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Archive for the ‘Fashion Criminals’ Category
Thursday, March 11th, 2010
If you’re wearing sunglasses when it’s dark out, it’s generally a sign that you’re either:
a) A fashion victim
or
b) Anna Wintour
Amber Rose definitely isn’t Anna Wintour, but she does seem to be requiring the help of an assistant to walk these days, possibly because she’s basically walking around blindfolded. Ah, the dedication some people have to fashion!
Wednesday, March 10th, 2010
We don’t know what happened to Natasha Alam’s breasts here, but it must’ve been something bad to make them so desperate to escape the confines of her dress… In fact, at first glance we thought this was an attempt to re-create the infamous Topless Wedding Dress for the red carpet:
 Nice day for a topless wedding OK, so Natasha’s dress isn’t quite that bad. Unless there’s some industrial strength tit tape holding up the bodice, though, we suspect there’s a wardrobe malfunction in her very near future.
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Our officers actually caught up with Rihanna last week, but due to all of the Oscars excitement, we’re only just getting round to filing our report.
The Caped Crusader – sorry, we mean Rihanna – was attending the 19th Echo Awards in Berlin, and she did it in her usual dramatic style, wearing a plunging green jumpsuit which apparently came with a cape attached to it. It’s all very “modern superhero”, isn’t it? Perhaps she’s hoping to get a job working with Shoeperwoman? (She’s off to an excellent start with those nude Louboutins, if so…)
What do you think of this outfit, readers? It’s very “Rihanna”, but is it very YOU?
It’s a little-known fact, but our Chief of Police has a severe phobia of crustaceans. That means she can hardly bear to look at this photo of Lady Gaga, heading out to dinner at Mr Chow in London, wearing a giant “lobster” on her head. And she’d never be able to eat out with Gaga, either – or certainly not if she continued to insist on wearing the food as well as eating it.
So bad is this phobia, that it almost completely distracted the Chief from the fact that Gaga’s dress is see-through. Maybe that’s the whole point?
Wednesday, February 24th, 2010
We’ve been monitoring the fashion activities of British singer Paloma Faith for a while now (Well, it would be pretty hard to ignore her given that she seems to be going out of her way to court attention), and we think we know what’s going on. Paloma is the “quirky” girl. The zany, wacky, girl. Sort of a cross between Katy Perry and Lady Gaga, only with stranger makeup than Katy and less flesh on show than Gaga.
Paloma Faith, then, is the girl who turns up with a giant bird stuck to her shoulder. Or her first initial balanced precariously on her head. She will clash colours with gay abandon, and sometimes it’ll work and sometimes it won’t. We actually quite admire Paloma for her willingness to wear things other women would shy away from, and we have to admit, the girl has some amazing shoes, and quite a nice line in dresses, too – when she’s not trying to distract us from them with loud makeup or a gigantic accessory. And, most importantly, she always looks like she’s having a huge amount of fun, which is what fashion’s all about.
So, what do you think of Paloma Faith’s style? Do you love the fun she has with fashion, or do you think she goes too far over the top?
Friday, January 29th, 2010
 There. Are. No. Words.
Oh no, wait, there are: and the first one of them has to be WHY? What the hell happened here? Was this some kind of Avatar-themed fancy dress party? Because we could’ve sworn it was the First Annual Data Awards? Has Kelis just seen our recent pictures of Amber Rose and thought, “Hell, I can do WAY better than that! No one puts Kelis in the corner, bitch!”
Also: is everyone who wears those Alexander McQueen shoes going to try to compete with Gaga? Does Alexander McQueen know what he’s unleashed here? (Answer: probably.)
Readers, we’re confused, and we’re also a little frightened. And we think we can see camel toe. Thank God it’s Friday, eh? Let’s skip the eyeball bleach this time and proceed straight to hard liquor…
[Thanks to Yulia for the report!]
Friday, January 29th, 2010
This is what we call a “Mullet Dress”. From the front, it’s an ordinary, and maybe even every-so-slightly boring piece of clothing. From the back, though:
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Wednesday, January 27th, 2010
 Looks like SOMEONE’S hoping to steal Lady Gaga’s fashion crown, hmmm, Amber Rose?
Amber rocked up at Chanel’s Couture show in Paris this week wearing a gold hooded bodycon dress, and with boyfriend Kanye West on her arm. This is the third time The Fashion Police have had to pull her up in as many days: it’s almost as if Amber WANTS to be caught. A cry for help, perhaps? We think WE’D probably cry for help too if we found ourselves forced to wear that dress!
Wednesday, January 27th, 2010
The Fashion Police would like to say a very special “thank you” this week to Amber Rose, who’s been helping us with a number of our enquiries: we’re sure you’ll remember how Amber helped us answer the question “Who the hell would wear THAT jacket?” yesterday, and now she’s also been of great help in solving the mysterious case of the Louis Vuitton mink bum bag/fanny pack.
We had to delve deep into our archive to find the original file on this one. Only the most dedicated of readers will remember the original article on this, from December 2006, but Amber obviously has a long memory, and has been patiently waiting for just the right occasion to wear this bad boy.
We originally wanted to speak to this item in relation to three separate allegations:
1. That is was a bum bag
2. A MINK bum bag
3. That it is covered in Louis Vuitton’s distinctive logo, which some people would argue is more or less the same as having “Fashion Victim” stamped all over your clothes.
Now that we’ve had the chance to review the new evidence supplied by Amber Rose however, we’d like to add a forth charge:
4. It is freaking HUGE. Seriously, we had no idea. It’s like the size of a normal bag, only you wear it around your waist. We guess some people might find that handy, but do you, readers? Do you?
Tuesday, January 26th, 2010
 When we first brought Bless’s bright orange fox-trimmed jacket to your attention last August, we thought this was one fashion mystery that would have to remain unsolved, for surely no one would want to wear such an item – especially considering the fact that it comes with a $1,777 price tag?
As our mothers are always telling us, though, there really is something for everyone, and one woman’s crime of fashion is another woman’s Most Wanted. As if to prove that point, here’s Kanye West’s girlfriend, Amber Rose, wearing one of the aforementioned jackets in Paris last week. Looks like Amber missed the ‘Leggings Are Not Pants’ memo too, hmm?
Interestingly, one of our first reactions to this jacket last year was that it somehow looked like it had been Photoshopped – something we put down to way it had been photographed. Now we see it in “real life”, so to speak, though, it STILL looks Photoshopped. Just one of the many mysteries about this item, we suppose. Still, at least we can now close the case on the question “Who would WEAR this?”
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