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Archive for the ‘Fashion Criminals’ Category
Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
 Chloe Sevigny We have no idea what either Chloe Sevigny or Miu Miu thought they were doing with this dress. Seriously: when your dress is actually designed to look like a wardrobe malfunction, that’s never going to end well. In this case the mid-calf skirt and sensible grey cardi make Chloe look like a forgetful grandmother who forgot to button up her blouse before leaving the house.
On the plus side, though: great shoes!
Thursday, November 12th, 2009
 Hello, boys Amy Winehouse doesn’t need to shop at Forever 21 in order to embrace the “underwear as outerwear” trend. Any old bra will do, really, with any old tank top.
Still, we’re sure her plastic surgeon is pleased with the free publicity.
Friday, November 6th, 2009
 Forget something, Mel B? As far as skirts go, there’s “short”, and then there’s “short“. And then there’s “OMG, I totally forgot to finish getting dressed before leaving the house.”
Guess which category Melanie Brown here falls into?
Yes, Mel, they are indeed a very fine set of legs. But you’re still making us think of one of those nightmares where you find yourself out in public without your clothes on. (Or, in our case, with your clothes on, but your clothes are suddenly Crocs and harem pants. Aaaargh!) Remember: skirts are not the enemy. They are your friends.
Friday, October 16th, 2009
 Tara Palmer-Tomkinson Really? We’re still doing this? This whole, “I’m actually naked, but you can’t say anything about it, because I’m wearing a shress in a bizarre attempt to create the illusion of modesty” thing? Because, the thing about that is, it’s not really much of an illusion, really, is it? And in the case of Tara Palmer-Tomkinson here (English heiress and party girl, for the benefit of those of you who’ve never heard of her), we have to ask: what was the point of the dress? Why not just go out naked? (NOT THAT WE’RE ADVOCATING THAT) It would serve exactly the same purpose, but cost a whole lot less…
Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
 Pamela Anderson Oh, Pam….
It’s not like we expect a lot from her. The glimpse of underwear, for instance, isn’t all that unusual for Pammy, but even with the lowest expectations possible, this “dress” still makes her look like she grabbed an old bedsheet and loosely pinned it around herself, no?
Thursday, October 8th, 2009
 Lily Cole Oh dear. It’s almost as if Lily Cole looked at herself in the mirror on the morning of The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus premiere, and thought, “Crap, I’m too good looking to be taken seriously as an actress. I need to play things down. I know! I’ll throw on some kind of tent! And maybe some sheer black tights, worn with white, open-toed shoes! That’ll work.”
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Wednesday, October 7th, 2009
 Kate Moss Now, we know what you’re going to say: “Oh, but some dresses/tops don’t look see-through until the camera flash hits them!” And yes, that’s true. But:
a) This doesn’t look like one of those tops
b) You’d think Kate Moss would know about the whole “flash makes some fabrics see-through” thing by now, wouldn’t you? She’s been in the business long enough, after all. Don’t they teach that kind of thing at Celebrity School?
In conclusion: we’re letting her off with a Wardrobe Malfunction ticket, but we’re not totally convinced this isn’t a full-blown crime of fashion. What do you think?
Tuesday, October 6th, 2009
 Rihanna
It’s almost like she actually wants us to arrest her, isn’t it?
Is that what’s going on here, Rihanna? Is it some kind of cry for help? Because while going out in your bra is at least a little better than going out without your bra, like you did on Friday, lingerie covered with a few strips of material does not an outfit make. Now go and put some clothes on before you catch your death…
Friday, October 2nd, 2009
 Rihanna
The Fashion Police contend that even when you have a body as hot as Rihanna’s, it’s still a good idea to keep some of it covered in public. And by “keep it covered” we don’t mean “with just a couple of strips of fabric”.
This is why Rihanna will soon be finding herself wearing a different kind of stripey outfit altogether: the traditional stripes of the prison uniform, as she takes up residence in the Fashion Police jail.
(more…)
Wednesday, September 30th, 2009
All summer we asked the question: who on earth would wear those vaguely pornographic looking monokinis all the stores seem to be flogging right now? Other than Lady Gaga and Paris Hilton, obviously.
Well, it took a few months, but at last we have the answer: Sophie Monk would wear them.
And yes, her nipple DID pop out of the suit. Gosh, would’ve thought THAT would happen, eh?
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