Courtney Love tries out the lace tights trend

Once more we've opened up what we think of as our "Shooting Fish in a Barrel" files in order to bring you this image of Courtney Love, out in lace tights and what appears to be a fringed corset.

Of course, by Courtney's standards, this outfit is nothing out of the ordinary. We have a horrible suspicion, though, that the current "trend" for lace tights is going to be used by some people as a license to commit crimes of fashion, because after all, if you're already wearing leg wear that makes you look a little bit like you have some strange kind of skin disease, why, it's only a short step from there to wearing your lingerie in public, no?

We're keeping a close eye on the situation.

Happy New Year from The Fashion Police!

We're currently busy hunting fashion criminals, and will return to our normal posting schedule on Monday. Until then, we hope you all had a great New Year's Eve, and wish you a 2009 filled with fun, fashion, and everything your heart desires. (Unless, of course, your heart desires to walk around flashing your bare butt in public, in which case, welcome to the Fashion Police jail!)

Fashion Criminal of the Year, 2008: Jodie Marsh

And so another year of Fashion Crime-fighting draws (almost) to a close. The Fashion Police will, of course, be back to fight crimes in 2009, but first we must consider one important question: who was the biggest fashion criminal of 2008?

To this, we feel there is only one answer: Jodie Marsh.

Now, every time we arrest Jodie Marsh, we're accused of shooting fish in a barrel, and we have to confess: it's a fair comment. Being the Fashion Police, though, we don't feel we can just ignore Ms Marsh and her transgressions, especially when she works so hard to get our attention.

There is one outfit alone, however, that would have won Jodie the title of Fashion Criminal of the Year, even if she'd spent the rest of 2008 being the epitome of style. That outfit is the one she wore to her 30th birthday party, and we've put it below the jump because, be warned, this image is not safe for work. Or, indeed, for any other viewing really, but here we go anyway...

Geri Halliwell has a wardrobe malfunction

Let this be a lesson to us all, folks: if your dress has sheer sections on it at all - AT ALL - then going commando is not an option. We repeat: IS NOT AN OPTION.

Unfortunately, it looks like Geri Halliwell missed that memo - and paid the price.  One more photo after the jump, to show you how the dress should look...

Jodie Marsh goes clubbing in her tights

Oh, Jodie. Look, we know lace tights are oh-so-very fashionable right now, and we hate to be the ones to break it to you, but Jodie? Sweetie? You're supposed to wear them under something else. Like a skirt, for example. Or a dress. You remember skirts and dresses, don't you, Jodie? Good. Let's see if you can't try wearing one every now and then...

Criminal Fashion at The British Fashion Awards

The British Fashion Awards. If ever there was a time when The Fashion Police could expect to be able to take the night off and sit back and relax, safe in the knowledge that the world was safe from crimes of fashion for one night at least, you'd think that would be it, no?

You would think wrong, though. Take a look under the jump to see what we had to deal with at last night's awards...

Heidi Klum in minor "see-through dress" offense

As far as the wearing of see-through dresses goes, this is only a minor offense. Indeed, at first glance, you may not even notice the fact that Heidi Klum here is wearing what appears to be a see-through skirt with a pair of giant knickers underneath.

Once you do notice it, though, it becomes pretty much all you can see, doesn't it?

On anyone else, a wardrobe malfunction that would leave you lying awake at night thinking, "Oh God, what was I thinking?" On Heidi Klum? Well, you decide...

Rachel Roy: the woman in the striped pyjamas

Rachel Roy thinks she's having one of those nightmares where you find yourself out in public wearing only your PJs.

She's not, though: it's real.

Now that's what we call a nightmare...

Gwyneth Paltrow flashes her knickers in Antonio Berardi

Now THAT'S what we call a "visible panty line!" And a visible bra line, too, come to think of it...

The Fashion Police have been fairly tolerant of Gwyneth Paltrow's recent adventures in fashion, mostly because we loved the shoes, and she looked like she was thoroughly enjoying herself, but when she showed up to the Two Lovers Paris premiere this week in see-through Antonio Berardi, we think she was possibly enjoying herself just a little bit too much, no? (We'd also call foul on the Rupert Sanderson boots here because, although we love them, they look like they're being worn with white ankle socks in this instance. But that's the least of our concerns with this outfit...)

This is exactly how Berardi sent this dress down the runway (with white undies underneath) so we don't think this was a mistake on Gwyneth/her stylist's part either - and in any case, it would be pretty hard not to notice that your white knickers were highly visible under your sheer dress, wouldn't it? No, we think she meant it, and while we appreciate the recent attempts at "edginess" on Gwynnie's part recently, we think it needs to stop here, before she starts veering off into "Agyness Deyn" territory. What about you?

Caption Competition: 'September' at the Melbourne Cup

We have to admit, we had no idea who 'September' was until we found this photo lurking amongst other, less alarming shots of celebrities at the Melbourne Cup this week. It turns out she's a Swedish singer. Who really likes to make the most of her crotch/hip area, apparently, because seriously, we can't take our eyes off it here, can you?

Anyway, we thought we'd have a little caption competition on this fine Thursday morning, so tell us: what's the guy with the microphone saying to September?

What Not to Wear Award: Katie Price/Jordan

We know that's one of Timmy Woods' Eiffel Towel bags, as seen on Carrie in the Sex and the City Movie, but from the way Katie Price is clutching it like an Oscar here, on her way out of London's Movida club, it may as well be the Award for Bad Taste, earned for the act of wearing frilly knickers out in public, no?

(And yes, we realise we're shooting fish in a barrel here, but hey, the lady seeks the attention: who are we to deny it her?)

Mischa Barton at the Vanity Fair Portraits Gala

So that's who the feathered skirts we featured yesterday are aimed at! Mystery solved!

Lindsay Lohan discovers interesting alternative to ankle socks

 

Whoops! Forget something there, Lindsay? Like maybe the fake tan for your feet? Or is this a new "skin ankle socks" look we're just not aware of?

Either way, we think Lindsay's actually looking pretty cute here, "ankle socks" aside. Whaddya think?

Sack the (Hair)Stylist: Keira Knightley on the cover of Vogue, September 08

This is really more of an issue for Dollface rather than the Fashion Police, because while Keira's outfit on the cover of US Vogue's September 08 issue isn't exactly jaw-dropping, it's not going to get her arrested either. No, the problem here is the hair. Oh, good lord, the hair! Now, clearly hair isn't our department, but even so, we just can't help but ask ourselves: what did Keira Knightley do to the Vogue stylist that resulted in this particular "style"? And how is it that such a beautiful girl seems to unfailingly manage to produce such bad covers?

Keira, we feel for you here, we really do. Because whatever you did to that stylist, we just don't think you could possibly have deserved this...

Katie Price: begging for Fashion Police arrest

Dear Katie Price,

Look, we know you do this deliberately. With each book you launch, your outfits get that little bit crazier, and there's just no way on earth that you're not doing this just for the sheer hell of it, and possibly to parody yourself a little. Or a lot.

So Katie? Jordan? Here is a small slice of the attention you so clearly crave. We hope you enjoy it.

Love,
The Fashion Police

Mamma Mia! Look what Livia Giuggioli is wearing!

Livia Giuggioli, for the benefit of those not familiar with the name, is Colin Firth's wife, and a film producer/director. From now on, though, we suspect she'll be known as "that woman who wore the smiley face dress to the Mamma Mia! premiere", and if she was hoping that this would be her "Liz Hurley" moment, then we're sorry to have to dash those hopes...

Now, we can kind of see where she was going with this. It's bright. It's smiley. It's certainly amusing and it definitely got its wearer noticed, which we can only assume was the intention - you don't wear a dress like this if you want to fade into the background now, do you?

The bottom line, though, is that this dress turns Livia's body into a giant smiley face. With her nipples as the eyes. And we can't really get past that. Sorry, Livia.

If you don't agree, would it change your mind if we told you the back of the dress resembles a giant bumble-bee?

Lucy Liu in Giambattista Valli at the Kung Fu Panda London premiere

Lucy Liu? Two things:

1. Great shoes! Courtney Crawford, right? Nice choice! Loving your work on the feet. And we're concentrating so hard on your feet, Lucy, because...

2. Stand sideways to the camera in this dress, sweetie. Sideways. Because from the side, you're almost getting away with it. From the front, on the other hand? My, but those are some fine, childbearing hips you have there, Lucy. Fine hips, indeed.

Now, the thing is, we know Lucy Liu doesn't have hips this size: in fact, she has the kind of figure we'd pay good money for. So why hide that light under this Giambattista Valli bushel, we wonder? Why? The sad thing is, this dress could've been rather lovely, if it wasn't for the farthingale effect going on with the hips. We know this is a style Balenciaga have been popularising recently too, but we can't say it's a look we love - do you?   

The Ghost of Fashion Crimes Past: Catherine Zeta Jones in a gold jumpuit

"Heathcliff! It's me, a-Cathee, I've come hoooomme!"

Well, well, well, Catherine Zeta Jones, fancy seeing you here in the Fashion Police Jail! Your older self is always so groomed, so polished, so totally unlike this crazy-haired, gold-jumpsuiteded vixen we see before us, like The Ghost of Fashion Crimes Past! And you're certainly very bendy (kudos for the bendiness, by the way), but we're just glad to see you combed your hair between the first shot and the second. We just might be able to get you off on an "I've got the body for it so I'm damn well gonna wear it" technicality without the Kate Bush 'do, you see.

Still, this picture should give all the Fashion Criminals out there hope. You can turn yourself around after a crime of fashion, folks - here's the living, breathing, leg-lifting proof!

[Source]

Bai Ling still winning "Worst Dressed of the Day" competition

Instead of asking you who the best dressed celebrity of the day was today, we were going to do something a little different and ask you who you thought was the worst dressed of the day instead. Then we found this photo of Bai Ling and realised it was pointless because if there's a red carpet and Bai Ling's on it, she's going to win the "Worst Dressed" award every time.

We're not sure what kind of look Bai was going for here (Yes, those are large pink pockets dangling from her... bathing suit thingy), but we think what she's ended up with is "hot mess". Some things never change.

Eva Herzigova loses her skirt at Cannes

Oh my God, it's like one of those nightmares where you walk out of the house, find yourself facing an entire bank of photographers, and then glance down, only to realise... NO SKIRT! Aaargh! Yes, poor Eva Herzigova lived that nightmare this week at Cannes, people, the only difference being that she was actually wearing a skirt - it's just that she may as well not have bothered, for all the difference it makes.

Either that or she was just really conflicted as to whether to go for the traditional long gown, or whether to just go... naked. In which case, isn't it great that she managed to find a compromise?

Look under the jump for one more picture of Eva's fashion nightmare - from the front this time...

Nancy Del'Olio attacked by paper flowers

Oh no! It looks like Nancy Dell'Olio here has not only been reading our Ugly Prom Dresses section, she's also been using it as style inspiration.  This is a classic example of a fashion "law" that will rarely fail you: it states that if it's the kind of dress your five year old self would have adored, and possibly coveted for her Barbie, it's probably not a great idea for the adult you.

And if it's covered in what looks like papier mache flowers? Then it's probably not a good idea for anyone.

Katie Price: the true superhero

Know who should totally have been invited to the Met Costume Institute Gala? Katie Price. Let's face it, Jordan here has got the "superhero" theme tapped: first she brought us this memorable outfit, and in the picture above, we're pretty sure that belt has super powers. Like, the power to double as a skirt, for instance. Clever thinking, Katie, we love a thrifty celebrity! Make do with what ya got is our motto. Except, not really. Now go and put some clothes on....

Kristin Cavallari and Erin O'Connor latest victims of "feet snatcher". Fashion Police investigating.

Two more celebrities have fallen victim to the fashion criminal known only as 'The Foot Snatcher'. So far, Janet Jackson, Kim Kardashian and Katie Holmes have all had feet snatched by the dastardly villain, and this week our anonymous snatcher can add two more names to his list - those of Kristin Cavallari and Erin O'Connor, both of whom were spotted by Fashion Police officers out and about without feet.

What's especially tragic about these latest cases is that the celebrities in question were wearing fairly cute outfits before the snatching took place. Now their trousers legs are going to get filthy trailing along the ground. WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END?

(Thanks to Sophie for reporting the Kristin picture!)

Bai Ling: Fashion Criminal No. 1

This morning when The Fashion Police convened for coffee and Internet clothes shopping, we had another of those light bulb moments as a terrible realisation hit us. The thought was this:

In the entire history of The Fashion Police, we have never pulled up Bai Ling for crimes against fashion. Never. Not once. The Fashion Police cells are totally Bai Ling-less. Well, clearly we couldn't have that, so here she is, the Queen of the Fashion Crime at her very best. Or should that be "worst"?

Showing you this picture didn't make us feel any better, but it did go some way to correcting a glaring ommission on the site...

Gwyneth Paltrow goes too far with the high heels and short skirts thing

Remember earlier this week, when we were trying to figure out whether Gwyneth Paltrow looked fabulous or fashion-criminal-ish in her many "stilettos and short skirts" ensembles? Well, looks like Gwyneth herself decided to help us make up our minds, with this little "Look! I could totally be naked under this!" dress.

Too far, Gwyneth, you just went too damn far...

Janet Jackson in The Mysterious Case of the Missing Feet

Would someone care to remind us just when (or why, for that matter) it was that feet went out of fashion? We've spotted both Kim Kardashian and Katie Holmes working the "Look! No feet!" look recently, and quite frankly, we're perplexed. Why are so many stars so keen to present the illusion that they're standing in quicksand at all times? Are feet so taboo now that we have to cover them up with extra long trousers? What about the SHOES? And also: can you even imagine how filthy the hems of your white pant suit would get from being dragged along the floor all day?

Wait: did we just say, "White pant suit?"?!

Mischa Barton's top narrowly escpapes mauling by wild animals

Mischa Barton's top was recovering at home today after narrowly escaping death at the claws of wild koala bears in Sydney, Australia, earlier this week.

OK, maybe not, but it certainly looks like that's what happened. Either that or Mischa thought her pink spotty bra was just thought her pink spotty bra was way too cute to be hidden from view for one second longer. Either way: strange sartorial decision, don't you think?

The Fashion Police wish the top a speedy recovery.

Elizabeth Hurley wants the world to see her boobs

Elizabeth Hurley: "Hmm, I don't think this dress is quite revealing enough for me - my boobs aren't quite getting enough exposure here. Maybe if I just lean forward a little, like this.... Ah, now that's better! The Fashion Police will never notice!"

Fashion Police: Wrong, Elizabeth Hurley, wrong! The Fashion Police see everything, and we're becoming increasingly concerned by the number of celebrities walking around with their mammaries flopping right out of their dresses. Yes, we know you're pretty pert for a woman in her 40s, but seriously, Liz, won't you think of the children?!

Phoebe Price in close brush with wardrobe malfunction

Oh great, this is just what we needed to see on a Friday afternoon - a dress that makes the eye go straight to the crotch, without passing 'Go' or, indeed, collection $200. Congratulations, Phoebe Price - your work here is done now. You have finally found the dress that allows you to have wardrobe malfunctions all day long, without having to wait around for a convenient gust of wind. We're pretty sure you achieved this by going out wearing just a top, too. Let's just hope you took your mother's advice and wore some clean knickers. Or any knickers....

Jodie Marsh: New day, same old fashion criminal

It occurred to us recently that it's been a long time since The Fashion Police caught up with the doings and wearings of the UK's favourite Fashion Criminal, Miss Jodie Marsh. So here she is. Yes, we kind of wish we hadn't bothered catching up with her either...

Oh, and it will come as no surprise to anyone to learn that, minutes after this photo was taken, Jodie's nipple did, indeed, escape her bra and make a bid for freedom - which seems to have been more or less the look Jodie was going for. Classy, Jodie, classy...

Mary-Kate Olsen's velvet headband: a fashion trend in the making?

OK, Mary-Kate, you know we love you, but lately we've been feeling like you sometimes take advantage of that love to wear things that we wouldn't let anyone else get away with. Like your chunky velvet headband, for instance. Don't think we don't appreciate the, um, creativity of this 'luxe John McEnroe' look, but at the same time, don't think we're going to just keep on letting you off the hook with everything you try to sneak under the Fashion Police radar.

Of course, we could be wrong. We could ALL be wearing chunky velvet headbands like this soon, for all we know. But we don't think so.

Lindsay Lohan swaps leggings for skinny jeans and high tops

We're not quite sure which of Lindsay Lohan's recent fashion crimes is the most serious. Is it the crotch-revealing leggings, worn everywhere, with everything, or is it the skinny jeans with high top sneakers crime, shown above? It's a tough call, and if these two choices came up in a Wear or Die, well, we just don't know which way we might jump. We've spoken out before about the wearing of skinny jeans and sneakers and we're sad to say that this picture of LiLo does little (and by that we mean "nothing") to change our opinion on this very serious matter. But is it an improvement on the omnipresent leggings, we wonder?

Guess who's wearing fringed gladiator sandals?

It's Thursday. It's still not the weekend. Hey, let's play a Fashion Police game! The rules are simple: all you have to do is take a look at the photo above, and tell us which Fashion Criminal you think was spotted wearing these fringed gladiator sandals. Oh, and if you feel like telling us what you think of the aforementioned fringed gladiator sandals, that would be good, too.

Personally we're dismayed to know that gladiators have started growing beards, but of course, that's just us. Go on, give it a go: who do you think it is?

P.S. - Read on to find out who it is!

Rinko Kikuchi models the old lady look

Ah, the high-waisted, tapered leg beige pants: the trousers of Fashion Criminals all over the world!

Actually, this outfit of Rinko Kikuchi's is of particular interest to The Fashion Police, not just because of the sheer ugliness of it, but because of the way it perfectly encapsulates the belief some sectors of the fashion press have that all you have to do to look "edgy" and "creative" is to dress like an old lady on a golfing holiday. Funnily enough, it's all you have to do to get sent to the Fashion Police Slammer too, which is where this entire outfit, right down to the white shoes, is headed now. Sorry, Rinko, but it's for your own good...

Rachael Ray offers up more proof that boobs are "back"

This is fact becoming one of our biggest fashion pet peeves of the moment. It's the "Whoops, my boobs could just pop right out of this dress any second!" look, and it involves wearing super low-cut dresses or tops in flimsy fabrics, and then letting your breasts just flop right out of them. No, it's nothing new, but there's been a bit of a spate of it recently, and seriously, what's up with that?

Now, we have nothing against breasts per se, and we're not for one second suggesting that everyone should get all Victorian on us and go around buttoned up to the neck, but even assuming that Rachael Ray is, indeed, wearing tit tape to keep this dress on and prevent any wardrobe malfunctions, it's still just a little too anatomical for us, and we just couldn't feel comfortable letting it all hang out, so to speak. Could you? 

Gwyneth Paltrow at the 2008 Point Foundation Benefit

Gwyneth? Wow, it's a good job we bumped into you like this before anyone else sees you, because, sweetie, we hate to tell you, but your dress is totally unraveling! Look, it's fallen all the way down your leg! Actually, come to think of it: are you sure this is your dress, Gwynnie? Only, it looks a couple of sizes too big for you. And the shoes? We're just not feeling the shoes.

Wait, what's that? It's all supposed to look like this? Oh. Oh Lord, this is embarrassing. Um, did we mention recently how much we love your new hairdo? Love it. Well, gotta rush, Gwyneth. Remember: love the hair!

Boobs were big at Ladies Day this year...

As well as causing the senseless death of many beautiful horses over the years, the Grand National race meet is also a Fashion Criminal parade par excellence. Ladies Day used to be an opportunity for women to buy a nice hat and a posh frock and get all dressed up like toffs to enjoy a day at the races. Now it's mostly an opportunity for them to get their boobs out, if these photos are anything to go by. Oh, and if you thought the phrase "bareback" applied only to horses, think again - the young lady on the far right managed to look like she was completely naked from the waist up, when viewed from the back - always a good look.

Repeat after The Fashion Police, ladies:  Breasts aren't a fashion accessory; breasts aren't a fashion accessory....

Gisele Bundchen: Not even supermodels should wear shorts like these

Gisele Bundchen. She's gorgeous, isn't she? Seriously, she is. But, you know, if we spotted anyone else wearing these shorts, we'd have them off to Fashion Police jail before they could even blink, and we see no reason whatsoever why Gisele should be exempt from that rule.

And you know how this kind of thing always pans out: Gisele is pictured wearing a pair of shorts with the butt cheeks ripped out of them, next thing we know everyone's wearing denim shorts with the butt cheeks ripped out of them. Even people who really should know better, and who don't have Gisele's derriere to show off.

In Gisele's defense, she was wearing these for a photo shoot, so we're going to assume that Mario Testino literally forced her to wear them, and let her off the hook - for now. But if this happens again, Gisele, The Fashion Police might not be quite so lenient.

Mary Carey shows big busted women how not to dress

Big busted women can have a bit of problem working out how to dress to best flatter their figures, just as very small, or very tall women do.

This is not how to solve that problem. (And no, the fact that Mary Carey is a porn star doesn't make it OK, either...) We mean, has everyone noticed Mary Carey's boobs here? That's good: that seems to be the reaction she was going for. And if you find yourself getting dressed of an evening and thinking to yourself, "Now, what's the best way to make sure that, when people look at me, all they'll see is my boobs?" chances are you're heading for Fashion Criminal status.

Thank you, Mary Carey, for providing this warning.

Wardrobe Malfunction: Princess Caroline of Hanover

Across the world tonight, thousands of little girls are abandoning their dream of one day being a princess, thanks to this picture of Princess Caroline of Hanover. Well, you wouldn't want to marry royalty if it meant walking around in a dress like this, would you? It may be Chanel, but seriously, is that her nipple we can see there? Is this any way for a Princess to dress? WHAT WOULD PRINCESS GRACE SAY?

To be completely honest, the phrase "wardrobe malfunction" isn't even strong enough to sum this up. It's like her wardrobe went into complete and utter meltdown. Also: there appears to be a creepy "third arm" in this picture, and we can't quite work it out, but we know that it's wrong, and scary. (We're talking about the Chanel dress now, by the way. Although the third arm is pretty freaky, too.)

Mariah Carey: Fashion criminal extraordinaire

Um, Mariah? The early 90s called. They want to know when you'll be returning their fashion sense ...

Seriously, it's barely worth even comenting on Mariah Carey and her continuing quest to be the flyest chick in the hood, because it's all just so obvious (a little bit like Mariah herself, come to think of it) : the skintight lycra dresses, the almost-totally exposed boobs, the short skirts, the bling, the thrusting-out-of-the-boobs-in-every-picture, the sheer, batshit craziness of the woman. It's just so totally 90s-tastic, and we guess you have to admire her for sticking so determinedly to her own style, even when everyone esle around her moved on years ago.*

Does anyone else come over all "Cher-from-Clueless" when they see photos of Mariah, though? It's just that every time we see her we find ourselves thinking, "Oooh! Makeover!" Wouldn't you just love to get hold of her, forcibly remove her from her lycra mini dress and put her into something tasteful? Just us, then...

* Note: we don't really admire Mariah's style, but given that everyone constantly praises Agyness Deyn for always looking like she raided the 80s dress-up box, and for having her own "look", it's only fair to give the same credit to ol' Mariah here, no?

LeeLee Sobiesky breaks "boobs OR legs" fashion law

Well, well, well, what have we here? Interesting dress, LeeLee Sobiesky - and by "dress" we mean "swimsuit coverup", because we're pretty sure that's what this is. Not, mind you, that's it's actually doing much "covering up", of course, so it was wise of you to add the black bra underneath. If you hadn't done that, this outfit could have been really embarrassing, like one of those nightmares you have where you're heading out to dinner dressed in nothing more than a few scraps of material held together with gold thread, and a black bra. Oh no, wait...

Kim Kardashian and her Louis Vuitton handbag

The Fashion Police believe that while Kim Kardashian  herself is looking mighty fine in this picture,her Louis Vuitton sheepskin handbag may just be one of the fugliest LV bags we've ever seen.

Discuss.

Wardrobe Malfunction: Patsy Kensit also forgets bra

Just what is it that celebrities have against bras, we wonder? This the second "no bra" wardrobe malfunction The Fashion Police have been called out to today, and while we reckon Patsy Kensit probably didn't realise this top would be rendered see-through by the camera flash when she chose it, we're wondering if ignorance is really a good enough excuse in these situations, because seriously, is it really so hard to remember to stick on a bra under your semi-sheer clothes?

Good underwear: it's every woman's friend. Now, would someone please tell Patsy and Mischa...

Wardrobe Malfunction: Mischa Barton's almost-nipple-slip

Mischa Barton has dealt with her wrinkled crotch issue. We're glad. But now it's time for Mischa to concentrate on the top half of her body: the part she was spotted almost-flashing yesterday while out shopping in a loose top with no bra. Why no bra, Mischa? This is almost asking for a wardrobe malfunction: it's bad enough when you're just walking along and we can see your boobs making a desperate bid for freedom out of the sides of your top, but when you bend over? Well, it's almost indecent, isn't it?

Madonna is a See-Through-Material Girl

As we look as this picture, we can't help but wonder if there will come a time, many years from now when Madonna will look back on her induction into The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and think that maybe the Shant Dress wasn't such a great idea. After all, it's not many almost-50-year-olds who would sling on a pair of Bridget Jones knickers with a piece of gauze over the top and consider themselves "dressed", but then, given that this is the woman who once pretended to masturbate live on stage on a conical bra, we somehow doubt that Madonna has much in the way of sartorial regrets. In fact, she would probably hunt The Fashion Police down and kick our heads in if she so much as suspected that we were daring to question her dress sense.

Ah well, good for her. Still rocking the shant dresses well into her fifth decade, we hope...

Juliette Lewis in pink leggings at LA Fashion Week

Juliette Lewis is in Culver City, California, attending some fashion shows this week. In honour of the occasion, Juliette has busted out the pink leggings and baggy blue shorts, which she's accessoried with a chunky necklace and wooly beret. What Juliette knows, you see, is that if you want to get down with the Fash Pack, you gotta look a little bit "kooky". A little bit "quirky". A little bit like you got dressed in the dark this morning, but that's OK, because it's totally "ironic" and, like, a meaningful statement on personal identity.

We hope that's why she's dressed like this, anyway. Anyone got any better ideas?

Wardrobe Malfunction: Amy Winehouse's builder's butt

We haven't been paying much attention to Amy Winehouse and her many wardrobe malfunctions lately, for the simple reason that we reckon The Fashion Police are the least of Amy's worries around about now. But even with the best will in the world, we just can't ignore displays like this one, which, let's face it, just aren't the kind of thing we'd expect from a well-bred young lady, aren't they?

Amy, we've been turning a blind eye to your wardrobe malfunctions lately, but we're starting to think you're taking advantage of our leniency. And while we're pleased to see that you've ditched the ol' visible thong, its absence is raising uncomfortable questions about just what the hell you're wearing underneath those jeans, and that's not a question we'd like to dwell on, quite frankly.

Remember, The Fashion Police are always watching: and we still have our eyes on those ballet slippers...

Kim Kardashian gives up feet for Lent

Given how rare it is to see Kim Kardashian: a) wearing pants and b) looking at the camera with her face rather than her butt, we reckon there's an explanation for these pants. You see, it's clear to The Fashion Police that Kim here is an amateur in the fine art of wearing trousers, That's why these ones are so long that they make her look vaguely like one of those scary clowns on stilts, and it would also go some way towards explaining why her fly appears to be open: she just hasn't quite learned how to dress herself yet, poor soul.

It's either that or she's trying to build a new career for herself as The Woman With No Feet, but it would be so unlike Kim to do anything that would serve to take attention away from her derriere that we just can't believe that's the case.

We're not even going to comment on the apparently-see-through-but-it-could-just-be-the-effect-of-the-camera-flash top...

Mischa Barton in "Attack of the wrinkled crotch"

We apologise for the close-up of Mischa Barton's crotch. It is here, not to titillate, but to educate, and to teach us all that if you're going to wear leggings without a long-ish top over them, then unfortunately for you, camel toe isn't the only thing you're going to have to worry about. No, you're also going to have to worry about the old Attack of the Wrinkled Crotch, aren't you? Sadly, the Wrinkled Crotch has managed to make Mischa its victim in this picture. There was nothing The Fashion Police could do to save her from this horrible fate, but we would urge those who may be considering wearing leggings without a crotch-covering top, to let this be a lesson to them. Repeat after us, people: leggings should be worn with a crotch covering. There are no exceptions to this rule. No, not even in Hollywood...