happen, eh?

Daisy Lowe

Daisy Lowe wears leopard print pants to Dolce & Gabbana

There’s always someone, isn’t there? Always someone who takes the runway looks literally and thinks it’s totally fine to walk around in a pair of leopard print ‘Bridget Jones’ knickers. Sigh. This week the person in question is Daisy Lowe, who turned up to the Dolce & Gabbana show at Milan Fashion Week looking like one of those nightmares where you suddenly realise you’re out in public in your underwear, and then the Fashion Police show up, and next thing you know you’re thanking the Lord you wore your fake fur with the big knickers, because it’s pretty cold in them cells…


Fashion Criminal: Nicola Roberts from Girls Aloud flashes her boobs

OK, the current passion for trashy fashion has gone too far: look, it’s even managed to get Nicola Roberts from Girls Aloud in its vile clutches! Nicola, as those of you familiar with Girls Aloud will know, tends to be one of the quieter members of the band, so we were even more surprised when she showed up at the “30 Days of Fashion and Beauty” event at The Natural History Museum in London this week, more or less topless. We’d have been less surprised if it had been Sarah Harding, say, who’d chosen to get her boobs out for the camera, but Nicola Roberts? No. Unless, of course, she just got tired of Cheryl Cole getting all the attention recently… Whatever…

Fashion Police Caution: Leighton Meester at the advance screening of ‘Spread’

We thought Leighton Meester was by far the best dressed at the Teen Choice Awards earlier this week: loved the shoes, loved the dress, loved everything, in fact. And we love Leighton. That doesn't mean we can let her get away with this little outfit, worn to a special advance screening of 'Spread', though. Sorry, Leighton, but we just can't turn a blind eye to this. Not even for you. One more under the jump…

Under Fashion Police Arrest: Mallika Sherawat at the L.A. premiere of Inglorious Basterds

The Fashion Police hadn't actually heard of Mallika Sherawat until today. Now, however, she will be forever known to us as The Woman We Had to Arrest for Wearing THAT DRESS to the Inglorious Basterds Premiere. Well, Mallika, we guess that's ONE way to guarantee the attention is on you, rather than on Angelina Jolie. It's just not the RIGHT way…

Penelope Cruz spotted commiting “drop crotch pants” offence at London premiere of ‘Broken Embraces’

Penelope Cruz: "I'm beautiful enough that I can totally get away with these drop-crotch pants, right? Even although they DO make me look like a giant, mutant toddler?" Pedro Almodovar: "Did I ever tell you I do a bit of undercover work for the Fashion Police from time to time, Pen?" Penelope Cruz: "You're not taking me to the premiere, are you?"

Bai Ling back under Fashion Police arrest

She's been out on parole for a few months now, but tonight The Fashion Police can confirm that hardened fashion criminal, Bai Ling, is once more safely under lock and key, having violated one of the terms of her parole, namely the condition that she wear ACTUAL clothes at all times. As we're sure you can see, Bai has gone back to wearing accessories only, and is seen here in a wide belt and what looks like a large bib. Don't worry, though, readers, the streets are safe once more, and Bai will have plenty of time now to think about what she's done.

Rachel Bilson wears tinfoil to the 3.1 Phillip Lim party

Lordy! With all that foil wrapping, Rachel Bilson here looks like we could just pop her in the over and cook until done. Great shoes, though. Seriously, though, when will this trend for super-shiny fabrics, mannish jackets and a general "the80s threw up all over me!" air just DIE, already? Because we don't know about you, but we prefer our Rachel Bilson without the oven-ready look…

What Not to Wear to a Polo Match: Katie Price

We were going to say that this reminds us of the scene in Pretty Woman where Richared Gere takes Julia Roberts to watch a polo match, but nope, even playing a prostitute, Julia Roberts looked nothing like this. Is it a dress or a top, we wonder? Whatever it is, we're giving it the "Too Early for That Dress" Award (thanks, Courtney Love), although with the qualification that we don't think it's EVER really late enough for a dress that could be mistaken for a top. Or which wouldn't allow you to lean over even slightly. Unless, of course, you're Katie Price, in which case anything goes. Apparently.

Case Closed: Paris Hilton in cutaway swimsuit

We've been wondering for a while now just who's been buying all of those cutaway swimsuits the stores just can't seem to stop churning out at the moment… We wonder no more. This photo of Paris Hilton is a few weeks old, but it still answers that all-important question.  Tell us, though: are we alone in hating this swimwear trend? Because they always remind us of those outfits female bodybuilders wear, and they always seem to come in the loudest, most garish prints available – in fact, Paris, here, is wearing one of the more subtle of this type of swimsuit, and "subtle" isn't a word we're used to using in the same sentence as "Paris Hilton". And yet, it's…

Fashion Ripper Strikes Again: Heather Graham’s cut-out bodycon dress at the Dublin premiere of The Hangover

We're not big fans of cut-out dresses, it has to be said. And sure, Heather Graham has the kind of figure that can easily pull-off bodycon, but the cut-out sections on this dress just cheapen it for us, although the lack of visible underwear makes us think that must be a flesh coloured backing, rather than actual flesh that's showing underneath. (Either that or she's just not wearing underwear…) There's no denying that this kind of look is fashionable right now, though, so what do you think of it? (Close-up under the jump…)

Drew Barrymore goes to see Green Day wearing a tablecloth

Seriously, Drew? Seriously? We normally love you to pieces, but what on earth happened here? Because it looks to us like you went out for dinner, tucked the tablecloth into your dress to guard against spillages, and then just got up and walked out still wearing it. You also really amused that guy standing behind you. We're wondering if you have your eyes closed here so you can't see what you're wearing. This outfit actually becomes even more bizarre when you realise she was wearing what look like acid wash jeans underneath it. And she's been doing so well recently, too…

Wear or Die: Lady Gaga edition

It's been a while since we had any new Lady Gaga outfits to show you, so today we thought it might be fun to not just SHOW you these ones, but to actually make you WEAR them, too. Well, fun for us, anyway. Yes, it's the Lady Gaga edition of Wear or Die, and your task is to decide which of the outfits above you'd choose if you had to wear one of them - or die. Would you go out in only your underwear, as Lady G seems to have done in outfit A, or would you be a little more covered up in the ripped leggings of outfit B? The decision is yours, readers: which one will you choose?

Foot Snatcher Strikes Again: Kelly Clarkson is latest victim

Poor, brave, Kelly Clarkson, seen here smiling bravely through what must have been the horrendous pain of having her feet removed by one of fashion's most feared criminals: THE FOOT SNATCHER! We'd actually missed this crime, so Fashion Police reader Camelia had to step in and take Kelly into the witness protection scheme. When we look closely, we can see that the Snatcher has actually left some of Kelly's feet visible, but still – with all of that fabric dragging on the ground, how on earth is the poor girl supposed to walk?