Crimes of Fashion

Fashion Police Ruling: Leggings are not pants, and neither are tights

leggings are not pants

Leggings are not pants: American Apparel

As regular readers will know, our “Leggings Are Not Pants” ruling has been in effect for quite some time now. When even American Apparel take it upon themselves to sew warnings into the waistbands of their clothes, advising their customers that what they’re buying is NOT PANTS, it seems clear that the message just isn’t getting through. For the benefit of those just joining us, then…

Leggings are fine.

Leggings are good. But leggings ARE NOT PANTS. This means that leggings should only ever be worn with long tops – and when we say “long” we mean “if it doesn’t cover your butt, even if you bend over and touch your toes, it’s too short.”

These long tops, however, are not without their own risks, and lately The Fashion Police have been disturbed to notice a frightening new trend: TIGHTS AS PANTS. It would seem the logic has been that if it’s OK to wear leggings as long as your butt’s covered, then, why, it must ALSO be OK to wear tights under similar conditions. So it is that over the past few weeks, we’ve witnessed  women walking around in public wearing nothing more than a pair of tights and a top of some description: some of which cover the butt area, but most of which only just skim it.

leggings are not pants


Readers, this is WRONG. God knows, the leggings are only barely decent as it is, but at least most of them are totally opaque. Tights, though? Not all tights are completely opaque. Even opaque tights tend to be a little bit see-through when stretched, and most of the people we’ve seen committing the “tights-as-pants” crime have only been clad in 40 or 50 denier, making them look, not “edgy” and “fashionable” as they presumably think, but like they just plain forgot their pants.

We know from the reports we’ve received from readers and friends that we’re not alone in having witnessed this atrocity, so we’re begging you all: please, WEAR PANTS. Or skirts. Or a dress. Just wear something that prevents us from having to see your underwear when we have the misfortune to be walking behind you. We’re starting to run low on eyeball bleach, so in a bid to explain WHY we’ve made this “leggings are not pants” ruling, we’ve prepared the diagram below, which we hope will be of help:

leggings are not pants

Remember: LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS. Got it? Good.

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